


“I’d like some human company please.”

by Chaam



Series: Moments [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2020-03-06 00:02:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 101,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18839509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaam/pseuds/Chaam
Summary: Love happens in two ways. It either grows in you or happens at the first sight.Takashi Shirogane is lucky enough to have experienced love in both these ways. He fell in love with Adam at the first sight, while his love for Curtis grew in him.They trusted each other to go to war with. Their respect for each other started at a professional capacity and spread in to their personal lives as they got to know each other with time. They became friends who understood each other beyond co workers. The deep intimacy and companionship they shared eventually grew in to mutual love.These are some defining moments of their journey.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sendak is defeated and Earth is free. Garrison gets ready to prepare ATLAS for the next step; liberation of universe and defeat Honerva. Maybe its time to start team bonding for the bridge crew too.

 

Shiro stares at his tray of food.

It is half empty, what is left holds the heavy protein stuff. He sighs realizing this is identical to the situation he is in his life right now. Sendak is gone, The Paladins are okay, and the rebuilding of earth is underway.

But Haggar is still out there plotting revenge, and Shiro feels it in his bones that no one could tell him otherwise. There are planets that are still under Galra Empire and the Galactic coalition has to get them to join the coalition and regardless, help those planets become operable on their own - thus the high protein stuff.

He looks up to see the Garrison cadets and officers busy with their breakfast, feeling good knowing how high in morale they are after they defeated Sendak and the Komar. He also cannot ignore the fact that the tables around him are empty, no one is sitting next to him, not even close by. Everyone is at a respectable distance. Shiro’s eyes stop at the tall figure standing at the cafeteria looking around for a table; Curtis, his communications and Nav tec - his right hand. Surely he wouldn’t mind sitting next to him, would he?

Shiro lifts his human hand and signals him to come by. Curtis quickly steps toward him, but doesn’t place his tray on the table. Instead he stands straight in front of his captain only short of a salute. “Sir, do you need anything?”

Shiro’s tongue rolls to say ‘yes I’d like to have my sauce refiled please,’ but stops seeing how serious Curtis looks. Even if Shiro make that joke about refilling his tray, he fears Curtis will jump right in to action and do it. So he stops himself, instead opting to tell the truth.

“I’d like some human company please.”

Curtis’s takes the seat promptly.

“Thank you.” Shiro says. “I’ve spent years in black’s consciousness alone, now I crave human company.”

Curtis’s blue eyes widens, curious about Black’s consciousness but then sympathy takes over.

“It was fine with Voltron, because the others were always around. But now that I’m back at the Garrison, look around, Cadets and Officers alike, they are avoiding me like I’m the plague. Do they consider me such boring company?”

Curtis laughs trying to keep his mouth closed so the food won’t pop out.

“Sir, they are not avoiding you, but they respect you so much they don’t feel like sitting next to you.”

Shiro stares at him. To some extent, he knows what Curtis is saying.

“So I’m doomed.”

“What?”

“I’m doomed to either have the company of the teenage paladins or the old pops like Coran or Iverson, Don’t tell them I said so.” Shiro doesn’t say that everyone in his Garrison class are now dead, to the point almost all the cadets and officers are new to him.

Curtis laughs more, covering his mouth with the back of his palm, until his eyes waters. The Captain is still looking at him somberly.

“But Sir, You’ve got me” Curtis says while a dark blush covers his cheeks. “I'm sitting right here, and I’m sure Veronica already considers herself your best company. She’s been telling me, and I quote ‘the bridge crew should do some team bonding stuff’. ”

“Of course we should." Shiro agrees. “We kind of hyper jumped in to it, right? To ATLAS? Let me know if you two could come up with anything. I’m sure Coran and Iverson will be up for it.”

“Sure.” Curtis says assuring.

“I didn’t see the peas” Shiro says stealing a spoonful of peas from Curtis’s tray. 

Curtis looks amused. “Sir, if you want I can get you…”

But Shiro stops him in the mid-sentence. “No thanks, Sam loved them so much, I had peas for six months straight, for at least once a day during the Kerberos mission. By the time we reached Kerberos, Matt and I were dreaming of dumping all the frozen peas on the moon before we returned home.”

Curtis laughs wondering how on earth his captain would ever be a boring companion. 

“But of course, we didn’t get to return and then before I knew, I was starving in a Galra cell dreaming of having a plate full of Sam’s frozen peas.”

Curtis almost chokes on his food.

“See, It’s no wonder people avoid me.” Shiro reasons noticing Curtis’s look of discomfort.

“Sir, I just had too much in my mouth” Curtis says trying to cover up the horror he felt at the images his Captain’s words brought him, but the captain doesn’t seem to buy that.

 “Until we get rid of Haggar, you are doomed with my company. I’ll try to keep my dark jokes at bay.”

Curtis looks up at him, but relaxes as he see the snicker on his Captain’s face. He wants to say how lucky they got to have Captain Shirogane, but he doesn’t say it. He’s already told him how grateful he is. If he keep telling him that every time he gets a chance, he bet the Captain will be burdened with having to keep up to their expectations.

So Curtis mulls over how he could get out of the situation and realizes that making small talk about what his Captain considers dark jokes will pave the way to convince him that he is not a bad company.

“Speaking of team bonding, maybe we should start with ‘Haggar horror stories’, I mean, if you don’t mind sharing…” Curtis stutters trying to open a bridge between them.

Shiro raises his eyebrows at Curtis. He still doesn’t remember a lot of things that happened while he was in Galra captivity. It is one reason why he has shared so little even with his closest friend. Sometimes he doesn’t know if a memory was an actual incident or a hallucination, some memories that wake him up at night are too scary to share. They slips out of his tongue sometimes and his Voltron family is used it, though sometimes they look like they want to tear apart Haggar right there and then.

Strangely though, he feels easy to open up to Curtis. Shiro sees rare qualities in him. He is easy going, quiet, but performs his duties perfectly, sometimes ready to execute the command even before Shiro turns at him to speak. Through the short time they have spent together, Shiro had grown to trust him fully.

What most impress Shiro is that Curtis doesn’t look at Shiro like he is glass when he mention his Galra captivity. Others usually like to avoid such talk not knowing how to react. But Curtis looks solid like a rock, ready to listen.

“They are not easy to listen to.” Shiro warns.

“I’m sure they aren’t easy, but a burden shared is a burden halved.”

Shiro squints his eyes at Curtis.

“Okay, I admit, it’s not one of my lines” Curtis sheepishly admits. “My therapist uses that on me when she wants to pull me out of the holes I dig for myself, from time to time.”

Shiro realizes that Curtis is sharing with him something very personal. Yet he doesn’t seem like something is stuck in his throat. Not everyone jumps at the chance to admit they get therapy.

“Still, it’s true” Shiro agrees.

“Yeah…”

They fall in to a comfortable silence after that, only the sounds of their cutlery filling the  space between them.

“I never got the chance to thank you.” Shiro breaks the silence, taking the opportunity to do something he long had been meaning to.

“Huh…?”

“When, Keith and others fell on earth after that upper atmosphere blast, we all leapt to help them. But you stood behind, waited for ATLAS to get back up and took everybody in it to… order, I still wonder how you handled the panicked civilians.“

“I was just doing my job sir.” Curtis sounds like its everyday business but his blue eyes shines. In his opinion, that was a hell of a compliment considering it came from his Captain.

“Humble ha? Then, thank you for doing your job.”

The laughs comes easily to them now. “You are very welcome, Sir.”

Curtis picks at his food grinning at his tray, knowing how fortunate he is to have the chance to work beside this man. He also understand the responsibility behind it. Once the earth defenses are improved and ATLAS is up and running, they will be off defending and saving the planets under Galra Empire. Their Captain will be relying on them on a lot of things. Curtis swears to himself that he would do everything and anything possible for this simple yet exceptional human being and more importantly, for his cause as a leader, who selflessly dedicated his whole life for the saving of the universe.

‘Anything and everything…’ he tells himself.

 

 


	2. I like the way he says 'Captain'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set after the defeat of Honerva and as the ATLAS restarts its original mission to liberate planets that are still under what remains of the Galra empire.

Little did William Curtis knew that he would get the chance to do _anything and everything_ possible for his Captain and the Captain’s cause that soon and that often. But he has done it every time it was required of him. When the creature occupied gas planets became a threat, when the paladins or the MFE’s needed long range cover, when he had to navigate new teams to fighting positions simultaneously while supporting the fight with Honerva, name it and he’s done his best. After so many battles, wars, missions, to follow instructions given by Captain Shirogane is instinctual to him now. When Captain showed up in the bridge, even though he should be in the engineering room with Slav and Sam and asked him to go in to that escape pod for a com system inspection, it was the same instinct that made him abandon his station. Curtis doesn’t think twice. It was Captain Shirogane, it was the perfect trap.

Now he is trapped in a cell, where the escape pod took him, where a large Galra welcomed him and demanded him for his com code. The stupidly long 20 digit com code that Slave made him memorize. It was a common method used in Galra ships when things were to be expedited, someone was given the direct access to save time. The Altean had convinced Slav to use the same method. In ATLAS, that someone was Curtis, that someone who lived and died with code.

As the pain soars through his whole body, as he is tossed around the cell like a dice and as he realizes that he cannott fight the Galra at all, even if these were his last moments of life, he decides to give it his best. Maybe it’s time he’s done his part in this war.

_‘Anything and Everything…’_

Curtis has no regrets, although he now feels heavy because they had no right to attack that green and monstrous creature with all that tentacles because it was them who trespassed in to its territory in the first place. That’s one regret there. But the captain has been careful enough to not wonder in to planets occupied by less intelligent creatures ever since. Curtis was glad. His Captain was a kind and a noble soul anyway. That there was another regret. Curtis wished he took the first step to get to know him better.

When not even a grunt escapes the frail human, Reyes, the exiled Galra, knows he has to find a better avenue if he wants to sweep ATLAS right under the Champion’s nose. The stupid human lying motionless at his feet isn’t gonna give away his com code easily. If the Intel given by the Altean tec in ATLAS is right, he needs to act fast. But he seems to be in the lucky side today. His communicator comes live and the shape shifting Altean gives him some very interesting news. Someone with better bargaining value has infiltrated their ship, If the shape shifter Altean could lure him away from his team….

 

⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷

 

“Shiro” Keith’s sleepy voice with the accompanying sleepy face and messed hair appears on the ATLAS’s large screen.

“Keith, I’m sorry for calling at this hour.” Shiro apologizes as quickly as he could. “But we are in a situation AND we need your assistance.”

“Shiro, is everything okay?” Keith’s worried voice inquires and Shiro wishes he could somehow alleviate that. But this time, again, it will be Keith who could save him from the difficulty.

“No” he says instead. “Curtis is missing, actually ‘taken’ to be precise.”

“What? How?”        

“How, I’ll explain later. Pidge tracked his bio markings to a Galra ship stationed near your base. But ATLAS can’t be up for at least another 15 minutes because we are undergoing an adhoc system upgrade that Slav thought ‘must be done right now’ and cannot be paused without damage to the system, even though we need to go and save our own communications officer. So may I send you the coordinates now?”

“Sure” Keith promises hurriedly noticing the edge on Shiro’s tone and the gravity of the situation touching him through his sleepy mind. It could very well be Slav’s end by Shiro’s hands if he fails.

“Act fast Keith, I fear his safety.” Shiro turns his fear in to words earning worried glances from the only other occupants in the bridge; Veronica and Iverson, Sam and a Slav.

“Slav would you stop pacing for a minute!” Keith hears Shiro’s wrath falling on Slav as he moves from his communicator to get ready. “Before you wear a hole in ATLAS.” Slav’s distinct chattering comes from the background and he could only feel sympathy for Shiro. In a mission critical moment Slav could be both your death and lifeline, though for Shiro it was mostly a headache, all the time.

“For the duration of the upgrade, Curtis was given a direct access com code that would enable access to the system. So right now, he has the authority over ATLAS’s com code, there is no dual control. And anyone who obtains that, will be able to access ATLAS’s system.” Shiro’s explanation falls on Keith’s ears and he finally fully understands what Shiro is saying. It wasn’t just a rescue mission. Curtis and Curtis only has the ATLAS’s com code right now. And Curtis is a communications officer who isn’t trained to face a hostage situation. If somehow under a threat, Curtis surrenders the com code, ATLAS’s control could fall in to someone else’s hand.

Shiro could hear the bustling sound as Keith is getting ready. “We are trying to override Curtis’s com code, but it’s gonna take time because we have to first wait till the upgrade is completed. I’m counting on you and your team.”

“I’m already on it” Keith confirms and Shiro gives a quick warning, concern laced in his voice. “Be careful. We still don’t know who is behind this.”

Keith knows that voice, he’s heard it many times in his life. “I’ll take my team, I’ll be safe” He assures.

 

⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷

 

The Galra ship is dangerously silent and Keith feels like he is visiting a cemetery. Too much silence itself tells Keith that whoever is in charge of this Galra ship is expecting them. Proving he was right, the situation changes drastically when his team is attacked. Keith quickly realizes they are fighting the newest threat in the universe. They comes in all shapes and colors; Galrans, Alteans and displaced Olkaries; the Pirates.

But it’s easy to fight them, clearly their hand to hand combat skills are not at all a match to the blade of Marmora soldiers. Keith proceeds to explore the ship as his team easily hold off the fighters.

Curtis must be somewhere here, he thinks as he turns to the hallway that would usually lead to the holding cells in a Galra ship. A familiar voice behind him stops him.

“Keith.”

Keith turns back to see Shiro standing in the way. “This way” he says turning to another hallway and Keith stares at him surprised. But Shiro doesn’t stop, and maybe ATLAS got there before them, only ATLAS herself knows what magic she is hiding in her. So Keith follows Shiro without a question.

They follow through a passage and Keith shudders as he see the streak of blood that runs on the floor. Someone had been pretty hurt and Keith wishes to god it wouldn’t belong to Curtis.

Shiro opens a door and enters a room. It’s dark and Keith can’t see a thing. He takes a quick step and enters the room afraid that he will lose sight of Shiro. A bright light makes contact with him. Keith looked to his left just in time to see Shiro holding a Galran hand weapon aimed at him. The pain soars through his torso and his head. Keith falls before he manage to fight back. He isn’t unconscious. But he is numb. Shiro walks and bends down to meet Keith’s pained features to smirk at him.

“Reyes was right, you do follow him without a question, don’t you? You made it so easy.”

 

⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷

 

The Galra drags him by his collar. The hurried footsteps make a small sound as it steps on the cold metal floor and Curtis feels at the edge of unconsciousness. His back is turned to the Galra, he see the streak of blood; his own blood, that mark the way he was dragged from the cell to where ever he was being dragged now. His head feels like it’s dipped in a sauna while his legs graze the cold floor. Curtis closes his eyes and breathe deeply. He focus on all his senses, even his pain; for Curtis knows that to accept pain, is to gain the ability to work alongside it. If he could work alongside the pains and adversities, he will be able to do everything and anything until he absolutely cannot do anything more. But that moment will be when he doesn’t breath at all, until then the com code will be safe with him.

The Galra’s communicator crackles to life. “I’ve got him.” Curtis hear a familiar voice through it, but in his status, he cannot figure out who it is or what else it says.

He pushes the thoughts about who they might have ‘got’ and opens his eyes. The sight of hundreds of prison cells, though he would rather call them cages, welcomes him. Curtis wonders if this is the same way Captain Shirogane was carried when the Kerberos crew was first captured. During the four years he was fortunate enough to work alongside the genius man that was Sam Holt, he has listened to many stories   like a child listened to fairy tales, about his time with Galra, about Matt Holt and Captain Shirogane. And there were many lessons to learn; loyalty, patience. Ready wit, survival when you are at sheer disadvantage with physical strength. He is hoping he has acquired the knowledge and mindset to survive this.

Maybe he is not done yet.

Curtis hears ‘swoosh’ of an opening a door. It’s the bridge of the Galra ship. There is the Shiro shaped Altean waiting for them inside, and a figure lying on the floor, a familiar figure. It’s a blade of Marmora suit. But he cannot see who it is.

‘Who has they’ve got?’

 

⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷

 

The Galra push Curtis to a chair near the console.

“Last chance blues eyes, type in your code” He says placing Curtis’s cuffed hands on the console, to which Curtis responds by not moving a hair.

The Galra huffs in return. “Contact the champion, let’s show him the prize we have.”

Altean Shiro gets to work, typing in the console next to Curtis and by habit, Curtis’s photographic memory gets in to works. He knows the Galra systems like the back of his palm. He has dismantled enough of them during and after the first two wars in an effort to improve earth’s systems. He reads the Galra’s code as the Altean types it in.

The large screen lights up in purple, and the room is lightened up. Enough for Curtis to see…

It’s Keith!

It’s him they’ve got!

“The screen shows the all too familiar bridge of ATLAS, and Captain Shirogane who seem to have schooled his features in to a never before seen coldness.

“Reyes!” He says. Curtis could practically feel the cold in his voice. So thee captain knows the Galra, and if he was surprised to see him, he very clearly hides it.

“The Champion! Long time no see. It’s a pleasure to see you again.”

“The pleasure is not mutual, I’m afraid.” Shiro dead pans and Curtis stops a chuckle that threatens to escape him at the most inappropriate time. “So, let’s get to the business directly and finish this unpleasant meet as quickly as we can.”

“So true.” The Galra says slowly, “about the unpleasant part because I had to see your disgusting face for revenge,” He takes his time, like the commercial before the real show starts. “I have something of value to you.” He hauls Keith up with one hand. This time Shiro is not able to hide his distress. But Keith is crestfallen, he doesn’t even seem to hear what’s happening around him. The Galran joyfully continues. “And this one is of value to me, because only he is going to give me your com code.”

He says hauling up Curtis. It takes Curtis all his strength to not engage in a futile struggle against his hold realizing with seethe that hauling up and holding both him and Keith is a simple task to the large Galra. So instead, he decides to save what little strength he has for a moment he could really use it. Internally he recoils, he feels ashamed of putting his Captain and the black paladin who came to save him in this position. While hanging standing by the strong hand of the Galra, Curtis does his best to avoid Captain’s eyes. No thank you, he will not be able to bear the disappointment in those eyes.

“What exactly do you want?” Shiro asks, his teeth clenched and hands visibly shaking in a fist.

“This guy.” Reyes says shaking Curtis in his hold. “Is going to say out loud your com code, because if he doesn’t, I’m going to kill the black paladin. And when he does, you are going to open up a channel for us to gain control remotely.”

Shiro takes a full minute to give his verdict. “Not before I speak to them.”

“I’m afraid it can’t happen, your black paladin is numb just like the rest of his team, so he can’t tell you anything, anyway.”

“So, you blue eyes, it’s your turn, tell them the stupid code you’ve been hanging on to and I’ll spare both your lives.”

Curtis keeps silent as everybody else does too.

“Give us the com code or the black paladin dies. Simple as that.” He demands Curtis again.

 “If _you_ make any funny moves, this guy dies, nobody wins.” That demand is thrown at Keith who seem to be able to come out of whatever paralysis he was in. But he is clearly not in a state where he could take part in a joint effort at fighting back. Keith looks at Curtis, he see how Curtis is stuck between decisions and Keith wish to god that Curtis will not make the stupid decision to save Keith’s life over ATLAS’s com code, god knows what the Galra could achieve if he gets his hands on ATLAS.

In a sudden move, the Galra pushes a knife to Keith’s neck and with unexpected force, he is cornered to the wall behind him.

 “What’s the matter Garrison boy, you shouldn’t think twice about saving the life of the black paladin” says the Shiro-not-Shiro.

The blade pushed to Keith’s throat tightens as Curtis takes his time. Small blood droplets starts appearing on his skin as it pushes harder with every passing millisecond, but Curtis is persistently silent. Staring right at him though, Keith could see the gears turning in his head.

“Sir, I’d like Lieutenant Katie Holt to operate on my behalf.” Curtis says. He has one trick up his sleeve he’s willing to try and he needs someone witty enough who would get the trick on the go. He realize with a heart that beats fast that he is risking Keith’s life and his own life too. But he also knows that they both knew the dangers when they got in to this. Risk is something they deal with every day. As someone who has risked his life many times one could count with their fingers, Curtis is certain, Keith will not mind the risk at all.

 

⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷

 

Pidge jumps in her seat as she hear her official name is addressed on the screen. She walks to the front to squint her eyes at Curtis, a small revenge for putting her in the place to sabotage ATLAS. But Shiro gives her a nod, so she silently walks and sit by Curtis’s seat. She knows Shiro’s nod. _‘We’ll get ATLAS back somehow’_ it says.

As she sits and prepares the screen to open a channel, Curtis starts reciting the 20 digit long code to her. But the code stops at 15 digits. She waits for the next one while her screen blinks in anticipation. Maybe he is too beaten up to remember the rest. She looks at the screen and see Curtis.

“Do you want me to repeat it for you?”

_So, there is no 16 th digit?_ Pidge wonders. She also doesn’t like the look on Curtis’s face.

“Yes, please” She says. Curtis repeats the same code, 15 digits only.

She looks at him again. And see the same look on him. Then she get it. It’s the Galra’s com code. Fifteen digit codes are Galra ship codes. He must have eyed it. Pidge’s heart falls on a fast rhythm. How on earth is she supposed to navigate this situation while everyone is staring at her? _‘I hate you Commander Curtis!’_ She weeps internally.

“I need more time, our system is not compatible with yours.”

Shiro who seem to have tapped on to the fact that something is fishy, says resolutely, “We’ll get back to you soon” and switch the screen off promptly.

“What is it Pidge?” He asks turning to her, Veronica and Iverson flock to her.

“That son of a gun!” She says. “What he gave was the Galra ship’s access code.”

“How does he know that?” The assistant Com officer questions. “Besides, do you think he was in a status to memorize a new 15 digit code correctly?”

“If you know Curtis enough, you’d have no doubt he could. He was standing near the console, he must have eyed it when they opened up the communication channel to ATLAS. The stupid Galra luckily doesn’t know the earth numbers.”

“Shiro, what do I do?” Pidge asks. They need to decide on their strategy before the Galra finds out.

“Is our updating fully complete?”

“Yes sir” Veronica answers promptly.

“First, disable their scanners so they won’t know where we are, then make a hyper jump to its exact location, disable all its systems after MFE’s and rescue squadron  is dispatched. We make a quick in and out”

⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷

 

“Why did you do it?” Keith angrily questions Curtis as they sit opposite each other. Not far from them, the Galra walks from one corner to the other. But as usual Curtis keeps silent. Keith looks ready to jump at him and tear him apart. It’s a fair anger, if someone tried to save Curtis’s life over ATLAS, he’d be angry too. But Curtis cannot explain to Keith without exposing his secret. So he takes it silently.

Before Keith kills him with his eyes, the Galra walks to them. “It’s taking too long.” He hauls up Curtis from his collar. His uniform tears up from the middle with the force.

“I swear if you’ve done anything to cheat, I’ll rip your head off and feed it to the chiprons!”

“What’s a chipron?” The Altean monitoring the ship’s console, still in Shiro’s shape, asks.

“I’ll feed you too!” Reyes growls at the Altean and pushes Curtis down. He slumps on the cold floor.

“I think you’ll have to feed him first.” The Altean suddenly says alarmed. “I think they are playing us. The stats don’t exactly match.”

Keith glances at Curtis and Curtis gives him his best explainable look without betraying his secret, though it doesn’t seem to be a secret any longer.

“What?”

“They are making a hyper jump, how did they fool us?” The Altean shouts.

The Galra stands near the console expecting the Altean to explain who madly types on the key board.

“They have opened a back door and manipulated our scans, the only way it could have been done _this quickly_ is if they have our access code.”

The Galra walks to Curtis resolutely. “You are smart aren’t you?” He asks meeting Curtis at eye level. “I liked you, you know, I wasn’t even gonna kill you after this. We could have worked something out.” He murmurs bringing his face within inches to Curtis and Curtis turns his face as a way as possible. The Galra grabs his chin and brings it to face him. “It was you wasn’t it? You gave them our code, you eyed it while we worked, didn’t you?’

“All systems down, only emergency power is available. Only two dobashes to evacuate before ATLAS hit us.” Altean announces loudly and the ships comes to a halt, red lights coloring the room.

“Two dobashes are more than enough time for you to spell out the ATLAS com code.” Reyes says pushing his blade to Curtis’s chest through his torn up uniform.

Keith growls behind him. “Leave him alone!”

The Galra looks at the Altean and gives a silent signal who proceeds to Keith. Then he pushes a blade to Keith’s throat, same old spot and Keith winces in pain.

The blade pushed to Curtis’s chest pushes hard at him nudging him for a decision, pricking his skin and more pain clogging his brain. A red stain starts appearing over his Garrison uniform as it pushes harder with every passing millisecond, but Curtis is persistently silent.

Curtis is still silent.

“Don’t listen to them” Keith starts, but the blade pushes harder on to his neck and stops him.

Curtis has his eyes set on Keith, their eyes meet for one cold second but Keith could not read him. In an instant, Curtis has his cuffed hands on the blade that was pushing on his chest, and he pushes it right in to him with a force that a man in his state should not possess. The blade mercilessly sinks in to Curtis by his own hands and blood sprints out of him.

Keith has a hard time comprehending what happened and the Shiro-not-Shiro transforms back in to an Altean purely out of astonishment.

“There, no more com code issues” Curtis says breaking his silence. As he falls to the floor in a lifeless heap, the Self-made hole in his chest wets the dried blood spots already on the floor. He falls down and flutters his eyes to a closing.

Keith jumps in to action having no bait to stop him this time. In a second, the Altean is down and the MFE pilots’ breaks enter the Galra Bridge before the unfair fight between him and Reyes is finish. Keith push both his hands on Curtis’s wound trying to stop the bleeding until the medics arrive. But the red liquid stubbornly spews out between his fingers.

 

⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷

 

Keith hears the familiar voice calling his name and he shudders. The last time he heard the familiar voice, it didn’t end up pleasantly.

“Keith.”

Shiro walks to him and hugs him in a tight embrace. “Are you okay?”

“M’ fine” Keith mumbles to his shoulder. He was badly in need of a hug.

“How is Acxa and the others in your team?” Shiro asks still holding Keith in his embrace.

“They are fine, but still numb from the drugs they attacked us with, the doctor said they’ll be fine in a few hours. I wasn’t that affected thanks to human genes in me.”

“I’m sorry it took me this long to come. Had to wrap up the things with the pirate ship” Shiro apologizes as they part.

“They are not just pirates, are they?” Keith questions. Shiro sits down on the bench like the weight was too much to carry.

“No” Shiro admits. “The Galra soldier you encountered is ‘Reyes’. We were put against each other to fight at the arena. He was my first opponent after they declared me a champion and I didn’t exactly know how the arena worked. I defeated him, but spared him his life. He was considered a coward for the rest of his life and was exiled. He hated me for sparing his life. I just couldn’t do it. Trying to gain control of ATLAS was a move solely against me. I’m sorry you two got tangled up in it.”

“Shiro, you didn’t know” Keith says as he take Shiro’s hand in his. It’s not every day Shiro let his worry be seen, But Keith could see right through his pseudo brother.

Shiro only sighs as a reply. “Doesn’t make me feel any better though. Something could have happened to both of you.”

They sit in silence, they are in the med bay and the unavoidable scene stares at him.

“How did he get his hands on Curtis anyways?”

“I was in the engineering room overseeing the system upgrade with Sam, Curtis was in the bridge alone, handling the communications part. We had to renew the com code. Curtis did his and I was supposed to come to the bridge and renew mine. But when I came, Curtis was gone. We checked the cameras. It was the Altean tech who took my form and tricked him to open the door. He asked Curtis to check something in the escape pod. By the time we checked all theses, the escape pod had long gone.”

Keith nods solemnly, in understanding, the Altean was so convincing, he even tricked Keith himself even when the lack of a uniform on the Altean who took Shiro’s form. He must have observed Shiro closely before he took his action. No wonder Curtis was tricked.

“How is he” Shiro asks turning to the glass that separates them from the Intensive care bay where Curtis was lying hooked up to machines.

Keith walks up to the glass. “Him?’ He repeats. “He is crazy, pushed the blade in to himself like he was Jell-O”

“I heard” Shiro replies. “It must have been the only way he could come up with to tip the balance. Save himself from giving away the ATLAS come code and gave you the chance to fight back.”

“It really was” Keith agrees. “But to witness it, was crazy.” Keith says sighing. “Give him a lecture when he wakes up will you?”

“Says the one who almost crashed his cruiser to Haggar’s ship.” Shiro reminds standing up and giving a side hug to Keith, thankful to Curtis that Keith is safe.

“Says the man who’s already died multiple times.”

 

⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷

 

Curtis spend three days in the intensive care, lying unconscious, while Keith waits to witness the lecture Shiro promised to give Curtis. But ATLAS’s schedule is rather dangerously busy. They need to engage in a planet rescue mission on the fourth day since the incident and keeping a patient that needs the kind of care Curtis need is not advisable. So they send Curtis back to earth as per protocol. He is still under a medically induced coma and needs the utmost care possible. Shiro make sure he personally oversee the transfer as the small pod with Curtis and med officers disappear through the worm hole.

Shiro is somewhat reluctant to go in to a planet rescue without the usual Communications and Navigations Officer. But the assistant Com and Nav Tec too is good according to his records. Shiro finds the hard way that he is a little slower than Curtis, or Curtis is faster than the average Nav Tec. Either one. He has to be commanded on a lot of things while Curtis kind of naturally does a lot before Shiro even ask. Shiro quickly understands Curtis’s apprentice isn’t comfortable with battle situation. He reminds him of Hunk. He also remembers how Curtis knows exactly what to do about a situation in his capacity and how he turns at Shiro and wait until the first syllables of the command leave his mouth. But with the Assistant Com and Nav Tec, he has to issue fully elaborated commands even for the most usual thing on ATLAS. In short Shiro miss Curtis. A lot.

After a heavy fight, they win the battle. It takes them three weeks to get the planet in the order and capable of handling its matters.

They come back to earth on the third week. There is so much to do even after they touch earth, that shiro doesn’t get to inquire about his com and nav officer, who is sent home to fully recover. By the time he is done, he doesn’t think he should speak to him in his current status. Shiro and Keith share his quarters that night and is pleasantly surprised to find Lance waiting for them. He is here to help colleen, sharing his expertise for research on Juniberries. They spend the dinner together after which Shiro feels okay and dial Curtis, while Keith share his horror stories with Lance, mainly the one starring Curtis.

“Sir,” Curtis says opening up the communicator. Enthusiastic.  Behind him there is chitter chatter that Shiro could faintly hear.

“Hello Curtis” Shiro greets focusing on his Com and Nav tec. ‘I missed you’ is what comes to his mind. “I hope you are doing well.” He says instead.

“I’m good sir, recovering fast.”

“I couldn’t contact you earlier, sorry. Our mission did go a little south and even after we came back to earth…you know the drill.” Shiro lays out his excuses.”

“I heard, Veronica spoke to me. Apparently I haven’t done a good job training Jeremiah. He is a clever boy, but I think he needs a little time to adjust.”

“Honestly, he was a little scared, there was nothing wrong with his knowledge, but his nerves got in the way I think.” Shiro shares his understanding, focusing on the issues he wanted to discuss with Curtis. “If you think it’s okay, I suggest that we should keep him in the bridge while on missions, so he will get used to real time battle situations.

Curtis agrees wholeheartedly appreciating how suggestive his captain was with the issue when he could have simply ask for someone else. He also notice Captain’s inquiring features.

“Curtis, is that the sound of the ocean?”

Curtis doesn’t answer, instead he turns his communicator to the ocean so he could see for himself. His twin sisters are home from their universities after a long time, to see their recovering brother. So they are having dinner outside together as a family after a long time. Curtis hopes the lighting outside is enough for Captain to see the ocean. When no sound comes after half a minute he turns it back. Shirogane looks amused.

“You disturbed me.” He chuckles. “Don’t remember the last time I stepped on a beach, you are in Florida right?”

 “Yes, sir, my home town.”

“Lucky you, is that your family?” Shiro asks when he see the other people behind Curtis. Shiro could see Curtis turning to see. Behind him is a dining table in the open air, on a platform on a sandy garden.”

“Oh! That’s my mom, dad and my younger sisters, they are twins. And the dog.”

Shiro looks longingly at the scene behind Curtis. He did have a family like that a long time ago, before fate claimed them to death. He wants to say ‘lucky you’ again but restrains.

“So Curtis, see you next week?” He asks coming out of the stupor.

Curtis nods and the com link terminates with a blink.

“Nice family” Keith says sprawled on Shiro’s sofa. On the other end is Lance.  They are trading their stories and garrison’s newest grape wine.

“I want to go see the beach.” Lance complains, having over heard the conversation.

“I’d like that too.” Keith agrees and they stare at each other. They agree rarely.

“Why don’t you ask him if we could come by? He’s a nice guy.” Shiro offers.

“If he is such a nice guy, why don’t you ask him to stop calling you ‘Captain’, you usually don’t like titles.”

“I don’t like titles in usual cases” Shiro agrees. Taking his plate and making a swift move out of the living area. “I just like the way he say ‘Captain’!”

Keith pats Lance’s back hard, laughing as Lance chokes on his drink.

 


	3. Find a good man!

Curtis and Keith had become friends following the incident. Whenever Keith was on Garrison base, he sought Curtis’s company and Shiro was glad. Apart from the paladins, Keith didn’t have a lot of friends. Colleagues maybe, like Griffin or the whole MFE bunch, but not friends.

Keith often visits Lance and spend some days with each of the paladin friends every time he comes to earth. But Shiro wanted him to have a little bit more of a social life and Curtis was providing that. Soon Veronica had started joining them regularly and Keith had instantly fallen for Veronica’s blunt honesty and for all the childhood embarrassment stories of Lance as blackmail material when he wanted to drag Lance out of the farm. Keith and Veronica were using each other to drag Lance out, oblivious to each other’s’ attempts, but Shiro could see.

Every time Keith went out with Curtis and Veronica, for a night out, the information inflow from Keith made Shiro wonder how on earth the secluded boy could become such a chatter box, taking up most of his Saturday mornings, lazily sprawled on his sofa while Shiro played with Cosmo. Shiro’s brain was filled up with Curtis this and Veronica that so much that he felt like he too was part of the trio.

Soon they had become ‘Curt and Roni’ and Shiro couldn’t help but laugh the first time Keith used it. It’s the first time Shiro heard Keith using a shortened form of a name except his and Shiro realized with glee and envy that the trio had become friends for life. They were making Keith mellow, bringing his human side to the front, little by little. It was a relief really, because at a corner of his heart Shiro always feared the already secluded boy will become stone hearted like the usual Galra-Marmora soldiers. But instead, Shiro saw how the Marmorans around Keith starting to loosen up. Keith was becoming happier and he was contagious.

Lost in his thoughts, Shiro doesn’t notice until Keith and Curtis enter the gym with sweat dripping after a run. Shiro is doing his usual 5.a.m routine. Curtis gives a respectful nod to Shiro before disappearing to the shower area and Shiro’s eyes involuntarily lingers a little longer than necessary on the tall man.

Until Keith makes a whistling noise from behind.

“What?”  Shiro questions avoiding looking at Keith.

Keith observes him carefully. “You need to get out more.”

“I do go out Keith, you are just not here often enough to witness it.” Shiro counters. “Maybe you should come to see this old man more often.”

“That’s not what I heard from Curtis.”

Shiro becomes instantly self-conscious. “About what? me being an old man?”

Keith laughs a little and Shiro reddens in embarrassment which he doesn’t show, or try not to.

“No, about going out”

“Is Curtis your spy now?”

“Maybe.”

“Really?”

“No, I don’t need anyone else to know about you, I can directly ask from you. I know you wouldn’t lie to me.” Keith says honestly and Shiro stops the treadmill to sit on the bench with Keith and starts wiping his sweat with his gym towel.

There is silence between them for a few seconds before Keith breaks it for them.

“I know you enjoy your life with all the rescue missions, ambassador works and stuff with ATLAS. But the tension in the universe is thinning out. We both know that.”

Shiro listens silently to his brother.

“Nobody in this whole universe deserves a better life than you Shiro, you’ve done more than your fair share. Maybe you should take a small break and see the world outside your girl.”

“Girl?” Shiro echoes laughing. “I’m very gay, Keith!”

“That’s what your crew calls ATLAS behind your back, ‘captain’s girl”

“I think she’ll like it” Shiro says. “I should tell her”

“Exactly, maybe both of you need a break. You have two weeks off right? Let’s go on a vacation with me, get off ATLAS’s back and let the girl be.”

“You have vacation plans? Where are you going?”

“Florida, cocoa beach to be exact, with Curt and Roni. Lance has some ‘way more important _stuff’_ to do than surfing.”

Shiro and Keith exchanges a glance that is understanding. Then Keith’s face lights up with a bright smile. “Curt’s gonna teach me surfing.”

“Good for you, conquer the land sky and sea!” Shiro chuckles. “Florida is where Curtis is from, right?”

“That’s right, his parents ran a beach resort. It was surprisingly left unscathed during war, so they gave the rooms to homeless people. Now that most of them have moved out, they have reopened the resort. Some of the homeless people are working in the resort now.”

“That’s good to hear” Shiro smiles admiring the efforts of Curtis’s family. Maybe he should visit the place.

“I’ll think about it” Shiro promises.

 

⊷       ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷

 

 On the last day on ATLAS before planned two week break, the crew wraps up the work more enthusiastically than Shiro had ever witnessed, maybe everyone has the need to get out. He had finished his speech for the small crew ATLAS now occupies, encouraging them to be with their loved ones, free themselves from the never ending work; advice that he himself has no plan to follow.  After the war the number of crew was decreased and held only the optimum number since there was no more battles. There are however space creatures they had to evade and all that, but the small number had proven enough.

He enters the bridge which is now empty. It is clear from the desks that his bridge crew had yet to wrap up their work. Their screens were still logged on, bright orange color filling the bridge. Shiro smiled at Curtis’s screen, he had stopped in the middle of a coding that reminded him of Pidge, and was so thankful Curtis wasn’t a firecracker with all the coding jargon Shiro couldn’t make sense of.

Shiro feels a soft spot in his heart for Curtis. He is the consummate nice guy, a gentle giant who is thoughtful and caring. Shiro also knows that soft spot in his heart is growing bigger every day. It surprises him. Although he had broken up with Adam well before the Kerberos mission even began, Shiro kind of planned on a secluded and single life for him knowing his muscle degeneration disease will painfully claim him, not wanting to be a burden to anyone. Sam used to say it was the same thought that drove him and Adam apart. Shiro never thought he will be able to love again when he realized Adam had passed away. He had locked that side of him safely, so he could get on with all the other responsibilities on his shoulders, like saving the universe. But now that the universe is healing, he found that Curtis had started to unlock that side of him in his own small ways.

So maybe it’s okay to get to know him.

“I’m sorry sir, I’ll wrap up my work ASAP.” Shiro hear Curtis say behind him. Lost in his own thought he didn’t even hear Curtis entering.

“That’s okay Curtis, I was wondering about your invitation for vacation.”

Curtis grins fully at Shiro, in a rare display of pure emotions. “You are joining us, won’t you sir?”

Shiro nods to say ‘yes’ and he is pretty certain Curtis is restraining himself. Shiro bids good bye citing preparations for his holidays.

 

⊷       ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷

 

Keith and Curtis had planned on a road trip to cocoa beach, while Shiro was expecting a quick fly to California. Like three peas in a pod, they stops at every food shop and eat like pigs, earth food and alien food alike. Shiro had never joined the ‘Curt, Roni, Kei’ trio before. But now he knows for a fact that he should never let Keith and Veronica mingle, they are a disaster duo. It’s like watching Keith and Lance whole day; Lance with a gender swap. They challenge each other every chance they get with banter and avoidable arguments; easily avoidable if they tried. Curtis’s polite ways keep Shiro from feeling like he is the only adult in the road trip. In the end, instead of the few hours it should have taken them, they take almost half a day to get to Florida.

Shiro had drained his battery with the road trip. Being so used to the speed in space travel, he feels so odd to be stuck in a car. But then the beach is in front of him, the ocean water washes over his bare feet, his toes curl under wet sand and more importantly, he meets Curtis’s family. The motherly mother, the fatherly father; because Shiro can’t find better words to describe how he feels about them.  He feels a pang in his heart when Curtis’s father hug his son with so much affection, remembering his own father.

To every body’s surprise, it is the first time Keith had seen the ocean, on a vacation and not from up in the sky. Shiro is severely hurt when the fact is revealed, and Veronica throws another dad joke at him about bad parenting. But Keith isn’t around to save him. In fact Keith had not saved him from any of the dad jokes throughout their journey, Shiro considers this, it’s like Keith is enjoying it too. Right now he is peering down a cliff with Curtis, under which ocean waves hit its walls and the bubbles makes it look like there were clouds down there on the water.

Their observations are disturbed by the shriek of a woman. Curtis who look at her widens his eyes in horror.

“Shrima, no! Now is not the time.” He protests weakly, stepping awkwardly aback.

“Oh time is fine to me!” is her reply, before she tackle Curtis and both of them plunge on to the ocean bed screaming. Shiro peers down concerned, but a second later, Curtis and the woman surfaces, swimming with glee, his girlfriend maybe? Shiro wonders but is brought out of his stupor by their shouts at them.

“What are you waiting for?”

Shiro’s mind comes up with an evil idea when he see the unsuspecting Veronica and Keith. One had been throwing dad jokes at him, regardless that he is her Captain and the other one had made no attempt to save him. But they immediately taps on to what Shiro is about to do and turns ready to run. But Shiro’s prosthetic hand extends more than a usual arm’s length, with which he sweeps both of them.

“This one is for all the dad jokes” he shouts before he jump right in to the water while Keith and Veronica yell at the top of their lungs.

On their first day, they swims to their heart’s content, until Keith starts sneezing and so Shiro drags him out of water. They devour the food Curtis’s mother had made, stuffing their bellies to the brim.  And immediately fall asleep. But Shiro woke up from his sleep. It usually happens when he has a nightmare, it’s usually the Haggar or arena, but this time it was Curtis.

Shirtless Curtis.

It is the first time Shiro had ever fantasized any man other than Adam. Ever.

 

⊷       ⊷           ⊷           ⊷           ⊷

 

Next few days spend in a blur. They go for a swim every morning, noon and evening. It is a stark contrast to the sky, jumping in to the water the first thing in the morning instead of the sentient mechs. Keith and Veronica were getting better at water surfing and Curtis is continuing to torture Shiro in his shirtless coaching. They had participated in a beach volleyball game, spending a whole day at a carnival and a kite festival during the next two days. On the last day, Shiro accompanies Curtis’s father like a proper adult to see the inner city. Locals are volunteering to build a new community center. Shiro too volunteers and get to know the locals who were immensely thankful for their service in the war.

By the time, Curtis finds him, Shiro had participated in the construction work, taken the common lunch with the locals under a tree, observed and reprogrammed local watch security program and given a public speech to the eagerly awaiting locals. He is a little tired, but not having enough of it. Still, Curtis takes the first chance to steal him away. They drive to the same cliff, but under moonlight and the sky full of stars, it looked like they were part of the sky. They spend some time there, Curtis telling him stories of his childhood, and Shiro trading stories of his old Garrison days. Curtis opens up easily to him, telling him how he lost his brother and how Curtis found his way back to Garrison amidst swarms of drones. It was that journey that made him realize that drones send out distress signals when they are attacked. He had upgraded their weapons to scramble the signals as soon as he crawled his way to Garrison.

Curtis tells him who Shrima is. She is the girl his brother was engaged to. She is like a sister to him, she is still ridden by the pain of losing her fiancé, but putting on a brave front, which reminds Shiro of Lance. Maybe it’s a good thing he didn’t come. Shiro doesn’t know why he feel a slight relief when he hear that she is like a sister to Curtis. But when Curtis removes his shirt, invites him to a swim under the stars and jump off the cliff as weightless as a feather, Shiro realizes why.

_But was Curtis even gay?_ He really should get to know more about his staff.

The next morning, Curtis’s father saves him the riddle. While Keith and Curtis are loading their bags to the vehicle, his father pats Shiro in the back.

“Take care of him” He says. Shiro realizes that behind those words is the pain of losing his first son. “I just hope this rescue the universe thing will soon be over so he could find a good man and start a family. Maybe come and live with us…you know.”

Shiro shakes his head like an idiot, agreeing and grinning.

_Find a good ‘man’ you say?_

 

 


	4. Blackmail material

“Patch it through.”

Shiro says to his assistant who was requesting his permission for a call from the legal department. He was in the middle of his first morning meeting with his bridge crew regarding the planned upgrades to the ATLAS’s system they were supposed to wrap up that day. It was the first week after the planned break and so much had to be completed in order to start their next voyage of rescuing planets. So lost in his thoughts, Shiro says ‘patch it through’ without thinking twice. Why on earth would he need to take it in private when he has not committed a crime?  Right? Even though it’s from the legal department!

“Sir, I’m calling on behalf of late commander Adam Wolf’s Attorney.”

Shiro is feeling like a ball is stuck in his throat. He could faintly register his bridge crew purposefully getting lost in their data pads, they bend their heads and pretend they don’t hear the call. That was the moment Shiro knows he should have postponed the call until he could take it privately. But no, he takes it anyway.

“Yes.”

“His attorney; Mr. Lay was confirmed deceased at the secondary attack. But we were able to recover some of the files and belongings he held on behalf of his clients. This happened during recent clearing of debris in the phlats city. Among them was the last will of Late Lieutenant Adam Wolf and some of his belongings he meant for you to receive in case he passed away.”

“Sir, we could come back at a later time to resume this meeting.” Curtis offers.

But it’s important that the meeting is finished first thing in the morning so the rest of the day could go on as planned. His bridge crew had been on a painfully elongated 24 hour shift and Shiro doesn’t want anything to undermine their efforts. So, Shiro decides to postpone the call instead.

“I will call you later for a better time to talk about this.” He says to the phone as he could feel the uncomfortable gazes of his crew members. His hand runs to the phone to discontinue the call, but the legal officer is faster.

“No need sir, there isn’t anything complicated.” She says oblivious to Shiro’s situation. He was the fool who let the call interrupt the meeting anyways, he might as well take the bullet. “His last will is just about two lines. He leaves everything to you.”

Shiro takes his finger away from the phone. There is no need to disconnect the call now that everyone in the room has heard everything.

“I will send the Box of his belongings to your office with an assistant along with other documents that need your perusal and your signature. Thank you. “

Shiro pinch the bridge of his nose. To achieve what? He doesn’t know, calm down, to stop the tears? Captain Shirogane took a deep breath and steadied to resume the meeting while Takashi Shirogane melted in to a sobbing mess inside. His mouth felt dry and he gulped down the glass of water on his table in one go. He heard Veronica, Curtis and Iverson standing up to go.

Shiro says nothing but stops them with a hand when they stand up to leave. “No need, lets continue”

The room fills with awkward exchanges of glances but resumes from where it stopped like nothing happened.

At the end of the day, after many meetings, field tests and avoiding the elephant standing right inside his heart, Shiro is sitting in front of his desk with a large cardboard crater sitting majestically on his desk. He is giving it a pensive look, like its challenging him somehow to mourn Adam if he dares to, like  It’s challenging him to finally admit the fact that he isn’t just hiding around the corner after their break up but is dead as well; so very dead.

Shiro observes the box, not touching it, like a strange object he found in the space. Because of course, to touch it, and to open it would be to seal the fact that Adam isn’t anymore.  Of course, he knows Adam is dead, he isn’t delusional, but, it’s comfortable to live in the _‘Me and Adam broke up’_ zone than venture in to the _‘Adam is dead’_ zone in his mind. So, he never really addressed the fact in his head. It was always there, subliminally, untouched, just like the box.  

Shiro is also aware that he is slowly developing a crush on his Com and Nav officer for god sake. What does that mean? Is it disrespectful for Adam? But they broke up even before Kerberos mission. Right?

Shiro stops his train of thoughts right there. It’s becoming too tangled to his liking. Shiro likes to solve problems usually when he is faced with one, but the box is so emotionally draining that he procrastinates settling with his own emotions. Shiro and Adam grew apart with growing differences but Shiro knows in his heart he never stopped loving him.  He couldn’t, he was a great human being, and no one could _not_ love him, the only family he had other than Keith. So he doesn’t like the fact that the box is there to force him to seal close a very emotional chapter in his life, that dislike over runs his curiosity about what could be inside.

Extraordinarily, Shiro considers a drink. Maybe two or more drinks. He hates the box so much! He hasn’t had any since the day he officially broke up with Adam. He remembers how Keith had been moping around him while he did that, joining him in his despair, digging in to his spicy bites and helping Adam pack his stuff. Right now Shiro feels so alone with neither of them around. Adding to his despair, none of his other friends at the Garrison had survived who used to go out with him back in the days.

Curtis is just passing by when he see through the glass pane, how his boss is staring at _the box_. His mind instantly reminds him of the public hearing of the private phone call in the morning about Adam’s belongings. Without thinking twice he knocks on the door and enters. His captain has become a friend after the vacation, so Curtis is hoping he wouldn’t mind what he is about to do.

“Sir, with all due respect, let’s go out.” He proposes to his captain who is gawking at him right then.

“…what?”

“It’s Friday night, let’s go out for a movie, for food, for something.” Curtis shrugs.

Shiro blinks. Several things runs in his head. He has a faint feeling of what Curtis is trying to do. He is trying to help him by giving him a way away from that box. Shiro decides to take up on the offer. “Okay.”

Several minutes later the two men exit the Garrison building. Just two dudes in their casual gear, smiling at each other and helmets in their hands. The dark one gets in to a decade old race bike and the fair one gets in the back. They race to the city.

There isn’t a choice in the theater. You have to watch what they show. The building is still half destroyed and the movie industry has yet to revamp. They settle in to watch the poorly made 2D film about the first Galra attack. Fifteen minutes in to the movie, Shiro is busy finishing up his popcorn with extra butter while Curtis is softly snoring on his shoulder. Shiro doesn’t mind at all, it reminds him that Curtis was on a gladly accepted 24hour shift after which he stayed extra 8 hours to wrap up the testing so they won’t have to drag it to the next day. Even after all that, he offered a movie night to pull Shiro out of the rabbit hall he was digging when probably all he must have wanted was to go to sleep. So Shiro lifts his shoulder an inch to better accommodate Curtis’s head who is taller than him.

The sound of everyone getting up to leave wakes up Curtis. Shiro is putting finishing touch to a popcorn box that was meant for Curtis’s consumption and his jaws are hurting.

“Sir, I’m so sorry” Curtis apologizes as Shiro moves his shoulder to take the numbness away.

“Oh don’t apologize” Shiro says. “I know you are after an unnaturally long shift and even then, you took me to the movies because you knew what that box was doing to me.”

Curtis stares at Shiro not knowing what to say. Looks like he hasn’t been discreet at all, either that or his boss can read minds.

“And you did took my mind away from it, you know, you were snoring so hard I couldn’t even hear myself thinking.”

Curtis’s face turns red in genuine embarrassment. He had not only fell asleep on Captain Shirogane’s shoulder, Captain’s shoulder for god sake! But had been snoring as well.

Shiro laughs at his own joke. “I forgot that I promised to keep my jokes away” he says innocently. “Come on.”

“So I wasn’t snoring?” Curtis asks hopefully, ignoring the butterflies he feels as he see the warm smile on Captain’s face.

“I was serious about that part!” Shiro says seriously, enjoying the blush that creeps in to Curtis’s face.

“You are too sleep deprived to allow driving. So give me the keys and I’ll drive you home.” Shiro offers while Curtis is struggling to swallow his pride.

“Is that it for the night, I’m hungry” Curtis complains as he hands Shiro the keys, wiping his eyes in an attempt to properly open them. “Roni emptied my fridge and I haven’t had time to go grocery shopping.”  He shakes the empty popcorn bag. “Sir, you’ve taken care of both popcorn bags, it seems.”

“I was hungry,” Shiro lays out his excuse. “What do you have in mind?”

“I don’t know…” Curtis says stepping out in to the night.

 

 

 

They walk in a silent agreement to the opposite side of the car park where Curtis’s deceased brother’s bike was parked and end up in front of a night club.

 

 

“I can’t even remember the last time I was to a club.” Curtis confesses standing in front of the door, his feet rooted on the ground.

“Me neither, but its Friday night and life is too short, so…” Shiro says, dragging a reluctant Curtis by his jacket sleeve in to the loud club.

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

Veronica always fueled her morning runs with music. She has the perfect playlist for running. Perfect songs for the slow start, intense middle and then for the cooling down. So she wasn’t gonna ruin her morning run when her head phones refused to work.

She knocks on Curtis’s door once and opens it. That is how she always did. Curtis was single and didn’t have anything to hide. Plus, Veronica, as one of his closest friends had earned the right to a key code to his room and rightful passage to his fridge whenever she felt like it. She never bothers beyond a single knock.

She stands dead on her tracks when the sight of two men on Curtis’s couch welcomes her. One was lying his head on the couch arm his hand aimlessly lay on the others’ shoulder which must have

been an effort to secure both of them on the couch. The other man rests his head on his hip, his legs on the other side of the couch arm dangles down and a metallic arm rests on the floor. A closer look reveals the beer cans lying around and the TV is still on. They both have the clothes on so Veronica stops her mind from wondering. She snatches Curtis’s head phone which is on his coffee table and disappears out of there in the blink of an eye, delaying only to snatch a photo.

Perfect blackmail material.

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Shiro jolts up awake to his phone ringing, and answers as soon as he see the caller ID.

“Where r u?” Keith sounds annoyed. “Are you working on the week end? Again?”

“Wow, hold on buddy! I’m not working?” Shiro diffuses Keith’s tension. He wipes his face with his human hands to keep his drooping eyes open. Keith badly wants him away from his desk, Shiro knows this for a fact from his responses on his working Saturdays.  

“I’m in your quarters, where are you?” Keith asks plopping himself on Shiro’s standard edition Garrison issued couch. It’s been his Saturday morning thing unless he has more pressing issues with the Marmorans.

“At Curtis’s, I’ll be there in ten.”

Keith whistles to himself as Cosmo leans on him. He had watched how Shiro sometimes observed Curtis. In fact a lot of men at Garrison, who were interested in men, did, but Curtis didn’t seem to be interested in anything or anyone other than Atlas and her code, leaving Keith wondering if all Curtis has for Shiro is respect, and he hoped if Shiro decides to take the first step in the future, he will not be heartbroken, for Although Shiro seemed to have eyes only for Curtis, a lot of men who had eyes for men, did seek out Shiro.

And of all of them, Keith wishes it to be Curtis.

In short, Curtis is a good guy and has a strong family background. Shiro needed that stability in his life. Just like Shiro repeated to him, Paladin family is the best, but it shouldn’t be the only thing in their lives.

Shiro, the most sought after bachelor in Garrison, scratches his head trying to orient himself. He wasn’t in full alert when he woke up, but now that he looks around he gathers that he is on Curtis’s couch, has slept till 9.00 a.m. and has missed his morning workout. Which are very unusual. Unusual as in he rarely has an undisturbed night to start with.

He could faintly hear Curtis humming, the sound coming from the bathroom. He drinks a glass of water and gathers his stuff, his phone, wallet, which is surprisingly is still in his pocket. Then he sees the beer cans or … cans that looks like beer cans but has alien writing that Shiro doesn’t recognize. He dumps them in the bin.

The Bathroom door opens and when the whistling comes to a stop, Shiro turns from the living area to see Curtis in his towel, hair still dripping water.

“Oh! You are awake!” he mumbles to himself. “Did I wake you up?” Curtis apologizes.

“Actually, Keith called, he is waiting for me. I just waited for you to come out so I could say good bye.”

Curtis looks at him from head to toe and Shiro becomes self-conscious at once. He could imagine how he must be looking after last night – which he doesn’t remember- a feeling he is accustomed to- in his rumpled clothes and disheveled hair serving as reminders.

“Maybe you should take a shower before you head out?”

Curtis is probably right. Shiro knows what he is implying. Unless he wants to announce to the morning shift staff that he spent his Friday night somewhere that is not his quarters, he should better take a shower.

“There are fresh towels in the bathroom. I probably have some clothes that could fit you.”

Shiro takes the fastest shower in his life, using Curtis’s bathroom supplies generously and shamelessly. When he comes out, Curtis has laid down clothes on his well-made bed for him.

“Do you have time for breakfast?” Curtis asks from the kitchen while Shiro dress up in the room.

“Nope, Keith is waiting for me, we usually have Saturday breakfast together. It’s a norm.” Shiro informs while trying to button up shirt that fits him like his skin.

“I made breakfast for two.” Curtis shouts from the kitchen, it’s so domestic Shiro laughs quietly.

“You made breakfast while I was sleeping, but I didn’t hear a thing?”

“You were sleeping like a baby” Curtis says. The ruffling sound from the kitchen stops and Shiro knows why. Curtis is wondering about what he just said. ‘ _He just called his Captain a baby!’_

“It’s not an everyday thing. On a good day, at least the Garrison alarm will ring to wake me up in the middle of the night.”

Curtis is still quiet. Shiro could feel him thinking. Maybe he said too much about his private life. But when Shiro comes out of the bed room Curtis tries his best and fails to stifles a laugh.

“Oh! Pardon me, I’m not as lean muscled as you are!” Shiro snaps. The clothes fits him tightly. Curtis maybe taller than him, but their horizontal sizes don’t match without doubt. Shiro is bulky and Curtis is aesthetically long and lean.

The knife falls from Curtis’s hand making a clunk as Shiro stands in the kitchen facing Curtis, who hesitantly pushes a bag in to Shiro’s hand.

“It’s the breakfast for two sir, you can share with Keith. I can have something on my way out.”

“I…thank you.” Shiro wants to reject for the sake of manners but it smells too good and Keith won’t complain something good for Saturday breakfast for once instead of Shiro’s almost burnt cooking.

“What are you doing today? Heading out?” Shiro casually asks as he walks to the door.

“I’m running errands today, with Gabe. He has a car. I can’t carry a week’s worth groceries in a bike.”

“Why don’t you buy a car for yourself? You could clearly afford a car.”

“I could, but I’m saving up for something in a hurry, so every penny counts.” Curtis sheepishly says while he opens the door and stands aside. Shiro doesn’t want to pry so he just pats Curtis on his shoulder like any colleague and steps out.

“I’m cooking tonight for Gabe. It’s my payback for him for borrowing the car.” Curtis says unsurely. He doesn’t want to push too much but he cannot help but invite. “Roni’s coming obviously.” He adds for safety. “Maybe you too cold join?”

“Sure, I’ll come.” Shiro accepts without missing a beat and Curtis feels relieved.

“I… cleaned up as much as I could.”

Curtis looks inside observing the missing beer cans, the aftermath of their drunken TV watching night almost gone. “You shouldn’t have Sir, I could-“

“Thank you for last night Curtis, and for breakfast” Shiro says stopping what Curtis was saying and giving Curtis a half man hug.

Feeling a little out of breath as Shiro turns his back and leave with the tight shirt showing off his V, Curtis closes the door and slips down to the floor in relief.

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

“Nothing happened! “ Shiro says to Keith’s knowing smile. His eyes roam to his wet hair and tight clothes that aren’t his.

Keith laughs and digs in to the bag Shiro left on the dining table. “I didn’t say anything.”

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner, the calm before a storm.

Curtis opens the door with his apron on. The smell of food warps its way, attacks both Keith and Shiro before it waft out in to the hall way.

 

“Hey.”

“Captain, please, do come in.”

 

Curtis’s apron looks as good as new. Shiro’s mind wonders to his own apron that is spotted with all kinds of kitchen condiments.

‘ _It must be a new one.’_ He lightly dismisses the thought as he steps in with Keith in tow.

‘ _But didn’t he just cook for five people? Wait, six people?’_ Shiro decides as he notices Acxa in side, surely you can trust Roni to drag her along everywhere she goes.

Shiro gives the wine he picked from the mall, and Curtis looks at the antic bottle, impressed.

“Brought wine, to be on the safe side after last night.” Keith deadpans and slips between them, bumping Curtis on the shoulder.

Curtis and Shiro shares a glance but their empty looks silently confer that neither of them remember what happened last night.

 

 

The evening spends in good company. It’s the same old quarters, packed with six people, but the company is nice and there are too many war time stories to share. Keith and Shiro entertains them with stories from all the good times spent in the castle ship.

Curtis proves his cooking skills while the dinner bowls empty within a record time.

“Are these also family recipes, like Hunk’s?” Keith asks savoring his bowl of food, embarrassed to go for a second fill.

Curtis opens his mouth to answer but closes it. Instead, Roni answers. “Well, I hate to destroy his reputation.” Curtis rolls his eyes. “He can only cook a few perfect recipes, which his ex-taught him.”

Curtis stands up abruptly and goes to the kitchen.

“His ex; lucky for us, happened to be a French chef.”

Shiro almost chokes on his desert. Almost, and he doesn’t know why.

“Whoever he is, he must be a good teacher.”

The room falls silent eerily, Keith oblivious to the number of things what he just said could imply, soundly wipes his bowl clean.

Gabe starts another wartime story while Cutis whip up the dessert loudly. The kitchen is a little loud for a few minutes but the sounds die down eventually. A few games happen and by 10.00 in the night, Keith offers to drop Acxa.

Curtis chokes on the glass of water in the kitchen. Both Veronica and Keith gives him the looks and Curtis turns around guiltily. Keith walks to the key holder attached to the front door and takes Curtis’s bike keys without even asking, like it’s a very obvious thing. Shiro watches the exchange. Suspiciously about why Curtis choked on his water because he is sure Curtis was holding a smirk, and enthusiastically about how close Curtis and Keith have become.

_‘Gabe could have dropped Acxa’_ Shiro silently wonders. _‘He has a car.’_

Once the door closes behind Keith and Acxa, Veronica whistles.

“Wanna watch a documentary? I think Mr. Captain will like this.” She says trying to sound serious. But her voice only wavers signaling the amount of alcohol she took in. Curtis slowly push her to the sofa for safety measures when she starts swaying a little while fidgeting with the remote controller.

“This is about what happened after Sam and Colleen announced the world that Aliens are after us, while you were missing.”

Shiro sits down at the other corner of the sofa. He is intrigued by the subject. Sam has told, that support overflowed Garrison from all around the world, but surely, not every human being could have responded positively. It’s a story he was waiting to learn. Veronica plays a stored file in the TV while Curtis fiddles in the Kitchen. Shiro turns to see, maybe he should help with the dishes. But Curtis, meets his eyes and smiles, his spotless apron back on to Shiro’s envy.

“I can handle this sir.” He announces.

“Oh! Just let him be, He likes to do the dishes alone so he can get lost in the memories of his time with his chef ex.” Veronica says while giving a loud pat on Shiro’s shoulder, unnatural for her, stretching over the good few feet between them and Shiro brace the strength of the pat smiling. Curtis sends a glare at her, then turns his back and starts his work while Veronica giggles like a teenager. “Poor thing.” She mutters.

Shiro’s curiosity to learn about the French chef subsides as the documentary starts playing, which proves he was right. It tells a sad story about earth statistics about suicide rates, crime rates and the Sunday masses. Not long in to it, Shiro jostles with a thud next to him. Veronica had dropped on the couch asleep like a child, hugging herself. Before he gathers himself about what to do, Curtis is at their side. He carefully take her in his arms like she is weightless. Shiro raises his eyebrows at him when he stands with her in his arms.

“Story of my life.” He deadpans to Shiro whose eyes follow to how he carefully carries her to his bed room and tucks her in the bed.

“These are the times I wish you were straight Cuuuurrtt.”

Shiro could hear veronica’s sleepy ramble and Curt’s chastising answers. “Exactly how drunk are you Roni?”

“Why aren’t you drunk, Cuuuurrtt?”

“I can’t do dishes when I’m drunk, you know that!”

_‘Curtis can’t do dishes when he is drunk!’_

Shiro laughs silently. He tries to imagine a drunk Curtis braking plates while doing the dishes. And sorely realizes he cannot remember a thing from last night when they were actually drunk. What on earth did they drink at that alien club? Shiro has had a number of hangovers with his friends when the world was normal, but he could always remember, if not immediately then next day. But this time he can’t for the love of stars. _What on earth did they do last night? Curtis doesn’t sound like he could handle alcohol that well._

Curtis walks back to the couch and sits on Veronica’s spot, a good three feet away from Shiro.

“She’s always like this. When we were cramming for exams, me, Gabe and Roni, we would study in to the night and Roni is always the first to fall dead on the couch. She knows I tuck her to bed and she knows she gets the bed that way. I can’t help but feel she is kind of using me.”

Shiro laughs. “Lucky girl.”

They fall back to watching the documentary and Curtis fills the gap with his own memories. By the time it is finished, Shiro is drooping. He wants to fall right there and give in to the sleep because he knows that if he walks to his quarters, by the time he reaches it, his sleepiness will be vanished.

“You are welcome to sleep in the couch if you want. It’s a gift from grandma. Very comfy to sleep on.” Curtis offers as if he read Shiro’s mind.

Shiro considers the worn out couch and its size and can’t help but agree it will easily accommodate him. Grandma Curtis has clearly considered grandson Curtis’s height before she picked the sofa.

“What about you?”

“When Roni gets drunk, I’m usually on the bedroom floor anyways, so I could drag her to the bathroom before she puke on my floor.”

“That bad?”

“You bet.”

“Remind me to never allow a bar in ATLAS. There already are requests.”

Curtis laughs and Shiro observes guiltily, taking in his dimples that slightly dip when he laugh, and the strong, lean body that shakes as he laughs and then he’s already on his feet.

Shiro just folds on himself and falls on the couch, the cushions are plush, it dips just enough with Shiro’s weight. It has enough room for his prosthetic and leg space for his long legs. It’s not every day that he get this sleepy, this easily or this quickly. It’s just that he’s had a good afternoon, a good evening, with people he likes and with no disturbances. His stomach is full with greasy and delicious food thanks to Curtis’s ex, and the couch is better than a bed thanks to Curtis’s grandma.

Curtis moves to switch off the TV, but Shiro mumbles ‘leave it on’. The static sound is something he is use to, something that lulls him in lonely nights. Curtis brings the volume down to a comfortable level. He then pulls a blanket over Shiro most unexpectedly. When it wraps him in comfy warmth, it takes Shiro back to when his mother used to tuck him to bed.

“Thanks mom.” The joke is out before he thinks about it. Curtis halts where he is and observes the faint mischievous smile tugging at Shiro’s lips. He feels drawn towards it and the need to respond to the pun equally.

“Do you need a good nice kiss too?”

Shiro’s lips move to a sleepy grin, laughing much harder internally. But he is too sleepy to open his eyes.

Curtis takes that as a yes, he gathers his courage, bends down and places a soft peck on Shiro’s cheek, a little louder like mothers do.

“Good night honey, sweet dreams” he says. This time Shiro takes his hand from under the covers to stifle his laugh while Curtis dims the lights and settles next to Veronica on the floor.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't exactly Curtis-Shiro centered, but...

Shiro wakes up in the middle of the night to hear someone’s phone ringing, but his sleepy mind realizes it’s not his ring tone, and it comes from the bed room. So it must be Curtis or Roni, and Shiro has no business with whoever calls them in the middle of the night. He looks at the clock which reads mid night. He feels angry, Shiro is having a great sleep, after a long time, for the second time on Curtis’s granny’s couch which he was just starting to get used to and he wouldn’t let anybody disturb that. So he goes back to sleep.

Shiro wakes up again. He looks at the clock and realizes an hour has passed since the last time a phone rang. But this time it’s his own ringtone. Groaning, he picks it up.

“Captain Shirogane?” A rough voice asks.

“Speaking.”

“I’m the sheriff, from the plat city down south area.”

From there onwards, Shiro had been right on his feet. Even before the sheriff had done speaking the few details he revealed through the phone, Shiro had done prepping himself presentable after an untimely wake from a deep sleep. Next few minutes had him racing his rover to the Phlat city in an untamed speed.

The building was a red brick two story with an amount of lights that would put energy conservatives to shame. Of all the years, Shiro had spent in the Garrison, the only time he had to visit the police station was when he had to release Keith from the juvenile detention. He had never had any need to visit there again, although he had met the sheriff and his officers a few times over security meetings.

Yet here he was standing in front of the sheriff again. With Keith sitting on a bench with a scowl and Curtis and Roni by his side to accompany. Shiro could feel himself getting red. In his haste to come here, he forgot to check up on Curtis and Roni back at his quarters, but never mind, they are sitting right here. _‘What on earth this time? Half his bridge crew is in police detention?_

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” The sheriff says shaking hands with Shiro.

“Pleasure is mine, I wish it was under better circumstances.” Shiro replies sending a ‘look’ at his bridge officers and pseudo brother, none of who meets his eyes.

“As you can see, I did not put them _in_ the cage. I have too much respect for them to do that.” The sheriff says sitting down. “We didn’t know who they were until we took them to the station. I’m not pressing any charges. But I cannot do it if they do it again. So as their senior officer, I thought I should at least inform you before I let them go.”

“What exactly did they do?” Shiro asks baffled, wishing it was something forgivable by his own standards, he cannot imagine his officers and Keith in a different situation.

“Speed racing in public roads.”

“What?”

“It’s a growing trend these days with the alien technology roaming in the streets. There is a street racing group that is increasingly becoming a headache to the city. It seems like the much respected head of Voltron decided to take up a challenge against them.”

Shiro looks at Keith stunned, and all six eyes quickly looks away. Shiro’s anger dissipates at their guilty looks, as if he was handed three toddler who ate candy behind their dad. But he cannot help but feel left behind because he had no idea Keith participated in such a thing. Shiro feels a little pain in his heart, but he tells himself that Keith is now a grown up and he isn’t bound by Shiro to tell him everything in his life. At least it was ‘speed racing’. Shiro could imagine Keith doing that, speed was his thing. But how on earth did Curtis and Veronica who were sleeping in Curt’s quarters joined this mess? Shiro vaguely remembers the earlier phone call he heard.

“I’m also letting go of a DUI charge for Miss Veronica McClain.” Sheriff informs. Of course, Roni was drunk out of her mind wishing Curtis was straight a few hours ago. The alcohol in her system couldn’t have vanished that quickly.

“I understand this is against your policies, but since this is their first time and considering the service they have done to the universe, I believe they deserve a chance. That’s my personal opinion though. Still, I have no objections if you decide to press charges against them.” Shiro dutifully informs. His conscious doesn’t allow himself to obstruct the duty of a good police man no matter who he is. Still in his mind, he wishes otherwise.

“Of course not, we have looked away before. For these people, I can do it without a problem. My colleagues agree.” A few cops who had been pretending to not hear their conversation earlier, smiles at Shiro respectfully and Shiro wishes the earth swallows him a whole with shame. Although they are doing this out of sheer respect for them, Shiro still wishes that he was not put in a position where he had to ask them to look away from the law.

“Besides, if they are to spend their time in jail, I bet ATLAS will have a difficult time. We do not need that.” The sheriff says standing up, ending their conversation. Shiro stands up too, he shakes hand thankfully and walks out.

Once he is out, he opens the passenger doors of his rover and waits in the dark car park. He could see Keith come out with Curtis and Roni behind them. They have a small chat, Keith walks towards his rover and Curtis and Roni takes the bike. Keith sheepishly sits in the passenger seat and buckles up.

“Shiro, I’m sorry.” He says settling himself in the rover.

His voice is full of guilt and shaky, Shiro wants to give up his mask and just hug him. What if he crashed the bike?

“After all the space fights we’ve had, what if it was a stupid road race that really hurt you?” Shiro asks and Keith looks at him with guilt.

“I’m sorry, it was just the spur of the moment decision. It was stupid of me.”

“What really happened? I didn’t know you were street racing.”

“I was coming back after dropping Acxa. I stopped for gas and this biker gang just surrounded me. They were insulting the bike, Shiro the bike! It’s a decade old, but do you know the improvements Curtis has made to that bike? Do you know how much time and research he’s done to improve it? It’s faster than anything two-wheel on earth! But those butt heads didn’t know that. So I thought of showing them.” 

Shiro wants to laugh at Keith’s fan-boy-biker talk and enthusiasm. He is also relieved that this wasn’t a long term thing that Keith hid from him. Although Shiro has traveled in Curtis’s bike once and has seen no difference than any other bike, apparently, its hiding a lot and being Curtis’s bike, Shiro could expect no less.

“If I was your dad, I should ban you from riding bikes.” He says instead, showing no ease on Keith.

“Okay, I won’t touch it again.” Keith says readily. He doesn’t sound happy but it seems he is ready to do anything to win Shiro’s trust again.

Shiro looks at him and Keith explains.

“What? You aren’t my dad…but you are my not-dad Dad cum brother, so…”

Shiro’s heart constraints, since when did Keith became so expressive? He knew the paladins called him ‘space dad’ behind his back but for Keith to say it like it’s the bona-fides truth and to accept the punishment like a kid was too much for his heart.

“You are the head of Voltron, I’m sure you know what’s right to do. I wasn’t serious when I said that.”

“Doesn’t mean I won’t mess up.”

“I trust you.”

Keith looks at him with eyes filled with too much emotions that Shiro just looks away. He doesn’t want to see Keith vulnerable. So he just starts the engine dismissively and drives towards Garrison.

“Go easy on Curt and Roni, please.” Keith begs just before they go to sleep in Shiro’s quarters. “I made him come to my assistance, and he couldn’t shrug off drunk Roni.”

“I’ll try.”

“All he did was try to stop me, I didn’t listen.”

Shiro could sense how Keith is trying to save his partners in crime, _specifically_ Curtis.”

“You don’t fall under my jurisdiction, but they are my officers. ATLAS needs them. They should have been more responsible.”

“Shiro, it’s my fault.”

“I’ll see.” Shiro says with finality, not half meaning the steel in his tone. He is just relieved they are fine. Maybe he should just look away as a consideration for their valuable service just like the sheriff. Or maybe he shouldn’t.

As he toss and turn trying to sleep again in his lonely bed, in the captain’s quarters, he just misses Curtis’s grand ma’s couch.


	8. chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The disciplinary inquiry.  
> Confession : This did not come out the way I wanted.

Work week starts after the happening week end. This week they are supposed to take off ATLAS and start a journey towards the unknown in the known universe again. Shiro’s mind is wrapped in planning and budgets and training needs as he walks to his office and notice through the glass, two silhouettes already in his office. When he opens the door they stands up straight like proper soldiers.

Curtis and a very Sober Veronica.

She has bags under her eyes and all the required visible symptoms for a clear diagnosis on a hangover. Curtis, looks straight ahead in his stance, chest puffed and as straight as a stick, ready to face judgment.

Shiro walks to his desk, puts the data pad aside and sits dismissively. “Ms. McClain first.”

Curtis leaves the room without a question.

 “At ease.”

Veronica eases up her posture thankfully. She may look sober, but she has trouble standing up for a long time without getting a little dizzy.

“Let’s start with what exactly happened.” Shiro says in his command tone, not really a question, but a command to spill it all out.

“Yes sir.” Veronica says quickly. “I woke up to Keith calling Curtis, and I fell along with him. Um…I don’t really remember much but the next thing I remember is, the police raiding where we were. Keith did nothing wrong sir, I ran my mouth with the police and they took us in. It was my fault.”

“That’s not what Keith told me.”

“What did he tell, Sir…if you don’t mind, sharing, I mean… sir.”

“He mentioned a race.”

“Honestly, I don’t remember. Sir”

“How convenient.” Shiro counters. Veronica slumps her shoulders and gives the tiniest bit of smile through her tightly closed lips, as if she opens her mouth, it will tell the truth against her own will.

“Why did the police take you in then?”

“Because I was drunk and ran my mouth. It’s all my fault sir.”

“Not because you raced in public roads?”

“I cannot remember such a thing sir, like I said, I was drunk-“

Shiro wonders if  he should let her go easily, because he has no intention of punishing her but his mind plays all the dad jokes she jabbed at him for each and every slip of Keith when they were spending the holiday at Curtis’s. So he decide to take one last jab at her.

“You do understand that if I find out that you are lying to me here, after Saturday night’s severe breach of discipline, I’m gonna have to inform the disciplinary committee about this.”

Veronica gulps like she is swallowing a rubber ball. For all the awards she has won for being the best analyst the Garrison has, she is not a good liar, or an actress.

“Whatever you do, or find out sir...please don’t tell Lance.”

Shiro looks down, and gulps, successfully stopping himself from shaking with the laughter that bubbles up inside of him. Veronica’s valiant attempts to save her friends dissolves any displease he had for the trio’s actions, if he had any at all. How could she fear Lance than the disciplinary committee is beyond him.

“I don’t drink that often if you must know.” She reasons her one excuse. “Must be why I didn’t realize my limit.”

Shiro doesn’t want to see her embarrassed anymore. “Dismissed.”

Veronica stares slack jawed for a second, but salutes and leaves so quickly. She clearly doesn’t want to wait to see Shiro change his mind. Curtis enters through the open door sharing a glance with Veronica and stands in front of Shiro’s large desk. Shiro looks him up and down scrutinizing. His uniform is pristine, to army standards, nothing wrong to mention. Then he tries the same question with him, in his command tone, to spill it all out.

“Let’s start with what exactly happened.”

“Keith was surrounded by a racer gang when I got there, sir.”

“So you admit to a race? Keith did.”

“It was only to show the bike’s strength, sir. Keith didn’t want it to be a race. And either way, I didn’t stop him. I should have, it’s my responsibility as a senior officer, but I didn’t. It’s my fault.”

“So you admit guilty?”

“Yes sir,” Curtis says too quickly, he even sounds relieved, to have the punishment that is sure to come, confirmed on him rather than his friends.

“What is Ms. McClain’s involvement in this?”

“She followed me after the call. I should have stopped her too. But I didn’t.”

“Didn’t or couldn’t?”

“Didn’t sir, should have.”

“How wrong full for a senior officer like you, Commander Curtis. You put Garrison’s reputation under the mercy of a police officer.” When it slips through Shiro’s lips, he realize that it’s true. Maybe it was a thought in his mind subtly. So his tone sounds as displeased as he truly was on that night.

Curtis closes his eyes, keeps them closed a second longer than necessary, but when he opens his eyes, he resumes honest eye contact.

“I understand sir.” He says and Shiro feels true remorse in his tone. “I’m sorry I let that happen. I was the only one not under the influence of alcohol that night and still I let it play out. It’s all my fault, sir.”

‘It’s all my fault sir’ is the only common thing that all three of them had said to Shiro. He can’t help but feel bad because Curtis is feeling bad. Besides he had decided to let this go on Saturday night itself anyway. Shiro turns the talk on behalf of that decision.

“So, Keith told me the Bike’s specs. It’s impressive. Not sure it should run on the streets or sky.”

Curtis looks taken aback. Shiro wishes Curtis wasn’t maintaining that earnest eye contact because for a moment it feels unbearable.

“It’s my brother’s sir.” He says. “I only did the improvements because I wanted to keep it going in his memory, didn’t want it alone inside the garage, old and out dated.”

Shiro wishes he didn’t ask that question. Keith must have known these sensitive facts, which is why he became so protective of the bike and blindly challenged a street race gang. Shiro now understands the root cause of the uncharacteristic scenario happened that night.

Shiro knows that his ‘brother’ is a very sensitive topic to Curtis. But now that he’s started it, Shiro makes it his mission to finish the discussion leaving Curtis feeling good.

“Last time you drove me in that bike, to the cinema last Friday, the ride was awfully safe induced.”

Curtis doesn’t know how to explain how burdened he felt the entire ride because he had ‘Captain Shirogane’ at the back seat. He made sure the speed was under the limit, all the road rules were adhered to and that the bike didn’t even fall in to a dip in the road.

“It was such a dull ride, I never thought you had a thing for ‘fast pace’.”

Curtis squirms under Shiro’s gaze and Shiro is giddily sure there is a blush hiding under that dark skin. All in all, he is enjoying the show. Suddenly, he isn’t sure if he crossed the line, was he flirting?

“Dismissed.” Shiro says before he makes another mistake. How on earth he ended up subtly flirting from disciplinary inquiry escapes him.

“That’s it?” slips out of Curtis before he stops himself and Shiro scoffs.

“I should be asking that from you, make sure ‘that’s it’ to your trio’s fiascos. This is the first and the last time I will let go.” Shiro chastises much to ground himself rather than to Curtis.

Curtis smiles so graciously making Shiro’s mission accomplished. “Thank you sir, I sure will.”

Shiro has one question to ask at the tip of his tongue. He cannot ask that from Roni, it’s like giving her a loaded gun to be used against himself. He can’t ask Keith either, it will be a bad influence and bad role play for a ‘dad cum brother’.

He can’t ask the sheriff - no way.

But he could rely on Curtis not to judge, right?

And to keep a secret.

Curtis isn’t bad mouthed and despite the difference in the ranks, he is the only man Shiro could call a friend casually apart from the paladins, and among the whole of Garrison crew left alive after the war with Galra. So he manage to lose his ‘Captain’ mask and ask the question, just before Curtis exit.

“Did you win?”


	9. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has small references to chapter 02.  
> Also I want to dedicate this chapter to ellegee, because the idea came through a comments section conversation that proved very fruitful. Thank you.

ATLAS is on voyage again. It’s their fourth planned long duration exploration in space and this time it’s dedicated to goodwill visits to planets that have yet to join the galactic alliance and to offer help to planets that have requested assistance, some of which came through the blade of Marmora.

The planet of Galant is their first stop. It is one red sea. Everything is red shaded, from the Galant attire to the trees and the soil. It’s not easy on the eye, but reminds Curtis of his first trip to Mars, the red planet. It feels like he is back on Mars, except the atmosphere is dense enough for them to breath without special gear.

Shiro, Sam, Iverson and some other officers representing the Galactic alliance walk forward to accept the fanfare from the welcoming aliens. A short military parade offers respect and the introduction sessions go on as the ATLAS crew stands in pride and respect like a wall in front of ATLAS. Shiro stands tall in his full Garrison uniform with all the medals and colors at the front, handsome beyond measure, Curtis could feel his lips go dry.

“You have to keep that close mister.” Roni says closing Curtis’s parted mouth with her index finger. 

Curtis promptly closes his mouth, realizing that it must have been hanging open lost in admiration for Shiro. Among the welcoming party of Aliens a red hooded alien appears just as the parade ends. He storms past everyone to hug Shiro like a long lost friend and Shiro leans in to it with no restrictions. Smiles spread among the welcoming parties and friendly smiles spread at the expense of formalities. If Curtis could recall, the red hooded alien was called ‘Bojan’, he is to planet Gallant what Shiro is to earth.

“Two peas in a pod.” Curtis comments as he reminisced how, in their battle to save planet of Galant, Bojan; a civil up rise leader, connected with Shiro immediately to enact one of the shortest rescue battles in ATLAS’s history. Bojan now represents the Galactic alliance on behalf of the planet of Galant. In a universe depressed by Zarkon and his power thirsty war lords, Curtis is glad that heroes who fought for freedom weren’t that rare. ‘Bojan’ was one of them, and their shared mindset of unyielding fight till freedom, made him an excellent wartime partner for their captain.

Shiro and the other high end ATLAS officers disappear in to the majestic building next to the ATLAS port.

“I hope they’ll be fine.” Curtis hopes loudly. He has reasons, because naturally, in these goodwill visits, numerous requests are made by planets who are still scrambling to stand on their own feet. The Galactic alliance had to spread its resources to help and risk its soldier’s lives for greater good.

Time runs fast for the bridge crew as they assist the logistics team, information gathering and all the other tasks that had to be done before they start their journey towards the next destination. By the time the lunch time arrives, their work is almost done, and Curtis just wants to shut his eyes for a minute because he had been staring at the screen for far too long.

So it is when Curtis has left aside his tray of food, and held his head on a set of folded arms on the table and closed his burning eyes, that his data pad began to ring, eliciting a groan from him. Curtis wouldn’t dare lift his head for the first three beeps. But Veronica nudges him, “It’s the captain.”

After a string of Yes sir, No, sir, it’s fine sir, on my way sir’s he stands up abandoning his tray and pushing it to Veronica.

“No time for lunch?”

He shakes his head adjusting the uniform.

Veronica wraps a pastry on a serviette paper and throws it his way, which he gratefully catches.

“Fuller stomach always gives you good ideas.” She reminds. Curtis somehow manage to gulp it down in big mouthfuls on his way to the meeting room.

When he arrives, all eyes turn to him, he is the last to arrive. Everyone from Sam, Iverson, and the head of military intelligence to the head of engineering and many others are there. So, while about two dozen eyes scrutinize him, he sits on the only available seat next to Sam who offers a smile

“Commander Curtis.” Shiro starts.

And a groan grows and silently dies inside Curtis. Shiro is all formal, which means it’s something very serious.

“Sorry for interrupting your lunch, but we have an issue that needs to be handled right away, or else we will be pushed behind our schedule to arrive at the next destination.”

“No problem.” Curtis nods.

“We have a request from the Gallants to assist them with their power supply. Most of the planet is still without power, there are so many issues harbored by their inconsistent power supply, specially the healing centers, that is their hospitals. Shiro explains.

“Their existing power supply isn’t efficient. The power grid that is capable of covering the planet had been under Galrans, and the system runs on a Galra platform. The Galants maybe a lot of things but they are not system scientists. Our challenge is to bring the power plant back in to working condition within the next few hours.”

“I’ve done the preliminary examination. There are only a few major glitches in the system, a few minor ones, if we give it our best there is no reason we won’t make it in time.” Sam assures.

“What do you mean we give our best?” Iverson asks unhappy. His brows are furrowed.

“We need coders who are fast and familiar with Galra systems. We have a sub team among our team of coders who are experts in Galra coding, trained by Commander Curtis. I believe they can handle this? Sam says, passing the question in the air at Curtis and Curtis realizes why he is here.

“Plus, after we get the plant back in order, we’ll need a team from the engineering and coding, holding their position here until the Galants are trained, both in the software and hardware.”

Head of Engineering takes note in his data pad. “I can take care of that.”

Shiro’s eyes roam among his officers for any other concerns, when no one speaks, he raise his concern.

“When the Galra leaders left, they destroyed everything they built on this planet, beyond repair, why did they leave the power plant untouched?”

The head of military intelligence starts to answer. “We looked in to it. From the _available sources,_ ” The officer stresses, which means their sources weren’t enough. “We cannot come in to a conclusion. So it’s a variable. My men have already done a thorough search on explosives, but none were found. Still, I can’t guarantee that there won’t be danger hidden somewhere. I cannot guarantee, and I that’s why I don’t like this.”

“Iverson?” Shiro prompts.

Iverson still has his brows furrowed same. “I don’t like this either, but we have a responsibility to help the Galants, that is why we are here. They will never be able to do this without our help. I went on a stroll in the streets and I saw how they are suffering. I cannot ignore the need, but sending our team in the dark, I don’t know.”

“What if we do a preliminary health check on the system, if there is a hidden threat we _might_ be able to eliminate that before we fully begin the system repair process.” Sam offers.

“That will be a safer option.” The intelligence head agrees. “But I cannot agree with sending the whole team, especially not Sam _and_ Curtis. One of you should stay, otherwise it will be like putting all eggs in one basket. If something happens, we can’t lose both of them.”

The whole room falls silent. They realize the danger they are taking, mulling over the fact that it is the lives of their own people that is at stake. Still, it sounds calloused, calculated, a lot of officers send their genuine glared at the head of military intelligence. The atmosphere in the room heats up as subtle conversations fills it, in the next second, Curtis is sure it will escalate in to an argument.

“I’ll go.” So he breaks it. Iverson rolls his eyes, like he expected that from the very beginning, but Sam shifts in his seat.

“Everything I know, Curtis and Slav knows them too. I’ll go.”

“No offense Curtis, but I’d rather have Sam than Slav in ATLAS, that bug still conjures up earth numbers.” The engineering head laments. “Once we are inside the power plant, we need good support from ATLAS, if Sam is here, we’ll have a less chance of developing a headache.

Shiro screws his face, he doesn’t say it, but he’d rather have a hundred speaking Sam’s around him than Slav. Then he realizes who he is pitting against- Curt.

“I said I’ll go. Risk is common to all of us, if everything goes well this time, something could go wrong somewhere else. We all knew that when we signed up for ATLAS, right? We all know how crucial Sam’s knowledge is to all our operations. I vote for him to stay, besides the Galra coding team will be more comfortable with me in the lead. We’ve done this kind of things several times. We are used to it.”

The room falls silent because they can’t find a hole in Curtis’s logic other than emotional restrictions, which has a little value when it comes to the dangerous missions they undertake on a daily basis.

“It’s always calculated risk, there are no guarantees.”

Curtis stands with finality and the meeting is dismissed. People disperse with instructions. But Sam stays where he is.

“Sir?” Curtis holds Sam’s shoulder who seems to have lost in deep thoughts. He looks up at Curtis.

“At the least,” He says pleadingly. “Don’t take that bag of nerves with you.”

“You mean, Jeremiah?” Curtis mentions his anxiety ridden but brilliant trainee. “But he is my first choice.”

“I know you like him, and I agree, he is a genius. But this is a risky situation. You need people who are solid on ground operations.”

Curtis hums in consideration. He knows Sam has no hard feelings for Jeramiah, and that he is genuinely concerned about Curtis’s safety. But if Jeremiah sticks his head to the plan, and doesn’t let anxiety kill him, Curtis knows no one can beat him. Someone like that could be more of an asset when they have to tread in dark.

“I thought we agreed on including him in as many missions as possible, so he could get used to real time battle situations.” Curtis reminds stubbornly, that had been the agreement in their second journey when Jeremiah had to act in place of Curtis and almost screwed up the battle because he froze. Shiro had suggested they include Jeremiah in real time battles as much as possible, so he could get used to the feel. They have been doing that and the trainee has improved tremendously, yet he still has a long way to go.

So Shiro nods, sending a half look at Sam, guiltily. “Right, I said that.”

Sam stands up defeated. “Just, be careful then.” He gives Curtis a hug and goes out leaving Shiro and Curtis alone in the room. Curtis nods at his Captain and turns to leave. He has to go through so much planning, put together the best possible team and-

“Curtis, wait.”

Curtis turns back, Shiro has come behind him and is right next to him when he turns.

“You have something here.” He gingerly removes a flake of pastry from the corner of Cutis’s mouth. Curtis’s face muscles tingles in sensation.

“Oh! You have more here.” Shiro says, his hands fan down Curtis’s uniform, his chest, and his abs, his everywhere.

“You shouldn’t eat a flaky pastry while travelling through an anti-gravity field.” Shiro reminds.

Passages from the military grooming handbook runs through Curtis’s mind immediately and he forgets the tingling sensation made by the Captain’s closeness.

Curtis himself is a commander, he is strict with the lieutenants under him when it comes to discipline, and now he himself has appeared in front of the captain in a less than perfect uniform.

“I’m sorry sir. It won’t happen again.” Curtis manages doing the military salute. He knows very well about the uniform rules. Since he is right after the Saturday night fiasco, he worries a little too much. He had promised himself a thousand times that night he will not disappoint the captain, and here he was.

“Relax.” Shiro gently places his hand on Curtis’s back and steers them both towards the door.

“Cutis, we both know the inherent risk in this assignment. Right?”

“Yes sir, I do.”

“Then can I trust you to come back safe?”

Curtis, unaware, walks forward a single step before he realize that the Captain has stopped in his tack. He turns to meet the grey eyes that looks at him hopefully.

“Of course sir, I’ll ensure that Garrison’s reputation is not put under mercy this time, you can count on me. We will get the plant in working order.”

Shiro thinks for a moment. _‘Garrison’s reputation under mercy?_ ’ He’s heard that before.

But Curtis looks in a hurry, like he is on the balls-of-his-feet hurry.

“That’s not exactly what I asked, but-Good luck!” Shiro finally settles. Curtis doesn’t seem to register the Captain’s oddity. So Shiro stands alone in the meeting room and watch his favorite commander leave in a hurry.

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

“I gave you a pastry just for this reason, so you won’t make any suicidal decisions on an empty stomach. But Curtis, this is terrible.” Veronica whines, her hands forded in front of her while she stands next to Curtis as he reads in his screen what available data on their upcoming mission.

“What do you want me to do? Send in Sam?”

“No! I want you to outright reject this mission completely so no one gets hurt. Every planet has their own baggage of troubles, we can’t help everyone with everything! Shouldn’t they be looking in to alternate power sources?”

“Roni, even their hospitals are suffering.” Curtis says turning to her. “If we could get this done, this power plant could generate enough power for the whole planet. Besides, we don’t have any solid indications there really is any danger. I don’t see why we shouldn’t try.”

“The fact that the head of intelligence is spooked should have warned you enough!”

“Roni, this is just a health check of the system. We are not doing the full thing at one go.”

Veronica quiets herself. There really isn’t anyway she could stop the mission, but something in her gut warns her despite her friend’s eagerness. Curtis had been upset ever since the disciplinary inquiry. Veronica and Gabe had been successful dragging Curtis to a few disciplinary issues during their time as cadets, their record had been clean ever since they were employed by Garrison. She knows that Curtis takes his job seriously. Although Shiro had stopped the inquiry just at an inquiry, Curtis had been immensely displeased with himself since, mentioning about Garrison’s reputation and promising himself that he would do better.

So she lets him have it, watching Curtis gather up his coding team, lecture them in quick sessions about what to expect, breath in confidence and courage to Jeremiah and pack his beloved equipment to go.  

She wouldn’t mind the health check, but as Curtis disappear in to the rover that will take the team to the power plant, all she could think is how he narrowly escaped death when Reyes took him and Keith, how he would rather draw a blade in to himself than risk anyone else.

As she turns to leave the hanger, she could see Iverson still staring at the dust settling after the rovers left. His face is unreadable as usual, but what lies behind the façade is no secret to her. She begrudgingly remembers the day Iverson allocated him to the Communication and Navigations division instead of Expeditionary forces as Curtis wished. It destroyed his dream of becoming a staple soldier in the rapid deployment forces, just like his brother. She had never seen Curtis so angry before or after that incident.

But there was a reason other than his natural geniuses that Iverson did that. Behind those kind blues eyes, Curtis is fierce when it comes to protecting his mates, fierce when it comes to loyalty and fierce when he is trusted with a task; according to Iverson, too fierce for his own health when on ground missions. Iverson wanted to keep him inside the ship as a Com and Nav tech in order to keep him alive as long as he could.

But Shiro didn’t know that, did he? Then he certainly didn’t know the fire he set alive inside Curt when he accused him of risking Garrison’s reputation.

Veronica silently whispers a prayer to herself, wishing for nothing to happen that will test Curtis’s loyalty, for he would rather let himself be burnt than betray the Captain’s trust.

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

The large screen on the situation room comes to life with several views of the power plant. Sam works on his laptop and powers up camera link after camera link where the coding team and the engineering team are setting up to start their work.

“Alfa team one, reporting to bridge. We are all set, starting the preliminary checks on the Containment structure, then we’ll move on to the reactors. Over.”

“Copy that Alfa team one, we’ll be monitoring from here as well. Over. Alfa team two please report. Over.”

“Alfa team two, reporting from the system control room, we’ve set up our equipment and have already started the system health check. Will report back after the health run is complete. Over.”

Curtis’s voice comes through the coms. Shiro, Sam and the others wait for the uneventful wait. Some stands up and leave to take care of other business because they know it’s going to be a wait of at least an hour.

 But a little past the half an hour mark, Shiro notices the bustle from the system control room increase. Their key strokes land on key boards with vengeance, they are fast and depressing to the silent watchers from the situation room who has no idea what is going on.

“Curtis?” Sam says.

“Alfa team two, reporting from systems control room to Alfa team one. Do not engage with the reactors in any way. I repeat, do not engage with the reactors. We are suspecting a glitch in the system. Abort until further notice. Over.”

“Sam.” Curtis then speaks in the same hurried way. “Something isn’t right with the program for the reactors, there are some changes made on the exact date of the battle to save Galant.”

“That’s suspicious.”

“Shit.” A coder next to Curtis swears. He brings his laptop to the table Curtis is working and Curtis’s face change from worry to panic. “There’s a silent trigger, added to the system on the day of the battle. The countdown to self-destruct is already started ever since the engineering team breached in to reactor rooms. Alfa team one what is your status, you need to evacuate, immediately. Reactor one will reach its maximum capacity within twenty minutes. I repeat immediate evacuation needed.”

“They have turned the power plant in to a bomb?” Bojan asks standing up.

“I’m afraid so.” Sam answers on behalf of Curtis.

The whole situation room stands on their feet as the captain starts giving orders left and right. The engineering team is out of the reactor room within minutes while Curtis’s team packs up.

But Curtis looks rooted in his seat, his fingers dancing on the key board. Jeremiah, who seem to visibly shiver still answers to some questions he asks. The team awaits by the door and few words are exchanged. Shiro opens the com channel to the team again.

“Curtis, your status please.”

“Sir, the team will evacuate now, we have ten more minutes on our hands, I need five more minutes to try and see if we could stop this. Whoever did this, did it in a hurry, it’s not like he had time to close all the back doors and holes. I’m sure I can find a way in.”

Before Shiro even digest the information, the coders in the system’s room starts protesting. “Then we are staying too.”

“You go, that’s an order.” Curtis barks. ”If you want me to do this, relieve me of you.” Then he turns to Shiro. “Sir, just five minutes. I’m already working on it. Jeramiah is looking for a way to stop the reactor manually and I’m trying to override the destruct sequence.”

Shiro gives a quick order, because even a second he wastes speaking would decide between life and death. “All teams out except Commander Curtis and lieutenant Jeramiah. That’s an order.”

Shiro receives questionable looks from everyone, especially from Sam who verbalizes it.

“Shiro, it’s too dangerous.”

“He asked for five minutes Sam, we have ten in our hands.” Shiro responds quickly, his tone has a layer of worry, but it’s authoritative and confident in the same time. Then he turns to Curtis who types on his key pad like rapid fire.

“You have four minutes from now on. You will be on upper deck in the next minute whether your work is done or not. Griffin will pick you up. Do you understand?”

“Copy that Sir.” Curtis sounds like he is on another world. Shiro dispatches Griffin and Inna with the MFE’s and the whole situation room waits on their toes. Two minutes in to the chaos, Curtis stops typing and stares in to the screen like a hawk.

“It’s done.” He says.

It’s so quiet. Like he himself isn’t sure of it. Jeremiah peers in to Curtis’s screen and repeats. “Yeah, it’s done.”

He then wraps Curtis in a bear hug he almost sits on Curtis’s lap. They are all smiles as Curtis returns the hug.

Audible sighs could be heard in the situation room back in ATLAS.  And Shiro patiently waits for Curtis and Jeramiah to relieve their stress enough to be able to report back properly.

That takes another minute, because Jeremiah doesn’t seem to want to let Curtis go. “Sir, I thought we both died.” He worries loudly now, still clutching to Curtis and Sam glance at Shiro to say ‘I told you so.’

“Commander Curtis, do you mind reporting back? If you can manage to breathe at all that is!”

Jeremiah immediately unwraps Curtis with the captain’s quip, blushed, he sits in his own seat.

“We’ve stopped the sequence, shutting down all systems now.” Curtis answers. He looks beyond happy, Shiro notices, and he too is glad he let Curtis have his way because the power plant is unharmed, nobody is injured and they could think about what to do next in safety.

The MFE’s bring everyone back to ATLAS. The coding team is comprised of much young lieutenants, Shiro speaks encouraging words and thanks them before he attends to the team of engineers. He is speaking to the leader of the engineering team when the last MFE, the one piloted by Griffin, lands in the hanger. Shiro wants to be the first one to welcome Curtis, but the engineer has a lot to describe. While Shiro listens to him, Veronica beats him to welcome Curtis.

Shiro could see their interaction from the corner of his eye. The engineer, oblivious to Shiro’s distraction keeps talking, his hands animate from time to time and blocking Shiro’s view of Curtis. Veronica runs to him, and like a housewife who had been waiting for her husband to arrive home after work, she takes his laptop bag from his shoulders, stands on her toes to peck his cheeks ignoring both Jeremiah and Griffin who rolls their eyes at Veronica’s antics. Curtis’s arm is slung around Veronica’s shoulder, he is smiling at her and she faithfully half carries the heavy form of exhausted Curtis. Shiro is certain Curtis isn’t _that_ exhausted- well, at least not physically, all he did was sit and smash the key board. If there was anyone exhausted physically enough to be carried, that should be Curtis’s key board. If it wasn’t a known fact that Curtis is gay, the scene could give onlookers the idea they were already married. The two is within earshot when Shiro hears a few words that put his memory gears to work.

“That was a stupid thing to do.” Veronica nudges his ribs.

“Nothing happened Roni, Plus, I just made sure Garrison’s reputation is intact, is that what you have to tell me?”

The exchange is playful between the two, and when Curtis see Shiro and the overly enthusiastic engineer, he nods respectfully and continues his walk, a little straighter this time, Shiro notices.

The words echo in Shiro’s head even after the engineer finally leaves him. He stands in the hanger bay, mulling over, because those were his own words he threw at Curtis during the disciplinary inquiry, and it’s the second time he heard it coming right out of Curtis, like he is now obsessed with protecting Garrison’s reputation at all costs.  

Could his slip of words impact Curt that much? Then he remembers how Curtis had closed his eyes when Shiro said that, how hurt he looked when he opened them.

_‘‘Stupid, stupid, stupid!’_

Shiro mentally slaps himself. _Curtis does not deserve that!_

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

Shiro first visits Curtis’s prodigy; Jeremiah, and makes sure he is appreciated for the brave way he stuck with Commander Curtis. The young lieutenant looks beyond happy at the appraisal. Once everything is out of his way, Shiro visits the med bay where both team members are screened to make sure their health is intact. Shiro finds Curtis standing next to the bed he should be sitting - or lying down, with his countenance crestfallen, hands duty fully behind his back, and without Veronica.

He finds out the reason when he fully enters the room.

Sam is busy chastising him, and Curtis, with his height has to look down to meet Sam’s eyes.  The verbal assault, probably out of tough love, stops when Sam sees Shiro. Curtis looks like he could use a rescue.

“Can I speak to him?” Shiro asks. Sam leaves murmuring something under his breath, hurried and looking disappointed.

“Sir.” Curtis stands up straight for Shiro.

“Relax Curt.” Shiro sits on the med bay bed casually. His legs dangle over the bed and Curtis looks amused.

“So, good work today.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Curtis replies. “Thank you for trusting me enough to allow me the time.”

“Trust you _enough_? Where did that come from?” Shiro is now sitting straight. His legs doesn’t dangle any more. Curtis all but squirms under the gaze as subtly as he could.

“From last Friday.”  He says. “Because I kind of ruined your trust, I can only hope to earn it back.”

Shiro now scratches his chin. His understanding has proved right, and he hates it because he has given Curtis reasons to doubt himself.

”I’m usually not out of words, usually, but right now, I don’t know how to explain it.” Shiro says. Curtis stands in front of him like a student caught for cheating in his exam.

“But I’m sorry if I gave you a hard time when I commented about Garrison’s reputation put under mercy.-”

“Sir-”

“Let me finish.” Shiro says getting down from the bed in that same kind but authoritative voice that Curtis loves. He stands toe to toe with Curtis, looking up and direct at the blues of Curtis eyes.

“I, of all people know how much you’ve contributed to win this war, to ATLAS, and to save the whole universe. I am the Captain I am today because I knew I can trust my bridge crew, one third of which, is you- Curt. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, not even me, because while I may be a lot, I’m only a man underneath it all. There is a huge chance I may say the wrong thing at the wrong time.”

Curtis could feel his heart beat rising. He absolutely did not expect any of this from the Captain. Of all the things he’d imagined come out of the handsome Captains mouth, an apology was not one of them. All he wanted was a chance to prove that he is worth Captain’s trust. But Shiro sounds like there hadn’t been such a need at all.

“I can safely say, I’m the one out of words now Captain.”

Shiro laughs lightly, he looks down to pinch the bridge between his eyes while he does that. Curtis knows his own eyes are following the white fluff of hair that shakes when the Captain laugh. He usually stops himself, but in this unusual moment, he lets his eyes wonder.

The Captain has just said he is only a man most times, so Curtis allows himself to take the man in front of him just as that, as a man. And Oh! Curtis forgets what was making him feel so bad since that Friday night. Then Shiro grabs him simply by his elbow, like a captain would grab one of his commanders, like how a friend would grab a friend, but for Curtis, it sends a chill down his spine. To not help the matters at all. Shiro has now stopped laughing, but has set the destination of those kind grey eyes straight at Curtis who is stumbling to endure the intensity.

“I hate to think that I ever made you doubt my trust in you, and I feel worse because I know the stupid risk you took today was partially based on that. I hope there will never be a time again where you’ll put me in a position to make a decision between mission and your safety.”

Curtis can only tell the truth because his heart is so aching now and he won’t be able to tell anything but the truth even if he tried. “I’m still out of words, Sir.”

Shiro laughs that simple laugh, Curtis is getting addicted to. Somehow he see something different in his face. A man, a man beyond his captaincy, a man Curtis wants to get to know beyond all the war time stories. It’s like the words ‘I’m only a man’ flipped on a switch inside him.

“Just know that I respect you, and trust you Curtis, One mistake, ambushed by very insisting two drunk friends, over something very sentimental to you, didn’t change that.”

Curtis stares at the captain leaving the med bay. He feel the chill in his spine, the burn on his elbow and the heart rate that feels like ever increasing. He had been cleared for normal duty by the doctor a mere fifteen minutes ago. But after the conversation with the Captain, Curtis isn’t so sure anymore.

⊷       ⊷       ⊷


	10. Chapter 10

“With all due respect sir, the Captain isn’t allowed to participate.”

Shiro grins at the organizer. “I know that Hanna, I just came to find out how the crew is doing.” Shiro says looking around the sports complex of ATLAS to see different registration tables set up to intake the crew for different sports events. The crew is scattered around in discussion groups and Shiro has no doubt the event has the kind of adrenalizing effect on the crew. He could hear Hanna speaking behind him.

“Thank you sir, they are very excited. Especially the bridge crew and the MFE pilots.”

Shiro’s gaze follows Hanna’s line of sight. In front of a registration station, Veronica and Rizavi stands defying each other, arms crossed, steely looks exchanging and two innocent men standing helpless behind them. Curtis is pinching the bridge of his nose, obviously depressed, and behind Rizavi, Kinkade stands slumped.

“What’s going on?”

“Commander Curtis doesn’t want to compete because he think he is too old for the drama. Lieutenant Kinkade doesn’t want to compete because he believes all Rizavi gets him is nothing but trouble. But, Veronica and Rizavi are pitting them against. I heard there is a considerable bet between the two ladies.” Hanna winks. “And we all know those two gentlemen has a hard time saying ‘no’ to Veronica and Rizavi. FYI, this has been going on for like forever, literally like every year for the last four competitions before Zarkon.

Shiro looks more than entertained with the anticipation of witnessing the competition. He has no doubt about the information. The two ladies in question has an excellent handle on the two gentleman. “What’s the event?”

“The obstacles course. This year the event has become a battle between MFE’s and bridge.”

Shiro can’t help but smile. The crew fills up the sports complex even though the ATLAS crew has been downsized severely. They are flocked around different registration tables, in discussions and celebrating in advance. No doubt this is going to give a great boost to the morale and team work.

The annual sports day has been an event he too looked forward as a junior to a senior. It’s an event in Garrison where all barriers and hierarchy is neglected, an event where officers, instructors and cadets alike compete to be the best in each event. Shiro himself had been a champion. It was an event he generously showed off to Adam and always ended up in bed with him after the celebrations. Despite the fatigue of competing, they made love till its dawn, then Adam would make his horrible hangover cure to survive the next day in the Garrison. Because the next day is always a working day, they had a rumor that they were being tested for their stamina by making the next day a working day after the sports day.

But that had become a happy dream long forgotten since Kerberos mission. This year. After four years of silence, since the first attack on earth, Garrison’s HR has restarted the event to boost the team work and morale. Even though ATLAS is in space, the sports event is held simultaneously with the earth event. All the equipment are wormholed to the ATLAS sports complex and few competitors are wormholed back to participate in track events.

However, this year, Shiro is the unfortunate big guy, prevented from participating because he is of course the Captain and Shiro has no doubt because of his arm. He contemplates wishing Curtis good luck, because even though he is the captain, he can’t help but feel a little biased toward his bridge crew. But it might put a burden on Curtis, Veronica is already pushing him enough it seems. So Shiro turns to go. He might as well take this time to himself.

He goes to his room and changes in to the new tracksuit he treated himself to in his last visit to the mall before ATLAS launched for the fourth time. It’s comfy because the hoody is sleeveless so his bicep bulges are free and it feels good too, because the suit hugs his hips, accentuates his V, and highlights his thighs in the slim fit bottom.

_‘The captain has to look good, be a role model fit man, right?’_  Shiro shamelessly justifies his choice of clothing as he steps out of Captain’s quarters to head to the gym and immediately starts receiving _the looks_ from men and women alike.

However, once he starts his gym routine in the empty gym, because everybody is busy with the Sports meet, Shiro so easily gets lost in the reps and sets. When he is done, he looks at the clock and panic washes over him. He has missed the start of the event. Thank god his speech to the crew is scheduled at the end of the event. Although Shiro can barely walk by the time his gym routine is done, this time however, he makes a run to the sports complex.

The cheers and shouts could be heard from the corridor itself. Shiro enters the door and see the huge crowd, gathered around different events happening simultaneously, and cheering their colleagues. Shiro barely gets noticed in the chaos. He makes a bee line to where the obstacle course is set, and hurries up his steps as he hear the cheers. He train his ears to hear Curtis’s name but Instead of the names of the competitors, he can hear the crowd, cheering “MFE, MFE” and “go Bridge go” in chants. Despite being the sweaty-sleeveless hoody-hot-captain, Shiro has a hard time squeezing himself through the crowd gone wild to stand at the front line.

“Where have you been?” Iverson shouts loudly in his ear and Shiro almost jumps. “Curtis and Kinkade made it to the finals.” Iverson informs like a proud father.

Shiro cranes his head looking for them and feels his heart start to thump loudly in his ear over the cheers when he see Curtis and Kinkade, settling themselves side by side in ready stance on the platform at the start of the  obstacle course. It’s full of challenges that Shiro has no doubt will put any strong man to test. He makes a mental note to appreciate the work engineering team has put in to the obstacle course.

“I have no doubts Curtis is gonna make it, look at Kinkade, he is already showing signs of fatigue.” Iverson says.

Shiro takes a good look at the competitors. Iverson is right. Kinkade looks tired, whereas Curtis looks, wet _and_ hot-Shiro closes his eyes tight. Those were not the words he thought his decent brain would provide. But Curtis _is_ hot and wet. His Garrison issue PT T-shirt is stuck to his torso with sweat like a second skin, the short he is wearing, fails in an attempt to hide the well trained thighs. Shiro’s already betraying mind reverts back to the vacation he spent at Curtis’s beach house resort, to the period of time when Curtis tortured him with shirtless surfing like a proper beach boy- which means Shiro knows what hides beneath that T-shirt. He could vividly remember the time when he woke up with a ‘shirtless-Curtis’ dream, with the shocking realization that It is the first time Shiro had ever fantasized any man other than Adam. Ever.

Shiro opens his eyes to the sound of the starting buzzer. Both competitors shoot themselves forward like bullets.

Balancing boards show no challenge at all to the duo, but Curtis marks his first gap between himself and Kinkade with his long legs at the first obstacle itself. The gap only increase through the Wing nuts that hangs apart about sixteen feet? Shiro surmises with awe. Curtis has trouble with his body turning in midair away from the second wing nut, but stretches his long hands to secure himself. Kinkade has no trouble, yet he isn’t able to cover the gap.  They climb down a rope, which Curtis doesn’t even bother getting down all the way, at the half way mark down he jumps down like a spring and dashes to the next obstacle.

Kinkade arcs from one shelf to the other so high he has to stop himself from smashing the board. That reminds Shiro Kinkade is a gymnast, and it inevitably shows in all his movements. However by the time Kinkade recovers from the unwanted success, Curtis is already on the rope swing to cargo net. He miss his first grab of the net, yet quickly grabs it back. Shiro stops breathing as he dangerously swings on the net with one hand grab. Once he climbs down Curtis isn’t in the mind set to take a break even with the gap between him and Kinkade. Shiro could see Curtis feeling the strain, and wishes that he stops three seconds to relieve his legs, shake his hands to relieve the lactic acid that he has no doubt is building in his muscles. It isn’t fair that there are two obstacle that use upper body strength in succession. But Shiro knows, this isn’t TV, the obstacles are designed to test the soldiers, not with a success rate in mind to please the audience.

Curtis completes the salmon ladder with a bit of difficulty, and with a single hand swing he grabs a rope on the other side. He swings from one rope to the other, slides down it obviously to lessen the gravity strain, then swings to the other rope. One more rope swing, warped wall and he is the winner.

Shiro stares at Curtis, their eyes meet and Curtis recognizes Shiro in the crowd. When the eye contact is made Shiro gives his best encouraging grin, and Curtis spectacularly misses his landing. Disappointed sounds erupts from the crowd that Shiro has to close his ears.

Curtis has plunged in to the ice water pool underneath. Horrified with what happened, it takes Shiro a second to look down at the water, it’s not just water, its ice cold water. The realization makes him cross the border rope and run to the pool without thinking twice. When he bends down and stretch his hand, Curtis gratefully leans in to grab his hand to emerge out of the water. Shiro pulls his shaky form out, and Curtis immediately sits on the ground, panting. An organizer hands him a towel which Shiro takes in to his custody. Crouched on a knee, he wipes Curtis’s hair dry.

“Are you okay?”

“Mm...Fine.” His voice is still shaky as Curtis answers, after all he plunged in to an ice bath. “Next time.” He promises to his captain through the toweling.

Shiro only smiles, he hangs the towel around Curtis’s neck as he stands up to face Shiro. Together they watch Kinkade successfully land on the warped wall landing after the rope swing. But already tired, Kinkade struggles twice before he bends down to rest. Even with the third try his sweaty hand slips from the grab.

The audience gives disappointed sounds as it is announced that nobody wins this game. Kinkade looks totally exhausted that his facial expression cannot even show the disappointment. Shiro walks to him and helps him down the platform. He collapses next to Curtis in absolute exhaustion. Shiro watch in amusement as Curtis somehow finds the upper body strength to lift his hand and ruffle the junior’s infamous curls.

“Next time Kinkade!”

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

The game day ends with celebrations. The mess hall is turned in to a dance floor, food stall and bar. Kitchen staff is busy serving as the food is in abundance. Yet the barman duty had demanded someone good with math because at the end of the day, the tokens will have to be balanced. Since no more than two tokens are issued per person, the bar man also needed to be someone who knew each crew member very well and had an above average memory, just so stolen tokens will not get anyone a third drink. That’s how Curtis ends up the bar man in ATLAS’s sports day.

Curtis starts cleaning up the bar he was entrusted with. It hadn’t been an easy job with the excited crew and Curtis wishes he made no enemies today. He sighs envying the crowd dancing mere feet away from his bar table. The music isn’t too loud – Captain’s orders-they don’t want to miss a warning from being heard over the public communication system.

When the bar table he is cleaning shines to his standard, he stacks up the bottles to be ridden of, then sit cross legged on the floor behind the bar table to balance the tokens. Even before he start the painstaking job, he could hear a heavy weight settle on the bar stool outside.

“No more drinks. Captain’s orders.” He grumbles loudly over the music, from down behind the counter, and sneezes loudly for the umpteenth time since his very public fall to the ice water tank.

“Not even one for me?” The heavy weight peers over the counter and Curtis almost swallows the pencil he was chewing. He stands bolt upright. “Captain!”

“Need help with the tokens?” The enthusiastic Captain, now thankfully dressed in a button down shirt _with_ sleeves, yet it’s black, simple, a little tight, asks. His white fluff of hair contrasts with black and the dance floor lights makes it look silver and Curtis shakes his head to come back to answer the Captain’s offer to help.

“No thanks. It is fun counting paper tokens by hand, and then recording them using the pencil, on an actual paper pad in the age of alien technology. But, it’s the Captain’s orders. I’m also considering using my fingers to count.” Curtis takes no backseat remarking, because he has very trusted sources confirming that it is none other than the Captain who proposed his name for the barman duty.

“I simply couldn’t trust a program in your data pad to do the job. There are too many good coders - trained by none other than you of course, lying around in ATLAS and they could hack in to the barman program and lessen the number of drinks issued at any time.”

“Not a chance if the program is coded by me!”

Shiro smiles, there’s that stubbornness he has begun to love. “Fair point.” He agrees sipping the beer Curtis handed him. “So, how are you feeling? Is today a good day?”

“I feel good.” Curtis agrees halfheartedly, then decides to tell the truth. “And miserable.”

“Because you fell in to an ice bath?”

Curtis inevitably sneezes and wipes his nose before he answer. “No! Because I lost the event at the last obstacle!”

Shiro puts down the beer mug loudly on the counter. “Meet me at the obstacle course once you are done counting your long fingers.”

“What?” Curtis questions, but the Captain is already gone. His mind has trouble sorting out the important part of what the Captain said before he disappeared. Is it ‘Meet me at the obstacle course’ or ‘long fingers?’

He balances the tokens manually so fast that he think he just put the machines to shame, then he jumps over the counter instead of  walking around it. As he finds himself standing next to the now empty obstacle course, first thing he see is the black button down shirt folded neatly on the floor. Curtis considers turning back and disappearing in to the oblivion because he is tired and isn’t sure he can take a shirtless captain right now.

Then he sees the Captain, hanging on a shelf, bearing all his weight with one hand like he is feather weight, looking sweaty and spent. Curtis immediately decides the torture is worth the scene in front of him.

“Catch me if you can!” The Captain challenges him. It isn’t fair, he is already begun and Curtis is tired too. Nevertheless, he starts tackling the obstacles, trying to catch up to the captain. It’s like chasing a beam of light. He is so fast and is already waiting for Curtis at the top of the warped wall. This time however, Curtis doesn’t avert his eyes, determined to finish the course he puts all his self in to it. When he grabs the top of the warped wall, Shiro helps him up and they both lie on top of the wall panting.

“So you can do it all in one go.”

“Unless I lose my grip, yes I can.”

“Why did you lose your grip then?”

Curtis considers his answer carefully, telling half the truth isn’t a lie. “I lost my concentration for a bit. It definitely won’t happen again, I learnt my lesson.”

Shiro too seems to consider something as a silence grow between them, but only for a few seconds.

“I need to show you something, come on.” Shiro jumps down the warped wall back to where the salmon ladder is while Curtis stumbles himself the same path remembering that he sucked at the salmon ladder.

“Two things, grip for endurance and physics” Captain says. There are no excuses in his commandeering voice when he say “Get in.”

Curtis stands in front of the salmon ladder ready to jump up and grab the pole. Shiro stands behind Curtis to arrange his grips, one hand over, and the other hand under.

“Mixed grip.” he says in the lecture tone that Curtis is very well aware of. “It’s a great tool that will increase the time you can stay on the bar.  You can train using the traditional "double overhand" method, but for competition this will save your grip strength a ton.” He then grabs Cutis firmly by his hips and helps Curtis up to grab the bar.

“How is it?”

Curtis tests his grip. “Feels a little awkward.”

“But you will get used to it pretty quick if you practice. Next lessons- physics of wiggling.”

Curtis is starting to sweat just by hanging on the bar, like it’s the longest plank ever. But he listens to the instruction from the captain because he knows its gold coming from the best.

"It’s not about muscling through it, it’s about physics. Guys have a tendency to muscle through it though." Captain continues. “The key is understanding that it does not have to do with strength but it’s about using the body and wiggling it like a salmon, using the physics and momentum of your body to propel yourself vertically a couple of inches just enough to get the bar into the next rung."

Shiro walks around Curtis and the salmon ladder lecturing, while Curtis prays his body to hold on.

“It's a perfect training regimen for those who favors technique and finesse. It’s a big exercise, your core, your upper body, all your intercostal, your ribs, the muscles of your back, triceps, lats, shoulders.”

Shiro places his hand on all of these body parts on Curtis’s body, it’s a gentle touch, almost not there, yet they burn in to Curtis.

“It’s almost every single one of the muscles in your core and arms, you’re using your core to start and then your upper body comes in to stabilize the vertical displacement that you did with that wiggle. If you practice the techniques to wiggle, you can ace the Salmon ladder.”

Curtis loses all his strength by the time Shiro is done, he drops on to the floor, bends down and heaves for oxygen.

“Try it out and let me know what you think.” Shiro says patting Curtis’s bent form.

It’s a great lesson on an exercise he did little to none, just because he sucked at it. But now that he knows the science behind it, Curtis almost feels ashamed about it. Between him and Shiro, he should be the one to lecture on physics. But again, the captain is gone. Curtis drags himself out of the sports complex, kinetic equations for vertical velocity and vertical acceleration in a salmon ladder already skimming in his head.

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

 

 

 

“So… _’I’m only a man sometimes’”_ Veronica thoughtfully repeats. “He said this days ago when we were on planet of Galant and now only you are telling me?”

They are on the floor, because they hate the Garrison issue sofa. An old movie from before third world war plays on the screen and neither of them has any mind to follow the plot.

“And you and he are gay.” She says. “What do you think he meant exactly?”

Curtis takes a double at that. He comes up on to his elbows from the lying down position to properly look at Veronica who is sitting down. “I’m telling you the Captain apologized and that’s what you have to say?”

“Of course, because your gay hands lost the grip when you saw the captain staring at you.” Veronica pinches his hands. But Curtis doesn’t seem to have nerve ends in his hands because he is lost in his thoughts.

 “I so regret confessing that bit of information to you.” Curtis wallows, glad that he selfishly kept all information about what happened at the obstacle course after barman duty from Veronica. It feels too intimate to tell someone else about it that Curtis feels no guilt, some memories are meant to be private.

“You probably have the unhealthiest crush in the known universe.” She issues her verdict, while Curtis sneezes. Again. “You better get your stuff sorted out, it’s not healthy on me too.”

Veronica throws a tissue at him and Curtis blows his nose loudly, still in his thoughts.

Because he isn’t someone completely obliviously to his own feelings, by now he has realized a few things about himself. Ever since he first saw Takashi Shirogane, he knew he was attracted to the man. But then again, who wasn’t? Besides, his first thought for him had been respect, a readiness to do anything and everything for that wonderful man. But the chill that ran down his spine, when the captain looked in to his eyes and merely grabbed his elbow, how he lost the grip of what he was holding when he saw Shiro with a sleeveless hoodie and giving a grin specifically to him, how his body burnt when the captain touched him to explain the salmon ladder…Curtis grabs his head with shame. Then when the captain grabbed his sides to help him lift to the salmon ladder…

”Oh! God.” Curtis groans with the realization that he may have steered a little too far from respect. “I probably do.” He says and Veronica looks at him. Curtis avoids meeting her eyes knowing she is now scrutinizing him from his head-to-toe to what is in his head and heart. She is an all-in-one scanner when it comes to Curtis.

“Curtis.”

“Hm?”

“How deep are you in this shit?” She asks after sometime.

Curtis takes a full minute and a long breath before he answers. “I don’t know, I eventually will find out for sure. It’s not like he is going anywhere.”

Veronica considers her usual routine of mocking him until he looks in to his own head and comes up with an honest answer, but decides not to apply it in this scenario because Curtis does not look ready for it, deciding that working and training alongside your very serious crush and not express how you actually feel about him should be painful enough.

“Why are you not drilling in to my head like usual? Princess.” Curtis quips.

“Because you look different than when you realized you liked Chris. I was right there when you realized you liked Chris, remember?”

“Who is even Chris?”

“Cut the crap Curtis, the boyfriend who vanished with his bucket list, which, sadly, did not include you!”

“He didn’t vanish, we broke up, and I wouldn’t have left Garrison even if I was included in his list.”

“Maybe, however… _that_ realization and _this_ realization looks waaay different.”

Curtis sighs. He feels different too. “Like I said, I’ll have to find out. Embrace myself for the impact probably.”

“Okaay.” Veronica gives a long thoughtful one. “So, what’s your strategy?”

“Roni, you can’t hypothesize and come up with strategies like it’s one of your scenarios. This is real life. People don’t always recognize their own feelings, don’t always act on them even when they do.”

“I don’t know Curt.”  Veronica says something she hates. She hates what she doesn’t know. And then she repeats it because she really doesn’t know how to proceed with her friend’s dilemma. “I don’t know.”

But she itches with the need to find out all the variables values and analyze them to come up with the status report, then strategize and come up with a sure fire plan like she usually do. But she knows, this is life, and it’s the only thing more dangerous than war itself.

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am no exercise expert, I did some google searches and shamelessly copied the information. Don't forget, this is just fiction. This is for fun. *wink*


	11. Friends only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be updating this story on every Friday, Sunday, Monday and Wednesday, because this is almost done. Yaay!

 

Curtis had taken the first half of his next day shift to visit the med bay and take a much needed nap after the medications he was given. Ever since he plunged in to the pool, he had been sneezing, which then evolved in to phlegm build up and cough. He is a lover of the sandy desert, not a fan of cold.

As he opens the door to the bridge, Curtis is attacked by the sound of voices, but they die down as soon as he steps in. Shiro and Veronica smiles at him welcomingly.

“How are you?”  Shiro’s hand touch the small of his back as he stands next to the duo.

“Fine, it’s just some mild phlegm issues.”

“I’ve warned the engineering team to never to pull such a not-engineering-worthy trick again. Glad you’re up and running.”

“Yeah, no problem.” Curtis answers. “So, what’s the problem here?” he asks curious because Shiro and Veronica have clearly been arguing over something on his screen.

“We are lost!” Veronica dead pans.

“What!” Curtis sneezes. “Is that even possible?”

“We’re not.” Shiro states sternly. “But there is a little problem. We know where we are in the universe, but we don’t know how we got here because this is definitely not where we wanted to be.”

Curtis takes a second to digest the information. He takes the next second to make a mental note never to leave Shiro and Roni alone in the bridge.

“Where is Jeremiah? Iverson?” He asks stopping the virtual groan that forms in his head.

“They are with Sam testing the weapons system, so we thought we could handle navigation for a few hours without an actual navigation expert.”

Situation now clear, Curtis sits on his station.

“These are the coordinates the captain said.” Veronica show Curtis her data pad, her eyes reverting to where Shiro is. Curtis checks them, their place is right according to the numbers.

“We are right in this place.” Curtis says. Then he checks the schedule for their day. They are supposed to be near a nebula the astrophysics department needed to observe. The large screen is full of space rocks instead. Curtis see the possible issue immediately.

“The numbers you’ve input for the coordinates are wrong.” He tells Roni who looks between him and Shiro horrified that she could make such a mistake.

“Here, there is five instead of six and six instead of zero.” Curtis’s hand points out on the screen where the mistakes are made.

“There is no way I could have made that mistake, I can remember as clear as day these are the numbers you said!” She tells Shiro, half accusing, half unsure. “You did say five and six in those places.”

“I couldn’t have told you wrong numbers Veronica, I was looking straight at Curtis’s screen from here.” Shiro draws his eyes to a thin line and looks at Curtis’s screen from the captain’s station. “And that _is_ five and six.” He argues.

There is a beat of silence as Curtis and Veronica exchange glances.

“With all due respect sir,” Curtis says sheepishly, turning around in his seat to face the Captain. “Have you considered checking your eye sight?”

Shiro’s back straightens, eyes that were a thin line, opens fully and shock registers on his face. “Are you serious?”

“Very serious Captain.”

“Eye sight issues could come at any age sir, you shouldn’t worry.” Veronica reasons sympathetically, because Shiro looks like he’s seen a ghost.

“Did I say I’m getting old or something?” Shiro counters, annoyance very clear in his voice.

“No you didn’t of course, I mean…I didn’t mean it like that.”  Veronica says too quickly trying to salvage herself. She silently goes to her station and sits down while the captain’s gaze follows her challenging.

Curtis turns his back to the flustered Roni and obviously crossed Captain when a request pops on his screen.

“The astrophysics department would like to have a chance to observe the asteroid belt in front of us, if the captain could so permit.”

“Permission granted subject to time slot reduction if needed. And while they are at it, this old man is going to check his eye sight.” Shiro says stepping down from his station, pun directed right at Veronica as she shifts in her seat guiltily.

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

As pretty much expected, Astrophysics department finds an anomaly in the asteroid belt, more time is granted to study and the Captain makes no show at the bridge for the rest of the day. ATLAS is stationed at a safe distance and small observatory ships are used to get close. Although Curtis is familiar with physics, their astrophysics talk channeling through the communication channels is gibberish to him. Veronica channels her sympathetic looks at him from time to time, Curtis has the urge to close all com channels and close his ears for a single minute. So once the evening break is announced, Curtis storms to the mess hall in search of a hot drink, hoping it would help ease the growing headache.

As he sips the coffee and let the steam warm his forehead, his phone pings with a massage. When he opens, four pictures of spectacles stare at him.

>> _These are my narrowed down choices, which one is your choice?_    The massage reads.

So Shiro _has_ bad eye sight. He is immediate to correct it and is asking Curtis to pick one.

Curtis feels warm throughout his body without the help of his coffee.

_> > Can’t decide without seeing them on you.  _Curtis sends back. He knows ‘picking a pair of glass’ business all too well, having done it every two years with Roni.

Within two minutes of Curtis waiting, ignoring his coffee, he receives four more pictures. Each picture takes his breath away, but the rectangle pair covers the least space in his face, yet allows the better coverage of his eyes with its width. They are not too big, thus he could see Shiro’s full smile without an obstacle. He sends it back. Another text appears immediately.

>> _Do I look old in glasses?_

Lighthearted with the opportunity he was presented with, Curtis doesn’t think twice before he answer.

>> _Opposite, You look hotter in glasses._

When Curtis starts sipping his coffee again, his smile vanish as he realize the slip. He immediately takes his phone and stares at their conversation in horror, he can’t take back what he has already sent. Moreover, he had used the word ‘hotter’ instead of ‘hot’ – that’s like telling the captain ‘you are already hot’ to his face.

Curtis lives in a day-tight-compartment mindset for the rest of the day, because he cannot allow his personal misfortune to affect his work. When the work is finished for the day, he immediately goes to the gym, and starts taking his stress and embarrassment out at the salmon ladder.  When his body protest and Curtis still doesn’t feel good enough to face Shiro, he jumps on to the treadmill and runs until he can’t any more.

He knows he can’t stay up thinking about how he screwed up today anymore because he is too exhausted to do that. The moment he hits the bed, he knows he’ll be out like a bulb. Satisfied with exhaustion, Curtis finally makes his way to his room.  

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

“Wow, good looking! Nice pair for an old timer!” Keith delivers his appreciations ‘Keith way’ when Shiro wears his glasses and shows off to Keith.

“I got Curtis to pick the frame for me.” Shiro says putting the frames back on its case.

“That’s a good choice too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Curtis - I mean getting Curtis to pick one for you, that’s a good choice too.”

Shiro sends a glance at Keith, a subtle smirk dances on the young paladin’s face.

“Oh! There he is, didn’t you say, you need to talk to him too?”

“Yeah, I did.” Keith agrees, letting Shiro get away with the talk this time. He hears Shiro calling Curtis’s name aloud, who probably must be out in the hallway.

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

“Keith wants to talk.” Shiro says peering out the door frame.

Curtis’s first instinct is to run when he see him. But then his brain takes over his adrenaline and contemplates apologizing. But then, his heart reminds him it’s Keith who wants to talk to him. His mind immediately cleans off from his self-deprecating thoughts to think about the black paladin. There had been silence from his side for some time. Even now, why talk to him through Shiro’s office line, why now, why so immediately?

“I’m done for the day, shut down everything as you leave, okay?”

Curtis mumbles a relieved ‘ Yes sir’ because it doesn’t seem like their earlier conversation bothered the Captain at all. He drops the gym bag to the floor and sits down as Shiro turns his secure line data pad to Curtis’s side.

“Hey, long time no see.” Keith smiles. Curtis looks around to see the Captain already gone. He has left all access to Captain’s room at Curtis’s hand and had not mentioned a single word about his comment.

Keith is grinning on Shiro’s secure line data pad, Curtis knows because he encrypted it.

“Yeah, you okay?” The grin turns to a somber look on the paladin. “Why this line? You could have called my phone.”

Keith seem to gather his words as he doesn’t immediately give an answer. “There was a Galactic alliance decided the pirates issue should be handled covertly, without igniting another full on war.”  He says after a heavy sigh. “Blade of Marmora took the responsibility, decided someone should go undercover to find out where the pirates get their orders from. Their behavior indicates that they are controlled from a core place.”

“I’m sure you jumped at the chance.” Curtis provides. He is also sure that he is not allowed to know the top secret detail, Keith must have a serious reason to tell him all these. “But Keith, that’s too darn dangerous. I’m sure you are used to even more dangerous situations, but…I don’t like this.”

“So is Shiro. He didn’t say anything, but I can sense he isn’t happy about my decision. Curt, I need to do this. One last effort to completely clean the universe we sacrificed so much to save.”

There is a long pause between the two friends. Keith’s eyes glisten with raw spirit. If Curtis knows anything about Keith, what he see in his eyes is fire, he knows no body can stop Keith now.

“Just be careful, okay”

“Okay.”

“Does others know? I’m guessing none of us other than Shiro has a high enough clearance level -”

“That’s why I’m using Shiro’s secure line to tell you.”

Curtis wants to ask why him? And not any other. Although it feels rude to ask, he must have shown it in his face.

“Because I need a favor from you.” Keith says quietly, his eyes looks down as if he is reconsidering, but then he meets Curtis’s eyes.

“Will you keep an eye on Shiro for me?”

Curtis holds his breath, it feels like Keith is saying that he is not coming back. “What?”

“You know he has no family. Sure our paladins’ family is there. But they are scattered around universe. You are the closest to him. And since he has a tendency to always sacrifice himself first, I want you to keep an eye on him. Could you, please?”

“Keith, you know I always will.” Curtis promises wholeheartedly. He feels his heart aching with that request. It aches for Shiro, but it aches for Keith too. “And don’t speak like that, my heart can’t take it.” He says clutching his chest.

Keith laughs and his usual badass look returns. “Let’s hope everything will turn out to be fine.”

“It will, it definitely will. And we are going to have a wild party somewhere once you come back, okay? Now promise me that.”

“Okay then, Mr. Wild party.” Keith agrees again. They do a virtual high five before they say good bye.

Curtis shuts down the data pad after the heartfelt goodbye to Keith. He stands up to go but his feet hits something. He bends down to see and his eyes go wide. It’s the box Adam had kept for Shiro to open. It’s still untouched. Unopened. Lying under Shiro’s table, intact. Last time Curtis saw this was on Captain’s room in Garrison HQ. He had brought it with him in to ATLAS too.

Curtis straightens up and sighs.  Shame starts sweeping him off his feet. He had acted like a hormonal teenager when Shiro is still holding on to Adam. Plus he doesn’t know when he will see Keith again, or if he will see him again. Both facts crush his heart in a way he doesn’t know how to recover. Curtis audibly curses himself. Switches off the lights with vengeance and push the button to close the door like it’s the last time he will get to push that button. Once his heavy strides take him to his own room, he sits in front of his laptop and codes a simple sequencing program to purposefully collapse every time it runs. Like his heart; it tries to cheer up, then falls flat on misery again, and again. Curtis press enter, the program runs, and collapses. He does that on loop until he falls asleep on his laptop.

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

When he wakes up to a face full of key board, he realizes two things at once. One, he is about to be late for his shift, two, his phone is pinging from notifications.

He begrudgingly picks up the phone to see that the notifications are from the ATLAS group chat. It is updating photo after photo of their captain, with his newly acquired spectacles. Curtis shrieks when he see that, his eyes that were begging to stay closed opens like a gas filled soda can. Captions for the snaps posted range from sheer crushes all the way to downright lust, with no difference from humans and alien crew alike. Snaps that are taken from all over the ATLAS with Shiro as the epicenter loads in to his phone. Shiro is probably doing his morning inspection around the IGF ATLAS and the crew all over the ship is getting their daily dose of ‘fresh-in-the-morning-hot-captain’

>>‘ _Oh my god! He’s got glasses!’_  The most recent caption says, and another pops in his phone right after.

>>‘ _From hot to hotter.’_ Curtis almost drops his phone at that. The comments to the photos are no better at all.

_> >‘No one beats our Captain – Neither in a fight, nor in the looks’ _

 

ATLAS group chat is another place the Captain isn’t allowed to participate, in order to give the crew more freedom to express, or steam off if needed. Curtis is thankful either way, he is sure Shiro will throw his glasses out and pick a pair of contact lenses the moment he sees the captions, comments or the  sheer number of his photos taken by the over excited crew.

Curtis jumps to his bed and splays over, staring at the ceiling. His own mind reminds him how hyped he felt yesterday evening when Shiro asked him to pick the frames. But now, all he could feel is the embarrassment over it. Isn’t he an adult? He asks himself.  Captain Shirogane is cherished throughout the galaxy like a rare gem. Yet he had the audacity to flirt with him the other day. What was he thinking? Who is he to have a chance with this universally worshipped man?

Curtis takes a good bath and mumbles to himself “I do not have a crush, I do not have a crush” a hundred times even before he starts applying shampoo. He washes it with warm water like he is cleansing himself of all romantic feelings. Curtis steps out the bath a new man.

Still, his first job of the day requires him to hand over a report to Shiro. He goes looking for him and Shiro is holding his head in his hands.

“Sir, the report you requested.”

“Ah yes, Curtis. Please keep it on the table. Thank you.” Shiro says without even looking up. Curtis’s feet refuse to leave his room without making sure the captain is fine.

“Are you okay sir?”

“It’s this bossy headache, it doesn’t respond to painkillers. Not too hurting, but just…annoying.”

“Oh, that!” Curtis says relieved. “Roni gets the same too, every time she changes her specs. It only lasts a few days though. Only until your eyes get use to the lenses.”

“Yes, the doctor did mention something like that. But how does she get rid of them?”

Shiro finally looks up at Curtis. It’s the first time he see the Captain with his glasses on with his own eyes. Curtis finds he cannot blame the photo shooters, or commenters, or whoever captioned the photos with horny titles, yet he finds the strength to tell himself his mantra – ‘I do not have a crush. I do not have a crush.’

Shiro looks at him with anticipation for the cure.

“I give her a massage. Like this.” Curtis show on his own head how he does that, running his fingers down his forehead and then the eyebrows and around the eyes and the temples.

“Oh, that should be nice even when you don’t have spec related headache, can you do that for me too Curt?”

Curtis’ stills. Why wouldn’t god leave him be? He is trying his best. It’s like Shiro is pulling him back like a magnet the more he try to stay away from him. But Shiro has already leaned back on his chair, head resting, glasses on the desk, eyes closed, expecting Curtis to start the eye massage anytime.

_‘Oh! Hell’_ Curtis says under his breath and stands behind the captain’s chair. If he can’t provide for such a simple request by the man who saved the universe because of his own mind’s dilemma, he might as well go to hell.

So Curtis tentatively places his index fingers on the middle of Shiro’s forehead and starts the familiar pattern of massaging. He has the temptation to touch the cleanly brushed white flock of hair that has fallen back, and feel it between his fingers, his secret craving ever since he saw it waving in the wind when Takashi Shirogane came back to earth for the second time. But he devotes his attention to his fingers, gently running them up and down the forehead, circling around the eyes that slightly wrinkle when he smile so contagiously, then up the sides of the  nose bridge, over the  scar, then over and to the sides of the silvery perfect eyebrows.

Curtis’s eyes scans the man whose eyes are closed. They haven’t been this close face to face, and he see there are other healed scars, small and almost invisible unless the observer is too close. He see from the corner of his eyes how the metal fingers curl in to a fist with the comfort. Curtis’s heart burns despite the calm in the room, it burns for the man whose head is now resting on his chest, over the lowered head rest.  How many fights has this man fought? How many times must he have been within an inch of his life? How many times? How many times must he have endured inhuman pain, lonely and hungry, fighting for his life, left to his own devices in a Galra prison cell?

A tear escapes Curtis and it terrifies him. He can’t break down! Not in front of him- or standing behind him. He wants to wipe it with his hand but he doesn’t want to break the pattern of messaging, if he move his hand, Shiro will feel the change. Shiro; who looks too comfortable and relaxed. So he let the tear fall down, makes sure another one doesn’t, and let it slide over his cheek and neck. His uniform greedily drinks it and hides it from the world.

Half way through, Shiro gives praise.

“This is too good Curtis, Roni is the luckiest woman in the universe.”

Curtis doesn’t respond to that, but keeps on working on the massage, determined to relieve Shiro. For all he knows, he could be the unluckiest man on the universe, but he will give Shiro everything he could.

By the time he is done, Shiro’s look is almost ethereal. Curtis takes his hands reluctantly and stuffs them in his pocket. He has never seen the captain so relaxed like this.

“Thanks.” Shiro says so faint Curtis almost doesn’t hear it if he wasn’t so close.

“Anytime.”

Shiro immediately starts missing the reassuring presence behind his chair, and the musky scent of Curtis’s perfume. He opens his eyes to looks at the disappearing figure that has warmed up his whole being recently. The headache has truly vanished.

Shiro embrace the comfortable feeling of being given something without wanting anything in return. All these time he had been giving, giving and giving, but now he feels like he is finally receiving something more intimate than respect and friendship.

Shiro had felt a vacuum even with the paladin family around him, a vacuum none of them could fill. Even at Garrison, everyone keeps him at a distance, out of respect and out of awe and sometimes, out of fear like he is something and not human.

But Curtis has slowly warmed his way in to his life. Shiro knows Curtis is attracted to him too, from the looks, from the way he responds to his touches, the glances and the way he is now trying to avoid him every time he can. But Shiro can’t help but pull Curtis back to him every time he try to create a barrier. If only he could break the barriers created by his own mind and reach out the rest of the way….

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

Curtis had been absently staring at his screen for far too long. He only realizes this when someone nudges his head from behind.

“Awww.”

“I know what you did last night.” Roni’s unmistakable sound threatens him as he turns back to see.

“Just what did you think I did?”

“You stayed up dreaming about him and then you couldn’t go to sleep, so you started coding some shitty program that nobody wants until you fell asleep on the keyboard.”

Curtis turns forward and starts staring at the numbers on his screen again. No denies comes from him because Roni is almost right.

“So I’m right?”

“I wasn’t dreaming!” Curtis corrects at her. He was trying to get rid of his crush, which Curtis believed he had cemented. But the memories of the morning message, the vulnerability Shiro exposed him to, devour him of his peace. Shiro had always been a rock, his needs never were his first priority. Keith’s words are a testament to that.

_‘He has a tendency to always sacrifice himself first, I want you to keep an eye on him. Could you, please?’_

 It hurts him to think how much in need of a relief Shiro was in, before he gave the massage, and to think that he almost denied it to him…who even asks Shiro if he needed one? He witness everyday how people keep him at a distance simply out of respect, like Shiro is a perfect human being who needs no pampering, like he is too tough to have emotional needs. He has heard and seen how his crew blindly believe Shiro, to be perfect and tough. Curtis knows that each crew member of ATLAS will jump to follow his orders without a single question. How much of a burden must that put Shiro through?

But Curtis has seen him with a different angle, he is nothing but a human being, just too selfless and determined, able beyond human abilities simply because he had been tested too many times. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t need to break down and rest sometimes.

So is it fair that he too is now trying to avoid him? Curtis burns with the all too familiar need, to do anything and everything for the captain.

“I’m not in to it anymore. But I know he needs a friend, and that’s all I’m going to be from now on, until he finds his special someone.”

“You are kidding me right? Just get your head out of your - whatever and tell him how you feel. You look awful for work today and -“

“Roni-.” His voice comes out a little harsher than he intends to. Veronica quietens in her stance. But he finishes anyway. “Have I ever let my emotions disturb the work I do?”

“No, But.”

“Then do not question me again. Period.”

Veronica knows she has hit home, maybe a little too much. Her voice is hurtfully gentle when she speaks again. “I know you are hurt Curt, and I hate it. But_”

He doesn’t let her finish again. He’s made a decision. The only things that will remain between him and the captain is their professional relationship, the friendship that he values more than his own life and the respect he has for Shiro.

“I’m not hurt, when will you get that?” He snaps, Veronica looks taken aback with his outburst.

“Who’s hurt?”

They hear the captain’s voice. Lost in their turmoil, they didn’t even hear the door open. They both salute him but neither answers the question.

Throughout the day, Shiro observes how the usual banter has vanished from the bridge. He misses their back and forth arguing and jokes. He has seen Iverson send glances too.

“What’s wrong?” Shiro finally asks when they are ready to wrap up the day’s work.

“Nothing.” They both answer at the same time. Neither stops sticking their fingers on the keyboard and neither even raises their looks.

“Okay, I don’t need an analyst to tell me something is wrong between you two, so out with it. Settle it now before the day ends. That’s an order.”

Curtis sighs audibly. He stops typing and drags his chair back a bit. Countenance crestfallen, he turns at Veronica. “I’m sorry I snapped at you, but you need to understand that I’m okay with the way it is. I’m a grown up. Not everything has to be the way we want them to be in life.”

Veronica stops her key strokes too. “Okay then I won’t bother you again.” She says with no emotions at all, she definitely didn’t mean the ’okay.’

“Okay.” Comes grimly, from Curtis.

“Hand shake.” Shiro orders.

They both looks at him like the captain has grown two heads.

“That’s an order!”

“Are you serious?” Curtis looks incredulous. “Really?”

Shiro gives them the proper captain look and they both stands up and meets halfway to shake hands, but judging each other with their eyes.

“Hugs.” Shiro orders. “Do I need to say that’s an order?

They shakes their heads in disappointment and reluctantly hugs. Then immediately parts.

“Nope, not long enough.” Shiro stops.

“Oh, god.” Iverson, who had been watching silently stands up and steps out. “This is ridiculous to watch, I’m leaving. Is this going to be recorded on Captain’s logs?”

Curtis and Veronica are still hugging. Shiro nods to say ‘yes’ to Iverson.

“Future generation of ATLAS is going to think the first captain was crazy.” Iverson says leaving.

“This generation already thinks so!” Veronica’s protest comes, mumbled in Curtis’s uniform. “Is this long enough?”

“Nope.”

Another minute passes in silence, the captain is watching, the two officers still hugging, but he could see that what started awkwardly has now shifted to something natural.

_‘Any minute now.’_ Shiro silently thinks.

Then it happens. Veronica’s body, almost completely hidden under Curtis’s large frame, starts to sag, and in response, Curtis’s eyes go wide.

“That’s long enough.” Shiro says. “But that’s _not_ an order, you can go on as long as you want.” He says picking his data pad and other things up from the table, done for the day. “Although I have no idea what you two are fighting over today, the bridge feels like a grave yard when you are not trying to kill each other. So please continue to be enemies.”

Curtis takes Veronica by her shoulders to look in to her eyes. She really is crying. He hides her back inside his frame tightly, his hand caressing the back of her head.

“Roni please, I’m so sorry, you can do whatever you want with me. Please don’t cry. Roni, Please don’t cry.” He begs, and Veronica’s body starts sagging even more. She says something but for Shiro it’s lost inside Curtis’s uniform, though Curtis seems to understand whatever she said.

“Switch off the lights when you are leaving Curtis, please don’t leave the only lady in the bridge room crying.” 

As he leaves, Shiro is sure he heard Roni laugh through her tears. ‘A laugh through the tears is one of the most beautiful thing in the universe’ he tells himself as he mentally claps for himself for good work at bridging his best officers in ATLAS.


	12. Chapter 12

Shiro knows what he is staring at.

They had been on their way to their next destination when Curtis reported an unexpected object in their course.

Even before they fully reaches it, Shiro identifies it. How could he not? It’s the abandoned main fleet of Zarkon, where Shiro was kept a prisoner, a champion, an experiment of druids, a rebel and where the arena must still exist in ruins.

“Sir?” Curtis prompts. It’s Shiro’s queue to give instructions. But his body feels cold, tongue stilled although he knows better than anyone, they are supposed to make contact with every ship they encounter, abandoned or not. It’s protocol.

“Shiro?” Iverson calls this time and Shiro gets himself out of the contemplation.

“Put a team in place. Usual protocol to observe the ship. Safety first.” Shiro issues his first order. Curtis knows to handle the rest, starting the observation with safety protocols at first. It wasn’t long time ago they handled a power plant that was set to self-destruct by the Galra, out of pure hatred. Shiro mindlessly listens to Curtis’s voice as he arrange the teams and issues guidelines. Once the safety inspection is completed, the scientists in all disciplines will examine the fleet to absorb all technologies. Shiro knows how hungry his scientists are. Historians have already started pinning down Curtis with requests for extra time to catalogue everything that is ‘Zarkon’s main fleet’ for ten thousand years, before it is handed over to the blade of Marmora or Daibazaal.

“Captain.” Curtis calls. Shiro tears his Gaze from the large screen that display Zarkon’s ruined fleet to his communications and Navigations officer. Seems like Curtis has finalized the teams that will observe, catalogue and devour it for its technology.

“Do you want to join? There is no explicit need though.”

Shiro doesn’t want to step in there. Not once, and he does not hide his hesitance from Curtis. He knows Curtis is giving him a way out, but as the Captain, he has to. His crew would want him to. Finding Zarkon’s ship is a big deal, Shiro could practically feel the buzz in the ATLAS crew with the new discovery. So he takes a deep breath and say he _needs_ to be there, for the morale of the crew. Curtis sighs and types in his keyboard the finalized team members, headed by the one Captain.

Shiro knows seeing the inside will trigger unpleasant memories, increase his PTSD that was gradually subsiding. Something always has to come their way – Lance couldn’t have been more correct. But he wants to face it too, he needs his memories back as much as he could. So he tries to keep a good distance from his team during the observations round. But it’s practically impossible, as every crew member wants to step on this gigantic memorabilia. A step inside Zarkons’ ship, the same ground the ruthless emperor stood, the infamous gladiator arena that their captain championed – the ship is full of evidence for what had been circulating as stories. The crew brims with excitement – proud with defeating such a massive empire that ruled the universe for ten thousand years. So Shiro plasters the Captain face over his actual face – which if he allowed, would radiate hesitance and fear.

Shiro watches the ATLAS crew get in to work after the initial star struck mode. Engineers are everywhere, scientists are everywhere, and he wonders if he had brought too many people in ATLAS with him. Curtis and his team are downloading salvageable data in the bridge, which will greatly help with the missing person’s database. Some are busy in the central energy chamber, where the main crystal and the turbines are situated. Shiro walks about a hundred miles observing the crew along the ships vast corridors. There are so many places he hasn’t seen even after a year in it.

Hours pass as he mingle with the crew, advise them, and as the only one who has survived in Zarkon’s ship as long as he did, provide information when they ask. Shiro feels like he is losing a little piece by piece of himself to people as he share his memories in the form of ‘details’. He feels the heaviness of being revealed. These details he tell his crew are all _his_ stories. For some questions, he has to say ‘I don’t remember, while other questions bring him memories. And some members just cringe when he tells them the true nature of Zarkon’s control and Haggar’s magic. They look at their Captain with admiration, for withstanding all that, yet don’t stay for a second round of questions. They make Shiro smile internally, he just has to touch the surface of the horridness he witnessed and experienced in the ‘details’ he provide – and people just run away.

Once he gets a break, Shiro stops in front of a certain place. The door that leads to the prison cells. Shiro had been purposefully avoiding this, yet his feet has dragged him there in muscle memory. He stops in front of a certain cell. There are Galra numbers etched on the wall that tells a certain number, it was the same number that stood for him, carved on the side of his first prosthetic arm given to him by the druids. He was just a number then, a number that stood to represent a puny human prisoner they experimented upon because he used both brain _and_ brown in the gladiator arena.

 

The cell opens with no restraints, the emergency lights has drowned the cell in a crimson red that is too familiar to him. How many times had he bled in this cell? How much hunger has he curbed in there? How many fevers had he fought off with sheer will power? How many times had he been beaten in this very same cell?  How many times of electrocutions? How many other aliens died while lying alongside him? How many deaths had he witnessed?

Shiro’s hand clutches his torso with a grip that snaps the air out of him, in an attempt to alleviate the fire that he feel in his gut. The memories flood over him like a tsunami. Shiro drags himself to the corner of the cell he used to sleep. Blood marks still color the walls around. Each and every blood stain reminds him of a story he had forgotten.

Shiro had half expected for the memories to not be there in his brain, dormant, because he lives in a copy of his body. But darn, Haggar and her perfection. She had made an exact copy of him, forgotten memories and all. His hand presses on to the wall over a dark mark, his head bumped on the wall because the sentries had pushed him inside after a gladiator fight, the blood that sprinted out of the resulting gash was this particular mark. He hadn’t remembered that earlier. His hand runs over the hook on the wall that he was chained to, while he was being lashed at. Currents of pain runs through his back as stark reminders of the unbearable pain.

Shiro covers his mouth as he starts feeling nauseated, his stomach rumbles in protest of the memories. His breath start to hitch and heart hammers loudly in his ears. All the memories he just remembered, all the minor details he shared with his crew, come at him like whiplash.

Shiro knows he wants to leave this place, the cell, but he is caught in a myriad of memories catching up to him, resurfacing from the deep coffins of his mind. Shiro’s legs doesn’t move.  He leans on the cold cell walls for support trying to pace his breathing. But memory after memory attacks him, dragging him down and deep in a pool he cannot breathe. Just when Shiro think his will to stop vomiting had failed, he feels someone grabs his shoulder, another hand softly grabs his hip and gently pushes him down. Shiro obeys the gentle push instantly, it grounds him to reality where he isn’t a prisoner any more.

When he settles on the floor, one knee bent towards his chest and back leaning against the wall, he opens his eyes. Through the blur of tears, he see the blue orbs aimed at him.

“Captain?”

“Curtis.” Shiro replies as the tears that blur his vision finally falls and his vision clears. ‘”Stay with me.” He says. Curtis’s hand is now settled over his knee reassuringly. They spend a minutes like that before Shiro match his breath to the gentle pat Curtis makes on his knee.

“Memories?”

“Yes.”

“I shouldn’t have included you in the team.” Curtis says repenting.

“No, I want this, I wanted this.” Shiro quickly dismisses Curtis’s worry. “I wanted to see if I am an exact replica of me.”

Curtis looks at him puzzled, and Shiro realizes the story of his body swap is something shared only between the paladin family. He starts to stand up and Curtis helps him, internally thankful when Curtis doesn’t push on the matter although he clearly seems puzzled.

Shiro had just steadied himself when they hear the sounds of footsteps outside.

“Oh! Captain, I never thought I’d find you on this maze of prison cells.” The historian attached to the preservations department says overly happy. Then her eyes roam the cell while Shiro and Curtis stands frozen in place. “Oh! geeze, Sir, is this where you were held?”

The question makes Curtis’s blood boil. Here he is trying to bring back his Captain – the man who withstood an insurmountable measure of trauma in this very place, and she questions him like Shiro was on a vacation in Zarkon’s ship. Curtis still has his hand on Shiro’s shoulder, and he could feel Shiro tense under his palm when she spoke.

“Simon! What do you want?” Curtis turns and barks at the young woman, instinctively standing in front of Shiro like a mother bear. Both the woman and Shiro looks at Curtis surprised at his tone. She quickly preps herself to a proper standing position, knowing she had gone wrong ‘somewhere’. Yet it still doesn’t look like she understands the gravity of her questions.

It further angers Curtis, at how calloused the lieutenant sounded. Should it be rocket science to understand that the captain is visibly upset? That it’s natural to be upset when he visited the prison cell he suffered near death situations for over a year? Curtis’s look seem to have done the education part the next time she opens her mouth.

“Sorry, I’ll come back later.” She turns to go.

“Simon, what is it?” Shiro asks stepping forward. Curtis feels his limbs get cold at how kind Shiro sounds. _How does he do that?_

Simon stops reluctantly, sparing a look at Curtis. “I was wondering if you would give me a run through how the arena operated because you are the only one here who has seen it live in action. It would definitely enrich my records. But...”

“I’ll be there shortly.” Shiro replies even more kindly. Curtis closes his eye because he knows how much emotions he is pushing down right now. Shiro does not deserve that. He deserves peace, he deserves space to process this on his own, time to wallow if he wants to.

He opens his eyes when Shiro place his hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be fine.” Shiro says assuring, his kind grey eyes calms the rage that is clawing at Curtis, screaming for freedom for his captain. He nods in understanding when Shiro squeeze his shoulder and says “Thank you.”

It is still in trepidation that Curtis watch how Shiro silently follow the historian to the arena.

“Hey Simon.” Curtis calls her and she turns back like a deer caught in a headlight. “Make it quick, I need captain in the bridge shortly.”

“Sure, sir.” Simon says relieved. Curtis sighs too, he could see Shiro’s lips twitching, pressing down a small smile. At least he had provided Shiro with an alibi if he wants to move away from the arena quickly.

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

It’s like stepping back on Zarkon’s ship had taken a physical toll on him. Next morning, without any hesitation what so ever, Shiro calls Iverson from his bed, and asks to handle the bridge without him for the first time in history.

He is not feeling well. He did not sleep well. And he feels like a toddler who wants to skip school. Now that a war is not there to push his body to work through every distress, he could take a back seat while the historians, engineers and scientists comb Zarkon’s ship. ‘Let them do it without me today’ Shiro tells himself as he dips further down in to the mattress.

“Morning work out?” His mind reminds. Shiro shuts that down too. He can’t remember a day he skipped his workout. But he feels rebellious. Shiro doesn’t know why. It’s not like his mom is pushing him to go to school, it’s not like his drill master is pressing him for another pull up, it’s not like – no one is pressing him for anything. So what is this feeling that is making him want to rebel?

Instead of soul searching, Shiro takes a pain killer pill, skips the breakfast, and decides to take a nap on account of the sleep he missed last night, while he tucked away every old memory that came to him, biting down the blood and goriness and telling himself that it’s over. It is time to rebuild – his mind included.

Shiro wakes up with a sweat, like he is having fever. His body feels like he was hit with a wall of brick. Dragging himself to the small kitchen, he indulges on an apple to soothe the rumbling stomach. It’s like all the stress that had been forgotten, are coming back at him, and claiming its place in his mind. It’s taking a toll on him. It’s manifesting on him physically after being starved for years because Shiro did not remember it.

He takes the phone and calls Hunk, Lance and Pidge. He tells them what they found. All of them subtly advising him to stay away from the fleet as much as he could. Shiro waves off their worries, telling them he is fine, that everything happened years ago.

His hand stops when he automatically starts dialing Keith – he isn’t reachable because he is embarked on a life threatening mission himself. It makes Shiro repent, maybe Keith got this self-sacrificing streak of thoughts from him. Maybe he was a bad influence, there was time in his life when his theme was ‘recklessness and risk inviting’. It must have been the start of when Adam and he started drifting apart.

Shiro throws the half eaten apple in the bin. But his eyes move to the photo that stands on his counter. Next to the photo taken in front of the five lions, with the five Paladins, Coran and Allura included. Next stands the photo of him and the bridge crew – in front of ATLAS. They all have their hands on the other’s shoulders, Shiro standing in the middle, Iverson and Curtis besides him, and Veronica sitting cross legged in front of him. They look playful and proud.

Curtis’s blue eyes stare down the camera, his eye brows has an arc that makes him look sharp – the blues in his eye steals who ever looks in to the photo, why hadn’t he noticed that earlier? Shiro remembers Curtis’s outburst yesterday, he didn’t expect that from him. No, not the outburst itself, Shiro has seen how strict he is with the lieutenants and trainees, just as kind as he is to them when they really need it. But his understanding of Shiro’s situation and how he stood up for him was a bit of a surprise. Not everyone had been that understanding of him. Shiro is gotten used to the expectations thrown at him that are borderline superhero stuff. But Curtis makes him strip down to the simple human who his looking for solace after all the trauma, he doesn’t feel vulnerable when he is exposing his weaknesses to Curtis.

Shiro closes his eyes and takes a good breath – he knows what he is feeling. He is attracted to Curtis – he already knew that, but now he realizes that he is beyond that attraction. He could consider Curtis in a different light - he wants Curtis. More than anything he wants to tell Curtis that he is fine, he cannot forget the look Curtis wore yesterday when they were alone in his cell. Shiro wants a smile to return to that face.

He sits down with the photo in his hand. His other hand grabs another photo, Adam and him, taken when they were flight partners.

Now they stand side by side on his coffee table. Adam and Curtis.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a little unsure about what I have done in this chapter. Sorry in advance if I have disappointed you. But let's hope for the best.
> 
> If you want to know what 'the drink' is in this chapter, it's the one mentioned in chapter 4.

“Curtis, any update from the Captain?” Iverson asks Curtis when no update comes from Shiro at the end of the day.

“No sir”

“Check and report back. That stubborn mule never goes to a doctor.”

“Um…” Curtis hesitates in his seat. Iverson frowns at him for explanation.

“Do you think it’s okay to disturb? Maybe he just needs some space.”

Iverson now fully faces Curtis, making sure Curtis understands what he is going to say next.

“He doesn’t need space, what he needs is a distraction. That’s what I’m sending you for.”

Iverson pauses to direct his frown at Veronica who successfully swallows her half-out snicker, and turns back at Curtis who looks stunned.

“Now go and drag him to the med bay if you have to, or where ever you want, I don’t care. You have my full permission.”

Curtis doesn’t know if he should be offended or be happy at Iverson’s remark or the whatever ‘permission’ he granted like he is Shiro’s father. Somehow he finds himself standing up squarely in front of Captain’s cabin. He is hundred percent sure the captain needs his space to process whatever memories that came back yesterday. But he has his back against the wall when it comes to duty and his personal opinion.  Drawing his hand out of the pocket like its lead weight, he presses the button.

“Captain.” He speaks to the communicator unsure.

“You know the code, get in.” Shiro says like the anticlimax of a movie. When Curtis steps in, he finds the Captain in his pajamas, worn and old, probably the comfiest pair he has, and wearing nothing on his upper body except the eight packs and the scars. A snack bag lies on the sofa beside him and his eyes are trained on whatever is playing on the screen. Curtis immediately regrets obeying Iverson’s orders as he takes in the image in front of him.

“Yes.” Shiro asks not meeting the eyes of his visitor.

“I have the full permission and direct orders from the second officer to check on you and drag you to the med bay if I have to.” Curtis says, his figure standing straight but sounding like he is already defeated.

Shiro laughs mockingly. “Didn’t expect anything less from Iverson, did he mention anything about a mule?”

Curtis deflates, but he isn’t a liar. So he chooses to stay silent.

“Huh, I guessed so. Tell him I’m fine, I will report back tomorrow. Should have just called and ask me without bothering you.”

“It’s not a bother…” Curtis explains. “I’m sorry if ‘I’ bothered you.”

Shiro pats the sofa next to him. His demeanor answers Curtis, _it’s no bother at all_ , and maybe he was even waiting for him to arrive.

“Care to sit?”

Curtis sits next to him tentatively, and puts something on the floor but Shiro can’t see because he is disturbed when he finally make eye contact with Curtis.

“Care to share?” Curtis asks taking the bag-of-fried-alien-nuts-like-snack-thing without waiting for an answer.

Shiro looks at him long and hard, but Curtis is giving him a taste of his own medicine. He acted nonchalant when Curtis came in, not even bothering to give him a look. Now Curtis is doing the same - his eyes trained on the screen, eating out of Shiro’s snack bag and asking him if he _care to share_.

Shiro knows very well he didn’t ask about the snack bag with that question.

“This is hard.” Curtis comments glaring at the nut in his hand. He peels its cover and tosses one in his mouth. And Shiro translates what Curtis said in his head, _’I know it’s hard.’_

“But once you open up the hard cover it’s easy to eat.” Curtis says. “It tastes a bit bitter but a little sweet as well, I like bitter sweet.” Curtis continues his commentary and Shiro listens in at the subtle hints in it.

_‘Even though it’s hard, once you open up, it’s becomes easy. It may be bitter sweet, but I’m ready to listen.’_

Shiro contemplates all that in his head, and knows Curtis is here with a plan, possibly with the backing from Iverson and Veronica.

“I swear, my bridge crew is the worst.” He says diving for the bag of nuts, but Curtis moves his hand away.

“Are they now?” Curtis asks before he tosses another nut up in the air, opens his mouth and wait, until the nut falls right in to his mouth. He crushes it between his pearly teeth loudly. “hmm.” He moans loudly.

Watching Curtis do _that_ makes Shiro feel a little spark somewhere inside his rib cage, but he is quick to recognize that Curtis isn’t exactly his usual self, maybe a little more outspoken than he usually is.

“They are, and you are weird today.” Shiro comments.

“I just, it was difficult to watch you yesterday. I feel like I want to hug you in a big bear hug because that’s all I can do for you right now. But you are the captain so I have to keep my distance. And then you didn’t report to the bridge today. So, probably you are sick about what ever memories that came back to you-“

“Curtis.” Shiro snaps at him and looks in to him. Curtis is horridly too direct. “You really are really wired today, you don’t usually talk like this!”

But Curtis looks ‘cool dude’ despite Shiro’s hard words, and starts explaining.

“For the record, I signed off when Iverson, _ooops,_ when the _second officer_ asked me to visit you or ‘distract’ you – his words not mine. And only after I made sure I am off duty I took a sip of this, so it’s not like you can take me to the disciplinary committee or something. And I did it only because it would be easy to talk to you with this in my gut, because I cannot even imagine going through what you are – I guess I should just try to stop talking. ”

Curtis actually stops his rambling explanation, and bends down to bring up from the floor what was hidden from Shiro. It’s a canned drink. When Shiro sees it, he squeaks in fear, sits immediately away from Curtis and pulls his legs up the sofa and away from him. “Curtis that…that’s”

“That’s what we had in that club on our first, and regrettably last Friday night outing.” Curtis reports. “I know, I saw them in the space mall and bought a bunch in case I want to forget something. It goes great with the nuts.” He says taking another sip.

“The antectian who sold these said unless I drink more than one can at a time, it won’t affect my memory, but this does seem to help loosen up. So I thought maybe it will help me distract you from your much needed space as per second officer’s guidelines, against my inhibition – just so you know.”

Shiro looks at him in disbelief. “But you don’t look like you had a drink at all.” He pauses and reconsiders. “Unless you open your mouth to talk.”

“Right, it just eases up your tongue. I don’t see everything in doubles either, I can totally do dishes right now.”

.

.

.

Instead of going to the med bay, they end up in ATLAS’S right wing, as the fellow ATLAS crew calls it, the ‘star gate’. One of the many strengthened glass windows Sam had designed in ATLAS. One could star gaze through them, designed specifically to be used as a natural cure for stressed out Garrison officers, but most of the time used by couples to spend their time together after a long day.

With the single can of ‘that’ drink between them, they stare out at the endless universe through a glass pane. If it was earth, it would be their Friday night outing. Shiro robs Curtis off rest of the drink, so that only a single can is divided between them – ‘ _for safety purposes’_ he reasons. _‘Besides, you’ve already had your fare share’_.

It tastes so much like beer, and Curtis is right, it kind of eases the tension in his head. Shiro feels light and suddenly, his tongue seem to have a life on its own.

“They severed my hand right after a fight.” He finds himself in the first memory that sparked after his visit to the Zarkon’s ship. “I didn’t even have the time to clean up after that fight, there was green alien blood all over me. They just dragged me in to a lab and severed it like they were cutting a piece of meat.”

Curtis recoils with the sudden outburst of reveal, it makes him feel sick as his mind so mercilessly provides a picture of Shiro being laid down on a narrow bed, some heartless Galrans surrounding him and cutting his hand off without even a numbing agent. How much would that have hurt? Shiro doesn’t seem to have reservations describing his experiences thanks to the effects of the drink. Curtis wishes ‘the drink’ had a quality to numb feelings as well.

“They applied a solution to my hand to stop the bleeding and avoid infection. It burnt like hell that I forgot the pain from the cut.  I was told later that it also kept me awake without fainting from the blood loss and pain, so they could have output from me about the procedure, about how human body react to pain – their side project. I don’t even remember how long I spent in that cell before the pain subsided and the wound healed enough to fix the prosthetic, while a sentry recorded data about how I am coping with the pain.”

The drink may have encouraged Curtis to speak up and confront Shiro about his memories, but now he feels completely sober, like tongue tied. He doesn’t know what to say at all because saying ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t nearly enough. How he survived in a cell, with a freshly severed hand, escapes Curtis. How on earth did he continued his will to survive when there was no hope at all?

Shiro looks like he is lost in that memory again. Curtis’s hand glides over the cold floor and squeezes Shiro’s Altean hand; a reminder that he isn’t there anymore, a reminder that they defeated the evil and that they are safe now.

“I know now so much I didn’t remember earlier.” Shiro tells with a sigh.

“I always remembered the first fight with the former champion, my second came against a Galra soldier.”

“Reyes.” Curtis fills in. “That bastard who took me and Keith to get at you? Hated you for sparing his life? I know him. I swear, his assistant, that Altean who took your form; that was the weirdest moment in my life.”

Shiro lets out a hearty laugh and starts spilling stories one by one about his time with Zarkon while Curtis listens awe inspired. Some memories aren’t complete and some Shiro isn’t even sure if they are memories or just scenarios his mind made up when he was hungry and cold. In many fights his only food had been the Adrenalin his body provided. But he tells all that to the quiet listener sitting next to him anyways. He isn’t sure if it’s the drink or Curtis’s simple open weightless way of reaching him. But he feels more than ready to talk to him, more ready to open up when his presence stays there solidly and grounds Shiro.

Shiro grows confident in his story telling when Curtis doesn’t run scared away from him by the horror and gruesomeness in the few stories he has guts to share. He just knows that Curtis won’t be judging him by the standards of the flawless captain as he reveals how weak and helpless he had been in Zarkon’s prison. He hadn’t always been the hero he is taken for as the captain of the ATLAS, or the former black paladin, or the mentor of Voltron. He had been reduced to a weak pile of human before he rose up to became the champion, a subject of experimental magic and surgical interest even after he became the champion, electrocuted within an inch of his life when he let Reyes go because he just couldn’t kill…

Shiro looks at Curtis when he says that word – _‘kill’_. He had killed to survive. It adds no glorification to the fact that he all but survived so he could find a way to warn earth. But Curtis is staring at him with all the respect in the world at him, there is this earnest way his hand travels up Shiro’s metal shoulder and gives it a squeeze. His blue eyes looks wet, bluer than he has ever seen them, merely taking him as who he is – just Takashi Shirogane.

Shiro feels more human than ever despite it’s an alien drink that they have swirling in their gut now, despite it’s an Altean prosthetic that Curtis is touching to connect with him.

“Sometimes I can’t believe all that happened.” He tells about an hour later and even after an hour later, he hasn’t even touched the deep end of his memories yet. But he is tired, and it overpowers his need to talk. All he wants to do right now is just sleep.

“Sometimes I still wake up thinking I’m in Zarkon’s prison.” He tells Curtis. “Sometimes I wish I was just an instructor, I liked dealing with juveniles like Keith.” At the mention of their shared friend, they both laughs.

“But seriously I loved that job.”  Shiro says, a look of longing in his face. He looks at Curtis to see his reaction, but Curtis seems to have lost in his own thoughts.

“Curtis, what’s wrong?” Shiro asks when he see the withdrawn look in the man next to him. He waits next minute for Curtis to come out with what is in his mind. The power of the sips he took from the drink hours before seems to have run out of power now. But Shiro doesn’t need words now, because he knows how Curtis ticks, they have been shoulder to shoulder long enough for that. Shiro realizes he knows this guy’s moods and demeanor like the back of his hand as Curtis manage to look meekly but replies nothing.

“Curt?” Shiro prompts.

“I just…don’t want to pry.”

“Come on, I’m losing my patience.”

“You never lose patience.”

“You should see me with Slav.”

Curtis laughs shyly, he has noticed how Sam gets drawn crazy everyday by the alien, and Shiro always manage to minimize his interactions with Slav.

“It’s just that, maybe you should speak to someone. Have you tried that?” He asks Shiro. The empty can suffers between his palms. “It’s just my suggestion though, not that you must, I mean-“

“Curtis.” Shiro stops the guilty rambling. “If I unload my memories on a therapist, that therapist is gonna need a therapist.” Shiro says as a matter-of-factly, and Curtis smiles at the remark.

“You are right probably.” He agrees.

“Besides I’ve got you.” Shiro shrugs. “You don’t look like you want to puke after a run of Haggar horror stories.”

Curtis takes a deep breath feeling proud and looks at the Captain. He has had the need to puke after Shiro revealed him how his hand was severed and how the earlier prosthetic was fixed to him in the most cannibalistic way. But to his pride, and it seems to Shiro’s relief, he was able to maintain a good stomach, simply because he knew Shiro needed someone to listen, because it has long been Curtis’s mission to do anything and everything for his Captain.

“What I need is a break. I’m waiting for the right moment. Now is not that time.” Shiro says breaking the growing silence.

“Break?”

“I’m still mulling over it, you’ll be one of the firsts to know on whatever I decide.”

“I’m ready to listen whenever you want.”

Shiro smiles at him, happy and content. “So I got this scar…” He begins right away, his need to sleep flying right out the window when Curtis settles in a much comfortable position to listen.

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

Next day, Shiro wakes up several tons lighter. He does several more of everything because he has the energy to, from tooth brush strokes to, push-ups to hair brush strokes to his white hair that he had totally neglected yesterday. He feels more hungry, more energized and…happy-just more happy.  

“Oh, I see, the distraction has worked miracles.” Iverson comments when he arrives at the bridge.

“What distraction?” Shiro asks. But gets no answer from Iverson.

Curtis isn’t in the bridge shift today, instead working at the systems lab with Sam. Their time doesn’t allow to see each other even at the lunch time. So Shiro sits with Veronica and listens to all the gossip, laughing under his breath at how she has become his replacement in lieu of ATLAS group chat. But it’s a slow day and Shiro has time to think.

At the end of the shift, Iverson is leaving when Shiro stops him.

“Iverson, I maybe a stubborn mule, but Curtis isn’t a distraction.” Iverson looks at his young Captain with awe. He has figured out what he meant.

“He’s an anchor, my anchor.”

The older officer grins, he grins so big that even his blind eye smiles. Shiro is sure it’s the first time he saw that happening.

“Then maybe you should do something about it?” Is all the old man say before he leave Shiro behind, alone in the bridge with something to think about.

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

Curtis is right out of his bath after a long day when he hear someone knock on his door, instead of using the door com to call. He quickly gets dressed in a jean and a t-shirt, wondering who on earth knocks on doors these days like it’s still the twentieth century. But the ‘someone’ outside shouts impatient.

“Come on open up, its Friday night!”

Curtis opens the door out of sheer surprise. "Captain?"

"Didn’t you say I should let loose sometime? It’s Friday night if we were on earth. You are welcome to join me."

"I." Curtis stammers. What has come of his captain? And no! He didn’t say the captain should let lose, but he did say he is ready to listen if the captain wants to talk, but that was a week ago.

"No?" Captain asks, he has a sly grin to his face while he adjust his white fluff of hair impatiently.

Curtis returns to his senses to answer. “Of course, I'd love it"

Shiro drags him by his hand to the star gate. As they sit in front of it, a nebula in the distance shows off its colors like a fashion show of shades. Its’ many million shades spilling in to other colors, contrasting colors yet complimenting each other, the reds the blues and many other. They silently stare at it for some time.

“One day, I was taken to the arena, rather dragged…” Shiro starts and more memories flood out of him in succession. Some time in to his story he opens the cover of the cylindrical thing he’d been carrying.

“A flask?”

“Yeah, picked it up at the mall.” Shiro says.

“My grandma had one of those.” Curtis comments.

“But not what’s inside it.” Shiro says offering him the cup. Curtis understands why the captain had been so open and playful because it’s ‘that’ drink.

“You are not the only one with ‘Antectian’ friends.” Shiro provides to Curtis’s surprised glance.

.

.

.

After that Friday, the sweetest thing Curtis could hear is the captain shouting and knocking on his automatic door instead of pressing the button to talk.

Sometime after, it becomes their norm, even after they run out of stock of ‘that’ drink. They never consider buying more, because when they sit together, the words come naturally flooding, soothing both their souls like a mellifluous soprano.

Curtis notices that the particular star gate they pick every Friday, is becoming free every day. And people just steer off naturally when they walk towards it, letting them have their personal space.

Curtis sometimes is quipped by his fellow colleagues, they give suggestive pats on his back and asks how his Friday night was. After sometime, he just stops explaining that they only talk as a stress buster. But he can’t help but feel a little happiness at the back of his mind over the fact that Captain enjoys his company.  It’s a feeling he is scared to name because he doesn’t want disappointment. So he just lets himself be content with having the man he has grown to love around him, enjoying his company and hearing the gruesome and joyous moments in his life alike.

_Anything and everything for the Captain._


	14. Chapter 14

Curtis knows he himself is becoming a champion.

A champion at keeping his crush under control.

Locking his heart for any romantic feeling whenever Shiro is nearby is second nature to him now. The fact that Shiro is opening up to him like they are the best friends, has a lot to do with the easy going nature of their relationship. Curtis sits by Shiro in front of their preferred star gate on Friday nights, listening to the endless stories and adding his own experiences to the mix. He gambles with danger in every day missions, guards the captain as his right hand and works until he can’t keep his eyes open anymore. Curtis thinks he’s nailed his life beside Shiro.

Curtis cherishes the wonderful feeling of falling in love, slowly but steadily, and so hard that sometimes he doesn’t know how to handle it. It’s like a little spark inside him, always alight and emanating warmth throughout him. Their closeness satisfies him. He feels satiated with the intimacy of just having him close by, or so he convinces himself every day. 

Because he is so full of love Curtis has no space for tears, so he just spills them alone in his bed at night and gets rid of them. Some nights, desire scours his veins, and he shamefully gives in. In the morning he falters his steps because nobody beats the Captain to the bridge room in the morning. As Curtis steps in through the door, Shiro looks over his shoulder, adjusts the glasses that sit on his scar while a grin spreads on his face like Curtis is bringing him desert in the morning. When he nods and says ‘good morning Curt’, that’s all Curtis needs to forgets his crisis.

 

They are stationed in Galant again to finish with the power plant. This time, they have a solution in hand. Thanks to Sam’s brilliant mind, and ironically it seems so, the crystal and the power generator they recovered from Zarkon’s main fleets ends up in Galant. Finally put to good use as the solution for the planet’s power issues. 

Curtis, is heading the system engineering part. Slav becomes rejoiced having the chance to join Sam again – _someone in his level_. Entire ATLAS becomes a bee hive, working towards achieving the goal of bringing stable power supply while the other crew helps with the planet’s rebuilding work.

On the day the power plant is completed, and the streets are alight, the whole planet of Galant celebrates. Galants come out to the streets, native music is heard all over while they dance in celebration.

Curtis had been the last to leave the system control room, like a captain of a sinking ship, except that the power plant had been nothing but success. They had gotten rid of the Galra system entirely, coded and tested an entirely new system in a matter of a very short time. There is still the training part because the Galant engineers needs to be able to maintain the power plant once ATLAS engineers are gone. Still, Curtis can’t help but take his last look at the bright screens that are alight in the room one last time before he close the room.

“Any special reason for your smile Commander Curtis.”

Curtis looks at where the voice comes from to find Bojan standing in the hallway.

“I’m just glad we made it.” Curtis says honestly. Bojan slowly closes the gap and stands next to him. They are both of the same height, but Bojan is muscular and his prescence is heavy unless you know him. Curtis knows those qualities are a result of years of fighting against the Galra. He too has scars over all the skin not covered by his clothing; his face, neck, arms, yet his eyes always shine so bright – Curtis has noticed, there is always an easy smile on this Galants’ face.

_‘Perhaps it’s a common trait of heroes’_ Curtis surmises thinking of Shiro’s smile.

“I’ve just been to the healing centers.” Bojan says taking Curtis’s hand that is not wrapped around his laptop bag. “The death numbers have instantly plummeted because healers can now use equipment they couldn’t use without proper power. A lot of that credit goes to you too Commander Curtis.”

“It’s team work actually, not just me.”

“You are being modest. If you didn’t stop this power plant from blowing up in the first place, none of this would be this easy or this quick. A lot of people are alive today thanks to you commander. So let me say my thanks to you. Please.” The Galant places his lips on Curtis’s knuckles. Curtis tells himself that, that’s just how Galants show their thanks as his body goes rigid with the unexpected custom. Curtis gladly retreats his hand when Bojan lets it go.

“I’m honored, but I am equally aware the sacrifices you’ve made high commander Bojan. It’s an honor for me to work alongside you for the past few weeks.”

“The honor is mine.” Bojan says with that easy smile spreading on his face again. “Just call me Bojan. You’ve been hauled in this system room for far too long and had no chance to see my beautiful planet or meet its equally beautiful people. So in honor of our friendship, let me take you on a tour on the streets?”

Curtis wants to say a good ‘No way’ to Bojan. As good as Bojan is, he had been glued to Curtis’s side and Curtis’s brain had issued little warnings about it here and there. But his mind provides two words that stops him – ‘diplomatic relationships’. Besides he has no solid clue that Bojan is on to something, this could just be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Bojan had been right about one thing. Curtis had been inside the system room for far too long. He realizes this when he walk along Bojan on the streets, witnessing the fruitful results of his and his team’s hard work. Bojan first takes him to the nearest healing center, where the doctors or as they call ‘the healers’ express their immense gratitude to the ATLAS team. The streets are alight, people are celebrating, and it’s one hell of a carnival everywhere he goes. He wonders if Shiro and Veronica is enjoying too, because they had not visited the system room as often as Curtis would like them to because of their own assigned work. So their communication had been sparse at best.

Bojan takes him through the markets and at one spot, they stop to try what earth would call street food. It’s so delicious that Curtis mentally notes the place in his brain map to drag Veronica later. People recognizes Bojan wherever he goes, they offer their respect to both of them as they stroll through the streets. On one street corner Bojan is unexpectedly hauled in to a dance that reminds him of Russian polka dance.

For a few minutes, Curtis enjoys watching the dance from the side walk, the logic behind the precise pattern of the steps and the lively music. But in the next minute, a woman snaps his bag, deposits it on the ground and drags Curtis in to the circle in a matter of seconds. Curtis wonders if he should jump back as he is taught by the woman how to count the steps and do the dance on the fly. But the music is too good, and the steps are easy and fun to follow. It’s so relaxing Curtis delves himself in it. It’s been a long time since he actually spread his arms and legs this freely. Curtis delves in to the dance so much he never notice the admiration he receive from the Galant hero dancing next to him, or the two smoldering looks that observe him from afar.

“I thought Curtis was busy wrapping up the system room equipment, look at him now!” Veronica exclaims.

When no response comes from Shiro Veronica turns a little and takes in to consideration the schooled look on Captain’s face, and realizes that Curtis’s silent crush may not exactly be isolated to Curtis.

“What is Curtis doing with him?” She prompts just to explore Shiro.

“Bojan must be showing him around.” Shiro replies, his eyes still trained on the dancing duo at the distance.

“I could have shown him around, I’m familiar with the environment too, and I’m the quiznacking analyst. I thought he was busy wrapping up. I’m gonna go drag him to us.” Veronica steps up but Shiro stops her from her elbow.

“Give Curtis some space, I’m sure he needs something like this to relax without us hovering around.”

“Hovering us around? I heard from Jeremiah that Bojan had been all over Curtis for the past few days!” Veronica says arrogantly, but all she get from Shiro is a stern silence.

“Why are you silent?”

“We have to be a little diplomatic when it comes to maintaining relationships with other species, because there could be miscommunications. What seems ‘all over Curtis’ to us, could be just ‘helping Curtis’ to them Roni. “

“Diplomatic my_” Veronica stops what she was going to say when she see the warning look on Shiro’s face. “Okay, I know you are the captain, and I may have been a little loud, but it’s Curtis we are talking about.”

“I’m not reminding you I’m the Captain. I’m just telling you that Curtis can make his own decisions.” Shiro insists.

“Okay, whatever is the end result of that stupid dance is on you then!” Roni grumbles going back to selecting him a piece of cloth with vivid Galant colors that Shiro thinks it’ll blind him if he wears it. It’s their last day on Galant and so Veronica had somehow managed to drag Shiro out for a walk and had presumably ended up shopping in the crowded marketplace.

“I so wish Allura was here, she has excellent taste in fashion. Did I tell you about the time we went to the mall to select her a dress for her first date with Lance….”

The sight in front of him disrupts Shiro’s mental clarity. Curtis looks like he is really enjoying his time. He is following the Galant steps easily, which to Shiro is a totally confusing pattern. He had never been a good dancer anyway. But the scene of Curtis enjoying with Bojan mixed with the memory of Allura is too much for Shiro’s heart, he feels like something is slipping off his grip. He drowns himself in Veronica’s story and manage to look away from the dancing duo somehow, mindlessly nodding at every piece of cloth she shows him.

After all, Shiro believes he is good at it, that is, keeping his heart closed however painful it is, bearing pain, physical or psychological, however deep they go. He is so good at it sometimes Shiro think it’s the only thing he is good at.

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

When he goes back to ATLAS, Iverson is awaiting him in the Captains room.

“We have a request from the His excellency the high leader of Galant to keep a team of our system engineers to train their engineers.”

“Yes, I was told.” Shiro replies. They had already picked up a team that included Jeremiah and some of the best lieutenants Curtis had trained.

“They ‘would be delighted if Commander Curtis could lead the team.’ His Excellency the high leader’s words, not mine.”

“Why Curtis?” Shiro asks too quickly and Iverson quirks an eyebrow at him.

“‘They are just so pleased with his efficient work and would find it very assuring if he could train their engineers until they are confident in the foreign technology.’ Again His Excellency the high leader’s words, not mine. And the Galactic alliance has already approved stationing Curtis in Galant for the next weeks, they just need your word.”

“But Curtis has asked permission for leave, for his sister’s graduation.”

“You and I both know the better option is to ask Curtis to forget about the graduation, people have sacrifice more than a graduation ceremony for the kind of work we do, right?”

“Curtis’s sister finished med school under a lot of stress so she could fulfill a promise she made to their elder brother, the brother who died in the first attack. It’s an important moment for their family than just a graduation.” Shiro reasons but Iverson doesn’t look convinced.

“I don’t think a graduating ceremony is enough convincing for the alliance Shiro.”

“I would still like to ask Curtis’s opinion than order him to stay, considering how many times I had to revoke his leave applications previously.”

“Your decision.” Iverson says leaving Shiro in turmoil.

The necklaces he bought for Curtis’s mom and his two sisters as gifts are inside his fist. And they start to feel like they are burning his palm. Shiro opens his arm to see that the seller was right, the stone pendants do change color according to your emotions, and they do respond to humans too.

The blue stone pendants has now turned in to red. Shiro takes a good deep breath and another one, the stones slowly starts to turn blue.

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

When Curtis returns from the power plant his data pad blinks with a message to meet the captain. Curtis steps in to see Shiro looking as puzzled as he has ever seen him, staring at a mountain of clothing discarded on his desk.

“Curtis.” Shiro acknowledges his arrival. “Veronica thought my wardrobe should change if I am ever to attract a man.”

Leave it to Veronica to put words in Shiro’s mouth. Curtis gulps down a huge lump in his throat as Shiro goes in to detail about what specialty Veronica saw in each piece of clothing.

“She said this has vibrant colors…this has an interesting cut to it and these…um...I don’t think I remember.” Shiro looks helpless like a primary kid lost in advanced calculus. “I honestly don’t see the point.” He confesses. “I’m happy with all my black shirts and jeans.”

Curtis drops his laptop to the floor and plops in the chair in front of Shiro’s desk. His eyes roam on the pile of clothing and he lets his long fingers pick up a few pieces. “This, this aaand this.”

Shiro promptly gathers the rest of the pile and drops them in to the waste bin eagerly, glad to have gotten rid of them. Curtis gawks.

“What? I trust your choice.” Shiro states as a matter of fact. The items that Curtis selected goes in to one of the lockers in Shiro’s desk. “Now let’s get to the reason I wanted you here.” He starts and stops. There is a beat of silence between them during which, Shiro’s face contorts to a very predictable state.

“You are revoking my leave.” Curtis states as plain as cold dull water.

“How did you know?”

“It’s always like that. Whenever I apply for leave, something really important goes wrong, and I just have to get my leave cancelled to make it right.” Curtis’s voice doesn’t even get close to bring out the actual pang of hurt he has inside of him. He had been waiting for this news ever since he applied for leave.

“The high leader of Galant wants you to lead the training.”

“Yes sir.”

Curtis’s obedient ‘yes sir’ hurts Shiro. But he knows Iverson is right to a dot, there is no right way around it.

“You are going to miss the graduation.”

“Yeah. Mom’s gonna be pissed.” Curtis says slumping in his seat, not at all looking like a commander of Garrison.

Shiro could agree with Curtis’s opinion on ’pissed moms’ even with his little sixteen years of experience with his own mother.

“Maybe I have a solution for that.”

Curtis straightens up curiously. Shiro gets up from his seat and walks around the desk to stand leaning in front of it, hands crossed and eyes trained at Curtis who is eagerly awaiting the solution.

“I’m going to earth tomorrow with the high leader, will be there for about a week, you know the diplomatic stuff.”

“And.”

“Maybe I could free up my schedule to represent you.”

Curtis looks happily surprised first, then it turns in to a look of detachment. “But seriously, you don’t have to.”

“As your friend, not as the Captain and only if you are okay with it.” Shiro says bewildered by Curtis’s look.

“Of course it is okay, it’s more than okay.” Curtis says.

“Then why are you still pouting?”

“I’m just…you know, feeling overshadowed, pretty sure mom will prefer you over me.”

“I know you are joking.”

“You’ll see when you see my mom that I’m not.”

“Let’s let it go?” Shiro proposes bringing out what he had inside his crossed arms.

The three necklaces with the blue pendants hang in the air in front of Curtis’s face. He gasps and draws his hand to clutch at them, and when he does, the stones start to brighten up in a brighter bluer color.

“Mesmerizing ha?” Shiro asks as Curtis further inspects them with wonder,

“How much did you spend on these?”

“Doesn’t matter, I wanted to buy a graduation gift, but thought I shouldn’t leave aside the other two ladies.”

Curtis looks at Shiro in pure shock. “So you bought these for them! For both my sisters and mom?”

“I actually wanted _you_ to give these to them, but now that I will be going there and not you...”

“Sir, thank you. You didn’t have to.”

“No thank you’s, I’m sorry I have to cancel your leave.” Shiro says dismissing Curtis’s worries.

Curtis stands up from his seat, and they stare eye to eye.

“I actually bought them because the blue stones reminded me of your eyes.”

Curtis’s poor mind screeches to an absolute halt. They are still eye to eye and Curtis wonders if Shiro could hear his thumping heart. Shiro’s gaze breaks his resolve to remain emotionless and Curtis is stumbling to collect the pieces. Before he fully crumble and have a heart attack, Shiro breaks their connection and snatches the chains out of his hand. He goes back to sit in his seat.

“So it’s settled then.”

Curtis gets his bag up his shoulder and quickly turns to leave before he drops on the floor in a heap right there. Because Shiro is melting him inside out.

“So, how was your dance?” Shiro asks, leaning back on the chair and crossing his hands, a sly smile on face. “Did you enjoy?”

Curtis freezes abruptly, in his turned position. _Why me!_   

“You saw that?”

“What took you so long to come back from the market? Did Bojan steal your heart?”

Curtis knows this tone, it’s authoritative, asking about his whereabouts because Shiro is – he settles with ‘concerned’. 

“My heart is still right here.” Curtis assures, his hand patting his chest where his badly suffering heart is lain.

.

.

.

“Mom.”

“Yes Curtis.”

“Do you remember his favorite menus?”

“Yes Curtis.”

“Is Shrima around? He’s gonna need a surfing partner.”

“I’ll let her know Curtis.”

“Keep the roof top deck free, he likes star gazing at night.”

“I’ll let dad know Curtis.”

“Mom.”

“Yes Curtis.”

“I love you. So stop teasing me, please?”

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

“Mom, Curt’s here.”

Shiro could hear the voice after he rang the bell. The door opens to reveal a petite girl, about twenty-four-ish, smoky eyes, all black clothes, a mullet and huge gold ring earrings staring at him.

“HI! Um…we haven’t met before I’m Shiro. Here on behalf of Curtis.”

“So, Curt’s really not coming?” She asks, then opens the door and lets him in. Shiro could feel her eyes on his back, scanning him from head to toe. But in the next instance, he is wrapped in an armful.

“Shiro.” Curtis’s mother welcomes him sincerely. Shiro leans in to her motherly hug. It’s not every day that he gets them, occasionally from Mrs. McClain, more often from Colleen and never from Krolia. So when he does get one, he make sure he fully receives it, absorbing all the motherly love encased in their hugs.

“I got the message from Curt. I tried to contact him since yesterday, but couldn’t connect. Are you sure he cannot make it?”

Shiro considers his answer, he is the reason Curt isn’t here after all.

“He is on planet Gallant, private connection often gets disturbed because of the planet’s radio activities. And I’m sorry he couldn’t make it. I had to revoke his approval for leave because of an adhoc issue with the planet of Galant. Since I’m free, I thought maybe I should come visit the graduation.”

Curtis’s mom is still grabbing on to him, never breaking their eye contact. There is a hint of sadness, but to Shiro’s relief, it doesn’t expand.

“Never mind, you are here. We are all ready to leave. Will you come with us?”

Shiro learns, on his way, that the girl who opened the door is one of the twin sisters, the younger one of the twins; Mahia. The elder one is confusingly named ‘Maya’, whom Shiro has yet to see, graduating today from the med school. However, the reception he receives as soon as he enter the hall is one none of them expect.

The dean immediately recognizes him. With his prosthetic that is very visible with his all black two piece lounge suit and the white hair that is not at all relevant to the age reflected on his face, Shiro already knows hiding is a difficult feat to him. What he newly recognize is the fact that he hasn’t graced any civilian ceremonies ever since they came back to earth, except on one occasion when he volunteered the last time he vacationed at Curtis’s beach house.

The seating arrangements change lightning fast, and Shiro is invited to a front row seat. It feels rude to leave the Curtis family, but they all wear a proud look and push Shiro to accept the invitation. Nevertheless, Shiro decides to politely reject on his own volition, his first duty here is to represent Curtis, be there with his family in his place. So as compensation, Shiro accepts to make an impromptu speech.

Speeches, he can do. After all, he is a walking encyclopedia of the war since its inception.

He dedicates the first few sentences to tell the crowd how he got this chance, because he wanted to represent two people today, one who is serving in ATLAS right now, another who isn’t here anymore. At the mention of Curtis and his brother’s name, he could see Curtis’s parents tear up, but he is sure the tears are not out of grief. Those are the tears of a mother and a father who has gifted earth with two brave soldiers. Shiro wonders for a moment how many mothers today must be shedding tears, how many fathers hiding their grief inside their aching chests for their lost sons and daughters, because they chose to dedicate their lives to save earth and universe. Shiro dedicates his speech and the freedom he now enjoys to them, and the whole ATLAS crew, for he wouldn’t be here standing if not for them.

Shiro dedicates the rest of the speech to share a few memories of his own time as a student, as a soldier, an instructor, a paladin and now as the Captain of IGF ATLAS. He tells them about his late-ex-fiancé Adam and his brave team of pilots, the first to ever counter a Galra attack to save earth. He tells about Allura, the selfless princess and a few cleverly timed quotes from the blue paladin Lance drowns the crowd in a sea of laughter. Yet, each memory he share is a lesson for those who are graduating today, each memory a lesson of how grateful those who are alive today should be.

He then brings their attention to tell the newbie doctors about the sacrifices the Garrison doctors make every day, for which he is a witness to. He tells them what challenges will await them because earth is still rebuilding. He tells them in no uncertain terms how large their responsibility is, and how selfless they need to be.

When he is done, the hall booms in claps.  Hoping the actual special guests will not hold a grudge against him for the unintentionally stolen spotlight, Shiro joins the Curtis clan for a lunch at the med school garden.

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

Shiro had giddily accepted the offer to spend the rest of the day at Curtis beach house. They stop at his hotel to get his bag and when they arrives, Shrima is waiting on the sandy garden with two polished surf boards, and the dog at her tow makes Shiro instantly miss Cosmo. It takes him only a whim to change and jump in to the water with her.

Shrima takes him to places after the surfing. At the local war museum, Shiro hides inside a large long sleeve Henley and a baseball cap and stare at his own image while Shrima tries in vain to stop her spluttering laugh. When it gets dark, and the beach is empty of people, they takes a stroll along the beach. The cold wind gushes past them and Curtis’s dog, now under care of Shrima, gleefully chase after the birds. Shiro may have seen a hundred sunsets throughout the universe but there is nothing quite like the earth sun slowly hiding inside the horizon in its fiery red.

Shrima tells him how Curtis was the chubby kid who sat in front of his laptop all day and coded. Either that or he refused to come out of the room until he surpassed all the levels of the newest game in the market. If he couldn’t win it, he knew his way around hacking the game. It was his brother who dragged him to Garrison and changed the whole course of his life. Curtis in fact had told him a little detail about his pre-Garrison life, but Shiro cannot imagine the tall, lean Curtis as a chubby gameoholic hacker no matter how hard he tries.

They settle on a wooden bench in the small restaurant attached to the beach house, lazily sipping a cocktail that quenches and cools them down after the long walk. Few guests are there but just like everyone they mind their own business.

Both Shiro and Shrima looks up when they hear a guitar strum. Mahia is settling in the low stage to sing, tuning her guitar. Shrima looks surprised, even the bar men stops working for a minute and gawks at her.

“Something tells me she is not the designated entertainer for the evening.” Shiro voices his uncertainty and Shrima too finds her voice after the initial shock.

“No. Actually, she used to sing in a band before the war happened. All her band mates died in the war. She never sang again, not once. Maybe your speech shed some light in to her stubborn head.”

“My speech?”

“Yeah, the one at the university today, quite the collection of stories you told there. Its number one trending even now after all the hours since it was posted.”

“Really?”  
“Really. I heard Mahia listening to it in loop hiding in her room. And if you could change her stubborn mindset with your tale, imagine how many others you must have changed today. The views already exceed one million.”

Shiro is really in awe with the information, all he did was make an impromptu speech purely with what came from his heart, and lives have changed.

“You are such an inspiration Shiro.” Shrima tells as if she herself is changed today. Their conversation comes to a halt when Mahia starts singing. She sings about a lost first love. Her voice trembles and the guitar seems out of practice to her. Still the words sting at Shiro’s heart. The somber tune alongside Mahia’s soothing voice and the guitar that sounds like it is weeping, leaves no space for anything in Shiro’s head but for Adam. When the song ends, Shiro nods at her. Shiro’s eyes must have been red, because when she make eye contact with him, she gasps. Shrima finds Shiro’s hand in an assuring squeeze, that’s when Shiro realize that losing their first lover to the war is a shared pain between the three of them. 

But she sounds confident as she moves on to her next song that tells about new found love, and moving on. It’s like she is singing to day for herself. But for Shiro it takes his mind to the two photos on his coffee table – of Adam and Curtis.

All the other songs that follow are of cheerful tone as she sings about love in all forms. Shrima pays good night when it’s time for dinner, and Shiro too is invited to the family dinner table as he tear himself up from the cool breeze and dim light of the restaurant.

On the dinner table, he gives them their gifts on behalf of Curtis, the blue stone pendants unmistakably drawing a squeal out of the three women. A fine old wine bottle brings a smile to his father’s face.

He invites Shiro to the roof top deck with the bottle and glasses in his hand. It’s a fine night and Shiro’s favorite part of the day. Watching the sky full of stars is uninterrupted until Curtis’s dad drops something on to his lap. It’s an old printed photo album, full of their family photos. Shiro’s inability to imagine the chubby Curtis is resolved when he see Curtis in the album. From the very beginning, even as a baby, he looks fuller than the usual kids.

“Do you mind?” Shiro asks before he capture a photo of Curtis in his phone camera. Curtis’s father laughs in approval. “I have no doubt you are going to bug him with that picture.” He says. “But he made it, you know. There was a time I feared his habits. But he turned them around, put them to good use.” Curtis’s father sounds proud of him, there isn’t a word uttered about their lost son and Shiro leaves it at that.

Long after Curtis’s father had said good bye, Shiro is still watching the photos. This time it’s not just to see Curtis. But because it reminds himself of his own family. And then his mind provides him with an unplanned logic. _Could Curtis become family to him?_

Shiro’s sighs. There is a long way to go if that is to become a reality. He hasn’t even fully healed from the loss of Adam. The ‘good bye box’ as he would like to call it, has yet to be opened.

Shiro walks down to his room a little past midnight, blaming the heaviness in his head for all the surfing he did today. But a little bit of panic creeps in to him when his vision blurs before he reach the end of the stairs. Shiro stops to regain his composure. It seems to return after a few second, but the moment he takes the next step down he is hit with it again. The headache soars instantly and in his attempt to grab the railing to steady himself while grabbing his head to prevent it from blowing, the album and the wine glass falls to the ground, breaking in to smithereens.

Shiro knows if he keeps standing up, he is gonna fall down to the bottom of the steps, so he sits down right where he is. But the fall comes inevitably. His vision doesn’t clear up anymore and Shiro feels all his energy draining from him. Beads of perspiration burst out from his body. As he loses balance, Shiro feels hands wrapping around him, steadying him. He hear panicked voices around him as he gives in to the all too familiar feeling of blacking out.

 

 

                                                                                                                ⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

 

Curtis knows that he is being specially treated by Bojan. The whole ATLAS crew squints their eyes at him whenever Bojan is hanging off of his neck, which is his usual method of helping Curtis with the work he does. Some of the engineers pat his back in rare moments when Bojan isn’t around, and jokes about star gates and infidelity at the absence of the Captain. Its ATLAS’s best ice breaker topic these days. Since they are stuck in the planet, until something new comes up, Curtis knows he is screwed.

All of Bojan’s actions seems to have directed towards the goal of making life on Galant easy for Curtis, oblivious to the fact that he is actually making it difficult. Curtis doesn’t know left and right when the gestures appear. Although he prefers to think he could anticipate something like that and dodge it, he can’t do something drastic enough that will destroy ambassador relationships, especially when Shiro isn’t around. Curtis needs to keep his sanity and dignity as well, in his dilemma, he misses Shiro like hell, knowing Shiro would save him if he was around.

He is looking for an out in one such moment when Veronica suddenly appears, drags him by the lapel of his uniform and make him sit in front of her data pad. He hadn’t been able to contact his family because of the weak signal issues Slav is still trying to fix.

So the video Roni is showing him is about a day old and grainy. But he immediately recognizes the man in it. With the smart black suit, the glowing hand and the university logo on the screen behind him, he knows what is happening even before the streaming begin. When he hears Shiro mention him and his brother, Curtis holds his breath while Veronica squeezes his shoulder to a pulp.

Once the speech is over, Curtis is plagued with the need to take a breather. Shiro’s words echo in his mind, the remembrance of his brother, the responsibilities and sacrifices Shiro reminded everyone, feels like a breath of fresh air. There is  a saying that every dark cloud has a silver lining, in this case Curtis has no doubt that his leave got cancelled so the  world could hear Shiro’s words, a breath of new life to a planet that is still rebuilding.

“It’s number one in trending.” Veronica had mentioned just before he told her that he is going out for a walk.

It’s the evening in Galant. Curtis stands out on ATLAS’s right wing, watching the red sand plains of the planet Galant that expand on to the horizon. Curtis feels a presence behind him and unmistakably he knows who it is. 

“Bojan.” Curtis greets with the fake smile he has mastered within a week’s time. He feels like a bad man because while he actually feels annoyed by the constant presence of Bojan around him, he actually can’t be honest and tell it to his face. There is a week’s worth work yet to be completed. Curtis knows his patience will be tested this time.

“Are you done for the day?” He asks.

“Not yet, is there a problem?”

“I want to clear up something, do you mind taking a walk with me?”

Curtis wants to list out all the reasons why he can’t and why he wouldn’t. But he also has a feeling that taking this walk with him will clear what’s happening between them. So he nods and follows along.

They end up standing near a lake. It’s beautiful, the Galant sun is setting. Standing side by side on the edge of the deck, they stare at it, complimenting the red shades that Galant is wrapped in.

“One of many places I wanted to show you on Galant. There are many other places too.”

“It’s beautiful.” Curtis honestly admires as Bojan agrees with a nod, yet Curtis had felt that his eyes were set on him all along. “What is it you wanted to clear up?”

“Are you and Captain Shirogane in a relationship?” Bojan asks. It’s so blunt and to the point Curtis takes a second to think before he answer. Then he bites his lip in disappointment because that’s not where he wanted this to go.

“Well, he is my Captain. Other than that we are good friends.”

The Galant leader smiles. “In that case, can you tell me, how does ‘courting’ work in earth?”

Curtis feels his annoyance rising inside, but he takes a good breath and subsides his temptation to blurt at the good Galant.

“It starts with casual dating, which means you're seeing somebody specific, on a regular basis. Then, it turns in to a committed relationship. Going into courting mode means that you both have the intention of staying together, which may mean marriage, a lifetime relationship or a serious, long-term relationship with the option of getting married later. Though, ‘courting’ is kind of an outdated word on earth.” Curtis gives his driest possible answer with no feelings or emotions in his voice.

“Could this be considered a ‘date’ then? In earth terms.” Bojan abruptly asks, his hands gestures to the empty space between them. Curtis sighs, he had in the back of his head that this would come to this. So with much difficulty, he forms his words. “I’m sorry, Humans take time to develop their feelings. It’s a bit complicated.”

“Galants do too. Ever since I saw you in our first battle to save Galant, I’ve been dealing with emotions particularly about you, I’ve been observing you, and I like you. I don’t think there is much difference in the way our planets deal with courting.”

“I’m sorry then, I’m not in the same mindset as you are right now.” Curtis says as politely as possible before Bojan’s description escalates any further, because it’s so difficult for Curtis to disappoint anyone, specially a good Galant like Bojan.

They are standing on the deck and the sun is now almost gone, but Curtis see the strained look on the Galant hero through the dimmed light. He feels bad, but decides to be honest. “Can I trust you with a secret then?”

“Of course.” The Galant agrees.

“Captain and I may not be in a special relationship, we may never will be. But _my_ heart doesn’t have space for anyone else.”

Bojan’s strained look turns in to that easy smile Curtis admire.

“Commander Curtis, when I decided to take you out, I did anticipated this rejection. I am hurt, very much, but I am not disappointed. I have seen how you look at him. Strange thing is, it is my opinion that he looks at you the same way. What makes you think that he would prefer someone else? Are humans always this ambiguous with emotions? I am surprised to find out you two are not already partners…boyfriends…what is the earth word?”

Curtis doesn’t even bother with corrective words. “We are friends, just friends.”

And that somehow drags feelings he had been burying, out on to the surface in the most hurtful way. As he make his way back to ATLAS, alone, buried deep in his wounded feelings,  strolling in the lighted streets, he think of what Bojan said.

_‘He looks at you the same way’_

'…so maybe Shiro too likes him?' 

Curtis returns to ATLAS in a somber mood. They will be returning to earth in a week, he should be happy, he can meet his family and Shiro. Curtis walks a little eager after that. Anticipation to see Shiro fueling his whole being.  

When he arrives, Iverson and Veronica is waiting for him in the hanger, Veronica sitting next to him like she’s seen a ghost.

“Where were you?” She asks. “Shiro is sick, back on earth.”

“He is what?”

“He is sick.”

“Unheard of!” It escapes Curtis in autopilot before he even considers it. Iverson frowns and that’s when it really hits him. _‘Shiro is Sick!”_

Curtis must have looked panicked enough that Iverson places a hand on his shoulder.

“I spoke to the doctors, spoke to your dad, and Dr. Maya Curtis- that’s your sister right? They all assure me he will be fine although the symptoms are severe enough he has been hospitalized. Since it’s a virus, they have to let it run its course and let his body take care of itself.”

“He probably got that during his stay in the interim space station. There are all kinds of aliens there, he should have just worm holed to earth.” Veronica laments.

“The High leader wanted to see around, so they took the long way.” Iverson reasons.            

Curtis immediately wants to contact his family, talk to Shiro if it’s possible. His chest starts a small ache that if asked he cannot exactly say where it hurts, because it’s all over. But Iverson starts talking again.

“His next of kin are still Adam and Keith. But neither of them are around. Next is Sam, but the whole Halt family is stationed in new Altea, for a special project. The Alliance doesn’t want to interrupt them. Shiro doesn’t want to bother any of the paladins anyway. I believe next is me, But that requires a whole lot of changes in security levels and password and comcodes within ATLAS.”

Curtis knows what Iverson is telling. ATLAS has never been without its top most three officers at once. It will cause a whole lot of issues to be taken care of. Even if they do take care of all of it, they have scheduled visits to other planets in the next week. If Shiro can’t be up by then, sending a whole new set of new officers to a strange planet will not sit right with them.

“Since your family is already there with him, I was wondering if you could go there.”

“I could and I very badly want to.” Curtis honestly admits.

“We’ll get extra hands on deck. Once you complete the training documentation, you can wormhole to earth. And do what’s necessary on Shiro’s side, he is not expected to be up and running for the next two weeks anyway. Until you go to earth…”

“I’ll speak to my dad. I’m sure they haven’t left his side.” Curtis says with utmost faith and Iverson sighs visibly relieved.

“I’ve been his guardian since he was sixteen, up until he got engaged to Adam. He never got this sick. Now that I can’t move my ass from ATLAS and Adam is gone too, he just has to get sick.”

Veronica glances at Curtis. The fact that Iverson is using ‘that’ language is enough to convince Curtis how disturbed and worried Iverson is. “But my family is there. I can assure you they will take good care of him.”

“I don’t doubt that Curtis, it’s just…”

“Don’t worry.” Veronica says. “Shiro’s survived through worse”. It looks like she wants to jump at Iverson and hug him, but Iverson is not a man fond of physical relief. So she keeps her distance, resorting to just a pat on his arm. In response, Iverson silently walks away.

“I’ve gotta go back to work.” Curtis turns too.

Veronica stands in the hanger bay, abandoned by her bridge members. Worried for all three of them, she watches both Curtis and Iverson obviously oppressing their true emotions  and leave in a hurry towards opposite direction.

 

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

 

Curtis’s reaction to finishing up work ASAP, comes in the form of sleepless nights. He tosses and turns on bed until he is convinced enough that he cannot go to sleep. So he barges in to the system room and works on the training documents.

It occurs to him in a mid-yawn, that the signal issue has been fixed, he could call home.

Curtis calls his mother without even looking at the earth clock. She picks it up in three beeps.

“Mom.”

“Curtis, I’ve been waiting to hear from you.” She says. “Did they tell you?”

“Yes, mom is everything okay? Where are you now?”

There is a beat of silence and it scares Curtis in more than one way.

“Mom is everything okay? Are you crying?” Curtis asks half risen from his chair, his heart aches worrying for both his mom and Shiro.

“I’m sorry, yes, everything is fine, as fine as they could be expected I guess.”

Curtis sighs in relief. His mother continues after a pause. “He collapsed on the staircase last night, thank god Maya was around. We took him to the hospital as soon as possible.” She describes with a wavering voice. “He has very high fever, too high for his health. There is occasional vomiting. He looks red and I’m sure Maya will tell you the proper details.”

“Mom are _you_ okay?” His mother sounds too disturbed and Curtis knows it doesn’t happen every day. She is a strong woman put to test throughout her life.  If she sounds broken, Curtis knows it’s not good on earth.

“Mom, you _are_ crying!” He exclaims panicked. He may have fought many a wars and faced many a challenges unfazed. But his mother’s tears still could pull the rug right under his feet and panic him.

“Mom?”

His mother, instead of answering, turns the data pad at the hospital bed on which she seem to be sitting. It lets him see Shiro. Curtis’s heart wrenches in pain. His silver hair is disheveled, complexion unnaturally dark, reddened just like his mother said and the kind eyes that Curtis has grown to love are closed in what Curtis is sure is an uncomfortable forced sleep. But what really pins at him is how Shiro has grabbed his mother’s hand, clutching it to his chest, and how his body is curled around their entwined hands.

“He is in high fever, maybe that’s why, he called me mom.” She explains. “I think he…for a moment thought I was his mother, took my hand and didn’t let go.”

Curtis looks at his captain. The fierce leader looks like a sixteen year old teenager. He has never seen him so vulnerable. It breaks his heart. It makes him want to run to him and tell him that he can take Curtis’s mom, all he wants. He wants to tell him that he is ready to share his everything, even his mother with him.  

“He doesn’t have family mom. His fiancé died in the war, and his brother is off in a mission. None of the other friends in his batch are alive today, and he doesn’t want to bother the paladins because they are scattered around for various things. Commander Iverson wants me to come to earth on his behalf, but it will take at least four more days.”

“It’s okay, he is asleep all the time anyways.” She whispers, probably not wanting to wake up Shiro.

Curtis doesn’t know what to say anymore, but he is eternally grateful that his family is there to fill the vacuum. His mother’s eyes are red, and Curtis knows two reasons that are responsible for those tears. She probably thinks of her eldest son, the first son who first took her hand and said ‘mom’, then became the first to leave the family. Then the one lying on the bed now, who also took her hand and called her ‘mom’.

“I’m glad you are around mom, he got lucky this time.”

“We never left his side. We never would, you know that.” She assures wiping more tears that struggle their way out of her eyes.

“Mom, take care of yourself too, okay? I’ll be there ASAP.” Curtis says in a hurry, he has to start working, it’s the only way to go back to earth as humanly fast as possible.

“You too Curtis, Don’t worry about here. There is a team of doctors dedicated for him. He is taken care of at the highest possible level.”

Curtis has no doubt about that, but he won’t rest until he sees that for himself. He shuts down his data pad and gets to work right away.

His team looks at him with worried glances in the morning. He doesn’t get enough sleep for the second night in a raw. For a Commander who promotes healthy work habits, Curtis looks like the worst of the workaholics now. His uniform is still impeccable, but the dark stubble over his cheeks and the bags under his eyes gives away. Jeremiah prompts him to know what’s going on. But he is answered instead with guidelines that tells him what should be done when Commander Curtis goes back to earth next day.

Curtis somehow manages to complete the documentation on training that should have taken five days - in three days with bare minimum sleep. He doesn’t fall sleep until he stations himself on the pod to be worm holed to earth.


	16. Chapter 16

“Curtis”

“Sir.”

“You came?”

“Of course.”

“Sorry to have you bothered.”

“Not at all, I’m just so glad you are fine.”

.

.

.

“Curt.”

“Sir?”

“I’ve troubled your whole family.”

“Not at all. Do you need anything?”

“Just some water please, and …help me straighten up a bit, my back is not happy.”

.

.

“I can’t sort dreams and actual memories.”

Curtis stays silent embracing the familiar twinge he feels every time Shiro wakes up and say something like that. Their conversations has been short and hastily at best. Shiro’s fever had taken five days to run down and it has been twenty four hours since Curtis touched his skin and didn’t feel like he touched a hot iron.

Curtis knows very well neither his fever induced dreams nor recurring memories could be good. He had been witnessing Shiro toss and turn in his sleep probably with those memories and dreams that must have invaded his mind.

“It’ll get better, now that your fever is down.” Curtis tries to assure.

“Did you dance with Bojan?

The question is so abrupt, and Curtis nods his head to say ‘yes’ at the grey eyes that peer at him inquisitively, because he feels out of ability to form words.

“Oh, so that is not a dream then.”

Shiro falls right back to sleep, and Curtis doesn’t know what to think of it. He probably won’t even remember saying that when he wakes up next time, so Curtis too tries to let it go. But a little voice that is steadily rising in volume reminds him of Bojan’s words. Curtis tries to shut it down with reason, but it refuses to go down this time.

.

.

.

“I don’t think Helena loves her job these days.” Shiro tells Curtis reminding him of his assistant. He had been feeling good when he woke up and had made a few calls to Iverson and Helena for updates on the status quo.

“I guess not. Rescheduling all your meetings, discussions and answering calls for you without disclosing why you are unable to attend can-not be fun at all.”

“I hope she won’t leave the post, she’s been good to me.”

“Hanna is time tested, I don’t think you should worry.”

Shiro smiles gratefully. It’s the longest conversation they have had so far.

“So Iverson told me the Gallants are ‘over the moon’ with your efficient job.”

“They don’t even have a moon.” Curtis deadpans, because he is gleeful that Shiro is looking much better now compared to how run down he was before, much to everybody’s relief.

Shiro laughs effortlessly, and Curtis takes the opportunity to greedily observe him.  Color has crept back to him slowly, and he speaks without effort. He sighs then, and Curtis instinctively knows this worried look is reserved for only one person in Shiro’s life.

“Anything on Keith?”

“No, sorry. Nothing.”

“I’ve been dreaming of him a lot. Not good ones.”

“It’s Keith we are talking about, you should worry about the pirates, not Keith.”

Shiro grins, like a proud dad. But it’s pretty evident his worry isn’t completely gone. So Curtis turns the discussion to another direction.

“What do you want to do sir? Doctors said they can release you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I need to get back to work so badly.”

“Good luck with that, coz Maya tells me that you won’t be approved for work at the least for another week.”

“If they don’t, then I’m gonna go crazy.”

“Let’s change the scenery then, where do you want to go? Beach resort? Somewhere else?”

“Curtis, I’ve troubled your parents enough. Your mom has been here almost 24/7 the first two days. I’m sure she needs a rest. I’m sorry, but there is no way I’m going back to your house.”

“Where do you suggest then?”

“Let’s just go back to my quarters. I can tend to myself now.” Shiro suggests.

“Same old same old?” Curtis questions.

“Where else would I go? Definitely not a public hotel where people will stare at my hand.”

True. Curtis knows that Pidge and the whole Holt family is far away at Altea. Shiro hasn’t even allowed to inform any of the Paladins. Keith is out of the question, so is Krolia. All of whom Curtis has no doubt would leap to take care of Shiro if he allowed to inform them the slightest about his condition.

“If you don’t mind, my brother’s house is nearby the Garrison, at Phlat city limits. I could take you there. I just got a man to clean up the place a few weeks ago and I can ask him to make it ready for occupation right away. It has a beautiful Garden, back yard, pool, pond, flowers, my brother was a sucker for big family houses.”

Curtis talks animatedly. Listening to him, Shiro feels like he is being welcomed back to the land of living in the grandest way. Ever since Adam left him, he had been fighting everything alone. Then there were the paladins, there was Keith, but Shiro had always been in a protective mode with them. Every time he wanted to rest, he stood up stronger because he couldn’t burden the young men and woman around him who were already burdened with a war against Zarkon. There were times he wanted to feel someone’s care wash over him and sweep away all his worry and tiredness. There were times he wanted to hear someone tell him that he’d be strong enough to hold everything and everyone together until the war is over. But he hadn’t met anyone who would have the caliber to live with a man who cannot guarantee that he will come home at the end of the day, a man who had lost an arm, bear physical and psychological scars, suffers from PTSD, and has a full head of gray hair at thirty with a tendency to make irrational choices based on trauma he doesn’t even properly remember. But that was until he got close to Curtis.

For some reason, Cutis had never seem to want to run away from him, which is an extraordinary scenario compared to how the Garrisonners usually treat him at a hand’s distance. The only time Curtis seemed to distance himself from Shiro had been the same time when Shiro started to notice his own tendency to lean on him and occasionally get caught staring at those blue eyes. But here he is, sporting bags under his eyes and a prominent stubble over his cheeks, and instantly by Shiro’s side with no reservations whatever when he is in need.

“…By flowers I mean flower trees.” Curtis goes on explaining, and Shiro realizes that he had missed details while he was exploring his own head space about Curtis.  “No one bothered with the house for far too long, so there are no flowers and I’m pretty sure the pond has no fish and the pool is empty. But it’s comfortable, and beautiful. Neighborhood is good and it’s close to Garrison too. Perfect place to rest.”

Shiro opens his mouth to give his usual practiced line of rejecting politely, But Curtis is wearing a smug look. So he just shuts his mouth and lets Curtis make the decision for both of them.

“We are going there. I’m not taking you back to the Garrison quarters with artificial lights so you could somehow sneak in to work!”

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

When Shiro is released, Curtis goes to the beach house and brings with him Shiro’s bags. Then accompanies him to Galaxy Garrison in a helicopter ride and drives him to phlat city immediately before Shiro gets glued to Garrison.

“I got the same guy to clean it up yesterday, should be inhabitable.” Curtis says as he opens the door for Shiro. It is in fact a big house, big enough to fit a big family. In fact the two story house is – to Curtis’s relief, clean and usable impeccably for a house that had been abandoned.

“It’s big.” Shiro comments looking around. It still holds the remnants of a happy couple who lived here with big dreams. Family photos and souvenirs from holidays are scattered everywhere.

“Bro wanted to have enough kids to have his own army. Family was his thing. Too bad he had to go.” Curtis throws the keys to the catchall on the hallway table. “Shrima doesn’t want to set foot in here again, she’s haunted by memories.”

“I can imagine.” Shiro says taking a small framed photo on the coffee table. Shrima and Curtis’s brother stands on a sandy beach, ocean in the back ground showing off their matching rings. It’s probably their engagement day.”

“I believe you’d like a room downstairs?” Curtis asks breaking Shiro’s thoughts.

“Yeah. Stairs aren’t my thing these days.”

Curtis shows him to the guest room, and as soon as Shiro is settled, the first thing he does is falling asleep like a lifeless wood log up until its evening. Other than the sound of the birds and squirrels, there is nothing that disturbs him. No calls, no messages, no nurses or  doctors who  checks up on him every hour and absolutely no drill horns that usually disturb his peace at the Garrison quarters. Silence lulls Shiro and it’s an absolute bliss to his mind and body that had been stuck inside a hospital room.

Curtis meanwhile spends his time readying the space. He goes to the store and buys groceries enough to last two weeks with special thought for someone recovering from a bad – a very bad alien viral flu. Shiro had been on fluids for almost a week, but during the last few days in the hospital he was introduced to solids gradually. Curtis knows his job now is to bring him back to former glory, which definitely includes hearty meals.

He is working on the rusted Garage door hinges when Shiro comes looking for him in his beach flip-flops. His hair is mused and a T-shirt that had seen its better day’s long gone hangs on his V form. It’s pleasing to see Captain Takashi Shirogane this relaxed, so Curtis dares a good top to bottom look at Shiro, because he just can’t help it.

“Rest well?”

“Yeah, you?”

“There is too much to do around a house that had been abandoned for four years.”

“I guess so, um…I’m hungry. Do you mind if I…” Shiro scratches the back of his head shyly, and he looks absolutely adorable that Curtis has trouble stopping himself from cracking a joke. Probably Shiro hasn’t had the need to ‘ask’ for food in a long time. So Curtis is happy to reveal that he had wisely forecasted Shiro’s growing appetite and prepared an early dinner.

“Dinner is ready.”

“Already?” Shiro’s brows arcs surprised.

“Figured you’d be hungry when you wake up. Let me warm it up for you.”

Shiro follows Curtis in to the house, and briefly stops to take a look at the garden for the first time. It’s big compared to most of the houses he see, and it showcases what would have been a lush garden and a spacious play area for kids of this house. Shiro sadly ponders that if the elder brother lived, right now, there would be Curtis’s nieces and nephews playing in this very garden.

‘ _Maybe in another reality, there are kids playing in this garden.’_  Shiro lastly thinks before walking inside.

.

.

.

For the next three days, Curtis finds Shiro sleeping in all kinds of places, literally on any flat place that fits his large body; reading books, watching TV, slumped on kitchen stools and on garden benches watching the desert planes.

Shiro’s appetite is also back with vengeance. Curtis makes a mental note of the types of discarded wrappers that end up in the waste bin more often and decides they are Shiro’s favorite binges when it came to food. Then makes a second round of grocery shopping to fill the cupboards with them. The stores clerk gives him a weird look when he goes through the aisles smiling to himself, thinking of all of ‘Shiro antics’.

As the week nears the end, Shiro’s appetite slowly returns to normal and the cat naps too reduces in the duration and frequency. One day, Shiro goes out for a walk, next day it becomes a run. Curtis feels protective, because he knows very well that Shiro could be tempted to over exercise with his regained strength. But the captain proves responsible and Curtis limits himself to careful observation.

The day before the appointment to meet a doctor to approve him for work, Shiro wakes up at his usual dawn hour and goes for his usual run. He stops on his way to make some purchases at the local store, his favorite brand of beer back on the shelves is not a fact he ignores.

Back home, he finds Curtis huddled up under the sink, his long limbs bent in most uncomfortable ways.

“Stupid sink is clogged and this lever is too rusty.” He scolds the sink. Shiro can’t even see his face, but he slips his hand under and gives one pull with his metallic arm and the lever gives in. “There you go.”

Curtis’s hands falls down in relief. “Right, I forgot you could do that.”

Shiro starts to unload and pack the kitchen cupboards with everything he bought from the store including the six can beer pack.

“What did you bring?” Curtis asks from under the sink, curious because Shiro is making noise. Shiro had been looking for a way to pay back Curtis, he had been literally feeding off on him for the last week or two. So instead of admitting to have purchased enough groceries to last a month, he waves it off. “Just some stuff.”

When Curtis comes out from under the sink after a successful mission, Shiro is already nursing a beer, he hands another one to Curtis.

“It’s still morning, but since it’s my favorite, make an exception?”

Curtis smiles and takes the beer in to his hands. And then Shiro’s eyes looks up, his hand reach up, his metal fingers are suddenly combing through his hair. Curtis stops breathing, and Shiro pulls away.

“There was a cobweb on your hair.” He says shaking his fingers in the air, struggling to get it away from his fingers. Curtis holds his beer can up and takes a long sip to hide his burning face. It’s very quiet, and the air feels heavy. But Curtis reminds himself that he is gay, god designed him to have butterflies in his stomach at the touch of a handsome man. Right.

They both smile teeniest bit and look sideways.

“Do you want another?” Shiro asks after a minute and Curtis blinks, he hasn’t fully recovered yet, relishing the feel of Shiro’s fingers in his hair. Curtis has come to think that he will never get that memory out of his head.

Shiro huffs. “It’s not every day you get this brand on the shelves.”

“Oh! You mean beer?”

Shiro looks at him suspiciously. Curtis think it’s time to change the course before his stomach actually drops out of embarrassment. “About our plans for today, can we change them?” Curtis asks.

“Why, I mean, yes of course. What else have you got in your head?

Curtis takes some time, looking down and counting kitchen tiles. “My ex called. Chris.”

“Oh” is all Shiro say. Of course Curtis has an ‘ex’. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Good thing if you agree with me to go to see him. He invited us to the opening day of his diner he opened with his friend.”

Shiro remembers that Curtis’s ex is a chef, the one who taught him cooking. He stares at Curtis.

“Curtis, you know I would follow you anywhere in this universe, but if I’m going to accompany you to your ex’s diner, upon _his_ invite, I’m gonna need more information, like, Do I have to make him jealous or something…?”

Curtis doubles over and starts to laugh. “Oh god, no. I’ll never put you in an awkward position like that, no.” He says barely containing his laugh at an amused Shiro. Then slurps a large mouthful from the can, wipes his beer stained mouth with the back of his palm and this time, Shiro hides his face behind his own cold beer.

“We _kind of_ broke up, and we did it on good terms. So I have no need to show off a handsome boyfriend to make him jealous.”

Shiro gulps another large mouthful of beer. He wants to ask what he meant by ‘kind of broke up’ but he is too disturbed when he hear the ‘handsome’ word. Shiro knows he looks good, but when it comes out of Curtis’s mouth, he feels like he needs to celebrate the occasion. If only Curtis knew…

“Okay then.” Shiro agrees.

Late afternoon, Curtis gets dressed in a blue casual shirt that reflects his eyes.  Shiro wonders if Curtis secretly wants to impress his ex - boyfriend because he Is. So. Impressed.

They get in to the car and Curtis starts automatically going through his story, like he had been waiting to empty his mind. 

“Chris was a chef. He worked with Mike; his friend and had a diner at the phlat city before the war. He was the one who taught me cooking.”

“Oh” Shiro says remembering how ridiculously good Curtis is with cooking. With a special dish for every occasion, and that chicken soup he could never forget.

“After Sam and Colleen announced to the world the existence of Aliens, Chris wanted to get his bucket list ticked as quickly as possible. We had been arguing on the subject for a long time. He wanted me to join, but I couldn’t leave the fight like that. So, that was the beginning of our end. Plus Chris had so many questions I couldn’t answer because Garrison made a lot of information undisclosed from the public. Chris wasn’t comfortable with that.”

“Didn’t you ever consider telling him confidential things?”

“Chris is friendly, outgoing. Chats with everyone who came to the diner. He speaks with his heart on his sleeve. Trust me, he has absolutely no idea about secrets. There was no way I was gonna take that risk.” Curtis chuckles while Shiro tries to draw up a mental figure of this person.

“I understood his need to fulfill his bucket list and he understood my need to stay and help the fight. We broke up, _kind of_. I liked him. But we always knew we weren’t going to work out in the long run.”

 _That word again._ Shiro’s mind sends a little warning. 

Curtis takes a corner a little sharper and continues. “Chris came back last month. His friend wanted to open the diner again. Today is the first day and he wants us to grace the occasion.”

Shiro laughs. “Grace the occasion? Does he know I’m coming?”

“Yes, I told him. He was over the moon when I said the Captain of ATLAS is coming with me, he probably wants good publicity.”

“Happy to help.” Is all Shiro say. Curtis’s eyes are fixed on the road and the ride is as awfully silent as it could be after that.

The moment Curtis comes in through the door, Chris jumps them. Shiro doesn’t need an introduction to know who Chris is and who is Mike when he jumps over the counter and sweeps Curtis in to a tight lip smack that last longer than Shiro would like. But when he notices Shiro, he discards Curtis dramatically and welcomes Shiro with respect the captain deserves, with a firm hand shake and eyes that radiate respect.

The diner is full of people from Garrison and locals alike. A lot of them are pre-war customers. Shiro meets other officers who steals him for chat. A little later, Shiro realizes that both Curtis and Chris has disappeared. Mike walks to him with desert who notice Shiro’s wondering eyes.

“They are catching up.” He says with a snicker.

“I’m sure after five years they have a lot of catching up to do.” Shiro agrees. “I’ll just enjoy the desert here.”

Shiro’s resolute to stay put is broken by the warm air of the diner and his bladder. He goes looking for the rest room and splashes water over his face. On his way back he see the half opened door to the backyard. Through the open creak he could see the lanterns hung alight. Shiro is taken over by the desire to explore. He grabs the door and start to push. He hear a smack of lips, and voices that penetrate through the half open door and Shiro just freezes  in place knowing he’d be disturbing someone if he continues.

“I thought about you a lot, you know. There wasn’t a day that…”

The line is cut short by Curtis’s voice.

“Stop it Chris, you never thought of me every day.”

“Okay, may be not each and every day, but when the attack actually came, I regretted my decision. I should have stayed with you.  It was selfish of me to leave.” The French accent; Chris says and deep down, Shiro feels he actually means it.

“You were following your dreams. I don’t think I should get upset with you. I always gave you the freedom, right?”

“I was hoping you would let me correct my mistakes. Give me another chance.”

Shiro’s whole being goes numb. He realizes that he does not want to know Curtis’s answer. In the same time, he realizes he is listening in on something he shouldn’t. But then he hears Curtis’s unmistakable dismissal and his chest fills with relief.

“Chris, I came for dinner.”

“Then why did you let me kiss you?”

Shiro thinks that he definitely hates his bladder now, but can’t his feet move?

“Old habits I guess.” Curtis’s deflated voice reasons.

Another smack is heard, Shiro knows he really should leave, because the sound create an image in his head that he doesn’t want at all. He lets go of the door but realizes in a millisecond it’s gonna make a very loud creak. They would know someone was listening in. Shiro grabs back the door again, like a deer caught in a trap.

“We didn’t even break up properly, need I remind that to you Curt?” Somehow Chris’s voice sounds deeper than Shiro first heard it, and he cannot like the subdue tone he’s giving. To not help his analysis, he hears another smack of lips, it sounds like its continuing.

“We need to stop this.” Curtis says abruptly, a shuffle is heard, Shiro gleefully surmises Curtis is getting up to leave.

“Come on give me another chance. We were so good together.”

“Chris, have you forgotten how much we argued about _everything?_  Especially during the last few months we were together? They weren’t just couple arguments. We have full blown different opinions about some very fundamental things. You hate Garrison, I love it to begin with.”

“So leave it, it’s taking so much from you anyways. How many nights have you skipped sleep? How much are you going to dedicate yourself to it? When are you going to live?”

“There you go again.”

“Curtis, help me out here. Don’t tell me you don’t hate what garrison is doing to you.”

“I don’t! That’s the point.”

Shiro listens to the annoyed voice of Curtis and the subsequent shuffle sound. Curtis is definitely ready to go.

“And FYI, Garrison isn’t doing anything to me. I love working there, it is what I love doing. Just like you like your French gateaux and breads and pastries and...”

“Curtis, I love _you_ too.”

It becomes eerily silent after that. Shiro starts to close the door and run away before they see him when he hear Chris again.

“Please, I’ve been missing this-us for far too long.”

“We need to stop this.” Curtis says, a little out of breath. Shiro doesn’t even want to think what happened during the time they weren’t speaking.

“Were you single all these years Curt?”

“Chris, I was in a war, I’m still in a war. There wasn’t time for relationships.”

“That’s what I’m saying, Garrison is costing you so much, and you need to get a life. Otherwise you’ll end up like him.”

“Like him? Who?”

“Like your captain! I mean, I respect him so much. He saved the universe and lost an arm an all. But what did the universe give him back? It handed him that freaky arm. He practically _lives_ in Garrison.”

The words feel like a blade that cuts through Shiro’s heart. Ironically Chris is _right_ about the description. There is a cold silence. Shiro could feel a silent storm brewing. And he hears Curtis’s voice rising in an angry pitch he’s never heard before.

“Lost an arm?” Curtis chuckles in a scary way. “I can assure you, he has given so much more than an arm Chris, so much more. In fact, more than anyone else on earth. And because he gave so much more is the reason you are sitting on your butt alive today, and running your mouth like the selfish prick that you are.”

“Curtis, oh my god, you are angry with me, I didn’t mean it like that…”

“Do you know why I don’t want to restart us? Because I lost my respect to you. When the world started to crumble, first thing you did was give up. You refused to fight for the city you grew up, you refused to go down with the people you lived with every day. Do you know how much help these people needed during and after the war? You are selfish. That’s it. And I don’t respect selfish people. Where there is no respect, there is no chance for love. We are done Chris, properly done this time. Good luck with your diner. I’m sorry if I ruined your day.”

Shiro hears Curtis gets up in a rush. He stays as Curtis storms past the corner he’s in, followed by Chris. Shiro too stumbles out of the corner and sits on their table, feeling guilty for eavesdropping and his heart racing like a train with what he overheard.

Curtis is sat next to him with fury in his blue eyes, red lips, darker skin and sweaty.

“Do you mind driving me back?” He suddenly asks Shiro.

Shiro nods. “Of course not.”

“Good.” Curtis waves at Mike. Chris stations him at the bar, no sunshine on his face this time. Sensing something wrong, Mike saunters to Curtis.

“Get me the strongest one you have.” Curtis tells him.

Chris shrinks and Shiro grabs on to his chair because he feels like he is about to slip from the chair. Curtis does not sound at all like he is joking. Mike looks at Chris, looks at Curtis and looks at Chris again. Understanding dawns on him while for his part, Shiro is frozen in place, oblivious about how to act. Curtis is fuming next to him. It’s the first time he’s seen Curtis like this. _And it’s because of him._

Mike quietly serves them a bottle of something and Curtis drinks straight from it.  If it burned his throat, he shows no sign of it. He takes a second sip, a third sip that goes on for like forever but Shiro stops the fourth one. He looks at Curtis and gently push the bottle down on to the table, grateful that Curtis is allowing him to do that.

“Curtis, I think it’s time to leave.” Shiro sounds pleading but it’s for his own sake. He can’t watch Curtis hurt like this and he sees that Chris is cornered too. He maybe a prick, but it’s the first day of his diner. Shiro’s larger than universe heart feels sorry for the man who called his prosthetic a freak arm. Curtis quietly nods, as if he read Shiro’s mind. Back in the car, Curtis opens the window to sober up. Cool wind blows in to the car, but he is gonna need a hurricane to sober up the amount of pure alcohol he had today.

“You know, when I said we _kind of_ broke up, it’s because we hoped that if we are still single when we find each other again, we could restart ‘us’. But now he is finally here, I broke up. For real. He wanted to restart. But I broke up you know. Today is the day I really broke up with my ex. Do you even break up with exes? I think I suck at English.”

“Curtis, just, take a breath, and close your eyes. Calm down.” Shiro says gently.

He observes how shaken Curtis is, but that’s not only because he broke up with his ex, if that was even possible, but it’s also because of Chris’s analysis of Shiro. He sorely realizes that Curtis’s protective streak is not something that one should undermine. Shiro knows he should be mad too, but he cannot. For one, Chris didn’t lie, and two, Shiro doesn’t have it in him to diverge his energy to a task other than making sure Curtis will be alright.

He can see from the corner of his eyes how Curtis closes his eyes, takes a good breath and rests his head on the half open window, just like Shiro asked. His hair waves in the wind while he falls asleep without a single word of protest.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Merry Christmas everyone! and Happy Holidays too!
> 
> I'm late because my internet connection was bad. And I missed the Monday and Wednesday updates because of that. Sorry.
> 
> But here I am anyways hoping I won't let you down. 
> 
> Also, I'm having trouble dividing chapters. Curtis and Shiro are going to have a talk, and it felt too long to be added in to this chapter. So I divided it in to two. This feels like a filler chapter and a bit short, but hope you guys will still enjoy.

 

 

 

“I’m out for a run, if you wake up before I’m back, there is a drink in the fridge. Drink all of it. ALL OF IT! It’s Adam’s cure for hung out mornings, I usually vomit within fifteen minutes.”

 

_Oh! Great._

Curtis walks to the fridge like a torpid sloth. Shiro has chosen the tallest tumbler in his somewhat lacking kitchen which is filled with a brown liquid. He sniffs it suspiciously. Purely out of the faith he has on Shiro, he downs it in one go. It doesn’t taste as bad as it looks. So he drops his head on the cool kitchen counter and waits.

It’s still a little dizzy when Curtis lift his head at the ten minute mark with the feel of something really wrong with his stomach. Since he doesn’t think he could be faster than a sloth, he walks to the bath room early, and starts pacing in front of it.

His phone rings right then.

“Curtis, how are you. Long time no see pal.” Veronica sings.

Considering the narrow time frame, Curtis decides to spill the beans as quickly as possible.

“I met Chris.”

“Oh that’s why you sound like a horse, you two didn’t sleep? Did you break the bed?”

“No! Geeze Roni, have a little faith in me. He wanted us back and I said ‘No’.”

Veronica hums. “Not that I want to give an opinion on Chris, but Curt, I can’t sound sad even if I try.”

Then it’s his turn to guilt ramble. “I may have also gotten drunk last night for reasons I can’t exactly tell you unless I’m drunk again.”

“Really? But there is nothing to be sad!”

Curtis feels nauseated just thinking about the words Chris said and the words he said to Chris. “It was complicated, I can’t explain right now because Adam’s hangover cure is going to make me vomit any minute now.”

“Shiro made it for you? Touché.”

“Roni, any minute now. Why did you call?”

“Let’s hope that Adam held no vengeance towards hung out men who will have a crush on his ex, when he passed the recipe over to Shiro.”

“Roni! Not helping!”

“Okay, okay. So, we are going to touch earth soon to get ready for the big event. Do you remember?”

“Yeah.”

“While we get lady ATLAS all groomed up, Iverson thought you could maybe report back to work and relieve poor Jeremiah if the Captain is up for it. I will call Captain and inform him too.”

“I’m sure he’ll be okay. He got approved for work starting on Monday. I’ll report back at Garrison HQ as soon as I vomit.”

“Gross.”

“Don’t remind me. How about the time you puked in my bed room and -”

“Bye Curtis.”

Veronica hangs up the phone before he finishes, and somehow, remembering all the vomit he had cleaned up on behalf of Veronica seems to have done the trick. Curtis kneels in front of the toilet bowl and empties his stomach contents vigorously.

Once he’s done, Curtis lifts his head up to see the one person he didn’t want to see him like this. Shiro, all sweaty and damp, hair mused and grinning after his morning run, leans on the bathroom counter like he’s posing for a sexy commercial and waves a tissue at Curtis.

“Congratulations! You’ll be totally fine within minutes.”

“Sounds like you are talking by experience?”

“Pretty much.” Shiro huffs. “So, Roni phoned, you’re reporting to work today?”

Curtis gets up from the floor, too aware of his appearance. But Shiro has seen his worst yesterday, what’s disheveled hair and rumpled sleep clothes in the grand scheme of things? So he swallows up his pride with no hesitation and nods his head. “Only if you are okay.”

“Of course I’m okay.”

Curtis feels ashamed for even asking that question. Of course Shiro is okay, he drove him home last night when Curtis barely could hold his head up, and the real question should be if Curtis himself is okay.

“Listen, if you have time, are you sober enough to listen if I say something?” Shiro asks gingerly, like he’s testing Curtis.

Curtis nods, with tooth brush in mouth. But Shiro doesn’t get to start, the doorbell starts to ring madly. Madly.

“I’ll see.” Shiro is quick to get out of the bathroom to Curtis’s relief. He is in no way ready to open the door to anyone. Yet out of curiosity, he peers out to see who it is trying to break the bell, just in time to see a tall figure tackling Shiro to the floor.

“Shiro, my man, why didn’t you say anything to us?”

“Get off of him, you idiot.” Pidge grumbles from the door way, and Curtis blinks to see Lance getting up from top of Shiro. Rest of the conversation is lost to him in a maze of voices of Lance’s clever tongue, Pidge’s snapping, Hunk’s concern for Shiro’s safety and Matt’s quips. Curtis quietly slips to his room and gets ready. Alerted by Shiro’s radio silence, the paladins must have squeezed the secret out of either Veronica or Iverson, because no one else knew this place existed other than them.

They all greet him as he steps in to the living room ready to report to work, almost immediately he is bombarded with the chirping voices of the paladins overlapping each other he starts to wonder how on earth Shiro managed to reign in all of them in space while they were still teenagers.

“Hey Curt, thanks for helping out our space dad.” Lance shouts and Shiro rolls his eyes.

“No, seriously, thank you.” Pidge iterates. “But next time, don’t let him hide anything from us please.” Somehow that too comes out in a shout.

“You are very welcome.” Curtis accepts with a smile. “I should be heading to Garrison, ATLAS is landing today.”

“You don’t mind if I use your kitchen, do you?” Hunk asks immediately and Curtis replies with a thumbs up. “Keep any left over for me then.”

“Not left overs man, I’m gonna keep your portion safely in the fridge.”

Curtis gives a grateful nod to Hunk and snatches the keys from the catchall. Lance walks to him and shakes his hand. “Don’t worry, Shiro is ours today to pamper.” He promises, “And keep my sis safe?”

“I’ll try.” Curtis says as Lance pulls him to a side hug. “It’s never a wise thing to promise anything about your sis.”

“Captain.” Curtis addresses Shiro as the last thing he does before setting his foot outside, and Shiro nods. Somehow, his look is one Curtis fails to read. Like he has something to say, but he cannot because others are there. Curtis closes the door, immediately, he hears Matt threaten Shiro. “Spill the beans!”

There’s no doubt Shiro will have a good day with his closest friends. Yet he feels the weight of lead in side his ribcage. He may have been eager to return to work, but for some reason, leaving Shiro has become a suffocative task, like he is leaving his lungs behind.

‘Just eight hours’ he tells himself.

.

.

.

 

“Curtis, my man, change of plans. Tell me it is okay if I drag Shiro to the farm for the weekend. I’ll bring him back straight to Garrison on Monday. Hunk, Matt and Pidge the whole gang is coming with me too. So you don’t have to worry about your Captain.”

Even though he can’t see Lance, he can feel a wink in his tone, a hint behind his words. ‘Why is Lance asking _me_ permission anyway?’

“Of course. No problem.” Curtis lies while his heart breaks. “Just close the front door, that’s all.”

He won’t see Shiro until Monday, and no leftovers from Hunk too.

That conversation had taken place eight hours ago. In present, Curtis drives back home feeling hollow. For a moment, he wishes the front door doesn’t open, he doesn’t want to see the inside without Shiro in it. But it opens swiftly like it’s opening its mouth to laugh at him, for yearning something that he will never get. He doesn’t even look at the guest bedroom. Instead, he walks to the kitchen and empties a glass of water, then starts emptying the dish washer. He starts to contemplate making dinner for one person over being hungry when he hear the front door bell ringing again, not as madly as it was under Lance’s impatience.

Chris stares at him with a goofy grin on the porch.

“Peace offering?” He brings a thermal food package up and bows comically. Smell of good food warps the air. Curtis rolls his eyes, his hands accepts the offering in autopilot.

“What’s this?”

“Coq au Vin.”

“Let me remember, chicken braised with wine, lardons, mushrooms, and garlic. If you are serious about apologizing, there should be a complimentary red Burgundy wine bottle inside this package?”

“Quite right.”

“You maybe wanna, come inside?”

“Í was wishing you would ask.”

Chris says as he steps in tentatively, still with that giddy grin. He leaps on to the comfy sofa just like he used to do when they were together and used to visit his brother. Him, splayed on the sofa trying to find the perfect position is a scene too nostalgic. Curtis places the package on the kitchen counter and opens the fridge to see what he could offer Chris. The contents of the fridge still vanishes within record time thanks to Shiro’s increased appetite. Curtis isn’t surprised to find he might need to do another round of grocery shopping. “You want anything?” He shouts at the living room.

“A beer would suffice.”

Curtis begrudgingly takes two cans from Shiro’s favorite pack. He won’t be returning to get these anyway. Lance has said he will drop him straight in Garrison Monday morning.

Before he straighten his back, he feels the unmistakable, familiar presence behind him. If he straightens his back, he will be bumping his back on Chris. “Chris, you realize you are too close, right?”

“Right.” He still doesn’t move.

“Chris?”

“Okay, okay.” Chris snaps a can right out of Curtis’s hand and sits on the kitchen counter. “So, you work in the great big ATLAS?”

Curtis stations himself nearby, sipping his own beer.  “Yup.”

“You were right. We won the fight against Galra. I’m sorry I wasn’t around to share the journey with you.”

Curtis answers that with silence. Chris was the one who didn’t want to stay, so sure that they will lose. But he is apologizing now, so Curtis doesn’t want to rub the fact on his face.

“So, is the Captain -”

“He isn’t around.” Curtis answers a little too quickly.

Chris arcs his brow sensing something. “Didn’t you say he’s with you this whole week?”  
“He was supposed to, but Lance came. You know the blue paladin. They went to his farm for the week end.”

“Without you? I thought the man was a gentleman?”

“He is.” Curtis says sternly. “I have to catch up with the work I missed.”

Curtis returns and drops the half empty beer can in the bin, the beer taste too bitter in his tongue now.

There is a beat of silence before Chris jumps down from the counter. “You are lying.” He says in the same stern tone Curtis used. He places the beer on the counter and folds his arm, clearly offended. “You like him, don’t you?”

“He is my Captain.”

“‘My’ Captain! Ha?”

“Don’t read too much in to things Chris.” Curtis turns away, and starts to empty the package, but Chris grabs it back like a child holding on to candy.

“You can’t like another guy and eat my food too!”

“That’s ridiculous, of course I can!” Curtis grabs on to the package with full force, there is no way he’s letting go of a Coq au Vin made by Chris, after five maybe six years. They lock themselves in that position trying to stare down the other. It suddenly pops to Curtis’s mind that this easy banter between them is something long gone, something he missed. Just like how he miss Shiro’s presence right now. He misses so many things all at once that Curtis feels hollow, and the risen appetite with Chris’s freshly made food is suddenly lost to his grief.

“Fine, have it you way.” He says letting go of the package.

Chris’s looks momentarily taken aback. He too lets go of the package, then his hands falls on to Curtis’s shoulders. Curtis’s temptation to shrug it off is lost because he feels the friendliness of it. It’s not invasive, just genuine.

“So you like him. I can totally understand. He’s so hot.”

“Chris! C’mon. At least respect the fact that you are my ex, I’m not discussing the ‘hot’ topic with you.” Curtis retorts, but there’s no real anger in him. He’s familiar with Chris’s smooth ways of making him feel lighter when things are a little tight.

“You know what, we’ll share the food between us. You and me like the old times, and I’ll stay the night with you to keep you company. This is a very genuine offer.” Chris says, stepping back, giving his best gentleman look at Curtis and lifting his hands in surrender as if to prove his innocence.

“Chris. I appreciate that you took time off to come here when you must be really busy. I really do. But I’m fine.”

“Who am I if I can’t take time for the heroes who saved the world?” Chris says. Curtis just shakes his head, sometimes he can’t understand if Chris is joking or being serious.

“So I’m gonna listen to you and not gonna be a pain here. I learnt my lesson yesterday.”

_He wasn’t joking._

“Good luck with your diner, I really mean it Chris.”

“Merci. I’m gonna need it, given that now I have to trick another handsome to get addicted to my Coq au Vin?”

Curtis chuckles, Coq au Vin had been his weakness for a long time. “So, no hard feelings?”

Chris’s look is longing, because Curtis is cementing their breakup beyond any hope. “None at all, if it makes you happy. But really, I’m the one here to apologize.”

Curtis isn’t sure why Chris would give in that easily. But Chris is Chris, giving his customary good bye; pecks on both cheeks, always a little louder than necessary, popping like popcorn. After a beat of a second, and after much thought it feels, Chris plants a soft kiss on his forehead too.

“Take care of yourself mon chou.”

Chris turns to go, turns back again. “We’re good?”

“Solid.”

Chris walks away with a slight swagger to his walk. Curtis sighs like a weight is lifted off his shoulders. Yet the good bye leaves a chilling side effect on Curtis long after he is gone. Curtis genuinely feels bad for what happened yesterday. But he had no right to be a jerk towards Shiro. Lost in thoughts, he starts to get rid of his dinner preparation, now that there’s no need to cook. A part of him wishes sorely that Shiro was here to share his favorite dish. But he hears the door open again. Chris never lets go of anything that easily.

“Chris, I’m fine, you can go!” he shouts at the living room.

The steps continue towards the kitchen, and stop at the kitchen door. Curtis turns annoyed, only to see Shiro staring at him. Curtis does not know what takes over him as he close the distance in two long steps to wrap Shiro in a crushing hug.

Shiro hugs back like he totally expected that, but his voice is laced with concern. “Curt, you okay?”

Shiro’s worried voice makes Curtis aware of what he’s done. He quickly lets go of Shiro, his hands falling to his sides.  “Um…just didn’t expect you at all.”

“What was that you shouted? Was Chris bothering you? Was he here?”

Shiro asks a string of questions, but Curtis hasn’t recovered yet enough to answer. Shiro’s metal hand cups his shoulder in an assuring squeeze. “Curtis, are you oaky?”

Still affected by the surprise, Curtis confesses. “I thought you left.”

“Didn’t feel like leaving you in this big house alone Curt, I promised Lance a visit later. So tell me again. Are you okay?” Now both his hands are on his shoulders, weighing him down with his concern.

Curtis nods and points to the container on the kitchen counter. “Chris brought dinner as a peace offering. That’s all.”

He steps back avoiding Shiro’s gaze, and leans on the kitchen counter.

“I feel bad about how I acted. I ruined his opening day.”

“You didn’t, he brought that upon himself. All you did was make your decision. Don’t blame yourself for it. But, I’m also glad you mended with him. Resentment is too heavy a burden to carry.” Shiro emphasizes leaning on the doorframe.

Curtis is melting in side, feeling Captain’s gaze at him, with how the Captain is standing there, leaning on the door frame artfully, looking at him and smiling easy, those glistening grey eyes, boring into him.

“True.” Curtis agrees, turning his back to Shiro and there by turning away from that unbearably sweet psychological torture Shiro’s attention puts him through. "Okay." Shiro says, "I'll be in my room if you need me." As Shiro is leaving, Curtis remembers to mention about the dinner.

“He brought ‘Coq au Vin’. It’s a French dish made with chicken, lardon, mushrooms, and garlic. There’s a red burgundy bottle to go with. That’s real food, and that’s what you need in your stomach to keep those muscles intact.” He says as a start for normal conversation, and he says that a little loud for Shiro to hear him, because he has left the kitchen.

“I’m fine.” Shiro calls out before Curtis runs to check on him. The voice is sheepish, sounds a little embarrassed for what ever happened. And it occurs to him then, was that Shiro’s natural reaction to Curtis’s praise? It also occurs him that Shiro never brought back the subject of how he looks in new glasses after Curtis said he looked hot.

_._

_._

_Was Bojan right?_


	18. chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this still came a lot longer than I wanted it to, I just couldn't find a proper place to break the chapter. 
> 
> Anyways, here it goes. The conversation.

They shed the formalities of the dining table to enjoy the dinner on the roof top, under the moonlight. After that, they just lay there, watching the night sky, splayed on the rooftop, stretching their long limbs and relaxing to their heart’s content.

“Is that a satellite?” Shiro asks pointing to a blinking star.

“Nope, that’s the interim space station.” Curtis says. Shiro’s face is lit in the dark from the little light that emanate from his prosthetic. It reminds him that during his hospital stay, it had dimmed so low. Curtis realizes that the brightness of the light is like a barometer of his strength, a little detail only he knows about Shiro that he tucks safely deep in his heart, on top of a pile of other small details he has gathered up over time.

“Good thing I have a navigations expert next to me.” Shiro chuckles. “The alliance is planning on building another one. This one is having difficulty handling the volume. Who thought earth will become the Universe’s hub? The Universe has changed so much in such a short time, hasn’t it.”

Curtis jumps in immediately to correct him. “ _You_ changed it!”

“ _We_ changed it” Shiro counters.

Curtis smiles knowingly, Shiro isn’t fond of praise. “Right, but you started it, we only helped with the finishing touch.”

“You are too good to me.”

Curtis smiles at the sky satisfied because Shiro doesn’t outright reject the praise. Although the captain isn’t fond of praise, he had to give credit where it’s due.

The tall trees protruding on to the roof top sways in the wind, the little leaves rustles; a lullaby in the desert that lulls them to calm.

“Is Lance really happy sir?”

“He looks like it...” Shiro’s voice trails off. “Or acts like it.”

“Roni sometimes goes crazy trying to drag him out of the farm.”

“I know, I don’t think it’s easy for Lance, especially when there is a permanent reminder implanted on his face of everything what they could have become. In my mind, despite everything they have been through, lance is still a young man. Even younger, when you get to know him.”

“They only had a very little time together as a couple, Lance and the Princess?” Curtis inquires, since his knowledge of the paladin dynamic does not amount to much.

“Yeah, but lance was always flirting with her, from the very beginning. The first time he met, she was wobbling her way out of the pod after ten thousand years. She fell and he captured her in his arms. When she asked where she is, he said, ‘you’re right here in my arms’.” Shiro sing songs. “Needless to say I had a hard time reigning him in while trying not to feel myself like Iverson.”

“And what did the princes say?”

“She tackled him to the floor and demanded a real answer.” Shiro says turning his hands and mimicking the princess’s move, a whistle escaping his lips.

“That must have been painful.” Curtis mumbles though his laugh. “Lance is…I don’t know, I wish I knew him before he was tamed and all grown up like he is right now…must have been fun.”

“You bet, have I told you about the time we met Rolo and Nyma? He was all over her. I had to remind him a few times to behave, still she managed to trick him in to blue and in to space. Then she hand cuffed him to a tree and stole blue. Lance barely managed to get to his headgear and call us to save him.”

“Let me guess.” Curtis says going through his memory made up of stories Shiro and Keith had told him. “Was that the time you argued over how canon fire sounds like?” Curtis is eager to listen to, and amused in the same time by Shiro’s description that puts the dangers they faced in the space to shame.

“Who said that to you?” Shiro asks surprised.

“Keith. He said the debate is still going on?”

“There is nothing to debate, the sound _is blam, blam blam!”_ Shiro says finger shooting the sky, and Curtis wonders what the response will be if this goes on ATLAS group chat. It’s impossible to believe someone of Shiro’s stature and rank would act this silly and simple. Curtis knows that these are the invaluable moments the real man inside Captain Shirogane peeks out, these are the treasures that only he gets to see. Curtis knows he could only fall more in love with this man, it would be the lie of the century if he believed otherwise.

Well, he was living that lie.

Curtis shoves that thought out of his mood because he wants to cherish this moment he is having with Shiro. Moon light fades as clouds crowd the sky, the wind blows a little harder and colder signing an oncoming rain. It doesn’t rain all the time here, but when it does, it pours. It had been a long time since he last savored the night like this. Lulled in his thoughts as the cool wind blows, Curtis doesn’t know how much time passed between them when Shiro calls his name.

“Curt?”

“Hm?”

“Tell me about Chris if you don’t mind.” Shiro prompts. “I have to admit, he’s a great chef. I’m just curious about him. Looks like he’s gonna hang around a bit.”

Curtis sighs not because has a problem sharing the details with Shiro, but because it takes him through the memory lane, full of ups and downs of a relationship he thought would last his lifetime. He sighs because the first thought that comes to his mind along with Chris is how fragile human nature is, how quick people could change.

“I was a sucker for his Coq au Vin, used to go to his diner every possible day.” Curtis says recalling how he used to struggle between weight and his love for the dish before he found the balance. “Chris made sure he chat with every customer that comes to the diner no matter how busy it is. Safe to say, one thing led to the other. When we moved in together; too quickly to my brother’s liking, there was always five star hotel worth dinner on the table. On good days, when I’m early, I stormed the diner’s kitchen and he taught me how to cook. It was fun to share the kitchen. Chris was my stress buster. But something clicked inside him when we got to know of the pending alien attack. He changed. And I was forced to become the household sunshine. Learnt a lot through that process though.”

Curtis sits up, something uncomfortable sirs in him talking about that past filled with tension. A sudden alien attack is one thing, but to wait for it to happen was a mind crushing exercise. Not everybody was resilient enough to survive that.

“I can say I tried. I tried a lot to keep ‘us’, to keep him happy through all that. Chris isn’t a bad guy. It’s like, his self-preservation instinct became prominent over everything else that he was. He was sure we would lose the war. He became obsessed with his bucket list, and became oblivious to my existence. I finally started to see what he really wanted in life. Mom said it’s in difficult times that we see who people really are. He wanted freedom to do in what he believed was his last moment, so I gladly gave it to him.”

When Curtis looks at Shiro, he is gawking at him. He then falls back slumped against the floor staring at the sky. “I can resonate with that.” He says, and Curtis tries to draw a connection between what he knows about Shiro and what he said. He can come up with a number of situations Shiro was close to his last moment but the connection is still lost to him, it still leaves him baffled.

“Curtis”

“Hm..?”

“Did you know Adam? After I left? None of the common friends we had are alive. I have no one to ask.” Shiro’s voice is just a little rough, it would escape someone else, but not Curtis. It is clear the subject is sensitive to Shiro, but Curtis can’t just leave the question hanging.

“I’ve met him a few times because he came to the systems lab to meet Sam, then worked with him a handful of times too, mostly when we were discussing training simulations for MFE’s.”

“Tell me, everything, however little it is.” Shiro sounds ravenous for the details. He turns his whole body at Curtis, eager to listen. Although it’s baffling when the usually reserved captain speak so eagerly, Curtis tries to bring out of his mind all the encounters he had with Adam.

“When Sam returned to work, Adam came to meet him. That’s when I first got to know who he was.” Curtis says, he could still remember how Adam came running to Sam, after the meeting that revealed what really had happen to Kerberos mission. Adam was part of the discussions because he was appointed to train the MFE pilots. Several years junior to him, Curtis hadn’t met Adam before.

“Sam and I were the only people in the lab when Sam showed him everything he had in the drive he brought from the castle ship.”

Curtis stills, unsure if he should continue beyond that, because the detail that follow won’t be easy on Shiro.

“And…” Shiro sits up. Curtis knows there is no turning back now.

“Adam…just broke down crying.”

Shiro audibly gasps, and turns away from Curtis. His eyes fixes with the sky again, like it is his only escape. Curtis gets up to go, he does not want to continue, nor is he sure Shiro wants him there to witness his tears. But Shiro’s hand shots up, grabbing his shirt and pulling him back down.

“Please tell me more.” He begs.

Curtis knows what little he could reveal is no fairy tale, but he also that realizes he is filling a vital gap in Shiro’s healing process. His request makes him realize that, all these times, after all these years back on earth, Shiro didn’t know how Adam reacted.

“Didn’t Sam tell you anything?” Curtis asks almost annoyed at his mentor. Sam had been there all along, Sam had been in contact with Adam than him.

“I never asked, I don’t think I was ready until now. So if you know, please tell me every bit of it, you don’t have to smooth it down. I can take pretty much anything now.”

The way he says it, like it pretty much sums his whole life breaks Curtis’s heart even more. But as Shiro asked, Curtis doesn’t plan on smoothing rough edges, he knows the rawness will hurt but it is part of the healing process.

“When Sam told him your story, he cried so damn much. I thought he’d be sick right there.”

Curtis doesn’t even try to meet Shiro’s eyes, because he knows the pain that should be there. Before he knows, he is dumping his thoughts out aloud, because it is a day he will never forget in his own life.

“I don’t know what happened between you two, but he loved you. It made me wonder. Made me reconsider my relationship with Chris. Because I liked Chris, but my heart didn’t ache for Chris like Adam did for you. And I knew for a fact Chris didn’t feel the same for me.”

Perhaps, he saw the flaws of his own relationship through Adam. Curtis did not have that understanding before he fleshed out his experience with Adam in to words.

“We were together for _some_ common interests, we were compatible, but we didn’t _love_ each other the way I wanted my love to be. I realized from Adam that ‘love’ means something totally different to what I had in my life.”

Shiro looks taken aback, and Curtis wonders if he got carried away. Shiro asked about Adam, but Curtis didn’t know how to say the little things he knew about him without the background that was Him and Chris. Curtis runs his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get carried away.”

“Don’t be.” Shiro says. He puts a tentative hand on Curtis’s arm and Curtis could see the small smile that ghosts Shiro’s face in the little light available when he speaks up.

“Perhaps our lives are more tangled than we realized. I want to know more. Tell me everything that comes to your mind. Adam, Chris, You, just everything…”

Curtis nods a little relieved, this maybe an exercise they both could profit, an extended version of their star gate conversations. 

“That day, I went home to find Chris with a readymade speech, trying to break up with me, without hurting me. Remembering how Adam loved you, it was so easy to let him go. He didn’t even have to do the full speech.”

Shiro perks up, his eyes wide, but Curtis shakes his head, no, it’s nothing he feels sorry about.

“I remember, when the MFE pilots did their first ever successful test drive, Adam came running to the lab. Again. Because, him, running to the systems lab to tell Sam their most recent achievement had been something pretty common those days.”

Shiro’s eyes look far away, probably imagining in his mind what Curtis is saying about his ex-lover.

“Adam broke in to a hysterical laugh inside. It was contagious, the three of us were laughing without even knowing _why_ we were laughing before he broke the news. He was so happy that day, proud of the team he had trained. Happy he could finally do something to kick Galra’s purple asses- his words, not mine. Something for what they did to you.”

Curtis and Shiro shares a little laugh, both in remembrance of Adam.

“Adam was just…simple fun. When we were in classes, he used to impersonate the instructors. Got in to detention several times thanks to his acting skills. When he himself became an instructor, he started impersonating the cadets. He was carefree, funny. But it took a backseat when I was diagnosed. Did you know about it?”

“Keith told me.”

“Adam and I were together since fifteen. We knew each other like the back of our hands. But when we grew up and became men, we preferred different lives. I wanted to be in on action, he wanted to have a laid back life teaching, having fun and tea in the evening. I guess I put him in continuous stress when I took mission after dangerous mission.  It wasn’t fair to him. I didn’t understand the stress he must have been under when he had a fiancé with an expiration date. I knew my last moments of being active was coming, so I wanted the freedom to do what my heart wanted, however dangerous or ill advised it was. So when the preparations for Kerberos mission started, it became our end.”

Curtis could now see how Shiro could relate to Chris. Although under very different circumstances, they both believed it was their last moment. While Shiro dedicated his life to greater good, Chris had given in to his self-preservation instinct.

“But you loved each other, even after that.” Curtis points out the stark difference between their relationships.

“Always.”  Shiro agrees, stealing a glance at Curtis that he could only describe as contentment.

The unyielding nature of Shiro and Adams relationship brings only one pair to Curtis’s mind. “Reminds me of my brother and Shrima. Those two lovebirds were inseparable high school lovers. They bought this house to start a family.”

“Shrima is fun to be around, seems like she had adjusted quite well. Had quite the fun surfing with her.”

“Yeah, she is an eternal sunshine.” Curtis agrees. “Too bad she is planning to go back to India. Probably within the next two or three years once her research here is done.”

“Really?”

“Her parents are old, they need her help.”

“What about this house? She’s gonna have to sell this. Too bad I love this place.”

Curtis smiles finally able to tell something good. “Well, good news there. Remember I told you I’m saving for something in a hurry?”

Shiro quickly puts two and two together. “You bought this?”

“House market is low, she had to put this up for sale for one fourth of what they originally bought. I knew the original price, so I paid that. I was scared that she’ll sell this to someone else so I had to be as quick as I could be about it. Didn't tell her until I had the money transferred to her account. Otherwise she would never allow me to spend any money on her behalf.”

“Curt, that’s very generous of you.”  

“It’s the least I could do for her.” Curtis says picking at his jeans. Happy, having being able to do something for the woman who kept his brother happy. There is another truth that had been keeping him a little uneasy ever since he bought the house. “I’m also down to my last penny now. Until Garrison pay me my next month salary, I’m running on reserve.”

Shiro wonders, even with a hole in his pocket, Curtis had been feeding him, and he knows he literally amounted to two people with his appetite. Shiro internally cheers because he brought him groceries behind his back today. And his heart fills with warmth because of the kindness and gratitude Curtis demonstrate. “It’s good this world has people like you.”

“Are you kidding me?” Curtis turns to him. “You are the epitome of selflessness.”

Shiro shrugs off Curtis’s comment like he always does. “So what are you going to do with this?”

“I don’t know, really. I just wanted to do something for Shrima. Buying a house was never in my plans. I guess I should start with the repairs.”

“What type of?”

“Well, the pantry needs a complete redo, foyer, the fence, the pond and the garden, the attic - well pretty much everything. But if I will have to pay someone now, I’m gonna have to break the bank. So that’s gonna have to wait.”

Excited about plans, Curtis doesn’t even notice Shiro’s gaze on him. But for Shiro, there isn’t a way he could miss that. Then something miraculous comes out of Curtis’s mouth.

“Shiro” Curtis calls him by his name.

“Yes.” Says Shiro, breaking in to a grin larger than his own cheeks, but Curtis doesn’t seem to notice the slip of Shiro’s name out his tongue.

“I want to turn this roof top in to something more comfortable, a place to star gaze, and have a good evening. Maybe have a barbecue and a small pantry.” He says wondering his eyes around the bare roof top.

“I guess you’ll have to break the bank after all.” Shiro comments.

Curtis gets lost for a moment, Shiro knows what he is doing.

“You are probably calculating the cost in that number-wise head of yours aren’t you?”

“Can’t help it.” Curtis says mid calculations. “And yes, I’m gonna have to break the bank.” He says deflating with the final cost figure in his head. But then he gets excited again.

“Will you be my partner in crime? I’m pretty sure your hand can take care of a bank safe with no problem!”

Shiro doesn’t even think twice to answer. “Of course. Partners in crime.”

They both give out a child worthy giggle, in response the sky lets drops of rains on them. Neither of them need reminders as they scramble up and run to the door.

But Curtis can’t open it. The old worn out metal door has the door handle stuck in rust. He yanks it, pulls it and turns the handle vigorously before he gives up. “I think it’s your turn.”

Shiro huffs as he takes his stand against the stubborn door, and yanks it open with his Altean hand. The door gives in even before Shiro put his full pressure on the handle. With the pull powering up, his elbow sweeps back to hit something solid. A gasp escapes someone and Shiro turns to see Curtis curled on the floor, clutching his stomach. He has accidentally elbowed the poor human with his Altean prosthetic.

“Oh! Shit.” He crouches next to Curtis. “Curtis, speak to me.” Shiro’s hands fumble looking for a way to comfort Curtis, to see the extent of the damage. Curtis doesn’t speak for a full minute, the air seems to have escaped his lungs.

“It’s the first time I heard you swear.” Curtis laughs after a full minute of silent dry heaving. Shiro has no doubt about the extent of the pain. His Altean hand is no match to a human hand. Curtis sits up slowly, allowing his abs to absorb the pain. Shiro helps him stand up in his feet. He bends down in pain again.

“Curtis I’m sorry.” Shiro says exasperated, unable to find a way to help Curtis because he is wrapped around himself like an octopus.

“I’m not Sendak.”

“I know.” Shiro blurts. “Why does your humor has to come out in the wrong time?”

“Because I can’t even cry now!” Curtis mumbles, but he cannot ignore that the few rain drops earlier are steadily growing in to a full rain now. He stands up slowly and takes a deep breath. Shiro’s hand still lingers on his shoulder, Curtis could see Shiro’s worried face.

“It was an accident, I was foolish to stand behind you.” He says because Shiro’s face looks strained. Shiro just shakes his head.

When they slowly make it to the first floor, the rain had started to pour.

“Let me get an ice pack for you.” Shiro offers as soon as they touch the bottom of the stair case.

“No!” Curtis says quickly – maybe too quickly, because the last thing he wants is Shiro pressing an ice pack to his bare abs. Shiro looks at him curious.

“I’m perfectly fine.”

Strangely though, Shiro doesn’t press on the matter. “We should get changed.” He says instead.   

The moment Shiro disappears in to his room, Curtis storms the kitchen for the ice pack. He presses it to the very apparent purple bruise sighing. _‘Perks of being captains pal.’_

Changed in to warm clothes, he pours two mugs of hot chocolates humming to himself. As he brings them to the living room, his humming stops. Shiro is holding a makeshift bucket to gather the rain drops pouring through a leak in the ceiling.

“Holy shit!”

Shiro doesn’t say it’s the first time he heard Curtis swear. “You are gonna need to break that bank ASAP.” He reminds instead.

Shiro puts down the bucket on the floor, perfectly aligning it to catch the water droplets.

“Well, it’s good it rained, at least I know where the leaks are.” Curtis says trying to be optimistic and handing Shiro his mug. Shiro leans on the dining table thoughtfully, Curtis follows his gaze.

“Oh!”

Adam’s box sits on the dining table. “That’s what I was out to get when you came home today.” Curtis remembers Shiro came home after Chris left. Apparently, he went to get this but this was on ATLAS last he saw it.

“Got Roni to worm hole it with other cargo.” Shiro explains. “I wouldn’t mind if you join me to the opening ceremony of the box.”

Curtis winces at Shiro’s dark humor. “But it’s private, to you. You don’t have to include me just because I’m here.”

Curtis has had too many emotional moments for one day. First, it was the  memory of  yesterday, then Lance showing up to steal Shiro, then Chris, then Shiro again, then the talk they had about everything that was both their pasts, Curtis doesn’t know if he could handle anymore.

“I told you, I don’t mind.” Shiro says after sometime. It might have sound a little harsh if one listened to him without context, but in Shiro’s difficultly mustered up smile, Curtis see that Shiro really doesn’t want to do it alone. He needs something, someone, holding him together and Curtis would do that in a heartbeat, even if it kills him.

Shiro stations the box on the dining table, and sits to slowly finish his Hot chocolate. Curtis’s heart strings pull in all directions when he see Shiro avoid eye contact with both him and the box. He doesn’t know if he should try to lighten up the mood or just give in to his emotions and cry on the dinner table itself. He’d really like the latter but Shiro needs a pillar right now, and he’d gladly put his heart aside and be that in his need, no strings attached.

Shiro puts his mug on the table with determination, and sets to remove the tape that seem to be in none ending loop around the box. The sound of tape scraping the surface as it loosens is too loud to the fragile hearts the two men carry right then. But the tape ends and the wrappings reveal two boxes. One very large, and another added by the legal department.

Shiro first goes for the smaller wooden box. It’s the safer choice because they know what’s inside. Added to the package later, It’s the common wooden box, given by legal department to hold the dog tag and other medals of a fallen officer. Inside, all of Adam’s honor medals shines blinding them in the reflection of the light. But the dog tag is missing, they never found it, but neither of them voice the missing item.

Curtis thinks he could see Shiro’s fingers tremble as he works his hands to open the bigger box, the one Adam meant for him to have. He stands up, stares inside while Curtis burns with anticipation, the smallest of the grins ghosts Shiro’s face. He then slowly, one by one places the items on the table surface. Framed photos, an old, severely used friendship band, that couldn’t have fit Adam’s wrist unless he was sixteen, a note book, souvenirs that  may have been gathered from visiting places all around the world, 

Curtis listens with awe as Shiro describes him the stories behind them. The friendship band was Shiro’s first gift to Adam, at fifteen, when he hadn’t a clue that he was gay. The ridiculous watch that Shiro bought him with his first salary, Adam treasured but never wore. The photo taken on their first day as flight partners, which Curtis has seen on Shiro’s Coffee table and office desk and a photo with Shiro on a hospital bed with a broken leg and Adam standing behind him, probably hiding behind Shiro’s back waving an engagement band in the air.

“This was taken right before he proposed to me, he couldn’t wait until I was discharged.” Shiro says smiling, a drop of a tear threatening to fall in the next second. Just like that, every item unravels a memory of their time together. It’s like the Pandora box of Adam and Shiro’s history. Because for some stories they laugh together, with others, Shiro’s eyes wells up with unshed tears, and until the description is finished about an item, Curtis doesn’t know whether to feel sad or happy about it.

Shiro then takes out a jar full of coins, a twenty bill folded sinfully, is evident inside it.

“The swear jar” Shiro says smiling, wrapping it inside his palms like it’s a huge diamond. “When we were first appointed as instructors, Adam wanted to stop swearing. He wanted to become ‘role model instructors’ inside out. Every time one of us swore, we put a dollar in it.

Curtis’s jaw hangs open. “What on earth did you say to put a twenty in it?”

Shiro immediately takes an offensive stand. “How did you assume it was me?” He asks. “That was Adam, and no I’m not gonna tell you that.”

“I’m a grown up!”

Faced with Curtis’s very legitimate protest, Shiro’s face reddens like a beet. When he answers, Curtis wishes he never asked the question.

“It’s something he said while we were…um..on bed, so...”

“Oh.” Curtis manage to wrangle out of his vocal chords that seem to have frozen. ‘Sorry.”

“If you must know I can -“

“No thanks.” Curtis gulps the huge lump mentally slapping away all the unnecessary images that invade his mind. He knows Shiro is teasing by offering to reveal, but if he goes on at this rate, Curtis is sure his dignity won’t make it unscathed until the box is emptied.

Shiro grins victorious, like he read Curtis’s mind, then gets up to get whatever was left in the box. The grin turns in to a curious expression as he shows a thick white folded paper to Curtis.

“It’s the last item.” Shiro says unfolding it. Curtis could only gasp as a letter, written in blue ink and neat handwriting is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It isn't over yet! Tell me what you think. Was it boringly long? Too many dialogues?


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very distracted while editing this thanks to a five year old who literally was sitting on my head, I couldn't hear myself thinking. Sorry for all the mistakes and mismatching dialogs if you find any.

“Adam had a collection of antic feather ink pens, and he knew this chemistry grad who made old style ink for him.” Shiro describes. A letter is a very personal thing. Curtis knows it’s meant only for Shiro. Curtis stands up to leave before Shiro has to ask him to.

But Shiro grabs him from his shirt and pulls him down for the second time of that day. There is no ambiguity when he says “Stay.”

Curtis feels his whole inner being get caught in a cold storm. But he sits, right next to Shiro trying not to read it. Shiro opens the letter, stare at it for a moment before he gives up and hands it over to Curtis. Curtis’s hands shake as he takes it.

“Please read it aloud, I can’t read with tears blurring my vision.”

“Are you sure?"

Shiro drops his head on folded arms on the table. “Please just read it.” He begs.

Curtis has to summon all his strength to start reading.

.

.

_._

_Dear Takashi,_

_I finally gave up trying to come up with the perfect good bye letter for you. I’m close to emptying the last bottle of ink I have just by writing the first line and throwing the letter away. I did not order anymore ink because I have a feeling I won’t make it to another one._

_So I gave up, and thus this letter is gonna be everything that comes to my mind as and when they come to my mind. If Mrs. Cassie sees this letter I’m sure she will down grade me.”_

“Our first English and communications teacher. We used to say she retired early because she couldn’t handle Adam’s academic writing anymore.” Shiro says holding up his head out of the hole he dug on table surface.

_“I don’t care what she thinks about the structure and order of this letter, because I’m gonna state the most important thing first._

_I love you, love you and love you.”_

 

 

Curtis pauses, wondering how his destiny could treat him this cruel. Because with every fiber of his being, he loves Shiro too. Yet he has to voice the words ‘I love you’ - the three words he thinks he will never get to say to him, on behalf of his ex. But Curtis forgets the searing pain in his chest, because Shiro is wiping his cheeks. The dam has finally broken, the tears he had been holding off so far are free falling. Curtis realizes how little a hurt he has to nurse right now compared to the agony Shiro is going through.

 

_“Don’t’ think for a minute I stopped loving you because you pissed me off by taking up Kerberos mission. You know it’s hard not to be a mother hen around you because you are so reckless and risk taking._

_Anyways, I know Admiral Sonda plans to launch the jets as the first line of defense, which I’m pretty sure is my fate signed, sealed and delivered. From what I heard from Sam, there is no way we could match them with the old technology. But it would be my pleasure if I get to direct at least one missile on a Galra craft. I could die satisfied knowing I’ve done what I could for what they did to you._

_So, since it is inevitable that I won’t be here when you come back, I thought of writing my last will and collected in this box everything I thought you would cherish long after I am perished._

_Takashi, I’m so glad you are alive, although Sam tells me detail about you that keeps me up in the night. I hope by the end of this war, you will find peace – no, not peace for the universe, well, that as well, but I want you to find peace for you too, and have that bastard Zarkon and Haggar crushed in to stardust. Yes, I did say that!_

“Typical Adam.” Shiro comments, but Curtis cannot help but agree. “Can’t blame him, could you?”

 

_Keith. That kid became a total mess when Kerberos mission failed. I wanted us to mourn together, but every time I tried to reach out, he shrugged me off. He believed in you relentlessly, argued with the whole Garrison that you couldn’t have made an error, unlike me who accepted their lie so easily. I guess I judged you based on your condition, it is my biggest regret and one that I will take to my grave, forgive me Takashi._

Curtis stops reading because he is disturbed by the sharp intake of breath Shiro takes, biting a sob. He does not think he should console Shiro to stop the tears, for those tears have to be shed in order for Shiro to be healed from the loss, so Curtis continues…

_“I know I’m not your fiancé anymore, and I know even if I live to meet you one day, our paths will not lead towards the same destination. Yet, I have been your better half from the first day we were thrust in to that cockpit to be flight partners.”_

Curtis stops when he hears Shiro smirk, he has wiped all his tears and is resting his chin on his palms listening to Curtis. There is a subtle smile on him which Curtis is sure have been brought there by the fine memories of their flight partner days. And he himself laughs when he read the next words from Adam’s letter.

 

_”I can hear your smirk Takashi, so you better stop it. I am your better half and that’s a fact.”_

 

Curtis takes a break himself, it’s amazing how they know each other so well. Curtis finds himself in a silent thought – If Adam was alive, fiancé or not, he will definitely be the rock that Shiro needs, someone who would be there for him in all ups and downs without any strings attached.

_‘Anything and everything for the captain.’ – Maybe I can be that person too._

 

“Curt, is that all?”

“No, sorry, I was just thinking. Why does all good men die early?” He finds himself asking, But Shiro is thinking. He does not answer Curtis’s question.

_“I think that gives me the right to tell you a few things here._

 

Curtis pauses before he reads again. Shiro looks at him expectantly.

_“Find love, I know you need it. Find someone who will fall not for the hero that you are, but for the simple man that you are inside. The man I had the fortune to live with and share love. Find someone who will continue to love you when you are old and gray, when you cannot do all the gimmicks you do now._

 

“Did Sam tell him I already sport gray hair?”

“I don’t think so.” Curtis chuckles. The mood of the letter seems to change their mood as well and Curtis finds himself speaking his mind. “But if you put together what Roni generally says, I guess you can consider yourself old and gray.”

“I’m not gonna comment on that because I’m too emotional now.” Shiro retorts and strums his finger on the letter wanting Curtis to continue reading.

_“Most importantly, let him love you. Open up Takashi, you don’t always have to be the strong one. You may be the hero of the universe, but don’t try to be that in your relationship. Let him love you, let him take care of you._

_But before you do anything, tell him, that you cannot do anything in the kitchen other than make pan cakes, but those pancakes are the best in the whole universe. Tell him to purchase a separate mirror because you need at least an hour until you groom yourself to satisfaction before you steer off the mirror. Always have two TV’s in the house, you are scary sometimes when the game season is on. Tell him that you stuff two pillows between your knees when you sleep, and that you roll over at least hundred times a night - taking it all with you. ”_

 

Curtis can’t, he just can’t read anymore because the imagery is enticing, he breaks out laughing, and he figures only Adam could make you laugh while being dead. Shiro pulls the letter from his hands, with mock annoyance. Curtis gladly uses both his hands to stifle his laugh.

There is just one more sentence to read. Shiro voices it for the both of them.

_“If you are able to find a man who will fulfill these qualifications, here I bless you both – he’s gonna need it badly.”_

_P.S: You better tell him to be okay with the fact that I’m always going to be in your heart! You hear me? Are you reading this? Takashi probably gave this to you to read, I know that dork!”_

Shiro grins at him, a knowing one. Curtis looks up dumbfounded. But Shiro does not seem disturbed by what is written or the fact that he had given it to Curtis to read. Hiding inside his palms, he is grinning softly, shaking his head. Curtis slowly and carefully takes the letter from his hand and reads the last bit for himself. Then he folds the letter and deposits it back in the box.

They sit side by side while Shiro finally recovers from his humor, sighs, and tears, then unnaturally, starts picking at his nails - not a sight Curtis ever thought the always confident Captain will demonstrate, but it’s a sign how nervous Shiro is with what he is going to tell now.

“He was my only family, sans Keith of course.” It is evident Shiro needs to let out a few things, so Curtis settles on his chair ready to listen.

“I had my own family once upon a time, Curtis. My father was a general in the defense forces back in Japan. My mother stayed home, I had a sister and a brother, and I was the eldest.”

Curtis sits waiting and letting Shiro take his time with this never before told story. Shiro takes a deep breath in contemplation before he starts again.

“I came to Garrison when I was fifteen, then the third world war happened. My family and I were separated in two continents. The camp my whole family lived was bombed during the war, they said that there was nothing left.” _Or no one._

Shiro doesn’t explain anymore and Curtis doesn’t pry. But the gist is there, the war left Shiro an orphan.

“I was fifteen, Garrison became my guardian; Iverson by extension.” Shiro smiles fondly remembering the older man. “And Adam became my only family, then Keith came along. I thought I was pretty set for life until I was diagnosed.”

Ever since Keith had told him about it, he had researched everything he could about it. But Keith hadn’t indicated anything about the current status, and Curtis hadn’t asked any more than what Keith voluntarily told him because he felt it was too invasive of a question to ask. Shiro sighs, a heavy one, like he’s ready to get rid of a burden off his chest, and speaks.

“Back when we were in the prison cell, do you remember what I said?”

Shiro hadn’t tell much there, so Curtis remembers perfectly. “About a replica?”

“Yeah, other than the paladins, Curtis, you are the only one I’m trusting with this detail. In the first fight with Zarkon, I died.”

Curtis’s stares at Shiro slack jawed. “What?”

Shiro looks down at his hands, like they were suddenly fascinating.

“Black preserved me in her consciousness. For over a year, that’s where I survived, without a body, witnessing and feeling everything through Black, while a replica of me, created by Haggar acted in my place. It was called the project Kuron by the Galrans. Haggar used Kuron to infect the castle ship with a virus, in the fight that ensued, Keith was able to remove the Galra prosthetic from Kuron’s body, breaking Haggar’s connection. Allura was able to join Kuron’s body with my consciousness from Black. That’s the story of how I got a body” Shiro laughs dryly.

“Though not necessarily ‘my own’ body. And that’s why I wanted to know if I had all the memories in me. If Haggar had really copy-pasted all of me.”

“That’s crazy.” Curtis finally manages to find words, Shiro’s dark humor does not sound funny at all right now.  

“But you know the one thing she didn’t give back? My disease…”

It is with seethe that a huff escapes Curtis. “She wanted a physically perfect ‘you’ to do her dirty work, but in order for you to be a realistic actor among the paladins, she had to keep the memories intact.”

“I guess I don’t have to thank her after all.”

“You don’t, of course. It’s like she was obsessed with you. Even after all that, you forgave her, tried to save her. Princes Allura sacrificed herself to correct Haggar’s destruction! Do you think the universe will ever be able to repay you enough for everything you guys have done?”

“We don’t expect anything in return Curtis, that’s how it always was, always will be.”

“This is crazy.” Curtis exclaims, because he is at a loss of better words.

“That’s the second or third time you said that.” Shiro points out.

“Because it is crazy. How do you...?” Curtis pauses. How on earth does Shiro stay so put together? “You are right when you said that if you spoke to a therapist, the therapist is gonna need a therapist.” He finally says. His hands find Shiro's hand, holding on to them for a second before he press them to his chest, over where his heart beats.

A few long seconds pass between them while Shiro gets lost in the eyes of the man holding him, those eyes that are starting to get in to that deep blue Shiro could die for, deep blue because Curtis is holding his tears.

“Thank you.” He says. “Because that is all I can do right now for you. But if it comes to it, know that I will do anything for you.”

Shiro shakes his head in protest. The warmth of Curtis passes on to him magically, through the palms that greedily absorb him.  “Curtis, I don’t want you to feel like you owe anything, I just wanted you to know. “

“I know, and I’m honored that you shared this with me. I just…it’s a promise I make because you deserve it. Just…thank you.” Curtis’s hands that are pressing Shiro’s palms are hardening on his grip, so overwhelming both of them.

“No, Curtis, I should be thanking you. Not everyone feels safe sitting next to a replica of a man made by a witch.” Shiro’s voice is faint, uncertain what Curtis’s response will be.

“You are NOT a replica!” Curtis exclaims. He lets go of Shiro’s hands and takes him by both his shoulders, so overtaken by emotions. Shiro looks at him, astounded by his bluntness.

“You are not. You are Takashi Shirogane, the man who saved the Universe, the man Adam continued to love even after you parted. You are the quintessence of selflessness, love and strength. You deserve everything best. This universe can’t pay you back enough.”

And abruptly, like Curtis just realized that he was talking to Shiro, he stops. Every sound the night brings is faded in to the background as they sit in silence, staring at each other, boring in to the other’s soul, feeling the other’s heart beat in their own chest. The sounds of their breathing is the only sound, Curtis’s hands are still cupping Shiro’s shoulders, reassuring and warm.

Waking up from his outburst, a pure incident out of love and protectiveness towards Shiro he hold inside of him, Curtis draws his hands back. Because he was leaning towards Shiro. He does not want anything to happen between them in a moment when they are both emotionally compromised. Shiro just read a letter from Adam. This is ‘their’ moment.

“We should get some sleep, I’m sure you’ll need to be early at the office tomorrow.”

Curtis gets up before he does anything else fueled by emotions. Shiro should be allowed to process the memories that the contents of Adam’s ‘box’ brought him. Yet Shiro seems to struggle to find words to answer Curtis. He blinks, torn between the need to have Curtis by his side and letting him go as he wish.

“Yeah, um…sure. Good night Curtis. I’m just gonna be here for a while.”

Curtis totally understands that Shiro is gonna need a few alone minutes with the content of the box. “Good night.”

“Curt.” Shiro calls him back before he goes in to his room, and he turns to look at him.

“Sir.”

Shiro smiles. “Not all good men die early. We are still alive.”

Curtis musters up a smile in return, although at the back of his mind, a voice screams. _‘He died early too.’_

 

                                                                                                                           ⊷⊷⊷

 

Monday morning, Curtis fully expects Shiro to be up and ready to go. He takes a peek at the Dining table, the contents of the box are cleaned up. When there is no sign of Shiro, Curtis, inches the guest room.

The door is half open, and Shiro sits on his bed, one sock already in a foot, and the other dangles in his hands. He seems to be contemplating something staring at his Garrison boots.

“Sir…” Curtis knocks on the door. “Good morning.”

“Good morning Curt. You are gonna need to stop with that.”

“Um…what, sir?”

“Calling me ‘sir’, at least when we are not on duty? Please. I’ve been waiting for you to stop it on your own, but I’m afraid I’ve reached the end of my patience.”

End of Shiro’s patience is a very long streak. “I’ll try my best.” Curtis says because, being used to calling him ‘sir’ and ‘captain’, he doesn’t know how he will accomplish that feat.

“You don’t remember it, do you?

Curtis just stares at him curious.

“You called me ‘Shiro’ with no problem yesterday, while we were plotting to break a bank in order to accomplish your architectural dreams.

“I did?”

Shiro shakes his smiling at how helpless Curtis looks. _No point convincing him._ “Am I late?” he asks instead.

“I think that day will never come.”

“I think I’m late for many things.”

Curtis looks at him questioning. It’s difficult to read what’s written on Shiro’s face, besides he has made himself busy with the sock.

‘Breakfast here or at Garrison?”

Shiro notices how Curtis is avoiding calling him anything now. _Good for a start_. “Here, my treat for a change.”

Minutes later, Curtis is watching Captain of IGF ATLAS whipping up a batter in Garrison uniform and the biggest apron Curtis own. He drums his fingers on the table while Shiro mumbles something at the consistency of the batter.

Then the kitchen fills with the heavenly smell of pancakes frying. Adam wasn’t wrong, this has to be the best pancakes in the world. A stack comes to Curtis’s front with syrup and cutlery. Although Curtis should be disturbed by the fact that he had never imagined there would be a day the captain would cook for him, he digs in to the fluffy pancakes with no reservations. “Didn’t know you could cook too.”

“Cook _too_?”

“I mean, you are good at everything. Why not cooking too, right?” Curtis reasons.

“Pancakes are the only thing I can cook for a standard and no I’m not good at everything. If you ask Keith, I’m sure he will list out all I’m sure.”

Curtis huffs. “You are too humble.”

“No Curtis, I’m serious.” And he does sound serious. Curtis looks up to see Shiro spooning his syrup mindlessly, face clouded. “I suck at relationships.” He blurts.

 There is no way Curtis would   leave the Captain be with such depreciative thoughts in his minds.

“I saw how Adam regarded you while you weren’t on earth. If his behavior is any indication, then I’m sure Adam disagrees. No one can love someone like Adam loved you if you sucked at that relationship.”

Shiro has stopped his mindless spooning. Curtis continues, because there are a few things he pondered about Shiro and Adam in his lonely bed last night, after he sent his thanks to whoever is high power up there for including Black, Keith and Allura in Shiro’s life, and he feels it needs to be said seeing Shiro’s mood.

“If you stopped doing what you love because you wanted to be with Adam, or if he continued to live a stressful life because you are doing something he doesn’t want you to do, would that have been a good relationship?”

“When you put it like that, I guess not.” Shiro says to the pancakes.

“Then, there it is. Because you respected each other, you were able to let go, grant each other the freedom to do what each of you like, and continued to love even after separation. I think it’s being pretty good at relationship.”

“I’m convinced that if I start a relationship, I will only draw another person to a crisis situation.”

“But?”

“Your relationship analysis has a good logic to it.”

Shiro finally starts to actually eat his pancakes. He stops again, like something invaded his mind at once.

“Curtis, I have a confession.”

Curtis looks up.

“I tried to tell you this yesterday morning, just before lance arrived,” Shiro says digging his fork again and again in to the stack of pancakes. “In the evening, I didn’t want to ruin the…” _What we had, what we shared._

“You can tell me anything, you know that.”

“When you were with Chris, in the diner’s backyard. I went to the bathroom and…”

Curtis stops eating. His fork falls to the platter with a clink. Heels of his palms dig in to his eyes in frustration. “You heard us!”

“I’m sorry, I wanted to leave right away, but I was – "

Shiro fails to offer a palpable excuse and trails off. The silence spreads deafeningly between them. Shiro trying to put together words that will convey a proper reason, and Curtis trying to brace the impact of what he just heard, trying to see everything that happened ever since with ‘that’ in their background.

“I’m sorry. It was too late when I realized-”

“Shiro, don’t-“

“I don’t usually do that kind of irresponsible-“

“Shiro, you don’t need to explain.”

“You became angry when he criticized me. If I wasn’t in the equation, that conversation could have ended differently.” Shiro wipes the corners of his mouth with the serviette and throws it unceremoniously on the table. His breakfast done. “I can’t help but think I somehow stole an important decision from you.”

Listening to Shiro, Curtis cannot find it in him to feel any derision at all towards the captain.

“No, I’m sorry. You didn’t have to hear his rude remarks, though I could say with certainty that he didn’t mean to hurt you. I shouldn’t even have dragged you there in the first place.”

Shiro waves his hand like it’s not a valid argument.

“Chris and I talked yesterday. If I wanted to change my decision, I could have done it then, with a coq au vin at my side.”

Shiro gives out a little smile, but Curtis isn’t joking. The dish had been the start of him and Chris. It was the perfect invitation if he wanted to restart ‘them’. Curtis has no vagueness about that decision.  

Yet the man sitting in front of him is looking down like the world is on his shoulders. This man opened up to him yesterday with no reservations. He’s died, lost a limb, and sacrificed literally everything. A man who hasn’t done any of that brutally criticized him yesterday, yet Shiro is apologizing. Profoundly. Curtis has already tried several times to stop him, but it seems like his apologies go in a never ending loop.

“Still, I should have left as soon as I heard you. It’s difficult to explain what exactly happened there. I’d understand if you don’t want me around-” Shiro trails off, and for Curtis, that’s the last straw.

“Takashi!”

Shiro stops, and he looks up, shocked by the calling. Looking at Curtis he confirms to himself that, yes, Curtis really did called him that.

Shiro’s genuine grins spreads after a long time of absence, and it shines brighter than the sun shine after the rain. “I thought you’d never call me that!” He mouths so low it comes out as a whisper, to the blue eyes searching him from the other corner of the table.

“Then, Takashi, listen to me very carefully.” Curtis says. Grabbing the authority of the situation so fiercely that Shiro feels weak in his stomach. He does not want to utter a word anymore if Curtis doesn’t approve.

“I don’t think I could afford to feel bad about you because you heard Chris and me, if I’m being honest, it’s Chris and I who should have been more reclusive.”

Shiro sighs heavily, the weight in Curtis’s words tells him it’s okay to forgive himself. Observing the heaviness leaving the other man, Curtis continues in the same deep authoritative tone, because he wants what he’s going to say sink deep in to Shiro’s bones, and leave no ambiguity because they have been playing hide and seek enough.

“Chris isn’t a total black character. I can’t blame him for everything that happened between us.” He says while Shiro absorbs everything Curtis is saying with every breath he takes.

“I believe we all live in the shades of gray, but Chris isn’t the shade of gray I prefer.”

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

There is an unspoken understanding between them about the ‘shade of gray ‘ Curtis prefer as they head to Galaxy Garrison in a comfortable silence, each lost in their own head space, excited for what the future would bring them, excited about how they will finally speak their hearts aloud. Now that Curtis has spoken his mind, Shiro takes it upon him to cement what’s between them, to speak about how he feels about the blue eyed man in less vague terms than ‘shades of gray’. But Shiro isn’t a man of casualness, he wants to do it properly, in gestures that leave no uncertainty about how much Curtis means to him. Deep in the silence inside the vehicle, lost in the mesmerizing scene of Curtis smiling to himself, Shiro whips up a plan to ask him out properly, while in the pit of his stomach, butterflies do all kinds of somersaults.

 

A few hundred meters to Garrison, Shiro hums contently.

 

While Curtis parks the car, Shiro inhales a deep breath and smiles to himself.

 

Curtis cannot ignore anymore, but he has an idea what’s going on, for it isn’t the first time he’s seen this look.

“Takashi, do you really feel her?”

“In my bones.” Shiro says without missing a beat. “And she is happy I’m back.”

Curtis becomes suddenly so self-aware. “I’m always looking in to her coding, does she feel like I’m a noisy poker? Like, I’m prying in to her head?”

“ATLAS can take care of herself Curt, if she doesn’t like what you do, she’ll definitely let you know.”

Curtis parks the vehicle on the designated spot. Like a toddler running to a toy store, Shiro jumps out of it even before he kills the engine, and shouts.

“C’mon Curt, she is waiting. Let’s go to Clear day!”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 20 for 2020. Happy new year everyone!!!
> 
> It's 1st Jan 2020 already, I couldn't give you angst. So I broke the Chapter in half and posted only the good stuff. Let's say it's the silence before the storm. You'll know in the next chapter which will be up on Friday.
> 
> Be good in the coming year everyone!! May all your new year resolutions be realized!!!

_The whole arena erupts in cheers as the reigning champion continues his winning streak. The Paladins and the representative of Altea; Coran holds Shiro up on their shoulders like Shiro himself is a trophy. Shiro basks in their joy, but stops his eyes at a figure standing at a distance. Someone who is obviously thrilled with the victory, returns the look with the same warmth, if not more, wrapped in the blue flames that are his eyes, because the Captain is a different kind of Champion who rose from his ashes. They exchange a smile in their own language, in a silent agreement._

_Shiro has planned to propose their first date after the game, something he was secretly entertaining in his mind. Although they now share a common understanding about how they feel about each other, there hadn’t been a window to properly express that in a worthwhile way. He had been burdened with two weeks of piled up work, reports, inspections he wants done by none other than himself, things he wants to physically touch and see for himself before he would command ATLAS on air, those were the work ethics unique to Captain Shirogane, things under his  control. What he had no control at all were the hopeful looks, wishes and even pre-battle congratulations his crew had been giving him in anticipation of the upcoming hand wrestle battle, like he’s the champion-of-all-things._

_Thus it had been a whirlwind of work ever since he stepped back on ATLAS after the sick break. Throughout all that, it was the soft smiles that Curtis gave him from time to time, turning back at him from his station that made it all a burden easy to carry._

 

_Curtis was a shackle that set him free._

 

_Shiro throws his arm up in Victory and the gold belt he has around his arm to prove the world that he in fact is the Champion, glows in the lights. Curtis’s blue eyes marvel with pride. Yes, Shiro has no doubt about how his date proposal will go._

_This time Voltron paladins are without their beloved lions and two Paladins short; Allura and Keith. Hunk and Pidge had somehow managed to drag Lance out of the farm and Lance being Lance had tossed the all-grown-up- self he now carries to the bin the moment Shiro started the Arm battle. In fact the whole ATLAS crew had filled up half of the arm battle arena, well prepared to defend and cheer their captain; the reigning champion._

 

_Captain Shirogane had no option but to win._

 

_As soon as the crowd is dispersed, and the celebration is over, Shiro walks out of the chamber looking for Curtis. He was going to hand him the Champion’s gold belt and ask for the date the proper way; the way Curtis deserves.  Shiro’s eyes meet with the adorable scene of Curtis sitting cross legged on the floor near the arena’s entrance, busy as usual with whatever device is on his hands; his long lean fingers dancing on it like the rippling ocean waves. But when he sense Shiro’s presence and looks up, his look isn’t the soft smile Shiro expected, instead, it’s marred sharp with attentiveness, eyebrows in an arc Shiro likes anyways. Curtis stands up to meet Shiro, who in response cringes; he knows that look on Curtis means nothing but business._

 

_Goodbye date._

 

_“Sir, blade of Marmora just requested to speak to you.” He says handing him the ear plug connected to the communicator and the glasses Shiro had given Curtis for safe keep before the battle. “Kolivan is on line. I’ve secured the connection.”_

_The moment he hear the words ‘Blade of Marmora'’ Shiro’s blood runs cold. ‘It has to be Keith-it has to be Keith’ – Shiro’s mind screams as he literally snatches the communicator from Curtis. He had been dreading this moment and now it is here, when he ‘really’ wants to be doing something else._

_C_ _urtis watches as Shiro pace the hall, obviously distressed as he listens to Kolivan. He stops, pinches the bridge of his nose and adjusts the glasses only to start pacing again. Curtis has no idea what Kolivan might be saying because only hums escapes Shiro as replies. But from the way Shiro is behaving, Curtis has no doubt it’s related to Keith._

_“Send in the coordinates now, right now.” Shiro says before he hands Curtis the communicator.  His hand reaches around and turns Curtis, guiding him away from all the people to an isolated corner._

_“Keith was supposed to rendezvous at a planet in sector four with Krolia. He said he had a package – Kolivan think he meant intel.” Shiro whispers._

_Curtis picks his brain. “Sector four is a dead zone, there are no inhabitant planets.”_

_“Yeah, Keith used it probably to avoid any contact. Kolivan confirms there were some weather issues when Krolia landed there. Her messages there onwards aren’t complete or clear. But she confirmed she met Keith. Now neither of them are responding.”_

_“We are the closest?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“How do we proceed?” is all Curtis ask, there is no doubt Shiro wants to be the search party, but this time it needs to be done diligently and invisibly._

_“Whatever we do we need to do it with optimum secrecy. I’m going in alone. Message Sam and Iverson to be ready for an adhoc rescue mission. Don’t tell anything else, we are not using ATLAS crew unless we have no other option, can’t risk exposing Keith’s cover in the last minute.”_

_Curtis takes in the order, but there’s one thing that doesn’t sit right with him._

_“Takashi, I’m already in the know. Why don’t I accompany you, that’s much better than going in alone when you don’t know what awaits you.”_

_Shiro considers Curtis’s request. It makes sense, increases chances of safety._

_“I could use the cruiser’s system to amplify the signal first, maybe we could contact them better than Kolivan because we are close by.” Curtis offers again._

_They wastes no time walking to the cruiser they used to come to the planet Drazal while ATLAS was orbiting the planet. But Curtis shakes his head in disappointment once they are inside the Cruiser._ _“Something is interfering, I’ve tried maximum amplification, but it’s not working.”_

_“Then we need to go in ASAP, I have a very bad feeling about this.” Shiro says taking over the helm. “Send out a message to Iverson to be ready if we need backup.”_

_Curtis does as is needed, while Shiro takes their small cruiser on a fast ride to the nearby planet. The planet many light years away, is like a walk to the neighbor’s house when it comes to space travelling they do these days. Once their course is set, Curtis takes a breath satisfied and glances at Shiro, only to be met with the piercing look he is already being burnt with. There is so much in those gray eyes, Curtis feels like Shiro is taking him apart until only his heart is left._

_“Takashi?” Curtis tries the new name, partially because he can’t get enough of it and partially because he doesn’t know how to respond to that look._

_“Hm?” Shiro’s voice is deep like a low hum, his gaze still firmly holds Curtis and his fingers strum the table._

_“Keith will be fine, and Krolia.” Curtis tries to assure what he thinks will bring words between them. “We’ll be there in …” Curtis glances back at his console feeling stupid for bringing that up when Shiro is looking at him ‘that’ way. “Twenty at max.”_

_Shiro gives an agreeing nod. “It’s not an option to even think Keith will not be safe. He’s followed me everywhere, saved me a number of times that I’ve lost the count.”_

_Curtis silently watches him, Shiro speaks probably replaying in his head every time it happened._

_“Though, right now, I’m also bothered about what I’m planning to do after we find Keith.”_

_That’s an absolute brick wall for Curtis, what Shiro is going to do afterwards, especially when they can’t guarantee how the afterwards will even look like given the circumstances. Shiro stands up from his seat and slow walks to Curtis, all the while holding that gaze that’s making Curtis weak in his knees and to not help the matters, he halts right in front of Curtis. Leaning his weight on one hand that he places on the console, Shiro places the other hand on Curtis’s shoulder. Then he bends down to meet Curtis’s eyes._

_“This isn’t how I wanted to do this, but I have a very bad feeling about the next few hours.” Shiro says. “And if there is one thing I’ve learnt from Lance, is that something always comes along to try to get us. That’s why I don’t want to put this off any longer.”_

_Curtis realizes he has severely underestimated the seriousness of Shiro’s look when agonizingly slowly, Shiro runs his thumb along Curtis’s jawline. The touch is soft, almost not there, like he is mapping Curtis. But for Curtis it touches his whole being, as the only thing he is capable of right then, he takes a sharp inhale of much needed oxygen. Lost in the flood of sensations, he doesn’t notice Shiro’s thumb leaving his face. He opens his eyes when his nose picks upon the familiar scent of the cologne he has come to recognize only on Shiro. Shiro is kneeling in front of him, placing his strong hands on Curtis’s waist._

_“Can I kiss you?” Shiro all but whispers._

_Curtis answers by taking Shiro’s face in both his hands and reaching, brushing his chapped thin lips that seem to moisten like an invitation with the pad of his thumb, and accepting that with all his heart. Before he knows, Shiro is kissing back, and Curtis finds himself tilting his head, slouching his tall form to give Shiro’s lips better access because he is knelt on the floor._

_It’s soft and slow, searching the taste of the other, discovering it, seizing it in its most innate form and devouring so unhurried like they have forever. When they finally part, Shiro presses his forehead against Curt’s. Panting for breath, their eyes once again meet with a smile. The easygoing nature between them returning from the folds of yearning._

_“That was long overdue.” Shiro says. His grip on Curtis’s hips loosen and his arms snake around the tall man’s body. Shiro claims his space between Curtis’s knees, hugging and pressing their bodies flush together. It leaves absolutely no gap between them that will breed uncertainty._

_Tucked under Curtis’s chin, Shiro’s breath could be felt most prominent on Curtis’s beating chest, penetrating through the fabric of his uniform, reaching his inner being like Shiro himself is breathing his lungs now. He greedily absorbs the man who is holding him upright so strong because he is melting inside out._

_Time expands, yet expends much slower, letting them solidify the newly accepted turn of their lives._

_Shiro presses his cheeks as deep as he could on Curtis’s chest, purchasing as much real estate as he could, basking in the warmth and the feel of being protected, a sense only Curtis could make him feel. Pressed on to his chest, Shiro listens to the beat of his heart, like a sonata, matching his own beat – he could listen to it forever. Forever._

_“I love you.” – They both declare at the same time._

_And they dive in to another vortex of chaste kisses, until the autopilot issues an impatient beep that tells them they are nearing the destination. Five more minutes to land on that planet and find Keith if everything goes accordingly. In another time, Shiro would have pressed the button to stop the annoying beep and take the controls to his hands, he never liked and rarely ever used autopilot anyway._

_They part like they were glued, their limbs languid and slow, powered only by the background need of finding Keith. Shiro walks to his pilot seat, not turning his back to Curtis, both of them blushed and all smiles._

_“Go on a date with me? Hunk’s cooking just for the two of us.” Shiro has asked before he stood up from his designated place between Curtis’s knees, many other unsaid plans dancing in his head._

_There wasn’t even a need for an answer._


	21. Chapter 21

Once in the planet’s atmosphere, Curtis is able to track the origin points of the signals sent by Krolia’s communicators. They find their ships easily, black against the white and shiny surface of the planet that looks like it’s covered with glazier. Two small ships are landed next to each other, Keith and Krolia’s, but no communications can be established. Shiro lands the cruiser on the slippery, shiny surface carefully, the way only a pilot like him could do and predictably right next to Keith’s.

“I’m getting two signals, one with Galra origination and the other is Krolia’s. Their last known location is….”

“Where is it?” Shiro asks panicked as Curtis trails off.

“Down there.”

Shiro looks out the glass pane. It’s a sharp cliff with a steep slope of ninety degrees or more. Both cruisers are stationed dangerously close to the edge of the cliff, an unlikely action by Keith or Krolia unless it was necessary.

“Is the surface snow?”

“Yes and No” Curtis answers frowning as the ship’s system analyzes the outer environment.  

“There’s definitely water, but it’s eighty percent an element with close resemblance to steel so the edges are gonna be sharp out there. Temperature is below freezing point, but the air is breathable. However, the surface down there won’t be able to hold ground for the ship’s weight. It’s a frozen body of water. We’re gonna have to stay up here in the peak.”

“Why on earth did Keith picked this harsh weather to rendezvous?” Shiro wonders aloud to himself. “I’m going out.” He states getting in to his gear. “Maybe they are still inside the ships?”

“No, already checked that. No bio markings can be found in a radius of five hundred meters.”

Shiro sighs disappointed, he had hoped it would be easy, that they probably were inside one of their small ships and safe – just out of contact because of the blizzard outside. He silently starts prepping to go out. The bulky space suit, the head gear, gravity boots, and his weapon – he tests them all. God knows what Keith is facing out there right now. He wishes he could go out all blazing with a bigger rescue party, but damn the need for secrecy. All equipment checked, Shiro looks up from his hurried engagement with the space suit to meet Curtis’s worried expression.

“I’ll be fine, I’ve been in worse situations.” 

“I know.” Curtis replies, exchanging a quick peck before he carefully places Shiro’s helmet. Knowing how fiercely protective Shiro is of Keith, he also knows without a doubt that nobody could stop Shiro from going down there without back up. Sitting beside the worry for Shiro, he also has the collective worry for Keith and Krolia tormenting him. In that case, there is no one else who is more qualified than Shiro for a rescue op risky like this.

Shiro latches the final lock of his suit and stands up straight, allowing Curtis to perform the standard check for the suits and upload the data to Shiro’s handheld scanner.

“Ready?” He asks, hand hovering over the switch that will open the hanger door to the unknown planet and whatever danger out there. Shiro nods standing by.

The hanger door opens to a harsh weather that reminds them a stormy day on North Pole. Shiro first tests the air, without the filter. Although the systems said it was breathable, it sickeningly smells like rusted metal, the only thing it reminds him is the smell of blood. He shakes his head to get rid of the mental image and starts the filters. Next he grabs a handful of the white color substance covering the planet because he is knee deep in it. It looks like snow, but could actually cut his skin if he makes contact with bare skin, because the frost like substance is more like bits of sharp steel. He speaks to the communicator to check their connection, and instead of the common ‘over and out’ lines they usually use, Shiro decides to pour his heart out.

“Captain Shirogane on this end – He loves Commander Curtis very much. Am I clear?”

Instead of the usual confirmations, Shiro could hear Curtis cracking a laugh. “Loud and clear, Commander Curtis loves his Captain too. Over.” The unwavering reply comes.

Shiro gives Curtis the thumbs up to close the hanger doors.

Curtis doesn’t even get to go back and sit on his seat before Shiro’s voice crackles through.

“The bottom isn’t visible, considerably deep covered with a mist that looks like the aftermath of a snow storm. Rescue cables are lain down the cliff, Keith and Krolia has used the cruiser’s rescue cables to get down the slope. I’m going down there, whatever they were looking for must have been down there.”

Curtis listens to the sounds that come through their communicators as Shiro get perform another scan. Then the sounds of the jet pack is heard, only to stop several times.

“Curt, the jet pack is not working, either the temperature is too low or this substance is blocking it.”

Curtis runs to open the hanger door stops when Shiro speaks again.

“I’m gonna use the cables instead of the jet pack to go down. We don’t have time to fix the jet pack.”

“Okay.” Curtis says listening to the heavy breathing of Shiro. And he prays to god that he will soon find Keith and Krolia. Worried for all three of them, Curtis starts to feel the rise of his heartbeat. Minutes later Shiro’s voice comes through again with relief. “I’m down”.

Curtis keeps running the long-range scanners looking for any sort of hostile signs but none comes up. “You’re clear.”

Shiro’s breathing keeps him on the edge of his seat. It’s reassuring because it means he is fine, but it’s hurried and labored in a way that is very unnerving. Their bio scanners search for any life forms as he moves away from the slope. The blizzard subsides and a bit of light comes from the planet’s distant sun.

It’s not long after that Shiro’s panicked voice crackles through the communicator again. “My scanner is showing something." He literally screams in to the communicator. At the edge of his seat Curtis waits listening to what he could assume as running.

“Curt, I found them they are…” Curtis waits feeling nauseated, Shiro is obviously much stressed. Curtis could tell from the way his breathing sounds like it’s a race.

“Unconscious. Just unconscious. Oh! Thank god! I think the temperature controls aren’t functioning under this whether. Probably second stage hypothermia.”

“Takashi, may I come down?” Curtis asks standing up ready to put on his gear.

“You should inform the ATLAS to have the med bay ready, they don’t seem to have any physical injuries, and the suits are intact. We need to get them warmed up as soon as possible. I’m sending them up attached to the cable, one by one. You need to get them from the edge.”

Curtis immediately starts with the commands. He informs the ATLAS med bay – sans details of who exactly and where, sends a message to Iverson and Sam for back up and gets in to his suit. That’s when he sees it. The terrain scan in the screen morphing in to a huge cloud. Outside, a looming dark grows, the sunshine disappears. It doesn’t take more than a few seconds for Curtis to know what the large cloud represents. A storm is coming their way. The atmosphere on the plane is too volatile. This must be exactly what happened to Keith and Krolia. From the speed it was coming, Curtis knows Shiro’s time frame is limited.

“Shit…”

“Curt, what’s wrong?”

“Takashi, a storm is coming your way, and it’s coming fast. We’ve got fifteen minutes max.”

“I’m still taking Krolia to the foot of the slope!”

But Curtis cuts him mid-sentence, results of the calculations he ran again aren’t in their favor. “You don’t have fifteen, its ten minutes max, maybe eight.”

“Quiznack”

“I’m coming down!”

This time, no protest comes from Shiro.

 

 

In the vast expanse of total whiteness, they carry Krolia and Keith to the foot of the slope. If they were without their navigators, they will never find their way, it’s so white everywhere they don’t even notice the foot of the slope until they stand right in front of it.

Shiro carries Krolia, easily holding her weight while Curtis feels like he is carrying a big frozen fish because Keith’s suit is stiff in the cold. He pushes aside the thought about frost bites and switches the automatic puller of the ships to pull them up. Shiro attaches Krolia securely to his belt while Curtis does the same with Keith. The two ships which Keith and Krolia came and used to get down the slope, in search of whatever they came here searching, now pulls Curtis and Shiro up, each carrying the extra weight of another.

They are half way up when the storm hits their area.  The wind passes them fast and their cables shake violently. Shiro and Curtis grab the ice walls as tight as they can to stop them from hitting the walls, protectively covering with their bodies the two extra people they carry harnessed in their cables. But the storm passes like a whiplash, gone as fast as it comes. Suddenly the air is clear to see, only the bottom of the slope carries something like a mist and when they look down, they can’t see the glistening surface of the valley anymore. It’s like there is a layer of cloud between them and the bottom of the slope.

Curtis and Shiro exchange a little giggle feeling lucky. They were expecting something really worse that will last an hour or so, but it’s gone in a minute. What is still uneasy is the swing their cables has picked up. They swing in an endless motion from side to side. Curtis has the wall of the cliff to stick his foot and with a few tries he successfully stops his cable from swinging anymore. But Shiro is hopelessly swinging, he has no ice wall to set his foot. The cliff’s walls are too angled inward where he is.

“I feel like Tarzan” Shiro shouts through the coms, reminding him a very old film they watched together in the common room of ATLAS one fine night, about a hulky man who lived in the jungle, made in the twentieth century if he could remember correctly.

Curtis laughs too. “Swing a little more to my side and I’ll grab you”

Shiro use the momentum to swing to Curtis and with his free hand, he grab Shiro’s cable, his other hand is securing Keith upright to the cable.

As the puller very slowly pulls them up, Shiro and Curtis stay like that. Their faces within millimeters of each other and their bodies pushed to each other, separated only by the fabric of their suits. Curtis captures Shiro’s eyes, they aren’t wondering, they have stopped at him. It sends a little tremble down his spine. Curtis wishes they were this close under different circumstances. He had been sensing that Shiro was on to something during their journey to Clear day. But he hadn’t expected Shiro to so abruptly declare his love in the middle of a rescue op. As he too meet Shiro’s gaze, he isn’t sure if the pink in Shiro’s face is due to plain relief from finding Keith or because they haven’t been this close before.

Keith’s stirs, but slumps heavily against Curtis’s body bringing back the original worried feeling to the surface. He could see the same change as he notice Shiro’s gaze stop at Keith’s form.

“They will be fine” Curtis assures.

They are both worried for Krolia and Keith. Through their helmets, they look fine but pale because of the cold. Considering everything that has happened ever since they arrived, he is sure the steel like substance is something that disturbs everything electronic or digital. He makes a mental note to take a sample to be tested in the laboratory. It must be why the suits are malfunctioning, just like their jetpacks. Keith and Krolia are probably suffering from excessive cold. They will be fine once their body heats is up, which the medics will take care of. For now, they had to bring them to the med bay as fast as possible. What Keith and Krolia were after in this harsh planet, risking their life will have to be found out later.

A small screech sound begins at the top of the slope, tearing Curtis out of his thought process. Both of them look up to see how Shiro’s cable dangerously rubs against the metallic glazier. The sides of the cable have already peeled off and it is stuck in the resulting tangle of peeled off glazier and cable ruins. But the automatic puller still tries to pull up. The cable breaks another thread right in front of their eyes and Shiro pushes on the button to stop the puller. It stops, but half of the cable thread is gone, reduced in circumference and strength. It does not seem at all capable of holding the weight of two people.

Another thread breaks and Shiro stares at Curtis wide eyed.

They are hanging by two maybe three threads, and that’s not even enough to hold one man. Curtis buckles up both Shiro and Keith’s safety belts to his cable in a mad dash. Their concerted efforts ends up buckling all four of them to Curtis’s cable in a tangled mess just before the cable that carried Shiro and Keith snaps loudly and falls to the endless white abyss down below.

“That was too close” Shiro says shakily. Curtis’s whole body is trembling with the thought of what was about to happen. They are panting heavily while Curtis switches on his puller to pull them up again.

But no, life isn’t easy for any of them today. They both feel the strain on his cable with the extra weight, the puller is literally crying, stopping after every roll.

Curtis does the mental math while Shiro bangs his forehead against the cable, groaning. “Please take us up, please take us up!” He prays.

“It’s not gonna happen.” Curtis mumbles. “I did the math.”

Shiro looks at him absolutely dumbfounded, “The puller will pull us up!” he claims stubbornly.

“Considering our total body weight, the strength of the cable, gravity, the resulting strain on the cable plus how many meters we have to be pulled up and the speed of the puller…” Curtis says doing the mental math again.

“Curt, if I wanted the math lesson, I’d have brought Pidge with me.” Shiro protests as he see Curtis’s mental gears rolling.

“I hate to say this, but Takashi, when it comes to math, I’m usually right.”

Then as if to prove Curtis right, the puller comes to a screeching halt. They exchange a glance, Curtis biting the obvious ‘I told you so!’

Curtis shuts his eyes to calm down. When he opens them, Shiro is peering in to his vision, with a soft smile that almost breaks his heart.

“What are you getting at Curtis? Did you miscalculate anything? Could this cable get us up there? Or not? Because if it can’t, then we need to somehow lessen the weight.”

Curtis knows his math, he also knows what he is getting ready to do, but even he can’t get himself to believe this is actually happening. The cable starts snapping one thread after the other, horribly slowly and Curtis realizes he can’t escape his fate today. Shiro seems blissfully unaware or stubbornly at denial that the second cable too could break.

So instead of talking, Curtis lifts his free hand, pressing the foreheads of their helmets together, pressing their foreheads by proxy and Shiro looks at him equally surprised and joyous, like he too had been longing. If they didn’t have the helmets, this will be a moment in which Curtis capture his Captain in another long overdue kiss.

Instead, he maps Shiro’s features in to his brain and capture the soft expression like a photograph in his heart. God! How much he loves this man!

“I love you, to no end. I’ve loved you for so long, so far, I don’t even know when it began, or how deep it runs. I don’t want to lose you.” Curtis says, because he may never get to say these things to him again.

But Curtis stops himself, not wanting to burden the man he loves with anymore love declarations as loaded as that just before he…

He loosen his buckle and slides down a few feet.

Keith’s unconscious body sways without Curtis’s hold. Shiro instantly captures him and secures both Keith and Krolia hanging on the cable besides him. “Curtis, what are you doing?” He asks alarmed.

“There is no way this cable will hold all of us until back up comes.” He says looking up at his Shiro from a few feet below him. “We need to loosen some weight or all four of us will hit the ground.”

“Come up here Curt! Right now!” Shiro screams. “If anyone is going down there, that should be me. I’ve survived glazier planets before and-“

“Sorry.” Curtis stops Shiro from reasoning anymore. Another thread snaps loudly. He knows very well that whoever slides down to the valley below and brave the volatile and harsh weather of the planet until backup arrives will have a hard time. He also knows Shiro could definitely do it better than him, but it’s a serious risk he cannot allow Shiro to take. Even if he set aside his protective streak and love for Shiro, he knows this universe needs Shiro more than him. So he cannot put Shiro in such a dangerous position when he could easily take that risk.

“I’m not doing this because I’m trying to protect you because I love you.” Curtis clarifies, he knows how Shiro’s mind runs. He doesn’t like being babied when he thinks he can handle the risk. “I’m doing this to protect you because this universe needs you more than it needs me.”

“Universe has enough people to-“

“ATLAS 'needs’ you.” Curtis cuts him short, bringing his last but most important logic behind his decision. It holds Shiro’s tongue for a full second, but he starts again.

“Curt, just hang on a minute. Listen to me!” Shiro shouts, he might have actually just release his buckle right then and slide down to Curtis’s level if his hands weren’t tied up with the task of keeping Keith and Krolia safely attached to the cable. Curtis has cleverly predicted this scenario and made his move first.

“I’m sliding down to reduce the weight, not jumping off the cliff Takashi. I’ll be fine. You can come get me later when the backup comes. But if unfortunate circumstances arise…” Curtis meets the captains gray eyes with all the love he can muster up to show in his eyes. “It’s been an honor serving with you Takashi, in fact, it’s been the greatest honor in my life, thank you.”

“What! Curt no! Wait!” is all Shiro gets to say.

Curtis fully loosens his buckle and he slides uncontrollably down the cable, disappearing in to the cloud below them. A few seconds later, Shiro feel the cable relax with the less weight. Curtis’s com line goes silent with a crackle.

Curtis is no more attached to their life line. 

“Curt!” he shouts in to the com, but his voice only echoes repeatedly, like a sore reminder of what just happened, a reply never comes.


	22. Chapter 22

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

Curtis slides down the cable fast, as if he is on a roller coaster. The faster he is off the cable, the longer his friends will be able to hold on. If he buckle up now, the friction will snap either the cable or his back, in two. He doesn’t get to think anything more because he is falling down so fast, his only hope is for this to be a quick end with no pain. As the cable ends and he free falls the last few feet, he finds his fall cushioned.

The snow like substance doesn’t exactly feel comfy as a cushion but it has cushioned his fall. Right, the storm! It must have deposited fresh deposits that are yet to be hardened in to a glazier form.

He uses his hands to carve a path out of the man shaped hole he is in feeling lucky. As he crawls out, his leg gives in under him and he is free falling again. Landing on his side, Curtis is sure he broke a rib when the pain spread like fire. All he knows is that he has stopped breathing because it’s too much at once. Down a rough slope, bumping and rolling over he goes down like beer barrel. And he rolls down more, deep in to a wide crevice, barely having time to recognize the change in the surface as it turns from snowy to rough and rocky.

Years of training kicks in and he knows he has to grab something that will stop his momentum if he wants to live. He bites back the pain and extends his hand to grab whatever he could. Several rocks and boulders pass because he is too fast sliding. Then he bumps over something, and his hand successfully grabs on to it because it has a just enough rough edge to it. His body halts with a painful jolt. Curtis inhales a large breath ignoring the protest from his ribs.

He swap his hands so the pain from his right side subsides just a little and the dizziness fades with measured breaths. Once his vision clears and adjusts to the darkness inside the crevice, Curtis tries to take an inventory of what’s around him, only to find himself grabbing on to the rough surface of a Galra cruiser; crash landed in to a the wide opening of a  crevice, then stuck inside the narrow opening that runs deeper and narrower. For all he knows, he could be sliding down along with it to the deeper crevice that doesn’t look like it has a bottom. Below his dangling feet is an abyss, total darkness. Then the cruises sways dangerously and slides down an inch with a deafening screech.

Curtis cannot stop the very bad swear that escapes him. Why everything does has to be falling, today? How did he manage to change his tracks from falling for the man he loves to falling down a cliff and then fall more in to a deadly crevice so quickly?

Could his luck be this screwed?

He isn’t so sure, because when the screeching sound of the cruiser stops, from its inside, escapes a sound he never thought would be heard inside a Galra cruiser.

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

Takashi Shirogane has been the witness of many horrifying things in his short span of life, but witnessing the man he loves, plunging down to a bottomless slope in a suicidal attempt to save him, will always be at the top of the list.

For the first minute, he had been shouting Curtis’s name at the top of his lungs, hoping the com will come back to life at some moment. When the realization hits him in the head, he had stopped shouting, only to look up and realize Curtis hadn’t been overconfident about his math. Even with the lessened weight, they are hanging by a mere few threads and the puller is struggling between pulling them up and staying stuck. Unable to do anything more and shocked by Curtis’s departure, Shiro grabs on to the two cold bodies besides him for strength, wishing for once more he’ll be able to save at least them, sans Curtis, of course.

Minutes in to hopelessly hanging off of a cliff, Shiro is most certain they will not survive until help arrives. But then Hunk’s head appears with a smile over the edge.

“Hey Shiro, hang on a second.” He says as if Shiro’s been waiting for his coffee.

Of course he said he doesn’t want ATLAS crew to get tangled in this other than Sam or Iverson, but Curtis certainly did message the paladins! In a screwed up moment like this, it’s so relieving to see his old friends popping in to help, the people who he had trusted when it mattered most. Shiro can’t thank enough Curtis for thinking ahead.

Once they are safely pulled on to the surface, the medics rush to get them to the med bay. Shiro watches as a strong feeling of loss envelop him when they take Keith away. But Sam is waiting for them in the ATLAS med bay, and Shiro has no doubt they will be given the best care.

Right now, he has to find Curtis.

Pidge, Hunk and Lance gather around him inquisitively, waiting for his orders just like the old times. While Shiro was still trembling, for reasons other than the cold, Lance had been the first one to question about Curtis’s whereabouts, to which Shiro had answered with silence and watery eyes. Yet he had somehow found the strength to talk.

“We are going down there and search for him.”

While Iverson waits for them on the peak, they get on to one of ATLAS’s more advanced small cruisers that can hover close to the ground levels despite the electromagnetic disturbances from the snow like substance. As predicted, it is impossible to land the cruiser on the surface of the valley, it’s a half frozen lake. This must be why Keith decided to land his cruiser up on the hill. Shiro takes the cruiser back up and set it on auto pilot a few feet above the ground level. They use a ladder to get down to the surface. Even with their boots having gravity control, they still slip from time to time.

So now they have walked from where they landed to the foot of the slope hip deep in the white substance. Shiro could vaguely remember that this is not how it was when he picked up Keith and Krolia. So his hopes light up, the soft snow must have cushioned Curtis’s fall. Pidge is calculating for possible landing spots based on ‘the body weight, the length of the cable, gravity, the resulting friction on the cable, the strength of the wind plus how many meters he had fallen down and….her words are so sickeningly nostalgic reminding him of Curtis so much, he closes his ears with both hands. The three paladins stops and look at him trying to understand. Having being around Curtis more than others, Lance is the first one to get it. He signs Pidge to do the calculations silently. Although clueless about why, Pidge heeds Lance’s request.

They come to the most probable place of landing according to Pidge’s calculations. She is dead right as usual and Shiro recognize the dip on the snow. They also notice the path carved out of it and follow Pidge’s physics-of-motion guide lines. Avoiding falling to the nearly invisible crease by a hairline, Pidge has no doubt that Curtis must have fallen in.

They use the damned cables again. One by one, sliding, hopping and bumping on to each other, with the exception of Shiro who expertly walk down the icy wall of the crevice with determination and poise of the soldier that he is. They slowly get in to the darker inside of the crevice. The snowy texture of the wall they are walking changes in to a solid rocky one because the snow like substance doesn’t get this deep inside, but the temperature drops drastically as they go deep.  Shiro stops abruptly, ahead of them down below, the slope has become a flat ground before it extend to a steeper thinner crevice. On the flat ground, about to fall down in to the deeper crease is a very old model of a Galra cruiser. It’s evident that it had been sliding down from the very first moment it had slipped through the crevice, through the markings on the ground. Shiro releases his harness and carefully walk towards it, hoping to god, that Curtis isn’t inside.

They divide resources; Shiro and Hunk check out the inside of the cruiser while Lance and Pidge continue their search for Curtis outside.

Shiro and Hunk meets with a disturbing scene inside the cruiser. They find two Galrans at the helm inside; a woman and a man, bloody and dead from the impact. With no time to spare, together, Shiro and Hunk tries to take the bloody corpses out of the cruiser in hopes of a proper burial. But their movements cause the already unstable cruiser to slide down dangerously fast. It just doesn’t make sense to risk their lives over two dead bodies, so they make it outside lightning fast, and the moment they step out, the cruiser slides down to the bottom of the crevice. While Hunk and Shiro sit on the ground panting, it takes thirty seconds or so for the cruiser to hit the bottom of the crevice with a loud crash. Shiro doesn’t even want to guess how deep it is.

Their break is disturbed by the shouts from Pidge. “I’m getting a signal, its Commander Curtis’s comm.”

Shiro and Hunk forgets about the dead bodies and runs to catch up with Pidge. Her tracker takes them to a far corner of the flat area. Pidge’s tracker starts to beep enthusiastically. There, covered under a much larger rock, they see the human figure. He is lying on his side, has his Garrison issue space suit taken off but it is huddled between his hands. Obviously he is exposing himself to the deathly cold by taking off the suit, but strangely enough, is still holding on to it, hugging it.

Pidge calls for medics and back up while Shiro draws the courage to kneel beside him and check his pulse, its weak but oh! Praise the stars, it’s there. He is bruised heavily, and is out cold unconscious. The lips he kissed so passionately merely an hour ago are bruised and blue now. The body that hugged him with warmth and love is now cold like an ice cube to the touch. Shiro removes his own space suit and with Hunks help, settle Curtis inside it. It will warm him up until the medics come. Shiro feels the eyes on him, his friends; standing next to him, wondering what to say or do. He decides to ignore their attention because he is too emotionally compromised to do anything leadership worthy now.

Without his own suit, Shiro winces in the cold, it’s so cold it’s brutal. He turns Curtis’s Suit to see what made him remove it and risk his own life for a second time after he survived the fall from the cliff. He could only find breath to gasp when he see the small figure inside it. It’s a little boy, a Galra boy. Curtis probably took the boy from the slipping cruiser who survived the crash, and gave his own suit to the boy to keep him safe, at the expense of his own life.

Of course, Curtis would do that.

 

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	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um...I don't know about a lot of things I've written about here, like, bacteria and virus, labs, quarantine procedures...so take it with a grain of salt, yeah?

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Keith and Krolia makes it out of the med bay in a day. But Curtis stubbornly refuses to wake up, and doctors have decided to give him time. It baffles them because his bruises aren’t grave, there are a few bruised ribs, but his body temperature wasn't low as much compared to Keith or Krolia who were in the cold weather longer than Curtis.

Krolia is the first one to recover fully, Keith comes second, neither not at their best self. After hearing what happened at the rescue operation, they both plaster themselves on the bench outside of med bay, within sight of Curtis. Shiro and Lance has to practically drag the guilt ridden duo to their bunks so they could rest. The meal for Shiro and Curtis’s date Hunk had been prepping under radars gets cooked anyway to celebrate Keith and Krolia's recovery.  Shiro and Lance sit by them at the mess hall to make sure that mother son duo eats full. Krolia leaves the muted friends alone after finishing her meal in record time.

Keith silently eats his first full meal in forty eight hours. He looks pink, healthy _and_ guilty. Shiro leans in to give his pseudo brother a side hug, squeezes him tight in the process and places a soft kiss on the forehead while relief washes over him; _at least Keith is okay_.

Since the last year’s memorial for Allura, it is the first time Hunk, Lance, Pidge, Shiro and Keith sit in one table. Keith eats in a sluggish speed, not wanting to hurt hunk, yet obviously not having the appetite for it. When the silence becomes unbearable, Keith finally speaks up.

“Some high rank pirates held them prisoners and I helped them escape.” He says under his breath.

“In an old Galra cruiser? How on earth did you even find that?” Lance eyes Keith suspiciously and Keith’s face looks like a kitten who stole milk. “I work for pirates!"

“You stole it?” Lance says with a wry smile. “Didn’t Shiro ever teach you stealing is bad?”

“Shut up Lance.” Pidge interferes before Shiro, pinching Lance in the arm and Lance fakes hurt. Keith rolls his eyes at the nostalgic antics of his friends and realizes that he cannot find in him an ounce of offense at them.

“Krolia was supposed to land on a planet in sector five and meet them, so we could help them find a place to hide. I went there to help them rendezvous. I had absolutely no idea they had a kid inside.” Keith says throwing the spoon on the dish with a clink.

“They crashed on that stupid planet and so mom and I went there looking for them. As we all know, we didn’t even get to find where they crashed before our suits started malfunctioning.” Keith doesn’t explain more than that, and there isn’t anything to explain really.

“You did what you could.” Shiro says knowing how Keith must be feeling now, rubbing circles on his back in a comforting gesture. "That's the most important thing."

“If I didn’t help them escape, they would still be alive.”

“Yeah, but as prisoners, and knowing the quality of pirates, who knows for how long? At least the kid is safe now.” Lance tries to reason. “At least they died free. C’mon mullet, you know that’s the truth.”

Keith just drops his head on the table. Shiro slowly drags his hand up from his back and runs his fingers through his long locks of hair.

“Look.” Pidge says with finality. “They died because their cruiser malfunctioned, not because you saved them. Period. Even someone like Lance understands that.”

“I’m offended.” Lance shouts back, and so begins the usual shouting match. Shiro greedily listens to the distraction, he had missed this. He wants this in his life. Why did he not appreciate their banter then? When they were at each other’s throat all the time and he had busied himself playing the adult? Then again, he hadn’t been so in love at that time. Hadn't had the vacuum created by the absence of Curtis or the insecurity of loosing him right after their first kiss.

 _‘Why is love so difficult?_ ‘

The banter stops immediately. Shiro opens his eyes to see every one’s eyes trained at him and realizes had been vocal with that thought, loud enough to be heard through Pidge and Lance’s shouting match. His hand that caresses Keith’s hair stops abruptly. Keith immediately takes Shiro’s hand and places it on his mullet, to signal him to continue massaging his scalp.

“What?” Pidge asks, an annoying tone to her voice. “I’m not in love with him!” She says. “You are going crazy Shiro! I’m going to the bridge, Jeremiah needed my help with something.”

She walks away, stomping and looking really offended.

“What theeeeeeee heck was that?” Keith whispers, not even lifting his head, as if he’s afraid that if he is heard, Pidge will come back to hunt him down.

“Come to think of it, Lance, you do spend an awful lot of time with colleen these days.” Hunk points out. "Which means you are around Pidge most of your time."

“That’s because I’m helping her to harvest a special breed of Juniberries for a medical project! I'm the best Juniberry farmer in the whole universe - in case you forgot!” Lance shouts standing up. “I’m leaving too! You guys are getting more and more difficult to bear.”

“Is that a blush Lance?” Keith questions slightly lifting his head and aloud at the figure who is hurriedly leaving them.

“Your brain is still frozen mullet!” Lance retorts. “Go back to the med bay!”

“Oh! You should go, and see what Jeremiah’s up to, that guy has a hard time staying away from Pidge.” Hunk shouts at his back.

“I hate you!” lance swears as he leaves.

“What just happened?” Shiro asks trying to see through everything that happened within mere seconds.

“Lance had been talking ‘Pidge this’ and ‘Pidge that’ for some time now, and I thought it’s really because he is involved in a Juniberries project with Colleen, and stays with the Halt’s. But now that I see Pidge’s reaction, I think there’s definitely something there…” Hunk explains his observations. “But how did _you_ know?”

“I didn’t.” Shiro blurts, all heads turn at him while Hunk understands and Keith waits for Shiro to explain. With no idea of the things that happened between Shiro and Curtis in the past months, he is puzzled, but Hunk had known it prior to Shiro propose his date to Curtis, because he was going to cook for the new lovers. Hunk had been the only one Shiro had spoken to about it.

“C’mon, enough trying to eat that. Let’s go and get your rest.” Shiro says, and drags Keith to his bunk as Hunks pats his back sympathetically.

Keith falls flat on the bed as soon as the door is opened to his room. Shiro sits on the edge while he gets comfortable. His eyes droop and Shiro continues to stroke his hair. Every time he stopped, because his hand hurt, Keith had dragged his hand up his scalp mercilessly.

“Shiiro?” Keith opens his sleepy eyes and Shiro knows what he is asking, in his puzzled exterior.

“Later kiddo, later. Go to sleep now.”

 

 

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Once Keith is comfortably asleep, Shiro heads to the bridge. He hadn’t set foot there since the incident.  It also reminds him of the other person who is affected by Curtis as much as he is; Veronica. She doesn’t know what happened between them, nor has she visited Curtis more than once. Shiro considers that in itself an indication of how much affected she is. Veronica was Curtis’s friend way before Shiro came in to the picture, so he makes a mental note to speak to her.  

As he hovers through the anti-gravity passage, it doesn’t escape Shiro that there is a palpable sadness throughout ATLAS. The whole crew knows what happened although the exact details are kept from them and everyone seems to be at the edge. Curtis is a trusted and a well-loved person within ATLAS. So Shiro knows he is left with the additional task of putting up a good mood to boost the crew’s morale, though internally, he himself is a sobbing mess. On top of it, the pediatric care facility is having trouble containing the newly found Galra boy. Shiro haven’t had time to check on him yet, trusting the doctors would take care of him, but he knows it is sooner than later that he will be required to make a visit.

Looking in to himself, Shiro is feeling like he’s been pulled from all directions when a call comes. The Galra boy is putting up a fight, refusing food and fighting the caretakers. So he gives up his idea to go to bridge and heads to the medical unit, specifically the pediatric unit. However, by the time Shiro is there, they have put the kid under sleep, unable to fight him because the Galra kid is as strong as any human elder. Shiro locks the door once he is inside the boys’ room, because he had been given warnings that the kid is prone to run away.

He slumps on the chair next to the bed and waits. It is the first time he took some time away that resembles a rest ever since the commotion. Unable to sit idle, Shiro mentally goes through his priority list. Curtis is under Medical officer’s care, so no worries there. Both Keith and Krolia are asleep in their bunks, safe, and no worries there too. The bridge is safe in Iverson and Veronica’s hands, Pidge is helping Jeremiah – maybe there is a little something to worry there – but not now. So Shiro feels a little okay. He observes the boy leisurely. About ten years old – then again he isn’t sure how the Galra kids look when they are ten. But he definitely is a paler blue than any other Galra he has seen. He wonders if that means the boy is weak. Malnutrition maybe? Keith didn’t know about the boy, so was he too imprisoned? And it makes him wonder, if Curtis didn’t risk his life to keep him warm in the below freezing weather, what would have happened to this boy?

The boy wakes up with a startle, gives one look at Shiro and just as expected, his first instinct is to run. He jumps down, dash to the door and thumps madly on the key pad, jumping up to reach it. Shiro stands in the background patiently, until the protest is over. When the boy finally realizes he cannot open the door, he turns to him, and Shiro gives the softest smile he could offer. He observes Shiro curiously, mainly his floating arm. He looks fascinated and Shiro seizes the chance.

“I’m Captain Takashi Shirogane, you are onboard IGF-ATLAS – a big space ship, and you are safe here.” He says because he believes it contains all the vital information for the boy whose survival instincts must be at a peak, stressing the word ‘safe’.

“You are the captain of this Ship?” The boy asks and Shiro nods.

“I want to leave!” He demands in no uncertain tone.

“Why and where to? If you don’t mind me asking. Because I can help.”

There is some uncomfortable silence between them. The boy is clearly thinking things through, he slowly walks to the bed and sits on it. Shiro too takes his seat.

“I know my parents are dead.” The boy starts. Shiro’s heart cringes realizing the two Galran bodies they found are his parents. His heart habitually reminding him the loss he felt when he got to know his whole family had passed away. “William checked their pulse and confirmed they were. But he couldn’t get them out, because he was hurt too.”

“William?” Shiro asks surprised.

“He saved me from the cruiser, because it was slipping down. I was stuck in the escape pod. William took me out of it before it fell in to the crevice. He put me in his suit and asked me to wait until his Captain will come looking and find me.”

Shiro stares wide eyed reminded that Curtis is in fact ‘William Curtis’.

“You are the first one to ask me ‘why’ I want to leave. I want to find William. And you are the cool Captain he mentioned right? He told me you’d have that arm.”

“Yeah, I’m the one, did he say I’m cool?”

The boy nods to say yes. “When the cruiser started crashing down, my parents tried to eject the escape pod with me but it didn’t work. Something was wrong with it. I was stuck there until William came and saved me. I want to see him, is he okay?”

Shiro immediately observes a lot of things about the boy. He is intelligent, the usual Galra nonchalance about death is there, and maybe in his little life time he’s seen enough to make him like this. He is well adapted to the fact that his parents are dead, maybe because he spent enough time alone inside the cruiser with their dead bodies, and is now focusing on the only other person he cares, ‘William’.

Shiro places his hand on the boy’s knee experimentally. If the boy trusts him enough he will let him, and he does.

“I’m a very good friend of William” Shiro says.

“I can take you to see him, he is a little sick because he was exposed to the cold air for a long time. He is asleep actually, and will take a little longer to wake up. But if you promise to have some food, then I will take you to see him, even if he is fast asleep.”

The boy looks at him stuck between decisions. “Should he sleep a lot? It is my wish to thank him.”

“To get better, yes, he has to sleep a lot.”

Shiro puts the index finger to his lips and shush. The boy smiles. Then he is crestfallen again. But this time, it isn’t hard to guess why.

“Your parents?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry, I tried to get them out but I was too late.”

“It’s okay, thanks. William did say you’d help.” The boy adds. “I’m actually hungry.”

Shiro, who hasn’t had a proper meal in two days, waits in envy until the boy finishes his food, wishing he had the same appetite. His stomach churns at the sight of food. The boy is fast and Shiro remembers he still doesn’t have the boy’s name.

“I’m Kishou.” He says finishing up his meal as if he could read Shiro’s mind. “And I’m ready to go and see William.”

The caretaker close the gap to murmur to Shiro’s ear. “You are a miracle worker to get him to behave like this and eat, but are you sure about taking him out?”

Shiro observes the boy taking in to consideration the caretaker’s concern. But all he see is the innocent boy who reminds him a little bit of how Keith had been, jumpy and edgy, too thick for his age, but innocent. No malice what so ever.

“I’m positive” Shiro replies.

They hover through the hallways with low gravity and Kishou enjoys the float like the kid that he is, rolling in the air and bumping on to Shiro a few times. Shiro finds himself pushing his worry for Curtis a little aside to genuinely enjoy the boy’s company, and laughing with him.

“When they arrive at the med bay, Shiro helps him set foot on the ground. The boy stands next to the glass pane, places both his hands and peer through the glass to properly see Curtis.

“He is indeed asleep.” he exclaims. “I hope he is fine.”

“He will be, the doctors are taking care of him.” Shiro tells him and steps back to wait when the boy ask for more time. He bumps in to Keith as he step back to sit on the bench.

“Keith! You were supposed to be asleep!” He yells in a low impact.

“I couldn’t.” Keith whispers back, caught red handed, but his real problem is much more apparent in his face. “How could I?” He asks innocent.

Shiro holds his gaze, but Keith averts to where Curtis is.

“Is he the boy?” He asks.

“Yeah”

“He seem to like you, no wonder there… I’m already jealous.” Keith smirks.

“The kid’s alright but, he’s attached to ‘William’.”

“William? Oh! You mean Curtis?”

“Yeah, seems like they are on first name basis already.”

 

 

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After three days, the pathologists finally find why Curtis is asleep. There is an unknown element present in his blood and Curtis is immediately placed in quarantine care. ATLAS falls in the grip of Disease control department like it’s stuck in the claws of a gauntlet, Shiro hardly feels like he’s the Captain. When everyone on board ATLAS is checked and the ‘all clear’ comes after two days, Shiro lets a breath he had been holding, his chest finally expands enough to fully breath, only to drawback as his eyes get caught up in Curtis’s sleeping form inside the quarantine care room.

The word ‘unknown’ brings a shiver up Shiro’s spine. He hates when he is in the dark. But the element is not in any known database and its spreading throughout his body, attacking Curtis’s organs. He is already suffering from respiratory insufficiency and it is unclear to doctors how it will affect other organs, their biggest concern is with the brain. The pathology department has shared a sample of his blood with all known labs in the coalition, firstly including the Altean alchemists. They are all working towards a solution to control it or eliminate it but it seems impossible at the time.

“How come he is the only one infected?” Shiro asks scratching his head, but the answer comes to him immediately; Curtis was the only one exposed to the planet’s environment without the protection of his suit _and_ with open wounds from the fall. The ‘element’ as the pathologists call it, because it cannot be classified as a virus or a bacterium from the way it behave, must have entered his blood stream through the bruises.

They try dialysis and a plethora of other treatments, but the element gets angry and Curtis goes in to shock. They immediately realize it’s able to detect a threat though in earth terms, it’s not bigger than a single cell. Shiro hates the surprises the universe brings him now. It keeps destroying Curtis’s organs, and making them its home.

The Galra boy spends some time every day in front of the glass pane that divide Curtis’s cubicle and gets used to the staff in the coming days. He becomes friends with other kids who are allowed to visit their working parents during non-mission time. Slowly, he attaches with Keith and Shiro.

Hunk, Lance and Pidge leaves Shiro and Keith begrudgingly, their duty on earth calls them. Besides, there isn’t anything they could do here. They leave on promise to do what they can on earth to help Curtis. Shiro lets himself be overwhelmed with medical terms the doctors throw at him everyday . Although none of the updates bring him any hope for Curtis at all, he lets them overtake his space to worry. For he knows if he so much as let the self pity take an ounce of space in his head, he’ll be in a hole he cannot come out of. 

 

On the seventh day, things take a turn to the worst. Curtis goes on to shock right in front of Kishou and Keith drags him to the play area scared and in shock. But Kishou is an intelligent boy, he knows ‘William’ is not doing well. He becomes secluded, silent and only eating bare minimum when Shiro or Keith is the one insisting.

 

On the twelfth day, Shiro gets two calls. First one is from the doctors, who think it’s time to take Curtis off of life support and let him die peacefully. Shiro sits right where he is and clutches his chest because after days of holding all the emotions, he think it’s finally going to explode. He is in the bridge when he gets that call. Veronica and Iverson, oblivious to the call, thinks he is getting sick. But then Keith saunters to the bridge and his face tells them all why Shiro is how he is.

 

It’s time to call Curtis’s family, to make the decision. But Shiro wants to wait more, sure one of the coalition’s labs will succeed with a solution, right? He doesn’t want Curtis’s parents to witness their only son dying, especially because they have seen Curtis’s brother pass away not long ago. Shiro bitterly remembers how Curtis’s father asked him to take care of his only son on their first vacation they spent at their beach resort.

 

There is an argument between Keith and the doctors when Shiro gets the second call. It’s from Lance. Lance and Colleen are worm holing to ATLAS with a fresh pack of specially treated Juniberries. They may have found a solution in their earth lab. Shiro sits right where he is again, this time, with relief.

 

The down side is, it’s not tested on humans before. Colleen and the pathologists at the lab has taken every possible measure to make sure it’s safe, but it’s prohibited to use untested medicine. Although, with Curtis’s parent’s consent, it could be done, because there is no other alternative but let him die.

 

As the Captain, its Shiro’s duty to call Curtis’s parents. He dreads it, stalls it as long as he possibly could. When he finally make the call, they think Shiro is calling to arrange another vacation time in their rest. It absolutely breaks Shiro’s heart when Curtis’s mom starts breaking down. He can feel the fit of rage starting at the pit of his stomach, wanting to tear everything apart. But Curtis’s father is like a rock. He swiftly moves his wife from the screen and obtains the details from Shiro and tells him they are willing to try the untested medicine. They trust Shiro with all their hearts to do what’s best for Curtis, and if Shiro is telling them it’s their only hope, they are willing to take the chance. It further breaks Shiro, he would have felt better if they got mad and shouted at him. Instead, Curtis's father looks at him with the same kind blue eyes and asks him, "Son, are you okay?"

For a moment, Shiro just stares at him, his eyes welling up with tears that he had been holding on for many days. But he looks down when they falls, no one will see his tears. Because he doesn't think he deserves empathy, not from Curtis's father. How could this man ask if Shiro is okay, when his  son is dying because of Shiro himself?

Knowing he will get nothing out of Shiro, senior Curtis asks for one thing - a chance to see their son, before the new drug is given. Which Shiro gladly approves, but the decease control department gets in the way; all transfers between ATLAS and any other planet is halted until the situation is resolved and a full quarantine procedure is performed. With that decision, Shiro’s delegation duties comes to an end. It’s a relief in a way. He is having enough of doing all ‘Captain’s duties’ while the worry for Curtis is at the background of everything he does.

Shiro tears himself away from everyone after the safety meeting; Colleen and Lance who are working with the pathology people, Keith defensively terrorizing the doctors, Veronica who doesn’t move from the bridge because she doesn’t think she could take a single look at Curtis’s almost lifeless body, Gabe and Sam who makes occasional appearances with the same sulky mood – Shiro plants himself at the star gate Curtis and he used to spend hours together. Somewhere in his head is also Kishou, the boy who is refusing food and play.

Someone sits next to him after some time, in Curtis’s place. Shiro turns to see Iverson smiling at him.

“Wanna talk?”

“Since when are you the talking one?” Shiro huffs, with no actual bite to it.

“Do you remember what you first wanted to be when you came to Garrison?” Iverson inquires ignoring it anyways. He came to talk and he is going to talk anyways.

“Rescue pilot” Shiro says remembering the good old days. He was convinced it was the best way to help people. He was fifteen and Iverson was a lieutenant instructor.

“Then you realized by being a pilot, you could stop war damages from happening at all, and you changed your stream. If I realized the kind of self-sacrificing leader you were becoming, maybe I could have instilled at least _some_ self-preservation instinct in to you.”

“Are you saying ‘I am’ your fault?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t feel the same about Keith. And no, I am _not_ telling you are a ‘fault’, you are a miracle if anything.”

Shiro doesn’t argue on that, to have died, or about to die the number of times he did yet to come out alive somehow. But it’s refreshing to realize that Iverson held in him a responsibility for what Shiro has become – though not exactly in a proud way.

“Curtis came wanting to be in ground forces just like his brother, fought his way for a place in the elite rapid deployment unit. But do you know who he reminded me of? You.”

Shiro looks at Iverson with interest. This is the first time he is hearing the Iverson-side of this story, Curtis has venomously told him his side of the story earlier.

“Always put himself between others and anything dangerous, thought of himself as a human shield or something. Just like you, wanted to save everyone except himself." Iverson says with a sigh. "As an instructor, we learn from our cadets too, so I couldn’t make the same mistake I did with you. That’s why I appointed Curtis to the communications department, thought if I kept him inside, maybe he’ll live longer. Kid hates me for that to this day.”

Shiro grunts, Iverson isn’t exactly praising either of them.

“We are soldiers Shiro, we are supposed to fight, not sacrifice.” Iverson says decidedly.

“We are supposed to do both.” Shiro speaks his own mind, but the older man hasn’t done speaking.

“Whatever, it’s not like you ever listen to me anyways. But I’m getting old, so do me a favor and stop trying to die every chance you get, both of you. Pass the message to your other half if you could.”

Shiro only huffs in response, their mentor conversations have always been like this.

“As soon as this drama is over, I’m taking a vacation.” Iverson says standing up, clearly and dearly offended by his students. “A long one! and Shiro, stop the brooding. Curtis was going to kill himself all along - it was only a matter of time. It's neither your fault nor will you ever be able to stop him from doing that."

And the man leaves after that. Shiro gawks at him, it's like Iverson had Curtis's funeral speech ready all these time. He may have sounded callous, but Shiro knows this man - and he sounds angry, angry at _his_ failure. Because even after everything he did to keep Curtis safe, he hasn't succeeded.

However offended Shiro feels with Iverson’s logic, he can’t help but think that If Shiro knew Curtis would continue to be this suicidal, he would have prohibited him from any field activities. So thinking along what Iverson said, Shiro confers that ATLAS may not be the singular reason why Curtis so quickly decided on what to do. Shiro remembers how painful it was for Curtis to even describe what happened with his brother, how Curtis had to dig the rubble with his own hands to get his brother out, but still was unable to save him from death. Shiro has heard many times Curtis repent, telling he should have been in his brother’s place, when the building collapsed on him and his brother with the first wave of attacks from Sendak. His brother and he had just exchanged their seats on a restaurant and the rubble from the broken roof had fallen on where he used to be. So in a way, maybe Curtis was trying to save everyone in an attempt to redeem himself, because in his mind, it should have been Curtis. _‘Survivor’s guilt is a bitch’_ , he used to say. And now Shiro was regaling in it.

 

 

“Shiro, you can’t blame yourself for this. Whatever Curtis did was his decision alone.”

Keith says while the doctors are prepping Curtis for the procedure and Shiro and Keith waits outside. For Keith, it’s no mystery what is written all over Shiro’s face as he stares inside through the quarantined room, his eyes never leaving Curtis’s brain dead body.

“You were only trying to save lives; that’s what you always do. I think Curtis knew that more than anyone.”

“And yet I somehow managed to hurt the two people I love most.” Shiro says like he’s in a trance, his eyes linger at Keith’s mark on his face, inflicted by his own hands.

Keith immediately tunes in to a reprimanding mood. “Okay, one, this was Kuron and not you!” he points at his scar as if it personally offended him. “Two, you had nothing to do with what happened to Adam.”

Shiro looks down, seemingly considering his answer and he finally looks up at Keith. “I didn’t mean Adam.”

Keith’s eyes widen with surprise. There is silence between them as his mind grasp the idea that Shiro meant none other than Curtis. Then they soften in what could be described as a mixture of happiness and sadness. He sweeps Shiro in a tight hug and Shiro closes his eyes in the comfort.

“I’m so glad for you Shiro.” Keith says. But the same smile is not reflected on Shiro.

“What’s the matter?”

Shiro chuckles, “I …look what happens to people close to me. Curtis, you… I’m scared to love anymore.”

“That’s bull shit.” Keith snaps sharply.

“Language lieutenant.”

Keith knocks Shiro on his shoulder in response. He cannot bear the words escaping his brother. Shiro has been through enough in his life, he deserves a universe worth of love, and there is no way Keith would let him believe otherwise. So the words Shiro speaks, hurt as if he spit venom at him. “C’mon. Look at me! I’m your brother, I’m fine, I’m here and I love you too!”

Shiro looks singularly at Keith’s mark on his face. Again. As if everything Keith said could be defeated as null and invalid by that simple scar.

“You’ve got to let this mark- go, or else I’m going for a plastic surgery to remove this from my face!”

Shiro is looking down at his hands, fingers nervously entangled, his weight leaning on his elbows and still silent as a book. Keith just cannot take it.

“Every time I see this mark, it reminds me of you. It reminds me of everything we went through, and everything you’ve done for me. It reminds me that I’m lucky enough to have the strongest person on the whole universe as my brother! And it’s so nice to feel that. So please don’t put me in a position to wipe this mark!”

Shiro finally grins at Keith as he ramble about how important the mark is to him.

“Thank god, I never thought I’d have to be the positive person in our relationship, ever.”

“I’m alright kiddo.” Shiro says leaning back on his chair. “I have to be.”

“For the sake of the others? No Shiro, this time you are going to be alright for the sake of yourself. You haven’t had a break for once since Kerberos. Listen to me.” Keith says grabbing his brother’s elbow. “Curtis is going to be fine, and as soon as he is fine, both of you are going to get a break. Okay? And I’ll do my best to forgive him for stealing my brother.”

Shiro doesn’t get to respond to that. Colleen and Lance comes from the lab. Shiro trembles just by seeing Lance so serious like that.

“It’s ready.” Colleen says.

They all stand up to observe as the doctors inside, fix Curtis’s IV with the counteracting agent in it. The dosage is based on pure calculations and Shiro looks to the side to see Colleen leaning on to Lance with tears in her eyes. Outside the facility, in a far corner, Shiro captures the sight of Veronica. She is crying obviously, but he is glad that Gabe is holding her. They watch in slow torture, while an hour pass with nothing happening, until the pathologists and the doctors are monitoring him inside looks at those who are outside and smiles at them. One of them reach the microphone to explain.

“There is a very slow progress.” She explains. “Though it’s incredibly slow, we definitely know the anti-agent is working, so that’s a good start. Problem is we need to make the anti-agent from the Juniberries more strong, otherwise the progress won’t be fast enough to recover him before his heart too fails. We’ve informed the lab, and they are working on it.”

Collective sighs of relief escape from them at those words. Shiro leans on the thick glass that painfully separates him from Curtis. The love that he feels for him boils inside him, looking for a way out, yet he doesn’t know any other way it could be tamed other than a look from Curtis, or a touch from him. Shiro closes his eyes as he habitually re-lives the brief yet deep intimacy they shared before everything went downhill, he could still feel Curtis’s warm chest, hear his heartbeat…

“Shiro.”

He turns to see Veronica finally drawing courage to step inside the facility’s glass door. There is so much pain in her eyes that Shiro forgets all the formalities, squeezing her in a tight hug while she cries her tears until he has big stain marks on the front of his uniform and he  could feel the wetness through his undershirt. When she finally tears herself apart from him and mumbles a ‘sorry’ Lance comes to her side and she gratefully leans on him.

“He’s going to be fine Vero.” Lance mumbles and slowly guides her out of there, exchanging a look of understanding with Shiro. They wait there silently as others visit from time to time; Sam, Pidge and Jeremiah; who dons a similar mood to Veronica and avoids looking at Curtis at all costs, Iverson and even Slav. Shiro wonders why, why most of them doesn’t exactly look at him. And he sees why for the first time when he takes a good look at Curtis with the question ‘why’ in his head. And he decides it’s difficult to recognize him. His skin isn’t the glowing dark it usually is, the cheeks are hollow, the dimple that steal Shiro’s attention every time Curtis smiles cannot even be imagined on him. There is a permanent frown on his face and the blue eyes are closed tight. He is very visibly thin, the bone structure on the very little skin Shiro could see through all the machines and wires is very visible. And it shocks him.

It shocks him because how could he hadn’t seen all that before? It’s no wonder the others has a hard time looking at him. Shiro realizes that all these times he had only looked at him as Curtis. Overcome by his own emotions, he had just wanted him there. His brain had skipped every detail that signaled Curtis was dying. Keith grabs his shoulder and shakes him from his stupor. When he looks up to see what he is showing, he see that the happy atmosphere had changed as the doctors start to panic inside, when the monitors starts to beep wildly. They instantly get up on their feet. A pathologist insert another IV line with the stronger anti-agent, but it is clear the time took to process it was too long; although they had worked as fast as they could.

 

Curtis’s heart betrays everyone gathered as the machines around him beep crazily.

 

Right in front of everyone who are sickly worried for him, it fails. The monitors continuously process a flat line despite everything the doctors are doing. They finally give up and look at the clock to mark the time of death.

 

Shiro barely stands upright as he watches the scene. _‘The stronger anti-agent is in, why couldn’t his heart wait a few more hours? A few more minutes maybe? Why?’_

From the corner of his eyes, he see Keith wrapping his hand around himself like he is going to be sick, just when Shiro think he need someone to lean on to. He doesn’t think he could keep standing anymore, but it looks more like Keith is in need of support.

But overpowering all that, Shiro feels a familiar warmth enveloping him. It’s so comfortable, and it wraps him in its folds despite the cold that had just set in his heart.

It’s the warmth of Atlas.

It envelops him up like she usually does when they are about to transform. Shiro closes his eyes giving in to the feel, it’s not like he has a choice. And soon he feels nothing but her power. He sees nothing but himself, the neon blood lines of Atlas and…and Curtis. It’s like Atlas is telling him something. He listens intently, she is not hard to decipher at all.

Shiro walks to Curtis’s room. The tightly locked doors of the quarantine room opens to him easily. He steps in and places his Altean hand over Curtis’s heart just as Atlas guides him to do. He feels her purring inside him. Happily. He feels the energy moving from within him, through his arm, in to Curtis.

He feels Curtis.

He feels exact point in time when his heart starts pounding again. He feels his pain and uneasiness. But in plain, he just feels him. He’s never felt someone in his head like that other than Black or Atlas, but now he feels Curtis. Increasingly, he can feel Curtis’s pain reducing, but along with it, Shiro feels it’s the maximum he could hold on. But he wants to give more, to make Curtis better. He has to make Curtis better as much as he could. So he pushes all the boundaries, he pushes it even when Atlas warns him.  

 

 

 

Keith stands behind Shiro, asks him what he is doing, but Shiro doesn’t respond, he doesn’t seem to heed him at all. He is taken aback when Shiro place his Altean hand on Curtis’s silent heart. For a moment, Keith suspects that this is how shocked Shiro is mourning his unrequited love, but how did the doors of the quarantine facility’s door opened for him? But then, his Altean hand hums, and it glistens in a bright neon green. Somehow Keith feels that the light flows from Shiro to Curtis.

Everyone is now inside the room, witnessing the abnormal phenomena  in front of them. Thirty seconds go by in total silence and Atlas blinks its lights like a warning. The neon green pauses, then restarts. It pauses and restarts as if someone is forcing it to come to light again. Unlike the calm that was previously on Shiro’s face, he looks like he is in pain now.

“Should we stop him?” Keith asks Sam, but Sam doesn’t seem to know. Atlas blinks its lights again in a thorough warning and both Keith and Sam jump forward to grab Shiro as he falls, out cold.

⊷       ⊷      ⊷

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, Sorry I've been missing. Had flu and then there was just so much work in arrears. I had no space for anything else. But here it is, a long chapter to compensate for the missing days. I hope you guys are still with this.

I’ve broken through to longing now, filled with a grief I have felt before, but never like this.

 - Rumi -

 

Shiro knows grief. The grief of losing the person you love is one he’s felt before. But to lose the love of your life while he is there right in front of you…

Shiro knows grief, but never like this…

\- Me -

 

⊷     ⊷     ⊷

 

 

Keith sits in his chair looking at him. He looks healthy, the doctors have confirmed that. His pale skin now has a shade of a light pink, like there is actually blood in him; a sharp contrast to how he looked during the first day of his sleep. He had woken up a few times before, stayed up for more than half a minute at his longest tenure of being up for the past few days. Shiro had been sleeping, just sleeping until he regained all the quintessence he had lost to Curtis. He had been sleeping for more than four days like this until yesterday he woke up like a normal person and stayed up. Still kept under for the next twenty four hours, Shiro is clear to go back to normal life once he wake up the next time.

Curtis had woken up two days before Shiro, who had given him the gift of life at his own expense. Coran had visited both of them with an Altean alchemist who explained that losing quintessence is always difficult than the person who is receiving it. So there was the reason why Shiro had looked worse than Curtis who essentially woke up from being dead for a full minute.

Keith will not forget the expression on Curtis’s face when the doctors explained to him what had happened with as minimum detail as possible. He had laid on his hospital bed, motionless, realizing what his beating heart had cost. Keith, Lance and Veronica or Gabe, they all had tried to talk to him about it at length in different points in the days that went by, but Curtis had effectively shut them down at the very start. The only person he listened to with real interest had been Coran, who explained Shiro’s status. Keith had noticed Curtis light up like a bulb after that, after Coran had explained that Shiro’s vitals were improving, and giving someone their quintessence so selflessly only affected them positively in the long run.

Keith thinks about Shiro, and the other man he had dragged in to his life – Curtis; two dorks in love, who are equally selfless, kind and caring, heaven could not have come up with a better pair.

“Keith.”

Keith snaps his head up hearing that. All he could see are the deep grey eyes smiling at him. He jumps at the chance and hugs his brother tight.

“Didn’t mean to scare you.” Shiro mutters trapped under Keith’s hugs. They haven’t had the time to speak in privacy because there had always been a nurse or a doctor hovering around in his room.

“I know you never mean to, but it’s like that’s all you do these days.”

Keith says releasing Shiro who in a reply gives out a flimsy laugh. “Says Keith Kogane who jumped at the chance to go under cover and then stayed off the grid until I found him unconscious on a god-knows-what-planet with subzero temperature.”

“What can I say, I learnt from my brother.”

Shiro huffs. “Of course, that too is my fault. I think Veronica is rubbing off on you with her dad jokes.”

Keith squeezes his hand with affection despite their banter. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Shiro smiles hopefully. “I’m hoping Curtis is okay too?”

“Yes and no actually.” Keith decides to tell the truth while pressing the button for the doctors. “Not very happy that you decided to offer him ‘your’ quintessence _and_ ‘so much’ of it while you’re at it.”

“Couldn’t help it.” Shiro says shrugging, and Keith would have said something about the blush that creep on Shiro if not for the doctors who surrounded them.

Once back in Captain’s quarters, Keith waits for Shiro to get a wash. Knowing the time he usually spends in the bathroom, Keith takes the liberty to bring food in to the room than going out in the mess hall. Besides it would be a disturbance too frequented if every crew member who see him stops to wish him well.

Keith waits for him to finish at least half the portion of real food, before dropping the bomb.

“I have to go.”

Shiro is unable to hide his disappointment. He takes a second longer to take his eyes back on food and resume his dinner. “Okay.”

“You know I don’t want to leave you, but it’ll be suspicious if I don’t return in time with the merchandise I’m supposed to ‘steal’”

Somehow, that joke only makes Shiro sulk even more.

“I’ll be careful, I promise.”

Shiro doesn’t even answer that. He cannot help but make faces for everything Keith says like an overly clingy boyfriend. He knows it’s his duty to encourage Keith in his endeavor to take out pirates once and for all, but after all, he’s his brother from another mother. That’s all Keith is to him. Enduring the uncertainty about his safety is not something he is comfortable now.

“I said the same thing when I left for Kerberos, remember?” Shiro recalls.

Now Keith starts sulking, and Shiro can’t take that either.

“Keith, I’m sorry.” He quickly apologizes. “I guess it’s the loss of quintessence that’s making me have this bad mood. With all my heart, good luck out there, you are doing a great service for this universe, I’m proud of you, you know that.”

Keith isn’t sure if the quintessence is giving him a bad mood or he just doesn’t have the strength to put up the brave soldier forte. But he lets go of that.

Even with no appetite what so ever, Shiro gobbles up every food item he is presented to satisfy Keith as an apology. It’s even more difficult to say goodbye in the hanger bay. But they do have to depart at this close to midnight- ungodly hour to avoid ATLAS crew, for the sake of secrecy.

 

Shiro’s next immediate move is to visit Med-bay, with one special person in mind. He had stalled the task, partly because he didn’t want to look the way he looked right out of a med bay bed. So he had reluctantly agreed with Keith’s plan to first get a wash and eat, but it was also because he didn’t expect Curtis to be up at this hour. Now that Keith is gone, and he is decent, Shiro can’t make up his mind to wait until morning. Just a peek at him.” He tells himself to justify the untimely visit.

Shiro walks the ghostly passages to the med bay.  

 

“Captain, the Doctor would like to speak to you before you speak to Commander Curtis.” The nurse informs Shiro as soon as he sets his foot inside the med bay. Although, technically, he knows very well that Curtis is clear from danger it turns his blood cold.

The nurse furrows her brows slightly, sensing Shiro’s feelings. “Commander Curtis is fine, sir. This should be regarding the final evaluation they conducted on him. You shouldn’t worry.”

“Thank you, Valya. That’s a relief.” He says to the nurse who was kind enough to relieve him of worries, on top of the worry he was nursing for Keith, every bit of uncertainty adds to the growing heaviness in his head.

“I understand, with everything that happened…” She trails off before she pats his hand and leaves.

Shiro reluctantly walks the few meters to the doctor’s room. Before he even knocks on the door, it opens from inside. “I’ve been waiting, please do come inside.”

Shiro takes the chair doubtfully, in his experience, it’s never a good sign when the doctors are suspiciously kind.

“We’ve evaluated Commander Curtis, and all tests results have come out satisfactorily.” He begins. “All physical tests actually. He is exhausted, so we’ll be keeping him at least for three more days here. It should be the strain of everything he went through but…physically, he is ‘miraculously’ fine”

Shiro holds his breath, noting that he is using ‘physically’ too many times, while the doctor seems to gather his words carefully.

“I’m needed to share these detail with the captain, as per the code of conduct guideline passage 224 of medical officers.” He says like he suddenly remembered he is sharing private details of Curtis, Shiro couldn’t care less for guidelines now, he’d want to know them anyway, allowed or not. His impatience must have shown in his manners, twitching fingers and his constant looks at the door; the good doctor resumes his explanation.

“Commander Curtis is diagnosed with a form of amnesia. Pretty common among patients recovering from comas.”

“A what?” Shiro blurts loudly, while a sinking feeling settles in his gut.

The doctor gives him a critical look, assessing the captain before he answers.

“It is considered as an act of self-preservation by the brain, where the alternative might be overwhelming anxiety.”

Shiro gawks, _are they really talking about Curtis?_

“It’s like a subconscious self-censorship actually, it blocks unpleasant memories from entering the consciousness, but they remain in the unconscious. Neurologically, normal autobiographical memory processing is blocked by an imbalance of stress hormones such as glucocorticoids and mineralocorticoids in the brain, particularly in the regions of the limbic system involved in-memory processing.”

Shiro tries to process everything the doctor is saying, but there are too many medical terms for his just recovered brain cannot catch up to, and he is definitely not feeling like his calm self today.

“Can you tell me in a very short version, what to expect when I step in to Commander Curtis’s room?”

A sigh leaves the doctor, like he expected this to be his reaction – denial at first.

“He’s asleep now, but you can go inside. He is fine other than his memory lack for about 24 maybe 48 hours leading up to the incident, we don’t have an exact guess because I was told, most of those hours were spent with you and no one else can give a full account of things that happened with him.”

“That’s right.” Shiro agrees – _but what’s the point?_

“Just don’t try to put ideas in to his head if he doesn’t remember certain events.”

“I can do that, is that all?” Shiro cannot stop his annoyance seeping out to his exterior, too exhausted from everything and having been avoided from seeing Curtis in the last minute.

“Yes, but if you need to know anything more, please don’t hesitate to talk to me.”

“Sure, thank you.” Shiro turns on his heels and leaves quickly before he say anything else, with one destination in mind. He has trouble understanding the doctor’s jargon, but speaking to Curtis will no doubt shed a light on his status.

Shiro tentatively opens the door, not making any sounds, preferring the practical solution to his worries.

And there he is.

Asleep, and no beeping machines blocking Shiro’s view of him this time. Shiro perches next to his bed and takes him in. All the lost muscles returned to him, eyes closed in a comfortable sleep, the usual sharp arc in his brows persistent and he has no doubt if he wakes up and smiles at him, he will get to see the dimples that daze him every time Curtis  smiles.

Shiro sends a thank you to ATLAS before he does anything. He shakes his head when she returns her ‘you’re welcome’ by way of blinking ATLAS’s lights. Shiro smiles, he could imagine how the engineering department will now go nuts trying to find the problem with the lights. ATLAS is getting more mischievous every day rather than maturing, pulling tricks at the crew here and there, they have no idea that it’s ATLAS. Only one word pops in to his mind when he thinks of all of ATLAS’s acts only he knows - ‘space dad’; it seems ATLAS, thinks of him the same way.

Curtis turns in his sleep and Shiro keeps watching him, tightening his hands on the bed railing because he wants to do things that’ll wake up Curtis, run his fingers through his hair, take his face between his palms and kiss him senseless, hug him tight and never let go… It feels truly amazing to have this man in his life, lucky to call him his lover…partner? Better half? Friend?– Shiro finds words that each describes a part of Curtis. And then suddenly, as if he sensed Shiro’s presence, Curtis flutters his eyes open. When he see Shiro standing by him, he straightens up in record speed, and hugs him with force, so much force that Shiro thinks he’ll be trapped forever inside Shiro’s large and warm chest when Shiro returns the same vigor.

Not that he would mind, so Curtis keeps his hands wrapped around him. They stay like that until Shiro pulls, still lingering in their embrace. His heart skips a beat when Curtis finally opens his eyes and train the brighter than ever blue orbs at him, with so much affection and concern in them, hair disheveled and undeniably beautiful that Shiro feels weak in his knees. He leans in to kiss those lips and claim his sanity back from where it was doomed, but feels Curtis stiffen under him. Shiro cannot deny the uneasiness that radiates from Curtis that he automatically reach his forehead and plant the kiss there instead of the lips.

Disheartened, Shiro lets him go. They had been intimate than this, what is the matter that’s bothering Curtis? He looks properly at Curtis, setting himself aside from the basis that they were lovers, he does this intuitively because his better judgment reminds him how blind he was to the fact that Curtis was dying. And he notices the tiniest margin of distance that they used to maintain as friends, back in place, very solidly.

  
“Are you okay?” Curtis asks, his voice groggy from the sleep.

Pressing down the growing tension in his head, Shiro finds words. “I am, how about you?”

“Just a bit dizzy when I walk, but they say I should be fine in two or three days.”

Shiro nods his head. “That’s really good.”

“Thank you, sir.”

_Ah, that ‘sir’ again._

_“_ I owe you my life.”

_You love me_

“Just don’t scare me like that again.” Shiro says through the tightening vocals.

Curtis smiles as Shiro squeezes his hand lightly, and the small dimples in his cheeks depress so sweetly Shiro thinks that they only exist to torture him. But in his eyes, Shiro see the unmistakable fierceness, as if Curtis is internally promising himself that he will do anything for Shiro – even if it means scaring him. It isn’t so hard for Shiro to read Curtis now. “You know what Curt, don’t promise that. I’m sure you’ll break it the first chance you get.”

“How could I not?” Curtis lifts his head from their entangled hands to Shiro, and there is so much love in there, Shiro knows it, he feels it in everything Curtis does, the way he look at him, the way he doesn’t let Shiro’s hand go…But what’s keeping him at this distance?

“Let’s set that aside for now. The doctor told me there is a slight problem?”

Curtis let’s go of his hand, leans back on his raised bed and sighs.

“Yeah.”

“How far does it go?”

“Last I recall, we were reading Adam’s letter.”

Shiro gulps so hard it hurts him. “Nothing after that?”

“Obviously we went to Garrison next morning, right?”

“Curtis, you can’t guess, you need to remember.”

“Well, I can’t.” Curtis says, distressed, annoyed with himself.

“Let me speak to the doctors again, we’ll see what we can do. Don’t worry, okay.”

“Sounds so easy.” Curtis says busying himself with getting comfortable in his bed, but a vain attempt at hiding how stressed he is from Shiro who had walked the same water before, but at the receiving end this time.

As Shiro nears the door, Curtis calls back.

“Sir.”

“Curt?”

They stare at each other, and Shiro is sure Curtis is going to say ‘I love you’. He turns fully at him, wishfully, to hear those sweet words from him one more time, just once.

“I’m glad you are fine.”

Shiro just nods hiding the bitter disappointment. “I’m glad ‘you’ are fine.” Curtis nods as if he was waiting for Shiro to say something entirely different.

Once the door is closed behind him, Shiro leans on the door frame. Away from Curtis’s eyes, he has the urge to just drop on the floor. Pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes in desperation he wonders how on earth to navigate this new dimension between them. But the med bay is not at all a private place, Shiro can’t allow himself to break here. So he takes hurried steps toward the only person who could give him an advice. 

The doctor has his back turned at the door when Shiro knocks briefly and enters without waiting for the invitation.

“Let me guess, you want the long version.”

Shiro slumps on the chair shown to him, defeated. “Yes, please.”

“Could his memories be recovered?” Shiro asks even before the doctor starts speaking.

“Episodes of psychogenic amnesia can last from a few hours to several days, or sometimes even months, but severe cases are very rare.”

“Okay.”

“And they do so spontaneously, because it is due to psychological reasons rather than physiological causes. If the memory loss becomes too much of a burden, the patient can sometimes be helped by therapy like psychotherapy, hypnotism or other techniques.”

Shiro looks up from the dark brown spot on the table that he had trained his eyes. “Wait so, you’re telling me there is no direct method to help him.”

“Captain, I agree, this is the space age, with scientific discoveries we only dreamt of. But human brain is still a far too complex machine for us to meddle like that.”

Shiro doesn’t say anything, he knew this even before he came to meet the doctor. It still doesn’t feel good hearing it from him. When the doctor continues speaking, he forces himself to concentrate.

“Many patients who suffer from psychogenic amnesia tend to lose their biographical or episodic memories, particularly of the events leading up to the trigger event, to the extent of not even being able to remember their own names and addresses but the status of Commander Curtis is not at all that bad.”

“So what you are saying is we give him some time, maybe up to a month and then if he still need help, we try therapy.”

The doctor comes up with an easy smile. “Essentially, yes.” He says. “These cases have been common during the war, especially among soldiers. Plus, I don’t see that this type of a small loss of memory that spans for about 48 hours, will affect his ability to perform his duties or his day to day life.”

“Doctor, I believe our conversation is confidential?” Shiro asks with all seriousness after the internal debate whether to reveal or not what happened between him and Curtis.

“Yes, of course.”

“I’m not bothered about his ability to perform his duties on board ATLAS.”

“Then…”

“Commander Curtis and I were…” Shiro pauses, considers how to explain, then just goes with what comes to his mouth. “We were going to start dating, something we consented roughly about an hour before the incident. And he doesn’t seem to remember any of that.”

Shiro glances at the doctor who is wide eyed despite the carefully mastered professional calmness of a medical officer. “Oh!” Captain, I’m so sorry.”

For a moment, Shiro doubts his decision to reveal their moment, but there is nothing he can do about it now. He’s gonna need all the help he can to not mess what Curtis and he has built between them. “Please, can you tell me how I should proceed?”

“Patience” The doctor answers with one word and a delay of a few seconds. Usually it’s Shiro who repeats the word to others, now he feels like the doctor slammed the word on his face.

“I’m guessing ‘love’ is involved? Not just dating?”

“So much of it, if I’m being honest.” Shiro says trembling, feeling the doctor’s eyes on him, measuring him.

“I think I now understand why ATLAS decided to perform the kind of magic she did, blew my mind of course.”

Shiro winces. “Yeah, she did what she could.”

“Captain, take the high road, If you are in love, I guess you don’t have a problem with waiting.”

“Of course not.” Shiro says too quickly. _I’ll wait forever for him…_

“Be patient, I’m sure the memories will come around. So give him time, if not we’ll try therapy.” His hand slowly reaches Shiro’s arm, patting in a comforting manner. “Let me make it clear. I know how strong you have been for the sake of this whole universe Captain, but you need to stay stronger for the both of you this time around.”

Shiro holds his head on his palms, he thinks, stresses, re-lives what happened. But what may lie ahead scares him the most. Among his memories, Curtis smiles at him, glancing from his seat every single time he has to make a difficult decision at the bridge, listens to him at the star gate, gets drunk with him, cooks for him, cares for him, defends him, hugs him, reads to him, understands him – Curtis is  everything and everywhere in his life. There is no way he is gonna lose him now. 

“Any other questions captain?”

“I do actually.” Shiro says coming out of his reminisce, once he’s calmed down enough and the gears of his head immediately starts rolling, making plans for what he should do. 

“Curtis is a highly trained soldier. I’ve watched him stab himself to diffuse a hostage situation before, and he recovered quite quickly. Nothing like this happened. And that was a way worse situation, he knew very well he was going to die then. But here, Curtis had the guarantee that I’d come looking for him, he wasn’t ‘jumping off the cliff’ if I use his own words. Why is he affected so much this time? To the point his mind wants to forget two days of his life, just to keep him sane?”

“Oh, I remember, I had the fortune to work on him last time he was on the med bay too. That was a few years back, right?”

Shiro nods, that was the first time he should have realized how self-sacrificing Curtis is – but he didn’t. And then the doctor immerses himself in thoughts loudly. “Perhaps he had something far more valuable to lose if he died this time, than when the hostage situation happened, something he was more scared to lose if he died …” he says suggestively. “Someone like…you. Didn’t you say you had just agreed on a date?”

Shiro forgets to breath, like his lungs were gonna blow from the burn his heart is taking.

“Captain, are you okay?”

Shiro takes all his time to answer by way of a lie. “Yeah, I’m okay. I think maybe you are right.”

“If you need to talk, I’m here, if you prefer someone else to talk to, I can arrange that too and I highly recommend that. You may not have physical injuries, but you went through the same emotional trauma. Considering what you’ve been through overall, I was surprised to see that your medical records lacked any consultation from a qualified therapist.”

“I was talking to someone.” Shiro cuts him mid-sentence, “to Commander Curtis.”

The sympathetic look the doctor is giving him annoys Shiro, he doesn’t need sympathy - he wants answers. And he needs Curtis – _his Curtis_ back.

“I’ll survive. Patience. Right?” Shiro stands up and is at the door when the doctors speaks again.

“Listen, it’s often difficult for a patient to distinguish a true repressed memory from a false one without corroborating evidence. So better not speak of the events that he doesn’t remember.”

“Okay, I remember that.” If he could just tell Curtis everything that happened, how easy would that be?

“Two, these patients usually preserve their ability to create new memories. You should consider that.” Lost in his own mind’s turmoil, what the doctor says reaches his ears, but the massage doesn’t reach his brain.

When Shiro finally steps back in to Curtis’s room, he has fallen asleep. He looks at the clock to see it’s already morning at 1.30a.m.

Sighing, he sits quietly next to Curtis. The unhappy expression is still there on his face. Leaning back on his chair Shiro takes a proper look at the man lying on the bed. He changes his position to sit at the edge of his chair, reaches out for Curtis’s hand and cradles it softly between his.

Even with the crease on his forehead, Curtis looks young, really young…and Shiro finds himself using the fingers in his free hand to count because it’s difficult to form comprehensive anything in his mind with the emotions swirling in his head now. He counts the years, Curtis is five years younger than him. And only one question rings in his mind as he jerks his head up from his fingers. ‘Was he destroying this young man’s life? When he could easily find someone with less baggage than Shiro is? His mind provides unhelpful names and images of people he didn’t even know he himself noticed before – Chris is the first name, then all the lustful eyes that observed Curtis on the sports day, eyes that follow him in the mess hall, Bojan…

Shiro rests his head on the edge of the bed, because his head feels too heavy. Eventually it eases up, because he knows among all the candidates, Curtis chose him. Shiro remembers that he in fact knew Curtis had chosen him way before they really expressed their true feelings, they had chosen each other way before they got all the obstacles out of their way. Curtis may have forgotten their ‘special moment’, only because he was too afraid to lose him. But that it-self is evidence enough to trust on the love Curtis bears for him.

After that, it feels good next to Curtis. The fog in his head eases. Nurses come and go checking and recording Curtis’s vitals from time to time, Valya choses his human shoulder to give a comforting squeeze which he appreciates so much. He keeps his eyes on the slow but steady rise and fall of Curtis’s breathing chest feeling relief dominate his worries. So Shiro stays the same. Perched next to Curtis…right where he belongs.

 

                                                ⊷          ⊷           ⊷

 

“Good morning.”

Shiro wakes up to Curtis’s voice. But then someone whips past him, there is suspend in the air, and the next thing he knows - Kishou is clung to Curtis like a koala.

“You are okay!” the kid exclaims, “They wouldn’t let me come to see you.”

The look of pure horror on Curtis’s face is something incomparable to anything Shiro’s hazy sleepy mind provides. Shiro puts his finger to his lips and signs Curtis to not say anything. Then someone else comes hurling in to the room too. Shiro stares flabbergasted as the care taker comes running and shouting.

“Oh my god, Captain I’m so sorry, he just fought me, I couldn’t stop him.”

She says pulling and failing to detach Kishou from Curtis, while Curtis wraps his hands around the boy instinctively and Kishou becomes a sandwich between them. Even Shiro’s ready-to-act mind comes blessedly empty.

“You’re hurting him.” Curtis says and the caretaker backs off, shocked by her own mistake and Shiro could see how Curtis’s hands tighten around the boy comfortingly.

_Did Kishou trigger anything in Curtis’s head?_  Is all Shiro could think of. He looks at Curtis and Curtis looks at Shiro. Shiro doesn’t have the time to decipher the message he finds in Curtis’s face, he just knows he cannot do anything with Kishou wrangling Curt.

Shiro stands by where Kishou could see him, and the kid de-tangles immediately. Shiro then lowers to his height, looking at the over enthusiastic boy.

“Captain.” The boy says imitating the ATLAS crew.

“William needs to see the doctor. Kishou, do you mind if I come back and get you later so we can both speak to William?”

“I didn’t see you in a long time Sir.” He points out rather importantly, like the captain himself neglected a certain duty.

Shiro crouches down this time and takes both his hands.

“I guess we have a lot to catch up then.”

“We sure do Captain.”

Shiro stands up straight with his hands behind his back with the perfect Captain persona, sleep mused hair and one side of his cheek hurting because he had held his head on the railing for too long.

“Well is this how you greet the Captain, officer?”

The boy clasps his hand over his mouth, realizing his mistake, but quickly regains his stature.

“Good morning Captain, I’m sorry, it won’t happen again Captain.”

Shiro holds the stern gaze at him.

“At ease.” He says. And the boy stands relaxed.

“Duty comes first officer, we should catch up with William later.”

“Yes sir!”

“Go and see if the Hanger bay is in proper order, then. Be ready with your report when I come to see you.”

“Yes sir.”

“What do you watch out for?”

“Pilot’s normal field of view, approach or depart crouched, approach or depart on the down slope side, and all clear, unclear signs.”

“Good, dismissed.”

Kishou whips around and leaves the room like a flash, completely forgetting Curtis and the caretaker.

“I’m sorry sir.” She stops at the door and mouths at him.

“Go easy. Please. He just lost his whole family.” Shiro pleads to her. “If he wants to see Commander Curtis gain, before you decide to hold him back, first inform me.”

She nods and Shiro waves his hand defusing her worries, if anything, he should recommend double pay for her for the effort she has to put with the energetic Galra boy.

Then a loud crashing sound comes and she turns intuitively knowing it’s something the boy did. A trash can comes rolling along the hallway and she sails out of the room. Shiro can’t see what happens at the other end of the hallway but it becomes quiet after a few seconds.

He turns to see Curtis. “Do you remember?”

“Who the heck was that kid?” Curtis all but whispers.

Shiro lets a silence settle between them, trying to dissipate the disappointment bubbling inside him, Curtis looks equally puzzled.

“You saved him.”

“How? Why” from whom?”

Shiro shakes his head. “I’m sorry, but it’s kind of your duty to remember.” He says settling on the edge of Curtis’s bed. “The doctor advised against talking about what happened in the hours that you can’t remember because you will have difficulty differentiating between repressed actual memories and-“

Curtis folds his arms defensively, and cuts him short. “Yeah, yeah, so he told me.”

“That’s not a good mood to be in the morning Curt.” Shiro chuckles.

“I don’t know if I could ever get a good mood unless I remember.” Curtis says truthfully. “I feel like I’m missing something really important. I first thought it was just the memories, but I know it’s not just that. I’m missing something really important at a life-altering level, and you’re sitting right in front of me denying that truth.”

Shiro’s mouth goes dry. Words escape him when the blue eyes looks at him accusing.

“Curt-“

“I’m sorry.” Curtis says depositing his head on his palms. “You’re right, I’m not in a good mood. I didn’t mean to be so rude to you.”

“Don’t worry.” Shiro says in understanding. “The lack of quintessence does that to you. I may have at least snapped five times at Keith after I woke up, may also have been rude to the doctor.”

“Really? How are you now?”

“Back to myself. Nothing to worry. Maybe last night’s sleep was all I needed.”

“And yet you slept on this uncomfortable chair, I was asleep when you came back from the doctor, wasn’t I? I’m really sorry.”

Shiro doesn’t say that next to Curtis is the only place he sleeps without waking up sweaty and buried in bad memories. If he starts to let himself get any sentimental, he knows he will inevitably break right in front of Curtis. So he slides down from the bed.

“I’ve gotta go. Duty calls.”

“Already? Aren’t you on medical leave? Or did I sleep two days in a row again?”

“You didn’t sleep that long. But you know me, I’m a busy man.”

Curtis screws his eyes shut, thinking of the last time Shiro was advised to take a rest. “Don’t remind me”, he says weakly. He had to revive his brother’s worn down house to keep Shiro from working that time. Iverson had to put them both on leave to make sure the Captain didn’t jump in to work right after the fever went down.

“Who’s gonna stop me this time?” Shiro smirks, knowing very well what Curtis meant. “You can’t even walk without feeling dizzy.”

Curtis looks at him, his blues challenging Shiro to do better this time, as if he knows Shiro is weak for his blue eyes. But Shiro doesn’t wait till he gets trance fixed by Curtis, he goes to evasive maneuvers immediately and pulls the bed cover over Curtis’s head.

“There, go back to sleep, you sleepy head. I’ll be back for lunch.”

By the time Curtis finds his way out of the bed cover, there isn’t a soul in his lonely room.

 

_⊷           ⊷         ⊷_

Shiro in deed is a busy man. The moment he is back on duty, despite the protest from the doctor on board, he finds himself buried in work. It may give his doctor depression, but to Shiro, work is like a soothing balm as he lets the load to lead him out of personal worries.

For the first day Shiro is able to accompany Curtis every break he gets. They have lunch together. Shiro accompanies him to the physiotherapy appointment, they have the evening break and the dinner as well. Although it is relieving to see Curtis getting better every minute, Shiro hates walking on egg shells around him. They had been avid friends, able to speak their minds without the worry for consequences because they knows each other so well. But that most important part is now locked away having to carefully avoid anything related to the incident. Shiro catches Curtis many times wondering in to the empty space, and it hurts him to watch the dull expression on him, probably thinking about what is missing in his head, or the boy or that ‘something very important at a life altering level’ that he knows he’s forgotten. Shiro does his best to cheer him up, but even he knows, only the return of the memory would resolve the situation.

To not help the matters, next day Shiro is whisked to another strange planet. Ambassador duties overwhelms him and he doesn’t get to see Curtis after breakfast. He does talk to him every break he gets and is happy to know that Gabe and Veronica is around him every time they can.

Shiro finally gets to sit on his seat at the last hour of the work day. As soon as he finish his desk work, he’ll be able to visit Curtis. Excited by the prospect and the knowledge that Curtis is definitely waiting for him, Shiro immediately gets to work.

One looks at his mail queue and he willingly bangs his head on the desk. How could he have ignored a kid like that? The Pediatric unit, satisfied with the health progress Kishou has made is transferring Kishou to his mother planet – to the new Daibazal. The Galra officials has recommended a children house and all Shiro is left to do with is to authorize the worm hole transfer.

He hadn’t been to visit the kid since impromptu visit the kid made to see Curtis.

He looks up when he hear a soft sound to see Curtis standing outside his door, waiting for his permission to enter. When Shiro meets his eyes is when he start to punch in the code, and Shiro feels that he may have been observing him until then.

“Curt, they discharged you?”

Curtis sits in front of him with a smile. “Not dizzy anymore!” He says. “What’s the matter?”

Shiro sighs, he has been right to think that Curtis was watching him from outside, and no doubt he must have seen his worry face.

“They are sending Kishou to a children’s house in new Daibazal.”

“A children’s house? Has he no one at all?”

“Unfortunately, no.” Shiro leans back on his chair, pinches the bridge of his nose and mutter. “Keith used to hate the house he was in before he came to Garrison.”

Curtis understands now, even feels guilty for having a loving family even after the most brutal war in the history of mankind. Shiro and Keith have both lost their families. Although Keith found his mother at a later time in his life, he had already suffered more than enough. At a glance, Kishou’s life seems to follow a similar path. Although Curtis has no recollection of meeting the boy before, the cheerful way he jumped on to the hospital bed, the jovial vibe he felt from that boy, the easy connection Shiro and he had…Will all of that disappear when he is caged in the inflexible environment of a house that uphold nothing but order and discipline? At least that was Keith’s opinion.

“I’m sorry.” Curtis says guiltily and Shiro looks up at him questioning.

“I can’t even say something to make things easy.”

“Curt, you saved his life-”

“How?” Curtis asks in a low hum of a voice that carries a ton of guilt. “I don’t even know how! He calls me William, hugs me so affectionately but I can’t even say something adult worthy to that kid and now he ends up in a house.”

Reaching over his desk, Shiro brings his hand to gently touch Curtis’s arm. “You can’t beat yourself up for what you can’t remember Curt. Give it time, it’ll come to you.”

“Was I so scared to die, I had to forget that moment to live?”

The words come out so quiet from Curtis that Shiro dares a glance at Curtis, because he knows what’s written in it – guilt and embarrassment that Curtis does not deserve at all. What Curtis forgot was not the moment he thought he was going to die, but the moment he thought he was losing his love, something he considered more valuable than his own life.

But that Curtis is not the exact person sitting in front of him now. This Curtis does not remember he had shared the love out in the open with Shiro. And Shiro can’t share those intimate moments until Curtis himself remembers. Honestly, Shiro cannot imagine how Curtis would react even if he tells him that, because he doesn’t remember what happened that morning when he told him what shade of gray he preferred, he doesn’t know Shiro had been listening to the conversation between him and Chris, he doesn’t know the taste of Shiro’s pancakes. He doesn’t know their heart beats are synchronized.

“Curt, that’s not-”

“You know what? Let’s forget that. I didn’t come here to unload my head on you. I’m sure you have so much work. I just came to see why you haven’t approved my transfer.”

“Transfer?”

“I’m supposed to wormhole to earth tonight.”

“Shiro draws his hand back and stares at his screen, of course there it is. Right under Kishou’s transfer is the medical officer’s request to transfer Curtis – one week full leave on earth, two weeks desk work recommended before full-fledged work assignment back to ATLAS.

“I just started desk work for the day, I’ll approve it now.” Shiro says.

Curtis doesn’t even wait for him to finish doing it. “ATLAS will be back on earth in a week right? So I guess I’ll see you on earth.”

“Curt wait.”

Shiro rounds his desk to stand facing Curtis. “Listen, just know that there is so much I want to tell you, but I can’t. Not at least a month goes by to see if you could remember it yourself which is what the doctors recommend. So forgive me for that. But can you please be gentle with yourself? Relax?”

Curtis smiles, his hands finds Shiro’s like they have their own will. “You don’t have to bear this burden for me. I promise I will take care of me. Don’t worry.”

“What are you going to do back on earth?”

“I’m going home for the leave week.”

“Can I come with you, I’ll drop you at home and return.”

“No.”

“You took care of me when I _”

“You need to stop bringing that up, I’m your friend, right? Besides Chris is coming home with me. He’ll be driving so you have nothing to worry. He is a great long distance driver.”

Shiro has no doubt how his face must have looked at that moment because Curtis immediately jumps in to an explanation.

“He just wanted to meet mom and dad, Once upon a time they were acquaintances, you know. Mom and he used to trade recipes. He just wanted to talk to them because he kind of left without telling them.”

Shiro knows his face looks stoic,because it feels so  tight, not even when his mind reminds him that this Curtis doesn’t know he is suppose to date Shiro. If Shiro didn’t feel threatened by the guy, as a very new boyfriend, whose love life was paused mere minutes in to it, he definitely feels threatened now.

‘ _Will Chris work his charm? No, no - Curtis loves me, expressed or not, he loves me.’_

“What are you doing?” Curtis asks and Shiro realizes he had been vehemently shaking his head in response to what is going in his head.

“So, one week vacation for you and Chris-approved-good luck.” He says recovering, blushing and embarrassed.

Curtis gives him a look that Shiro doesn’t want to decipher. “He’s just going to talk to mom and dad and return, no vacation.” Curtis says. “Besides, Mahia and he never got along, the way he just disappeared, I’m not sure how Mahi will respond. I definitely don't have the strength to negotiate peace.”

“Oh, good.” Shiro blurts,

“What?”

“Sorry, I was just thinking in my head.”

Curtis’s suspicious look doesn’t leave him as he take a few seconds to observe how disturbed Shiro is. “You seem to be busy, I’ll see after you touch earth??”

Curtis says leaving Shiro’s hand and starting to leave, but Shiro just drags him back to a full blown bear hug. He knows it’s gonna look awkward, but he cannot care. He just wants Curtis. He craves in to his mind once again how Curtis feels between his arms before he lets go. There is hesitance as Curtis lets him free.

As their last physical contact is  lost, Shiro wonders to himself. _‘Am I loosing you curt?’_

Curt turns back and asks. “Did you say anything?”

Shiro just shakes his head. He lets that be an answer enough because he can’t say anything more. He stands there in the middle of his room, unable to draw his step, thinking and over thinking, he ponders how he handled memory loss without even realizing he was handling it. And he realizes that he had been tasked with turning five teenagers in to pilots capable of fighting Zarkon, he had been busy saving universe. And after all those years, the memory loss became something that faded in to the background until he got it back when he visited Zarkon’s main fleet years after. By then, he had been ready to handle it. So until something like that happened to Curtis, Shiro realizes his best option is to keep Curtis busy so he won’t have time to worry. If being the ‘space dad’ helped him, perhaps making Curtis a dad is a good idea too.

Shiro finishes his desk work as quickly as possible. As the last thing of the day, he’s going to speak to Kishou, explain to him why William is so distant in terms that a child could understand, and then he has to contact earth, specifically ‘Pidge’ and see what he could do about Curtis’s situation so his plan will be firmly set by the time ATLAS touch earth in a week’s time.

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William Curtis becomes a Dad for the first time, and a happy one too.

_‘I could get use to this.’_

Shiro mutters to himself. He lifts his aviators to take a good look at Curtis, who is running out of the garage to open the old age gate for him, his sleeveless tank top wet with sweat, the poor shorts stretched to limits by the thighs expanding in his hurried walk, a wrench saddled in one hand, and if his eyes serves him right, there’s a smear of grease on his cheek. Shiro scratches at the material of his jeans to relieve his hand that itches with the need to swipe his lover-not-lover’s blushed cheeks clean.

Curtis opens the gate and makes a show of saluting the Captain with _that_ smile, Shiro could drop dead right there.  Treating Curtis with his own charming smile Shiro drives the crew cab up the gravel path, rented for the specific purpose of transporting Curtis’s surprise. He gets off the cab and observes the garage interior which tells him that Curtis had been keeping himself busy with his brother’s bike. The engine is pulled out, parts removed and laid on a floor mat in an orderly manner. Empty shell of the bike stares at him saying it never needed this cleaning. He steps out and see that Curtis had been working on the garden too. The rich brown soil is turned up, new plants peek out of the neatly arranged lines of the garden.

“You’ve been busy!” Shiro says as Curtis walks to him wiping his grease smeared wrench with a cloth hanging on his short’s pocket.

Instead of answering, Curtis asks his own question. “You’re early?”

“Yeah, finished up work earlier than expected at Naxzella.”

“Really? Roni is expected to brag at such an occasion.”

“I kindly asked her not to, because I had to surprise you.”

Curtis leans on the cab, observing Shiro’s dopey, flirty expression. “You did, actually, didn’t expect you this early.”

“Oh, the surprise isn’t _‘me’_.” Shiro says pointing to himself, his hands gesturing up and down his body which Curtis makes no mistakes following. Reveling in the observing eyes of his love, Shiro walks to the back of the cab and opens the back door. Curtis who follows and stand behind him, stares gaping at what’s inside. Satisfied with Curtis’s look, Shiro release and guides his very impatient surprise guest out of the cab and grips on to him tightly.

“This is your new dad.” Shiro introduces the stranger, pointing at Curtis. Despite his care, the white fur lord jumps at still frozen Curtis, slamming him to the ground and licking at him.

“Hold.” Shiro gives one order and the dog backs off. Sitting on his back feet, it wags his tail and wails at Curtis who quickly recovers from the attack to lift himself up on the elbows, taking a good look at one of the biggest surprises of his life.

“Now that you have a house, and Phlat city just opened a serious dog care center, I thought why not.” Shiro explains.

Curtis is still speechless. He slowly crouches at the dog and scratches behind its ears, and the dog leans in, whimpering in the comfort. Its oval shaped blue eyes are half closed in the comfort, the triangular ears are lowered in submission and he rubs its snout on Curtis’s hands to request cuddles.

“You gave your dog to Shrima, right? She told me it was because you wanted to cheer her up after your brother’s passing. So I thought you might enjoy a new one. Besides a _house_ doesn’t become a _home_ without a dog!”

“Said who?” Curtis asks looking up at the man holding the leash.

“One Takashi Shirogane.”

Curtis just shakes his head, no point reasoning with how cutely Shiro is able to reason his totally unexpected actions.

“What’s his name?”

“No one knows the real name. The Dog shelter said they just got him. He was wondering the street looking for his owner, who was later found...not alive."

Curtis immediately transfers his full attention to the dog and rubs its body softly. "Oh! poor you."  The dog falls flat on the ground, and opens its belly for Curtis to branch out his rubbing, while Shiro speaks amused.

"This guy’s a pure bred white husky with blues eyes, about 18 months old and well trained. If you want to know more I have this.” Shiro pulls a hand book out of the box he had placed on the front seat. “Happy puppy handbook for Husky owners.”

Curtis takes the leash from Shiro and they lead the way inside while Shiro juggles with the boxes of dog supplies he brought on his own. Once inside, Curtis locks the leash in a living room wall hook, where his previous dog used to be when he came to visit his brother. Sitting on the floor next to him, he starts rubbing the dog, and the husky lays on the floor letting him rub its belly, placing its head on his knee, letting its tongue fall free through its teeth and wagging its tail like a motorized feather.

Shiro brings with him a few cartons full of things that he places on the table and pulls item by item on to the table, announcing them loudly for Curtis to hear.

“Bowls for water and food, chew sticks, extra collar, comfortable bed, mat rake, towels, steel comb, flea comb, first aid kit, nail clipper, medicine, puppy treats, toys, ID tags, trimming scissors, dog food, etcetera, etcetera…”

“Wow, you really have thought about everything.” Curtis says looking up at the boxes Shiro is emptying that must have cost him a small fortune.

“Actually, Pidge did the shopping, she’s the dog expert. I didn’t give the ok to the cage though – don’t like the idea of caging.” Shiro says. “But if you want-“

Curtis understand more than any one why Shiro wouldn’t like a cage, images of the cell he was kept in Zarkon‘s fleet flashes through his mind.

“No, no, I don’t want a cage, I never liked caging dogs anyways. I’ll just have him leashed when needed.”

Shiro starts packing an empty kitchen cabinet with the dog food, another one with other supplies while Curtis watches him work his magic throughout his house. It really does feel like a home now, only when Shiro’s warm presence is included. The husky starts drooping well in to the massage Curtis is giving, he places its head slowly on the floor and gets up to clean and fill the bowls for water and food while Shiro sets up the dog bed. He places it in the passage area while the husky digs in to the bowl of food Curtis presents him with a passion.

“You brought grandma’s couch here!”

Curtis doesn’t get to answer the loud exclamation, he hears Shiro jumping on to it and the adjustments his body make in the huge sofa with a loud moan that scream comfort.

“Can’t settle here while it’s in the Garrison quarters, right?”

“Right, right.” Shiro says sitting up reluctantly after a few minutes, his hands patting the comforting cushions with longing. “May I read out the hand book aloud for you?”

Curtis nods as Shiro settles back on the sofa and starts reading.

‘ _A purebred white husky is one of the most beautiful dogs on the planet.’_

He starts reading, sounding proud about his choice. Then he falters.

‘ _If you adopt a husky, be ready to get a child who is mischievous, energetic, demands tons of attention and hours of walking. A husky is a strong big playful dog, and can express its emotions by jumping at a child and a young child may get scared. So you need to teach the dog to express its emotions in a proper way.”_

Shiro pauses to assure Curtis. “Don’t worry, they said he’s fully trained.”

_‘The white husky can look deceptively lightweight, especially since this working dog has a natural grace and poise. But make no mistake; this dog is very strong and powerful.”_

Shiro raises his eye brows like a proud dad himself, then continues.

_‘A bored husky dog can quickly become very destructive.’_

“Oh.” This time Curtis raises his eye brows, Shiro evades his looks to continue reading.

_‘The white husky will not do well if left alone for hours each day. This is not a lap dog or a house dog. This dog requires an active lifestyle with lots of exertion and interaction every single day. Running is likely to be your pup’s favorite type of exercise.’_

“Oh! good, you can have your crazy long runs with him.” Shiro provides, Curtis doesn’t say anything, somehow he feels there’s more he has to hear.

_“However, never let your husky off the leash to run.”_

“What?” Curtis asks panicked from the living area. Shiro doesn’t get the hint in his voice. _“Never let your husky off the leash to run”_ He repeats.

“But I just did!”

“Oh, the garden is big enough, he’ll just run around” Shiro dismisses the worry and reads the next line.

_‘Your yard must be completely escape-proof from above, below and on all sides. Husky dogs love to run, and they love to dig. Breeders recommend installing fencing that is at least 5 feet high. It is also smart to install underground barriers to keep your husky from digging an escape route.’_

Shiro finishes with a dry mouth and hears Curtis yelp a swear, jump over the chair and runs like wind after the dog. The old fence the house is surrounded by is nowhere near five feet high. Shiro wastes no time as he throws the handbook to a side and follows after the man and the dog.

Curtis doesn’t even stop to open the gate, he jumps over the short thicket fence and runs. In a new discovery, Shiro discovers he cannot match Curtis’s speed. He could see the white fur ball at a distance, it crosses the road and jumps over another fence to meet Curtis’s neighbor.

To his relief, Curtis is right behind the dog. He leaps to the ground and grabs the husky as the old lady on the porch screams grabbing on to her own cat. She stands up furious, lets the cat in to the house, close the door with a thud and stands next to Curtis fuming.

“What the hell were you thinking young man?” She demands at Curtis’s stumbling apologies.

Shiro breaks his run at her gate, sets his aviators up his forehead, transitioning in to his graceful stride. The woman’s eyes falls on him, then on his lighted up prosthetic.

“Mrs. Morrison.” Shiro says flashing his full teeth smile and the woman immediately deflates.

“Please, I take full responsibility for this. And I hope you’ll accept my apologies. We just brought him home. Didn’t know he was such a fast runner.”

Shiro extends his flesh arm for a hand shake and she accepts. Curtis lets a breath, thanking Shiro’s ambassador skills - last thing he wanted was to have an angry neighbor even before he properly got to know them.

“I’ll make sure it won’t happen again ma’am.”

The woman huffs, though visibly a less angry now. “You do that of course, he almost killed my poor cat.”

“I understand, I’m really sorry. Was that a Persian cat by any chance? My grand ma had one too.” Shiro, holding her hand ever so graciously with both his hands now asks, and Curtis stares at him wide eyed with this never before heard piece of information.

“Of course she is, I like Persian cats in particular because they are very friendly. Besides, I’m an old woman, I can’t run around with a dog for companionship.” She looks accusingly at Curtis who is trying to keep the husky from running at the door to get at the cat.

“Petting her relieves my stress and blood pressure, you know. My Luna is very predictable, low maintenance, doesn’t have to worry about walking her, bathing or taking her to the groomers.” All these she says while observing the husky with keen eyes. Shiro and Curtis listens to her knowing it is the only way to stop her from calling the police.

“I have a Self-Cleaning Cat Litter Box, so I don’t even have to bend down which would have been a very hard thing with my bad back. Besides Luna is very healthy, only needs a vet visit once a year, I’m on a fixed budget you know.”

“I understand Mrs. Morrison. Is there anything around the house I can help with?” This, Shiro asks genuinely and Curtis knows she really must need help, looking at the weed grown garden and the windows that needed a good wipe.

She looks at him, shakes his hand and asks. “Are you the famous captain of the ATLAS?”

“I’m the Captain of the _Famous ATLAS_.” Shiro says correcting her. “Yes, and this is my good friend and the right hand officer at ATLAS, Commander Curtis.”

Curtis wipes the dust off his hand on his tank top, because he had leapt on to the ground to catch the husky, and stretches his hand, fumbling to reign in the ‘well-trained’ husky who is trying to drag him to the opposite side. The woman takes his hand finally meeting him with a smile and Curtis see a lingering respect on her face.

“It’s nice to meet you both gentlemen.”

“I believe the pleasure is ours ma’am and, if you need any help…” Curtis offers again.

“You want me to make you do my house hold tasks?” She asks as if Shiro and Curtis ridiculed her. “I should be ashamed at myself if I make you do that, in fact if I knew you were my neighbors, I should have already invited you over for dinner.” She says beaming. “Less the dog of course.”

Curtis laughs, Shiro joins in, but the cloud that sits over the Captains’ face doesn’t escape Curtis – another person rejecting him because they respect him so much.

“He is welcome if he could behave of course – I don’t hate dogs, I just need to keep Luna safe.

“I’m sure you do Mrs. Morrison.” Shiro says recovering.

“What’s his name?”

“Um...we haven’t gotten to that part yet.”

“Oh really, so he really did just came home.” She bends down tentatively to pet the dog and the husky, who craves attention gives up on the prospect of chasing the cat and leans on to her touch. “He looks like you two made a baby, you know, white hair and blue eyes.”

Curtis involuntarily makes an inhuman sound while Shiro blushes all the way to the root of his hairs. “We’re not um...we’re just friends.” Curtis explains and Shiro silently, internally recoils at the introduction.

“Oh! What a pity.”

“We’ve got to go, I’ll see you around Mrs. Morrison.” Shiro says already leaving her porch in a hurry, Curtis falling behind him and the old Mrs. Morrison smirking at the awkward walk of the departing men. “Young love.” She whispers to herself.

On the way back home, Curtis closes in on Shiro.

“Your grandmother really had a Persian cat?”

“She hated cats.”

“Liar, how on earth did you know her name was Morrison?”

Shiro shrugs. “The letterbox.”

“I should never trust you.”

“Really, now that, hurts.” Shiro grabs on to his heart in a show, feigning hurt, and runs. The husky runs after him, dragging along Curtis.

 

While Curtis makes sure the husky is properly leashed, Shiro grabs the puppy hand book again and reads other life threatening situation that may arise. Curtis sits next to Shiro listening to him.

 

_“Siberian huskies are very sociable and love the company of people and other dogs. However, their work typically involved long hours and whole days of running. They don’t hear traditional commands like “sit” and “stay” all that often. So this breed evolved to require more incentives to obey commands. Do not leave your shoes lying around, you need to keep them inside shoe cupboards where the dog won’t be able to reach.”_

“Good thing I bought a load of dog treats.”

Curtis just shakes his head, now having an idea of what he is getting in to with the new dog.

 

_“Siberian huskies are also bred to help their people with hunting. The husky has a very strong prey drive that you won’t be able to train out of your dog.”_

“My squirrels and birds – good bye!”

Shiro ignores the comment to keep reading. They just escaped the neighbor thanks to his charming skills. He does not want to worry for other stuff just yet.

 

_“The Siberian husky is not typically considered to be a good “first time dog owner” dog breed. These dogs can have special training and socialization needs, and require a great deal of time for exercise and grooming.”_

 

“Now that, I took care of on my way, courtesy of Pidge actually. This guy’s already registered with the new pet care center who are okay with the Huskies and their need to exercise.”

 

_‘However, the husky breed has a strong desire to bond with their family.’_

 

“That’s just great, you know – dogs are family, right?” Shiro asks all too sentimental and Curtis resorts not to make any comments at his stupidly adorable Captain musing over a dog laying over on his grandma’s couch.”

 

_‘Their social personalities also make them terrible guard dogs.’_

 

Shiro could swear he saw Curtis laughing under his breath.

 

_“Your adult white husky dog with blue eyes will already be house-trained and may have additional training under his or her belt. But the best perk is that a white husky dog will have a much-needed forever home. There is no doubt the sight of an all-white husky with blue eyes is a showstopper.”_

 

“I guess you can’t deny the _cuteness factor_ of a pure bred husky with ‘blue’ eyes.” Shiro says looking over the handbook at Curtis.

“I’m gonna ignore what you are insinuating by that.” Curtis says scratching his chin. He has so much to do now.

“The happy puppy handbook ends there. Curtis, you can drop him at the Day care while you are at your morning run or on your way to Garrison. They are okay with extended periods too. I did mention you have to fly in to space.”

“Did you really know he is this much work when you bought him?”

“I was kind of in a hurry to leave that place. I saw blue eyes - I bought him.” Shiro says innocently.

“Or the guy at the rescue shelter was a terrible flirt?”

“It was a girl.”

Curtis bursts out laughing. “I just knew.”

“But really, Curtis. I had a backup plan. If you don’t like him, Pidge is ready to take him in. Bae Bae stays with Matt now.”

“No way.” Curtis blurts. “No way am I giving him to anyone.” He says standing up resolutely. “In fact I’m gonna go out for a walk, get him around the neighborhood and introduce him to the people I already know. Do you wanna join?”

Shiro laughs at how protective Curtis has become with the dog so instantly. Maybe he should let the two get to know each other. “Nah, I need a bit of a rest.”

Shiro observes Curtis putting on his running shoes and leave with the husky. Truly, he hadn’t known that taking care of a Husky was like having a child. He just asked Pidge what kind of a dog would keep Curtis so busy that he won’t even have time to worry over his loss of memory and she had casually mentioned ‘Husky”. She had come with him to the dog shelter, and snorted loudly when he immediately picked the blue eyed dog the moment he saw him. The girl at the shelter who helped them in fact had asked him to stay and get to know about the traits of the Huskies before he made a decision, but her biting her lip like she was thirsty and her subtle winking had made his skin irk. He just had to make an escape before Pidge’s annoyed glances turned in to snapping. All in all, although the dog may turn in a bit of work, he is sure of two things. Curtis loves the dog and he won’t have time to think over his own attire unless the Husky is asleep.

Shiro climbs to the roof, begrudgingly leaving the Grandma couch because he loves it up there just as much. Curtis has placed two beach beds on the empty roof top and a canopy to smooth out the sunshine. A telescope stands in the corner. Shiro smiles to himself looking at the roof top that has become a hybrid of the coco beach back home and the star gate back in ATLAS. Curtis is turning this house slowly but steadily in to a home, Shiro is sure that the dog will be a great addition.

Lying comfortably on the beach bed, Shiro gets to work. Before Curtis returns from the walk, he has something to take care of. After an online search, and a few long calls, Shiro gets what he wants done and quickly falls in to a nap in the cool breeze under kind sun.

He wakes up from the nap on the roof top when he hears footsteps. Curtis sits on the other bed and stares at him. His hair is wet from the shower he must have taken after the walk, and he looks perfectly healthy for Shiro’s relief. _If only he could remember…._

“He’s tired, fell asleep as soon as I got home.” Curtis says mentioning the dog. “You had a good nap?”

Shiro smiles. “Yeah, I like what you’ve done with the roof top.”

“Mhm, with next month’s salary, I’ll be reaching the savings target to buy the outdoor barbecue I wanted.”

“You need to upgrade your fence to match the dog too, right? And install underground–“

“You know I live pay check to paycheck ever since I bought this house. I have not saved enough at all for a new fence.”

“I know…” Shiro says meeting Curtis’s eyes guiltily.

“Did you do something again?” Curtis asks, turning to Shiro alert as if catching a kid who misbehaved.

“I may have just paid a construction company to take care of all that”

Curtis gawks at him, unable to speak.

“Please Curt, let me take care of that.” Shiro begs.

“But this is too much, I can’t- ”

“You can. Besides I’ve already paid half the assumed cost and arranged payment upon completion for the balance amount with the bank as well. You need not worry at all.”

“I can’t accept that!” Curtis puts his foot down, but Shiro doesn't back down.

“You can, besides it’s already paid. There’s no turning back now.”

Curtis sighs stress fully, biting back protests the best he could. “You are stubborn, aren’t you?”

“Not the first time I heard that.” Triumphantly, Shiro leans back on the roof top.

“You really shouldn’t have, I’m gonna take forever to pay you back.”

“We’ll see about that.” Shiro mentions as he adjusts himself on the beach bed, inhaling the cool breeze, having another hurdle won, happy and content. “So, let’s move on to the important stuff, did you decide on a name for our furry friend?”

“Yeah, mylove.”

“Milo?”

“No, he’s Mylove from now on, M-y-l-o-v-e”

“But that’s supposed to be-never mind.” Shiro adjusts his face to look right up the sky and not at Curtis. _I’m supposed to be called that!_

“Don’t you like it?”

“No, I love it. I bet he deserves that title.”

Satisfied with the approval, Curtis too lays back. He isn’t happy about the amount Shiro must have already spent on finding his dog companion, and he knows the captain is trying to help him out of his troubles. He feels grateful, but he also knows there is definitely something Shiro is not telling, something big, something life altering.

“What happened?” Curtis asks, intuitively, he knows something has happened between them, although he just can’t remember.

“What?”

“Something important happened, I can’t remember but I can feel it. Tell me, please.”

“You don’t remember at all, do you?”

“No, I don’t. So something did happen?”

“Doctors tell me it’s best we don’t put ideas in to your head until you regain your memory, so…”

“That’s not fair.”

“I’m supposed to at least give you a month before any therapy. So we’ll be patient, just like we’ve been all these times.” Shiro tells, patting his arm in a comforting gesture.

“Now you sound like my father.”

“I’m honored.”

“Please tell me…”

“Curt. You know I would if I could.”

Curtis resigns in to his own thoughts, knowing Shiro will not falter in his resolution to wait, although Curtis doesn't feel it's the right way about recovering. Because the missing memory feels like there’s a match lighted inside his chest, it’s not fiery enough to burn him at once, but it is there, burning him little by little, and the pain is ongoing.

“Some time’s the doctors are wrong.” Curtis says so sure. _Shiro should know that._

“We’ll see.” Shiro says quietly. “Let’s give yourself sometime. Besides you have to bother about your dog and the construction work. Okay. And I’m not going anywhere. ATLAS is on ground until the next schedule is finalized. We have time, we’ll work through this.”

“Captain knows the best!” Curtis says only to avoid Shiro from worrying further. He has done so much already, it’s not fair to burden the man with his load.

“You’ll be returning to work day after tomorrow right?”

“Yeah.”

“Construction Company will come for the initial inspection tomorrow, do you want me to be around?”

“No, I can handle, don’t worry. Will you stay for dinner? Please?”

“I was hoping you’ll let me stay over today?”

Curtis’s smile brightens. He turns at Shiro all enthusiastic that only reminds Shiro of the Husky down stairs. “Dinner on the roof top or…I’ve been thinking, maybe we can bring dinner over to Mrs. Morrison. She seems awfully in need of company.”

“Curtis, you-are-an-angel.”

 


	26. Chapter 26

Veronica sits on the cruiser sighing. She was in need of speaking to Curtis, mostly to vent out her happiness for finishing work at Naxzella before the crushing deadline but also to see how he is doing. She knows very well how crushed he felt after he recovered, because of the memory issues. But Captain had picked up a ridiculous idea to gift him a dog and so she was prevented from talking to him at all because the Captain also wanted to surprise him. _‘Stupid men’_ she mutters to herself as she starts the cruiser’s system to start her work.

For some time, she had been noticing a decrease in the time Curtis spent with her and Gabe, and she knew the missing portion of time was spent on Shiro. Usually, Curtis would tell her how his day went on, but the closer he and Shiro got, the rapid the information flow disappeared. Curtis was subtly being private about his budding romance. After the outburst at the bridge, she had learnt her lesson, Curtis liked to make his own decision about his love life. Still, she wished Curtis gushed out everything about him and Shiro to her like a teenager, but all she got was snippets of the developing relationship that occasionally slipped his closely guarded mouth.

She starts running the communications record of the cruiser. She is here to produce a confidential analyst’s report on the incident that happened while rescuing Keith and Krolia. As she listens to the record, the communicators annoyingly goes blank. Shiro has switched it off for some time. It only comes online when the autopilot signals on the five minute mark. She replays it to make sure. What the hell were they doing with the communicators off? When it comes out empty, she notes that down. There is nothing wrong with a Captain switching off the communicators, they are allowed to do that. So she keeps on listening as in the recorder, Shiro and Curtis lands on the planet, performs the perimeter and safety checks, and Shiro ventures out in to the planet to search for Keith. Veronica freezes after that.

_“Captain Shirogane on this end – He loves Commander Curtis very much. Am I clear?”_

_“Loud and clear, Commander Curtis loves his Captain too. Over.”_

She plays it again, maybe she is deluded with how tired she is.

 

_“Captain Shirogane on this end – He loves Commander Curtis very much. Am I clear?”_

_“Loud and clear, Commander Curtis loves his Captain too. Over.”_

“Go to hell.” She draws her seat back and blurts loudly inside the cruiser to herself. Her Captain seems to have had no problem taking extraordinary measures to check the comms. What the hell were they thinking? Why didn’t Curtis tell her they were already lovers? And crazy ones at that!

And it hits her then. That must have been what happened when the communicators went off line. So if they just had expressed their love…

Veronica grabs her head. Curtis doesn’t remember anything! What kind of a twisted fate is this? If Shiro is avoided from talking about what Curtis had forgotten, just like the advice the doctor gave her, then how is he to tell Curtis?

Veronica realizes that in fact, Shiro has no way to tell him. And she has no doubt Shiro must be going through lover’s hell right now. Her first instinct is to make a call to Shiro. But she stops herself, if Shiro agreed with the doctor to not talk about what happened, there is nothing she could make him do.

_‘What if he will never remember their moment?’_

She thinks back to what happened since Curtis recovered. She had easily dismissed his insistence that something important happened saying _‘of course something big happened, you died, Captain and ATLAS revived you!’_

She had ignored the resigned mood of their Captain, and his uncharacteristic extra push to finish work before the deadline so they could go home early, his planned surprise to Curtis–now it all makes sense. Shiro wants to make sure Curtis is taken care of, make sure he is not alone while maintaining the medically required distance – and it breaks her heart for both men. They both have dedicated their lives for the betterment of the universe, they deserve only the best, yet it’s like the universe is plotting to send them through every trial possible.

She stands up giving up her task for the day because she is in no mood to continue work. There must be something she could do to get these two together. Why do their lives have to be halted until he remembers things? That thought brings in to her mind something else the doctor said, Curtis has no problem making new memories. When she finally head home for the day, she is resolute with a plan, she may not be in a position to push Shiro, because he has already demonstrated how protective he could get around Curtis, he will not risk it. But – she decides, that she has no problem pushing Curtis.

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

Curtis had known from the first moment he saw Veronica stand next to him with the signature evil smile the McClain’s were known for, that she was there for any good. She had quietly followed him like a shadow and sat beside him when he selected a table in the furthest corner of the mess hall, because he needed minimum audience for whatever embarrassment she would bring him.

Turns out, he had been right all along.

Curtis chokes on his drink as she pulls out her phone and shows him a photo she had snapped some time ago.

He and Captain Shirogane are lain on his grandma’s couch after a certain Friday night, tangled in each other, cans lying at their foot, obviously drunk out of their mind and passed out.

“Why?” He manages to wrangle out of his vocal cords. It’s his first working day since the incident, and everyone stops to wish him well, but his best friend decides it’s a good day to blackmail him.

“I saw you when you thought he left with Lance to the the farm. I notice how you disappear every Friday night with him, and I saw ‘him’ pushing us to finish work for the first time in ATLAS’s history, just so he can surprise you! Then he follows Pidge like a puppy doing dog shopping. Pidge told Lance and Lance told me and hunk, and probably the entire MFE gang that the moment he saw   a husky with blue eyes he fell in love with it.” She puts her coffee mug on the table with a thud, and Curtis, properly threatened, leans away to avoid the spill.

“I am not tolerating anymore.” She declares. “You’ve got two options, straight out tell him how you feel, or avoid going out with him on Friday nights until either one of you pull your crap together.”

“What? Not the Friday night of all things Roni.” Curtis pleads, the itch he feels in his eyes is probably because he is close to tears.

“Because I know it’s your favorite thing in the whole week! From now on, I will not let you so stupidly get lost in Captains charm anymore until you come clear with him. I don’t care if we’re not friends anymore. Just tell him or suffer – oh wait, if you are not going out on Friday night you can do my reports too!”

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷

 

Curtis sits on his desk. Doing Veronica’s reports, while she is somewhere having a girl’s night out with Acxa. He isn’t an analyst, although the programs does the heavy load of generating reports, it takes Curtis extra effort because he isn’t familiar with Roni’s line of work.

Shiro expresses his interest to go out since its Friday night. But Curtis can’t, his beloved Roni had given him a reminder of the blackmail material she threatened to publish while she pecked his cheeks and left early. So Curtis works to complete both their reports that should be done at the end of Friday and should end up on Captain’s table first thing, Monday.

Shiro had squinted his eye at Curtis when he rejected his invitation mumbling a reports related overdue work. It was evident that Shiro knew it was a lie, but thankfully, he had left it at that. At home, Curtis goes for a run with Mylove trying to clear his mind. But all it does is imprint in his mind the surprised look of Shiro at his rejection. Still,there is no way he would allow to get their picture published. How could he just tell him he is in love? Shiro almost died trying to bring him back to life, he is worried because Keith is off grid, and they had just read Adam’s final letter, buried beneath a hundred memorabilia that reminded him of all their fine memories together.…Doesn’t he deserve some time to process things on his own timeline? If there was any way to get these facts through to Veronica's mind, Curtis has yet to find it.

Among Mylove's demand for his time and affection, Curtis is blissfully able to bury things under the rug until next Friday.

Until next Friday inevitably arrives and he begrudgingly looks at the clock when Veronica saunters to him like a sailing ship.

“I hate reports Curtis, you are so good to me.” Veronica decides to humors him. Shiro and Curtis pinning at each other all over again were about to fall in to a pattern she had seen earlier, but this time, she is determined to not let it run the long course it did the last time.

Curtis just pouts.

“I’m very generous Curtis, I’m giving you options. You either confess your crush, or do my Friday night reports without going out with the Captain. If you fail any of the options you choose, this picture is gonna end up on ATLAS group chat. You don’t want to stain Captain’s name, now do you?”

Nor does Curtis want to confess to Shiro, for all he knows, he had read Adams letter to him and the ball is in Shiro’s court now. Maybe Shiro is still taking his time with redemption. How could he explain that to Veronica without breaching Shiro’s privacy? There is now an anger bubbling up in him.

“I’ve saved your quiznacking life many times and this is how you repay me?”

“I am saving your life!”

“No thanks.”

“Curtis!”

“Roni!”

They both glare at each other trying to stare down the opponent.

“Believe me Curtis, you will never make that decision if I don’t black mail you like this. Plus, you broke up with Chris properly. It is quiznacking time you move on!”

Curtis takes loud deep breath and talks. “We are saying ‘quiznack’ too many times. I guess I’ll just do your reports before this escalate and the captain has to interfere.” He bites his lips remembering the last time he and Veronica had a disagreement and the Captain compared the bridge to a graveyard. “Not again.”

“Well, the most sought after bachelor is in your territory and you decide to do the reports, Lance was right, you can’t be helped.”

“Lance saw this?!!!”

“He’s my brother, we share everything.”

Curtis just bangs his head on the table and wish for the earth to swallow him whole. 

Veronica leaves him with a swag to her hips, too proud to properly walk.

Then Curtis rejects Shiro’s Friday night request for the second time in a raw, citing the same lame excuse of reports.

 

Shiro doesn’t come to see him on Saturday or Sunday, but calls once every day in the morning to check on his health. Which is okay, except he sleeps like a baby every chance he gets. Curtis fills the void mainly with Mylove. For the rest, he manages to find strength to spend on gardening, house repairs and mending bonds with Mrs. Morrison as much as his still recovering body kindly allows.

 

On Monday morning, all the workload he handled in order to fill in the void created by Shiro’s absence decides to bite him. It is with physical pain that he drags himself to Garrison, his muscles and joints screams at him when he gets down from the cab, which he took because he had no strength to drive.

And then his data pad pings. The Captain requests his presence immediately before the meetings start. Shiro used to call him when he wanted to see him, duty or not. The message on the data pad makes him feel like it’s a physical barrier between them.

“Curt, I can’t see your reports.” Shiro says without even a _‘Hey good morning’_ the moment Curtis steps in to his room.

Curtis blinks.

“Sir, I sent them to you last Friday it self.”

“Well it’s NOT there Curtis.” Shiro says wryly.

Curtis is meekly silent, so Shiro follows his eye sight, directed at the glasses lying neglected on his work desk. Shiro sends a glare at Curtis but puts them on. He searches his screen again, with the glasses on.

“Well, my glasses assures you Curtis, it’s not listed in the queue.”

Curtis looks like he swallowed something bitter, because he is sure he completed them last Friday night, along with Veronica’s ones.

_‘Oh – Veronica’s ones.’_

“If you don’t mind sir, please could you check Veronica’s queue?”

Shiro eyes him carefully before heeding his request and finds the reports from both commanders logged under Veronica’s queue.

“There they are!” Shiro exclaims while Curtis turns to an even darker shade.

“Curtis, is something bothering you? Do you need more down time? I can recommend more medical leave if you need. I’m sure medical officer will approve.”

More leave is something Curtis will definitely like because his body protests him every time he even stands up from a chair. But that was not why he messed up with the reports.

“Sir, I’m sorry, I will send them back under my queue, right away.”

So Curtis runs back to his station without looking back. He has completed all his reports but has queued them all under Veronica’s log! Right, because, he had been mentally barbecuing Veronica. Lost in the inner turmoil, he has made an unthinkable error. It was a predicament his medical leave had nothing to do with.

Shiro is going through the reports he was just sent by Curtis when Curtis goes back to apologize personally.

“Why are your reports under her queue Curtis?” Shiro asks in a tone that he hasn’t heard ever. He doesn’t even lift his head up to acknowledge Curtis who squirms in his standing spot.

“I must have missed it somehow, sorry.”

How could he explain since the moment he saw Shiro’s face when he rejected his offer to go out, he had been pulling his hair?

“Curtis, why are they under veronica’s queue? Did you have something else to do so she did your reports?”

“Um…”       

That’s the opposite of what happened, but he isn’t going to reveal that.

“Curtis are you avoiding me?”

Curtis feels his whole body go limp with the coldness of that question. Still his mind draws a blank.

“Just tell me what’s wrong, I’m sure we can work things out.”

Dumbfounded, Curtis remains silent. It was high time he made a decision. Stain Captain’s image or reveal he is so pathetically in love with him, even though Shiro must still be trying to get over the loss of Adam.

“Okay, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I just don’t want you to miss out work again, you never have and I trust you. I was just wondering." Shiro pauses as if he isn’t sure of what he is going to say, but he starts speaking again. “I was wondering if our off work relationship was bothering you.” Shiro says because he knows Curtis has the capacity to change, this isn’t the Curtis he knew before the accident happened. Maybe he needs freedom from their relationship.

Curtis comes to his right mind in time to decide that he cannot let Shiro have such thoughts no matter what embarrassment he has to go through. Sheepishly, he bring out his phone and put it on Shiro’s desk with the picture. He maybe an idiot just like Veronica says when it comes to revealing his crush but he could never part with that kind of a misunderstanding.

“Roni’s been blackmailing me. She threatens to publish this photo in ATLAS group chat if I don’t do either her week end reports or …”

Shiro takes the phone in his hand, looks in to the picture once and breaks out in shrieks of laughter. Some other time, Curtis could have submerged himself in that free floating laugh and stay up whole night replaying every detail in his memory; the white flow of his hair, the thin freckles that add to his handsome face, the simple and generous laugh, and the glasses that dance on his scar….

“So I accepted the reports option.”

“Curtis, I’m a human being and I believe I have the right to get drunk unless I’m bound by duty.”

“But sir, look at that, you hand is almost in my mouth and…”

Shiro breaks out laughing again. A few officers passing by gives them the looks. Curtis doesn’t even want to think how their interaction must look to the outsiders.

“I’m thirty years old, I could get drunk if I want to. Don’t you think?”

“Um…”

“What?”

“If you count the time you spent in black’s …”

“Yes, yes, I forgot. You did say you are always right when it comes to math.” Shiro says stopping his laugh trying to look serious through the tears that sprang when he saw their photo.

“I said that?”

Shiro’s laughter disappears without any effort at all. He’s screwed up this time because Curtis said that while they were hanging on cables for their lives. So he is quick to dismiss it. “I’ll just talk to veronica.”

Curtis retreats his phone from Shiro and turns to go silently. His hand is on the key pad when the destiny decides to bite him.

“Curtis, what was the other option she gave you, if one option was the reports, then what is the other one?”

“Um what option sir?” Left with no other option, Curtis decides to play dumb.

“Why did you decide to do her reports instead of the second option I have yet to know about?”

Leave it to his captain to not miss a single thing. Curtis stops mid keypad code, frozen. ‘ _why?, why me?’_

“Curtis?”

“It’s embarrassing sir,” he says turning to face Shiro.

“Oh come on Curt, man to man, just say it.”

Curtis thinks of an answer that could pass a lie detection test, because you can’t lie and expect the captain to miss it.

“She wants me to confess to my crush, sir.”

Shiro chokes on the glass of water he had been drinking and starts a fit of coughs. Praying to god for this conversation to finish quickly, Curtis quickly reaches him and pats his back.

“You know Curtis, I’ve learnt a few things from Lance.” Shiro speaks as his cough settles. Despite the deep red blush on his face, Curtis looks amused as he listens.

“One, something always comes to kill us, any minute. Two, for the same reason, you should never hold back on love.”

Shiro’s countenance is crest fallen now. Suddenly Allura evades his mind. He has been lucky enough to witness the love shared by Lance and her, how happy they made each other. It unsettles him because what Curtis does next could decide so much on his life.

“Because he decided to confess his love to her, they at least got that small period of time to be together. Imagine he never told her, Lance would have regretted it his whole life.” Shiro says wishing he followed his own advice.

He schools his face and it doesn’t escape Curtis that Shiro looks like captain Shirogane. But his features are soft when he looks at Curtis. “My advice is the same to you Curt, enjoy the time life has lent us with your loved ones,”

“What if he doesn’t love me back sir, I’d lose the friendship too.”

Shiro chuckles drily. “You love him? …I thought it was just a crush” The lie tastes bitter on his tongue.

Curtis feels like floating. All he see is Shiro, his blessed little smile and he can’t help but pour his heart right out. “I love him sir, I’ve loved him for so long, so far, I don’t even know when it began, or how deep it runs. That’s why I’m scared of losing him. If I could at least work beside him, I could be content with that too.”

Shiro looks at him totally mystified. How could he make things easy for the both of them, because this hiding the truth is increasingly making him feel like he is tricking Curtis, and he hates that feeling.

“But if I’m ever going to tell him I love him, it’s because I’m ready to say I love him, not because veronica is black mailing me.”

 “Okay.” Shiro agrees half-heartedly.  “But, speaking of black mailing, I don’t mind if she publishes this in group chat, I don’t mind getting drunk with you Curtis.”

“I…um, I will go sir, sorry for the delay in the report”

Curtis turns to go, he feels the captain’s eyes on him, and there is one more thing he feels like need to be clarified before he leave.

“Just so you know, our off duty relationship is one I treasure. I look forward for the Fridays.”

The information that comes out of Curt hits home, Shiro just has to slow down the pace of his heart. Before he decides on anything, the door closes on him like a slap.

He makes an immediate call to Veronica.

“Do you want me to tell Lance about the DUI charge and that drunk night speed racing arrest?” is the first thing he speaks to the phone when she picks up.

“No! Why are you asking all of a sudden? You promised!”

“Then maybe you should stop blackmailing Curtis.”

Veronica’s side goes airily silent.

“Hello?” Shiro calls

“Did he tell you why I’m blackmailing him?”

“Because you want him to confess to his crush. Listen Roni, let the poor guy have his own time line in such sentimental things and FYI, I don’t care if you post that picture.”

“Oh god, you are so oblivious!” Veronica hisses through the phone.

Shiro doesn’t believe himself least oblivious under normal circumstances, but in fact, he may be the most unfortunate dude when it comes to relationships. He bites that remark back wondering why Veronica sound so pissed off at him.

“Fine, I won’t post it. Just don’t tell Lance.” Her voice comes through the phone again.

“Deal” Shiro says triumphantly. Rarely anyone gets away with Veronica McClain.

“Just one more thing Captain. Curtis may have a hole in his memory, but it doesn’t make him incapable of making new memories. You _must_ consider that fact.”

Back to reality, Shiro repeats in his head what Veronica said lastly. He’s heard that before – that was the last thing the doctor told him.

Of course, he is grey haired at thirty—no thirty one is it? Should have asked his most accurate age from Curtis himself, has only one hand, is a magnet to life threatening situation but Curtis loves him nevertheless.

Forgotten memories be gone to hell, but nothing should stop them from making new memories. How on earth did he miss that one important point?

Sure he lost his quintessence and was sleeping for a week nonstop, but how could he? Maybe he was being over protective, and in his haste he forgot what’s most important.

Shiro wipes beads of perspiration off his face despite the controlled temperature. Was he losing his damn mind? What hell did he send Curtis trying to protect him?

He pushes his chair back and runs out. Where did Curtis go?

Shiro checks his station, the bath rooms, common room, mess hall, finally getting Griffin’s help.

“He said he has a head ache, I think he requested leave.”

Shiro runs out in to the reception area and he see Curtis signing out to leave the premises at the reception desk.

“Curt.” Shiro shouts his name at the top of his lungs. Curtis stops and stares at him. In fact the whole reception full of cadets and officers stares at him. Shiro doesn’t care. Anything could come and kill them any minute so he isn’t gonna hold on anything, anymore.  

He power walks to Curtis. Curtis observe the hurry in Shiro’s steps, so he walks to meet his captain halfway.

“What’s the matter, is everything alright?”

“I just wanted to clarify something.” Shiro says trying to subside his panting, which doesn’t, maybe because he had been running to find Curtis or maybe it’s his heart spinning inside his rib cage.

“You could have just phoned me, sir”

“Oh right, the phone, I… forgot”

Curtis awaits clarification as Shiro curses his absent mind. “What is it sir?”

Shiro looks at him from above the glass frames as adorable as he could. “Does your crush cum love has a prosthetic arm?”

Curtis sighs audibly, finally being understood. He is silent for a good long time before he looks Shiro in the eyes.

“Yes sir.” he admits confidently because he has never been so sure about anything else in his life.

“He is thirty one years old, has silver hair, a cool arm and the biggest heart on the whole known universe. I’ve been to war with him, and I love him more than anything and everything.”

Shiro wastes no time after that. Doctors can go to hell. He hooks his finger and grabs Curtis by his belt and sweeps him in to a kiss. Shiro's hand moves to his hips, pulling him tight on to his chest, while the other hand snakes around the back to support him.  After the first second, he feels warm lips kissing back, large hands grabbing his hips slowly and steadily, like Curtis never wants to let Shiro go.

There is deafening silence around them before the whole reception erupts in applause, gasps, screams and sounds of phone cameras. Distinctly, they both know they are among the general public of Garrison, they know the click sounds are from the cameras that are taking their pictures, but neither of them even consider parting their lips until they need to breathe again for the sake of oxygen.

Curtis could very confidently say, he has never cared less about what is posted in ATLAS group chat, ever.

 

 

⊷       ⊷       ⊷


	27. Chapter 27

“Do you still want to go home?”

“I’m not so sure I can find my way home.”

Shiro grabs his arm ever so lightly and guides him towards a passage, away from all the eyes in the reception area. Still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Shiro kissed him in front of everyone, Curtis lets him be guided. Shiro sits down on the window sill in front of a large glass window, Curtis settles next to him an inch away, perfectly work place appropriate. But Shiro’s hand still lingers on Curtis’s arm.

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I wasn’t planning on doing that in front of everyone.”

“Hey, no need to apologize, unless you were intending to keep ‘us’ under the radar because you are the capt-”

“Curt.” Shiro cuts him short sharply, shaking his head in clear disapproval that Curtis even entertained such an idea in his head. “I want to tell the whole world you are mine.”

His heart filling with warmth radiating from Shiro, Curtis rolls in his head the words again and again, in hopes of getting used to the idea. He had always considered Shiro was a treasure he will never own.

_‘You are mine’_

“I’m just upset I jumped you, I didn’t even ask you out first. That’s not normally how I want to do things with you.”

Looking at Shiro, it feels ridiculous he ever doubted Shiro. The man is leaning in to Curtis, his hand falls from his arm to cradle both of Curtis’s hands in his, thumb rubbing over his skin tenderly.

_‘I want to tell the whole world you are mine.’_

That isn’t a statement Curtis would ever take lightly.

“We need to talk, don’t we?”

“I don’t know Curt, all I need is you. Just you. Everything else will take care of themselves. I know that.”

Curtis is once again left speechless. Shiro looks like a whole mess of raw emotions as he keeps Curtis’s hands in his.

“Kiss me again.” Curtis says because that’s the only way he could think of will put them at ease.

And Kiss is what Shiro does. So languid and passionate like they have all the time, like the world outside doesn’t exist, like there isn’t an already delayed queue of reports he has to go through before the Monday morning meeting starts.

“Do you have any idea how this will sit in the disciplinary guidelines?” Curtis asks when they part for air and they both lean on the glass for support, grinning like teens drunken for the first time.

“I seriously cannot care about job security now. Just stay with me in this moment.” Shiro confesses, closing in on the single inch that Curtis had left between them.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere.” Curtis assures, because Shiro looks like he is afraid of something. There is a cloud of fear over the grin that Curtis clearly reads.

“Honestly, I’m scared to even let your hands go Curt, you died right in front of me.”

“I’m here now, and that’s thank to you and ATLAS. You kind of live in me…I, I don't plan on leaving you ever.”

They stare at each other for a moment again. Speaking without words, smiling, and each realizing the fact they are finally, really together. The bond they share materializing as strong as ever.

“Call me ‘Takashi’? You’ve been avoiding calling me anything these past days. Please?” Unable to reveal Curtis had called him that by his own volition, yet wanting to hear his name through his lover’s lips, Shiro makes the request without hesitation, in a hurried need that Curtis would never reject.

Curtis hadn’t been sure where they stood before, with a strong voice telling him something was different about Shiro, he hadn’t known at what level he is to maintain their relationship. And in his confusion, he had subconsciously rejected calling Shiro by any name when they were out of Garrison’s walls.

“Takashi.” Curtis murmurs, almost inaudible.

Shiro closes his eyes reveling in it. “Again. Please”

“Takashi, I love you.” Curtis says a little loud, more solid this time.

Shiro smiles and inhales a deep breath. How he had longed to listen to this again. Feeling his inner peace returning, his truest feelings escapes his lips. “I love you too.”

“Come to the meeting. We’ll take this as normal as we could although my heart is pounding in my chest. We’ll go home in the evening and talk.” He says and Curtis gives _that_ smile. “Sounds like a plan.”

Shiro kisses him again, stands up and arranges his uniform in order, arranges Curtis’s uniform too because the dork is doing nothing but stare at him. They kiss again. Like in a romantic film, looks back a hundred times as they part their ways; Shiro to his office, and Curtis to the systems lab.

 

 

⊷      ⊷     ⊷

 

 

“Captain Shirogane, have you never seen Commander Curtis before?” Iverson’s voice booms as they wait for Admiral so they could start the Monday meeting.

Shiro comes out of his stupor, having been caught shamelessly tracking Curtis’s movements. He still doesn’t move his gaze from Curtis, who perks up alerted at Iverson's words, blushed and even more handsome than he was a minute ago. Since Shiro is in the peak of his good mood, he has no plans to die under Iverson’s mutiny.

“Not as handsome as this.” he replies without missing a beat. Several stifled laughs echo in the packed meeting room. Curtis’s eyes linger at the exit door for a second before he find his safety inside his laptop screen, looking redder in the orange halo.

“If you can’t act like a captain, at least act your age.” Iverson says dryly. “Thank god the Admiral was held by the blades. He would not have wanted to witness your…”

Shiro and Curtis automatically exchanges a glance, whatever Iverson was telling fading in to background.

“Blade of Marmora? Why are they here?”

“I don’t know. You know them, always tight lipped. They only wanted to talk to the Admiral.”

“Was Kolivan there?”

“Yeah, that man never brings good news, does he?”

Shiro does not agree hundred percent, but since Keith is under his wing, and the Galra seems to have no hesitance when risking Keith’s safety, Shiro doesn’t know how exactly to feel now. Curtis sends a comforting nod his way, reminding him what Curtis always said whenever the topic about Keith came up – _‘It should be the pirates you should be worried about – not our Keith.’_

The door opens to the meeting room and the secretary to the admiral steps in, the air inside changes in wait for the arrival of the Admiral, instead, the secretary stands beside Iverson.

“Sir, Admiral requests that Commander Iverson carry on the meeting without Admiral and Captain Shirogane.”

“Me?”

“Captain Shirogane, the Admiral is waiting for you, I have already advised your secretary to cancel your day schedule. It looks like the blade of Marmora will consume your whole day.”

With all eyes aimed at him, Shiro stands up with a grunt. “Which room?”

 

⊷      ⊷     ⊷

 

As the time nears to be off for the day, Curtis checks his phone from time to time. Shiro had been silent for the whole day, and he is not sure if he should wait for him at Garrison or go home. They didn’t have a plan other than wanting to have a serious talk about how the future of their first day together should be.

Veronica appears at the door already off for the day and Curtis gets up to go. After the initial outburst of adrenalin in the morning, his body is now screaming for an untimely nap and his eyes start to burn begging for down time. If he has this much trouble after receiving quintessence, how should Shiro be feeling when he is the one who lost so much of it.

“You look like crap.”

“Thank you very much.”

“Worrying about your boyfriend?”

Veronica asks as she observe the reserved mood on her friend.

“Yes and I’m tired, like all I can do is fall asleep. He must be going through the same thing, don’t you think?”

“Ah, the quintessence thing right? You want me to drive?”

Curtis couldn’t have asked for  anything better right then. “Yes please.”

“Be my guest Mr. pinning-forever-just-turned-lover.”

Curtis rolls his eyes, Veronica hadn’t exactly being quiet, two cadets passing by snickers overhearing them. ATLAS group chat had a tendency to spill out in to other chats very quickly.

In the vehicle, Curtis darts to the back seat and arranges his long body in to a relatively comfortable position. He drifts off and on but Veronica slows down the vehicle and drives smooth like she is giving a ride to a pregnant lady. Curtis’s eyes slides shut in the lull without even him realizing it. He hears the buzz of a phone, but the seat is too comfortable to his sore body, and his mind is too clouded by the much required sleep, he cannot make out what to do with a buzzing phone.

He feels Veronica’s hand shuffle over his uniform but he drifts off to a deep sleep again, waking up to hear voices, specifically to veronica’s voice. He isn’t really awake, but veronica’s side of the conversation takes him slowly in to the land of the living.

 

“Hello? …yeah, out like a bulb. I’m driving. Okay, sure. I will, okay. Back seat. No, no seat belts, he’s laid down. Okay, I promise.”

Veronica stops the vehicle and Curtis drifts back to his unconscious form, only to wake up to hear Veronica speaks to the phone again.

“No, I don’t think the doctors were kidding when they said he’d feel tired for a long time, probably for the foreseeable future from the way he is right now. How about you? …Oh! Really? That’s handy.”

 

Another pause takes place and Curtis realizes that Veronica is probably answering his phone. Then she sighs heavily. “Okay, I’ll tell him. Okay, okay! Just so you know, I’m not your baby sitter. I will, Bye. Oh! Wait, please don’t try to die this time.”

 

That picks Curtis’s attention. He sits up like a bolt.

“Who was that?”

“Oh! You’re up. That was Shiro. Here is your phone and I’m instructed to not drive another inch before you put on your seat belt. Do you still wanna lie down?”

Curtis doesn’t answer her, instead he dials back Shiro’s number, unhappy that he has been that sleepy he missed his call.

“Don’t keep your hopes up, he said he has to switch off all electronic devices.”

Indeed, Shiro’s phone is dead. Curtis’s hands slumps down disappointed. “Why?”

“Didn’t say.”

“Did he sound tired?”

“That’s an interesting thing actually. He said he is fine. Sam thinks the crystal has stepped in to balance out the quintessence. Now, you need to buckle your seat belts.”

Curtis does as she says, too unhappy to even argue.

“He said he’s definitely coming home today, but he will be too late. So you’re kindly requested by the captain to have a nice dinner, not go for a run with Mylove, and then go to bed straight away and not wait for him. Did you get everything I said?”

“Some of it, yeah.” Curtis says because he feels the sleep is still combing his brain which is already unhappy because he missed Shiro’s call. Veronica shakes her head, checks his seat belts and starts the vehicle.

On their way, they pick up Mylove, and Veronica leaves them both reluctantly at home.

As Curtis opens the door is when he actually feel how good it is to have Mylove besides him. If he had to step in to this big house, every day, alone, it would have drained him of all positivity. As he releases mylove, the dog runs in to the house, finds its place on the couch and starts chewing at its toys. Shiro’s probably gonna face real estate competition once he’s home for the couch. But once Mylove gives him one look with his blue puppy eyes, Curtis has no doubt who will win.

He ventures in to Shiro’s room in autopilot and smiles to himself. It’s pristine, in fact it’s the cleanliest place in his whole house. The towel designated to him is in the towel rack near the bathroom, the bed sheet is without a wrinkle. He goes in to the bathroom and smiles at the tooth brush. It’s like they had started living together even before they became lovers.

Giddy with a bubbling happiness inside, he feels recharged, like the house with Mylove and remnants of Shiro’s presence recharged him. He drowns himself in household tasks like it’s another mission; laundry, cleaning, dinner preparation with an extra portion for Shiro in case he comes empty stomach, daily dosage of TV, and then…Curtis stops and think at the switched off TV for a minute considering what his move should be. He could wait for Shiro if he tries, but next is Tuesday and the fatigue of the last work week seems to come at him like he didn’t have a weekend. Curtis knows to read his body, and he knows it’s in need of sleep, besides he is kindly requested by Shiro to go to sleep without waiting. Knowing how hectic and unpredictable Shiro’s schedule is, and had been for all the years he has known him, Curtis isn’t even sure if Shiro will be able to keep his promise of coming home tonight.

Mylove is already asleep on the couch beside him, its head resting on his knee. Curtis cradles the dog safely in his arms, pushed to his chest, and carries him to the dog bed. Mylove, used to the move, stays in his arms without a complaint or even stirring, looking at Curtis with his grateful dog grin. But Curtis doesn’t even get to close the door to his room afterwards, Mylove is whimpering outside. So just like he has done every single day, ever since Mylove came, he lets the dog sleep with him.

When he lowers himself down on to the pillows, with Mylove at the foot of the bed, he does that lightly than he had been in a long time. He doesn’t even realize he had fallen in to a deeply relaxing sleep until he wakes up to my love’s whimpers at his feet. My love has gotten down from bed. It looks at him and looks at the door continually. First thought that cross his mind is that Mylove is in need to empty his bladder. But Mylove is impatient in a different way, so Curtis rules that out.

“What is it Mylove?”

The dog runs out of patience this time, it brings a foot up and scratches his thigh telling him to hurry up. Curtis knows there is something the dog wants out there, so he gets up to go outside. With a wiggling dog at his feet, he opens door to see Shiro, clad in his favorite pair of old pajamas and black tank top, scratching his chin, deep in a thought. He has come home! Has had a bath!

“Takashi!”

“Oh! Hey, it’s so late, I was debating with myself about waking you up.”

But Curtis doesn’t get to respond to that. Mylove, annoyed by Shiro’s attention being on Curtis, gets up to press both its front paws to Shiro’s torso, then a very loud and long mewl is made, a clear complain song with interludes of barks.

“Hey buddy. Sorry, sorry.” Shiro crouches down and gives all the attention the dog needs, scratches behind its ears, belly rubs and back massages.

Curtis leans on the door frame. “Unless you stop now, he’s never gonna let you stop.”

Mylove barks at Curtis, the dog definitely knows the meaning of ‘stop’. Curtis lifts his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay.”

Knowing only one way to get Shiro freed from Mylove and to have the man to himself, he brings Mylove’s bowl with a few treats in it and places it on the floor for Mylove. Even before Curtis is straightened up, Mylove is on all his fours, had licked his hand in gratitude and is biting away the treats. Curtis waits for Shiro to get up, but he keeps rubbing Mylove. Curtis waits more; it’s like Shiro came home for the dog.

“Takashi.” He calls finally.

“He’s handsome, isn’t he?” Shiro asks lost in his admiration for Mylove.

Of course he is, Curtis agrees wholeheartedly. But Curtis wants Shiro.

“Did you-” Curtis is going to ask if Shiro had dinner, but Shiro speaks first.

“It’s like he didn’t have dinner, are you sure he had enough.”

“Nothing is never enough for him.” Curtis says most truthfully. "Cuddles, rubs, kisses, food, especially treats.”

“Then I should massage him more.” Shiro states with finality, sitting cross legged next to Mylove whose sole attention is directed at his untimely, lucky snacks.

“Okay then.” Curtis says yawning. “Stay with the handsome dog.”

He turns to go in to his room, because all the ridicule with Mylove happens right in front of his bed room and he can’t figure out if Shiro is teasing him or is actually admiring the dog because Mylove is, in simple terms admiration worthy with his snow white fur, the blue eyes that put his master’s eyes to shame, the strong built, it’s earnest stare, the never ending enthusiasm over everything moving…Curtis doesn’t get to go more in to his own mental admiration about Mylove. He feels Shiro’s grip on his hand.

“I came for you.”

“Oh! Really?”

Shiro is up on his feet in the next second, wiping his hands on his pajamas. Curtis turns to face him and finds him trapped inside Shiro’s hands that snake around his back to keep them pressed together in a soft embrace.

“Really. Don’t you know that?”

“Seemed like you came for Mylove.”

“I did came for my-love.” Shiro defends fondly closing in on the gap between their faces and Curtis shudders, feeling Shiro’s warmth enveloping him. “It’s not my fault you named the dog ‘Mylove.”

“Could have given me a warning.”

Curtis runs his hands around Shiro’s back too. Securing the two in their shared entanglement, melting in to the man he loves more than his own life.

“My bad, sorry. How can I ask for forgiveness?”

“Don’t you know?” Curtis says connecting with the deep greys of Shiro that look at him with mischief and affection at the same time.

Shiro smiles through the bangs that had fallen on his face because he had just had a bath and hadn’t meticulously styled his hair. Agonizingly slowly, he captures Curtis with his lips. Too soft like Shiro is only testing the water

“Is this the correct way?”

Curtis looks at him unimpressed. “Not at all. Let me show you how.”

Curtis kisses Shiro  again, feeling his lips truly free for the first time. Without any life threatening circumstances or hurry or the need to stay away from prying eyes. Savoring each other, teaching and learning. And as he tilts his head, Curtis notices the time on the wall clock, already at 1.30 a.m.

“God, Takashi were you at work until now? You must be beyond tired.”

Shiro leans his head on Curtis. “I was, up until I saw you that is. But I need to get up at 4.30 again. You should have stayed at your quarters.”

“That’s in three hours!”

Shiro lifts his head again and meets his eyes. “I just had to see you.”

Shiro could have just simply gone to sleep in his Garrison quarters and not waste more time coming to see him. He could have just given a call, a text. Curtis could have understood. But he didn’t, he came to see Curtis, opened the door by himself and had a bath without even waking him up, and even after that, he was wondering if he should wake up Curtis. He honestly feels happy, that Shiro would go to that length for him. But over all that he feels guilty. Shiro needs someone who will take care of him, not the other way around.

“Come with me.” Curtis takes Shiro’s hand and leads him to his bed room. He slowly pushes him down to sit on the bed while Shiro observes him with curious eyes. He sets the alarm to 4.30 and gets on the other side of the bed.

“Let’s get some sleep, even though it’s just for three hours.”

Shiro silently slips himself inside the bed sheets. Curtis too settles, turning Shiro to a position that he is sleeping with his back against Curtis. He then starts to massage Shiro. His slender, yet insisting fingers and palms running over the skin on Shiro's nape, down to his hip along the spine, his shoulder, sides, forehead and temples...Shiro hums in comfort. "Just what I needed."

Running his hand over Shiro’s waist, his other hand under Shiro’s neck, Curtis cradles the big man flush on his chest.

“Thank you for coming here, taking care of you is the least I could do for you.” Curtis says as he feels Shiro relax on to his body, with a comfortable weight he has never felt before, a weight he will never really forget, a weight he feels he is completed with. Intuitively, Curtis knows if the meeting with Admiral and Kolivan dragged until the morning, it couldn’t be something small. But a lot of things Shiro deals with are above his clearance, and he has no intention of forcing Shiro to reveal them even though all Curtis wants to do is to help him relax. So instead, he places a soft kiss on to Shiro’s nape. “Close your eyes Takashi, Don’t bother about 4.30, I’ll wake you up.”

“I, um, actually there is something I need to tell you.”

“Okay. But you don’t have to if it’s above my clearance level, unless you must.”

Shiro turns inside Curt’s hold, facing him. “Nothing is ever above my other half’s clearance level.”

Curtis smiles at the designation. It’s not ‘boyfriend’ or even ‘partner’ – it’s his ‘other half’

“It’s good news and bad news all in one. Good news is Keith completed his mission, he has all the information he could possibly gather about Pirates and more importantly, he is safely at new Daibazal now.”

Curtis sighs. “That’s a great relief.”

“Yeah, bad news is, Joint chiefs agreed on a simultaneous attacks on all locations at once, but using minimal force because we don’t need to escalate this to a war. So ATLAS won’t be participating. Only the blade of Marmora will do stealth attacks, only exception being me.”

“You are going on stealth missions with them?” Curtis asks feeling a small burn beginning at the pit of his stomach.

“No, I’ll be heading strategic planning with Kolivan.” Shiro softly strokes Curtis on his arm reassuringly, knowing Curtis is worried. “Keith, Krolia and Acxa will be leading ground missions. Actually, admiral refused to clear me to be on ground missions.”

“I guess I owe him my sanity then.”

The shrewd relief on Curtis disappears with Shiro’s reply.

“Apparently, I’m a high value ‘asset’ to Galactic alliance.”

Curtis frowns, wanting to drawback his gratuitous remark, riling at the fact that they treat Shiro as if he’s an object.

“I don’t mind playing the strategic part, if that’s the role assigned to me, we all have to play our parts. But to keep me from something because I’m considered an‘asset’, that’s….”

“It sounds like they just want to store you for later use.”

Shiro hums. “Exactly.”

They let the silence speak between them until they are both calm enough. Still, Curtis can’t decide if Admiral’s decision will keep Shiro safe. There was a time Shiro was safe inside ATLAS, but he decided to infiltrate Sendak’s ship. He could still play in his head how Sam screamed Shiro’s name over the comms when his comms went off line. It’s something Curtis will never be able to erase from his memory. The feeling of doom that settled when they thought they had lost Shiro was a pain etched deep in his soul. It had taken every ounce of his willpower to keep fighting in that moment. Loss was inevitable in war.

“Promise me you’ll be safe.” Curtis trembles, and Shiro seems to understand.

“I will.” He cups Curt’s face in his hands and looks in to those eyes that spill with so much of love. “I promise Curt, for you and me, I will.” And then, as if to dissolve all the worries, he showers him with kisses, on every inch of his lover’s face. “I want to spend my life with you Curt, as long as you want me. Just trust me. I won’t do anything stupid that will end this.”

Curtis lets Shiro go, turns up facing the ceiling and clutches his heart. “I think I’m gonna have a heart attack.”

“Curt.” Shiro smirks. But Curtis doesn’t look amused.

“No, really. It hurts so much here.” He says.

Shiro gently pulls down the neck of the loose T shirt Curtis is wearing, and places the slowest possible peck on the warm skin, right above his heart. Curtis gasps.

“How is it now?”

“I think I’m properly dead.”

Shiro chuckles, but his expression is serious in the next second as he settles down back on the pillow. “Thank you for accepting me in to your life Curt.”

In an answer, Curtis places his own arm over Shiro’s torso and pulls him in a tight embrace. “You were already in.”

They turn under the bed cover, relaxed as they could be with the fire of pure love burning in side them. Curtis spoons Shiro in his protective hold that speaks of his love and affection for the man cocooned under him. Shiro, in turn, folds himself securely in every bit that is Curtis.

“I love you.” Curtis whispers.

Shiro lets himself be lulled to sleep in the pattern of Curt’s breaths on his nape.

“I love you more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, they are going to be on either sides of the Universe for sometime. But this is not something I did for angst, in fact I did it to intensify the love between them. Because in my own experience, long distance relationships only makes you want your lover more (provided you are serious about the relationship, that is). So that's what I'm trying to do here, just so you know.


	28. Chapter 28

Curtis jumps up when the alarm goes off.  It’s a shock to his system with barely enough sleep, and in the resulting frenzy he somehow stretches his hand to punish the alarm, only to plop his head back on the pillow.

“Good morning!” With a very sleep heavy voice, Shiro wraps his arm around his waist to pull him close. Curtis could barely get his eyes to open. But when lips connect with his cheek, his eyes fly open without protest.

“Good morning.” He replies. “Are you sure three hours are already gone?”

He receives no replies, Shiro’s chin is rested on his chest and he is asleep. Curtis winces at the realization that he’s gonna have to wake him up. Instead, he wraps his arm around him securely.

“Don’t worry, I’m up.” Shiro mumbles through muffled sleep clothes. “Give me five minutes, you’re just so warm.”

Curtis has a mere second to worry that he too will fall asleep while Shiro relishes in his five minutes of ‘warm Curtis’ before Mylove takes the matters to his hands. He excitedly pads his paws over both their bodies with no reservations, getting them both up with his wet licks and nails pushing at their skin.

“Okay, I’m up, I’m up.”

Curtis sits up already missing Shiro’s contact. But Mylove is excited to have both of them in one place and with no mind for anything else, Mylove turns his full overenthusiastic attention to the other person on bed. Shiro laughs as the dog completely rest his body down to pamper him with kisses, and Shiro pampers him back with rubs and scratches.

Leaving the two to their antics, Curtis visits the bathroom and then the coffee machine. Mylove sulking to the kitchen and the bathroom door closing happens at the same time. Knowing Shiro’s likes his time in the bathroom, Curtis switches on the coffee machines, and decides to whip up something for breakfast.

Mylove is biting in to a sausage when Shiro’s phone starts ringing. Worried that it might be something related to his departure scheduled in the morning, Curtis goes to the bedroom and see Keith’s name blinking. While he is in a debate whether to answer because it’s Shiro’s phone, the ringing stops. Next second, Keith is calling his phone.

“Goood morning.” Keith chirps. “Where is Shiro?”

“Good morning! He’s in the bathroom, is everything okay?” Curtis asks, coming back to the kitchen with his phone to the ear, bringing his attention back to the stove.

“Yeah, just wanted to make sure he is coming. Who knows maybe his new lover decided to keep him safe under house arrest?

“Can’t say I didn’t consider that.”

“I-just-knew.”

Keith sounds challenging even at 4.45a.m. Flipping the pancake to the other side, Curtis decides to probe.

“Tell me, why did you really call? Did you want to give me the shovel talk?”

“Huh, shovel talk. You know I’m not much in to the talking, I just do it.”

“Yeah, don’t I know that? I rest my life at your mercy sir. But really, do I need to pass a message to Takashi or something?”

Curtis feels Keith’s smile through the phone. “So ‘Takashi’ ha?”

Curtis decides to mark his territory as he drop more oil in the pan. “Only to me.”

“Okay, okay. All yours. Geeze.”

Curtis wrinkles his nose and stuffs a forkful of eggs in his mouth to test, amused at Keith’s exasperation. “Again, what message do you want me to pass?”

“I told you, to make sure he is coming. He didn’t look very delighted about having to leave.”

Curtis laughs. “Probably because Admiral didn’t clear him for ground missions. Did you really think Takashi would skip?”

But Keith is silent, like it’s obvious.

“Did you really?” Curtis asks again with a mouthful of eggs.

“Curt, never thought I’d have to point this out, but how dare you underestimate his devotion to _you_.” Keith says clearly crossed.

Curtis finds it difficult to believe at first, Did Shiro really had second thoughts about the mission because he didn’t want to leave him? Then knowing Keith is being serious, tears prick his eyes for reasons he couldn’t exactly name. It feels like a dream to have Shiro love him, and to know that he’d go to the length of skipping a mission for him…What has he done to deserve Shiro? And why has he become so sentimental enough to cry at a mere mention of one affectionate thing Shiro has exhibited, when the man is made up of nothing but a character endeared to everyone who meets him?

“Oh! God.” Keith says sensing something wrong with Curtis’s uncharacteristic silence.

“You both have become so sappy with this ‘love’ thing. This is disgusting. Good bye.”

When the phone sounds a ‘beep’ when Keith keeps the phone, Curtis lets the struggling tear fall down his cheek. He doesn’t notice Shiro who comes from behind and stands right next to him.

“Who called?” Shiro asks stealing the fork in his hand and to tast some eggs right from the pan. “Mmm…this is good.”

Curtis takes a second too long to answer.

“Keith.”

Shiro peers at Curtis and unmistakably notices the0 eyes, deep in blue. He turns him by shoulders, alarmed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong, He wanted to make sure you’re coming.”

“So…” Shiro waits listening, and Curtis waits because he doesn’t know how exactly to express ache that he is feeling.

“I…it just hit me that _‘you’_ love _me_ and…well, I’ve always loved you.”

“And.” Shiro still waits trying to put together what Curtis is trying and failing to explain.

“I…I think Keith is right, I’ve become love sappy.” Curtis says mustering up a smile at his own admission. “I’ve never been love sappy before. So I kind of don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling right now.”

“Oh! Curt.” Shiro drags him to a side hug, because he knows.

Their circumstances are ominous at best. They had just expressed their love, had their first intimate encounter, sharing a bed together even though it was just for three hours, and now Shiro is leaving for a mission with indefinite timeline. He knows what Curtis is feeling, because Shiro’s heart desires the same. They want some time together for themselves. To get to know each other as lovers. Do what lovers do, say what lovers say. Be sappy and silly. Fulfil those simple yet integral moments of any love. But instead, they get dragged this way or the other, their every minute scheduled to someone else’s timeline because universe is always in need.

“Curt, do you want me to stay?” Curtis shudders as Shiro cups his shoulders, a little tight and he knows Shiro is definitely feeling sappy too. The man in front of him isn’t the Captain he knew, it’s ‘Takashi’; a selfless hero stripped down to a man so much in love. Curtis burns with the desire to know him as his lover, walk hand in hand and do everything together.

But he knows better too. This is how their lives will always be. Shiro is wanted by the universe. If Curtis cannot accommodate the needs of the whole universe in his heart, he won’t be able to handle Shiro’s borderline crazy, equal parts dangerous and confidential schedule.

“No, no way. We need to get used to this right? You won’t be available when I want you, I won’t be available when you want me…What I’m saying is that anyone who can’t accept the fact that you’re universe’s most needed man, does not deserve you.” Curtis pauses, happy that he at least was able to string some words that expressed the ideas swirling in his head. “I definitely want to be a man who deserves you.”

Shiro places both his hands apart on the kitchen counter, effectively caging Curtis inside Shiro’s arms and body. “Do you want me to list out all the reasons why we deserve each other?” He asks, resting a stare at Curtis that shows all his burning feeling for the man in front of him.

Curtis squirms feeling Shiro’s intense gaze, leaning on him like he has no idea about boundaries, though Curtis has nothing to complain about.

“Um, no. No more sappy talks. I made ham and eggs.”

Shiro leans in more, limiting the space Curtis has to move inside the cage. “Not what I need _now_.”

He kisses the tip of Curt’s nose; quick and short, it’s like a short burst of energy that spreads through Curtis’s body. Before Curtis comes to his senses, Shiro straightens up, his hands move from the kitchen counter to Curtis’s hips, slides under his T-shirt and holds ground there. After absorbing the coldness of the granite counter, Shiro’s fingers, palm presses cold against Curtis’s skin. But his moves become careful after that, waiting for the other’s approval, for he has never, which spans for about twenty four hours in total, pushed Curtis for anything too intimate.

Unable to resist anymore, Curtis takes a step forward to meet Shiro on the lips and hips, soft but firm in a way that speaks his love as well as desire. Shiro tastes like mint, Curtis smiles, it’s the new brand of toothpaste he bought from the store. But there is a distinct scent that he cannot name, and he feels drawn. In need of exploration, he breaks the self-inflicted pause. The fact that in an hour they’ll be a billion light years apart intensifies their approach to exploring each other. Curtis opens his mouth to allow Shiro in deep. Shiro’s hands travel up inside Curtis’s T-shirt and trails a sloppy line from his hips up to shoulders and Curtis shudders, his head falls back, too heavy with desire. Shiro trails the cold tip of his nose from Curt’s jawline, down to his throat, all the way to the end of the clavicle exposed under the loose T-shirt.

“If we don’t stop now, I don’t know if I’d be able to stop at all.” Curtis finds his voice, sensing that he is reaching a border that will be so easy to cross with Shiro exploring him like this.

“I don’t want to stop.” Shiro declares very clearly, not a hint of doubt in his voice thick with desire.

“The clock disagrees.” Curtis fishes on the kitchen counter behind him and finds the Coffee mug he prepared a minute ago for Shiro. He brings the steaming mug between them as a barrier to a pouting Shiro. “You are so heartless.” He complains, because he has never been so less excited to leave for a mission in his life. He wants this to continue, he _needs_ this. Making a compromise between his need and universe’s needs, he takes the mug from Curtis, puts it back on the counter unceremoniously and pleads.

“I need a minute more like this. Don’t let go, please.”

So Curtis holds his lover’s weight, a minute more in his arms with all the love and gentleness he bear in his soul. Shiro’s head rests on his shoulder, hands wrap around him and Curtis could feel his heart beat fading to a slower pace. Eventually, Shiro lets go. Holding the mug instead of Curtis, he sits on the breakfast nook with another quick kiss.

Curtis exits the kitchen with a hurry, looking for release in the cold shower.

When he returns, Shiro has already set the table and Mylove is happily munching at his food at Shiro’s feet. Curtis sits next to Shiro with a peck, their knees touching under the table, a glance at the clock and they starts a quick breakfast.

“One day, you can make me the pancakes, Adam boasted about.” Curtis says, not really happy about the outcome of his cooking.

Shiro stills, sitting in these same chairs, they had tasted ‘his’ pancakes, he had confessed to listening to Curtis and Chris and Curtis had declared his preferred shade of grey. The fact that ‘this’ Curtis doesn’t know about him eavesdropping in to his and Chris’s argument, makes him almost choke the piece of ham in his mouth.

“If you don’t want me to talk about ‘Adam’ I’m sorry. I’ll keep that in mind. I thought we were comfortable about that.”

Shiro looks up to see Curtis looking down with hunched shoulders, his quiet tone speaking volumes about how hurt he internally feels because he took Shiro’s reserved mood as sign of his displeasure.

“God, no Curtis, that’s not it.” He reaches out to touch Curtis, scooting closer. “You are the only one I feel comfortable talking about Adam or anything and everything for that matter. I just had something else in my head.”

Curtis puffs a breath, “Okay, do you wanna talk about what was in your head, then?”

“It’s been a little over a month now, right?”

Curtis hums, knowing Shiro is asking about their accident while saving Keith.

“The doctor recommended getting help about your memory if you cannot remember after sometime, so I was wondering about that.”

“What could have happened in 48 hours? I don’t want to bother about it anymore.” Curtis rejects instantly. “Besides, that’ll mean getting constant leave approvals to visit the therapist – “

“I’ll approve everything if you set up a schedule of appointments with a therapist.”

“I’ll have to find a ‘good’ therapist first. That’s not easy.”

“But you liked your previous therapist.”

Every argument Curtis brings up to avoid help, Shiro breaks them one after the other with counter arguments or simply providing solutions.

“Well, it’s not like you sought the help with a therapist. So you don’t have a say on this, to begin with.” Curtis reminds, his forkful of ham and eggs accusingly pointed towards Shiro in the air.

“I did. ‘You’ were my therapist, the most handsome one in the universe. I forget all my problems when I see him.”

Curtis tries really hard to look unaffected by Shiro’s praise despite the reddening of his face he knows is there.

“You know what, there is a much easier method to remember everything I forgot, no need to waste my time with a therapist or use my acquaintance with you to get my leave approved.”

Shiro genuinely looks impressed. “Really?”

“Yep, why, don’t you just tell me everything? Save both of us the time?”

Shiro gets up and settles Curtis with a stare. “Yeah, nice try.”

 

⊷⊷⊷

 

Mylove plops on the backseat and settles there with a practiced ease before both of them. They drive to Garrison HQ in the empty street. Some time on the journey, Shiro’s hand settles on Curtis’s, occasional small talk breaks the silence as they both avoid any talk on the upcoming void of their lives.

With Mylove’s leash firmly in Curtis’s hand, they walk side by side to the still asleep Garrison building, and in to the hanger. Guards salute Shiro with smiles, not with stiff faces they are trained for. The wormhole is getting warmed up for their journey when they reach the hanger well ahead of time.

“Just know nothing happened that you should worry about in those forty eight hours you forgot.” Shiro says to Curtis. They are sitting on a metal crater, pulled aside in a corner to be discarded later, presumably away from the eyes until everything is prepared for the wormhole journey.

“If you say so, that’s all I need.”

“I didn’t mean that you don’t have to see a therapist, I’m just saying there is nothing you should worry about.”

“We’ll talk about this when you return.”

The engineers’ gives the ready signals and they all stand up when the admiral arrives at the hanger, who upon seeing him and Shiro makes a bee line to them. They both stand up to salute the short man.

“Captain, Commander, I believe congratulations are in order.”

“Thank you sir.” Shiro says, Curtis for his part never expecting such an encounter stays mute.

“Been long overdue, hasn’t it?”

That makes Shiro mute too. They both stand like a couple of teenagers in front of their principal. But the man fondly pats Curtis on the arm and leaves. Shiro turns to Curtis with a raised eyebrow.

“That went well.”

“I thought he’d be talking about pulling me out of ATLAS.”

“Like I will allow my best Com and Nav officer to be pulled.”

“Really, your best one?”

“Ever.”

The cruiser gives a mechanical hum, getting ready to leave.

“I’ll drop my luggage and be back? We have five minutes more.”

Curtis nods, thanking the universe for giving him five more minutes with Shiro by his side. He watches as Shiro quickly gets in to the cruiser and disappear, and he feels so empty, it scares him. He steadies himself with a few quick breaths. He had always prided himself with the kind of self-control he usually has, it’s something they are taught most in their soldier lives. He never loses his head in difficult situations, always looking to make the rational choice, making decisions rather than going with the flow. But with the new turn of his life, with Shiro’s love at stake, Curtis feels weak in his knees, knowing that everything Shiro does has an inherent risk to it. By the time Shiro comes back to him with that fond smile, Curtis knows one thing, he wants every possible minute in his life spent with Shiro.

Before he says anything else, Shiro sweeps him in a searing kiss that tells him in the minutes they spent apart, they both were having the same feelings.

“I promise I won’t do anything stupid, I’ll be back safely. Promise me you’ll wait for me.”

“I’ll wait for you forever, you know that.”

Speaking in silence rather than in words, they stare in to each other's eyes. But Curtis has made up his mind for something else.

“I know this may sound too hurried, but I can’t see a reason why when you do come back, we should live in two places.”

  
Shiro looks at him with awe? Or surprise? Curtis fails to decide. He fumbles for words to retreat his words but fails.

“Just let me get this clear, are you asking me to move in with you?”

Curtis stays silent, waiting for the inevitable rejection.

“I didn’t think it would be decent to ask first.” Shiro says. “I was going to ask anyways, once I reached Daibazal, and hoping you would agree, I kept a door card in the bed side cupboard. Maybe if you have time, you can start moving my stuff to your…our home? Maybe I can come to ‘our’ home once the mission is over?”

With a familiar ache returning to his chest, Curtis takes Shiro’s hands in his, and kisses his knuckles each with affection and care. After all, these are the hands that saved countless lives, these are he hands that defended and saved the whole universe, and Curtis has no doubt he wants to hold on to these hands for the rest of his life.

“Go there and kick ass?”

A laugh bursts out of Shiro. “Of course.”

“Make sure you come back for me, to our home?”

“Of course.”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Shiro kisses him back, ruffles Mylove’s fur and kisses him a goodbye too. He turns without looking back until he reaches the last step in to the cruiser, then waves at Curtis without going in, until a hand comes out of the cruiser and pulls him in.

Curtis bursts with a laugh too.

_‘to our home.’_

He rolls in his again and again, with grin that puts the rising sun to shame as the cruiser disappears in to the warm hole. Once the cruiser is gone, the wormhole ends and a tinkling light shines in the sky for a second, like an omen. Curtis turns back with Mylove.

_‘to our home.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um...just telling you, updates are gonna slow down after this. Life is crazy busy.


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